lovecrazy Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 I had another journal on here, but it was full of negative things about my ex, and I want to get away from negative things. So welcome to my new journal... I am 23 years old, single female. Living in the US. Confused on where my life is going. Confused about emotions. Lonely, but yet happy. My life has been interesting. I come from a very mixed family. I have 8 older brothers, and two older sisters. ( I am the baby YAY!!) I have 4 half brothers, 4 step brothers, one half sister, and one full blooded sister. I have 3 brothers with the same names Michael. I have to brothers with the name Jeff (both spelled different). My two sisters are born on the same day but 14 years apart . Oh I was an Aunt before I was even born My eldest brother is 20 years older than me. My father was murdered when I was 10. My step father was less than perfect to say the least. My sister is a recovering coke addicted. My mother is 61 and is a wonderful women. I feel in love with a man who died the next day (my romero)...(I will explain that later).... I miss old relationships because I am lonely. I want attention, but dont go about the right way in getting it, and barely even try... I have been single for almost 3 months....nice but again lonely... I tend to attrack guys who have issues with their girlfriends, and are looking for a piece...hmm yeah not good. I actually found one I liked, but again he went back to his ex girlfriend. They are happy, I am happy for him... I talked to an old friend this morning, on aim. First they he said was "I just wanted to say hey, and then I love you" ( we have been friends for 6 years...and I fell for him and havent stopped caring about him since. He is married to a wonderful women, and has two beautiful kids...but I still carry a few feelings for him and he knows. I am always honest with him. He is about the only male to know the true me. I have insecurties, and am immature at times....very scared as well... I guess that is enough info for now... Thanks for reading Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovecrazy Posted May 17, 2007 Author Share Posted May 17, 2007 There is this guy I have my eye on. He is 26 I have known him since 2003. He works hard, has goals. And I actually have a physical attraction towards him. BUt the problem is we hang out then we dont talk for a week or so. Interested or what?? Hmm still thinking...we shall see... We met online, and talked for a few weeks, and then met up. Had a good time, and really didnt get to see much of each other, and then we both got into relationships. and just talke occasionally. But we would have long conversations, and just enjoy each others company when we would talk in person. I used to think about him alot while I was with my ex. So you can see one of the reasons why the ex and I broke up. ehh guys...Im turning lesbian...end of story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovecrazy Posted May 18, 2007 Author Share Posted May 18, 2007 So last night, I picked my sister up from work, and we decided to meet some friends for drinks. It was one long filled night, of yelling, screaming, and having a good time. People drunk. Me just kind of in a "what in the world mood".... I seem to be feeling like a teenager again, boy crazy if you will. I guess me feeling lonely has me thinking and juding guys "Would he be a good match?" I am at the point where I just need to give up on the dating game, and think just about myself for a while. Maybe find a new career. I put my application in at a Private Investigation Firm, and hopefully they call me back. A friend of mine works there, so I am hoping it will pan out. I just dont know if I will like working with my friend. But if it is a step closer into the field I wish to be in, then might as well try it. It would be a huge increase in pay. Plus I could sleep in most days and just work the late shift. Plus they will pay for me to get my PI License, in my state. Hopefully it will work Anyways last night there was a group of people which it included my sister, a couple of our friends, and some yankees, from Ohio. Come to find out one of the yankees, works in a pretty close to one of my other jobs. And we know alot of the same people. Very good looking guy as well...But I didnt have his attention, I believe she was the bartender at the bar we were at. Pretty girl too. But over all it was a nice night. But I cant help but feel my self confidence a bit low. It seemed the entire night, I never had anyones attention. I guess I am one of those believers, that prince charming will come sweep me off my feet. Either way time to start thinking of working out again. I want to lose 10 pounds to start, and just tone up a bit. Maybe even get back into karate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovecrazy Posted May 29, 2007 Author Share Posted May 29, 2007 So I finallygot a new car one that I can afford. 02 Neon! I cant wait to mod this car. Should be very easy! We moved into the new house, and its comfy. Kinda cramped, but not to bad. Also, I think I am starting to develop feelings for a friend of mine. I have known him for about 6 months, and the chemistry is there. The conversations are there. Last night we hung out from 11 PM to 4 AM. Just laughing, and having fun. We ended up kissing, and it was ok. But I love how we just have alot to talk about. Not really that sure if we have alot in common. I only know him so well. Sports, movies, music, and cars. Which I guess is a start. Either way I havent really been thinking about my ex. I have however, still have beenthinking about my "new neighbor" This guy and I had a "thing" once, and tried several times before. Which he always seems to try and kiss me, every times he sees me. Except for when he was with his ex girlfriend. But honestly he has been a good friend to me over these past 4 years. He really is a sweet heart. But I think he lets his hormones get a hold of him. And he just goes for it. I do like him, I always have. And I actually have grown to care for him. Not really sure as what. But I am not sure on how he feels about me. As we will hang out one day then I will not hear from him for a while, granted he is busy. But is it really that hard to pick up the phone and call someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovecrazy Posted May 31, 2007 Author Share Posted May 31, 2007 You know it seems like all I ever do is work. I just want one weekend to myself. Without having an agenda. Without being screamed at for something. I tell my sister, that I might have a chance at a dream job of mine. She responds wtih " I dont think you can do it, you can barely walk from your room to the living room without tripping" gee thanks for the comfort. My mother and my sister at times seem to have negative attitudes. My whole life not really that much encouragement. I think maybe if I would have been pushed to actually finish things, I might have more accomplished now. But isnt that just putting blame on someone else? I dunno. Well last night, I went to the movies with my sister, and her boyfriend. Oh lord did I feel like the 3rd wheel. I usually do alot. My best friend is always with her boyfriend, and when we all hang out I feel again like the 3rd wheel. But its not their fault. We all interact with each other, and her boyfriend doesnt mind me being around 24/7, its just I misshaving someone of my own around. And all I seem to come in contact with are either married guys, or some guy who has a serious relationship?? Why is that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovecrazy Posted June 1, 2007 Author Share Posted June 1, 2007 Last night I looked into the mirrior, and I felt fat, ugly, and alone. I have had so much change for better or worse, over the last few months. I went through a break up, that was worth it, and I think I am over it. My family has gotten stronger. I am unhappy in my career as a secretary, for a non profit organization. I am tired all the time, and feel like I have no energy, so change of eating habits, and more exercise. I have gym access at work. I would like to tone my my stomach, butt and thighs. Any tips? I just havent been feeling that great about myself lately, I guess my self esteem isnt there as much as it used to be. I am re-evaulating actions, and hopefully can learn from mistakes of the past. I guess this journal will become more of a tool than I began with. I will be working 14 hours a day for the next 3 days, so this 30 day of change will have to start on Monday. I will come to work early and walk to 30-40 minutes. I also forgot to put on here, I am looking into new career fields...I put in my resume for a job working as a Private Investigator, which is a field I want to be in. A friend works there, so hopefully I will have some luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovecrazy Posted June 1, 2007 Author Share Posted June 1, 2007 Fathers Day is coming up. I have not celebrated this Hoilday, for at least over 10 years. I honestly hope everyone cherishs their fathers, because of us have a little time only with their daddys. Happy Early Fathers Day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovecrazy Posted June 4, 2007 Author Share Posted June 4, 2007 So I had an easy weekend. I work about 30 hours in 3 days. Which isnt that bad. I saw an old friend S. And him and I exchanged phone numbers, and we talked on Sunday. Just about old times. Which I knew him through an ex of mine, and I used to be friends with his cousin. And we talked about hanging out. And I think he is taking an interest in me. And he is a cute little country boy. But boys/men I can not let distract me. Things at home seem to be looking up. I am getting my car worked on tomorrow. It ha been peaceful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovecrazy Posted June 18, 2007 Author Share Posted June 18, 2007 Fathers Day! BOO!! (for me) I am honestly going to give up on alot of stuff. And just worry about different aspects. I want a new job, and for me to get there, I have to get something done now. I am tired of waiting, waiting only increases what I wont get done. I am going to apply for a Detention Officer Job close to my house. And hopefully I will get it, then be able to become a cop Also I honestly just wish things in my love life were easy. But we shall see... I wonder why people arent honest about how they feel, and why they dont take an interest. Rather than saying, "I have known her sister for way to long" hahah right...you arent even close to my sister dude, COP OUT!! Yeah I just felt like complaining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovecrazy Posted July 19, 2007 Author Share Posted July 19, 2007 Things are somewhat peace these last few weeks. I joined an online dating site. And I honestly thought it would just be blah... I finally connected with someone. Him and I have had a few conversations and he seems really genuine. Last night, I went over to his house to watch a movie. I was worried it would be quite boring. But it was very nice. We talked, and laughed for a long. Anyways, he has so much more to offer than my ex! But I am jsut looking to build a relationship the right way, I am not trying to have a sexual relationship just yet. Anyways this guyis a marine, and not a meathead. Which is great, he is into cars, he can lead a conversaton, he is poilte. I cant wait to see where this goes.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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