Today would have been our two-and-a-half year anniversary. Something was bothering me today and I didn't know it was that but once I figured it out, I got punched in the stomach all over again.
This is probably just another day for you. Another day where you bury your feelings for me and try to move on with your life. Another day that you're with someone else instead of looking deep within yourself to solve your problems, as I'm trying very hard to do.
The day probably means nothing to you. You're not coming back and I've accepted that but these anniversaries/special dates are always the hardest. I feel like I'm back on square one when they come. But that's not true, 6 months ago when you were even so cold and distant on our 2 year anniversary(!), when I had to walk to your house from the train when every single time you picked me up, I should have known you were pulling away from me. But it's not my fault. Your problems are your problems and I made them mine for way too long. I even made apologies for your harsh words and contradictory actions toward me. Well no more of that.
The next very tough day will undoubtedly be your birthday. I will reach out but expect nothing in return and if you do try to converse with me I will stand my ground, I will utter the same line over and over: "I apologize but unless you've read the books I've suggested to you or want to get help, there is no reason for me to talk to you." I will say it over and over until it's true. But mostly likely you'll ignore my text or just say something generic "lol thanks" while you try to bury your feelings for the day. You say you feel too guility to ever come back but while away, I wonder if that guilt has lessened. How could it? You chose not to work on yourself and refused to work on our relationship when I offered out my hand, even after you spit in my face every time.
You should feel guilty, and I'm not going to be the one to take it away.