I'm recently going through a breakup(4 weeks nowish) and i can feel your emotions all the way into illinois! I read your story and will share part of mine to relate with you and maybe give you some constructive advice. 1st of all i am an alcoholic / pothead and have been for 29 years now and because i don't have anything to show for my 41 years on earth, i believe that that is part of my problem(most of it i see honestly)and i've spent my life thinking only of me and what you can do for me and what i have left is- ME ALONE! What i'm trying to say is that i keep beating my self up with her in mind so i choose not to work on me and that is what you might want to ponder about yourself customx. I think that if you were to go out and get some help at a community group of some kind (emotions anonymous, or some group like that, you might find the comfort you need through the help of other people like ourselves in these groups. I also have to tell you that you are going to go through a lot denial, anger, depression, bargaining and a couple more emotions need not be told about now though. When you sit with others and talk that have the same issues you will feel better, but you got to get out of the house to do these things and not sit around in the same ol' environment seeing all of her stuff around the house and beating your self up. I can't speak for anyone in here, but to sit here and type to you helps the hell out for me 'cause it doesn't give me much time in my head to think of her, helping others out! i also found that you cannot hide those feelins in your head because if you do you will never start the healing proccess while your still mental masterbating. You (i believe) have to really experience those feeling without hiding from them to learn to let go, cry if you feel like it, hit a pillow, fill your mind with something other than your own emotions and it will get easier in time. DO not try killing yourself though, it would make her feel more powerful to hear you have such strong emotions for a girl whose more unstable than most and she would eat that up. Don't ever see her again and if she does contact you act like you never cared in the first place, that would eat her up as well. Take care of yourself now brother and do something with yourself immediately and try not to look back in the past about her, think of you now no 1 else! I know i rambled a bit but you get my drift! Good luck customx and may the lord shine on your path!!!