simplyme01

simplyme, crank out that other 10% for yourself! Don't set yourself up for more heartache. You can do this! Think about having your own fun. Call friends if you feel like socializing, otherwise curl up with a good book or a movie at home.

I am feeling SO WEAK today I know I've come this far & I don't want to go back to square 1. Some days I just don't know how I'm going to make it through this day with out just sending him a "little" text. Yeah, like little will make a difference. It blows my mind how yesterday I felt so strong & today, not so much!

Day 8

I don't know why this morning is so difficult. Maybe because it's a Friday & going into the weekend. I miss him so much, I want to text him, call him, hold him. I am 90% confident that I won't contact him.

Day 7 & all I can say is one week ago tonight I was all curled up on my couch with my tissues, crying & feeling so lost & confused & hurting like I've never hurt before. Tonight I came home from work & made me some dinner, which I haven't been able to do in 3 weeks...I even ate it all. On my way home from work tonight, I asked myself, what do I really miss?? I surprised myself when I realized I miss him being around, (we didn't live together but spent 5 days/nights a week together), I miss cooking & eating with him, (he was a very good & creative cook), I miss cuddling & sleeping with him almost every night (weekends are hell), I miss the passionate love making. What I didn't say or feel, is that I lost my best friend. WOW! That opened my eyes huge & I felt such relief. He wasn't my best friend. So many times I needed him, he wasn't there. I wasn't really a part of his family. He had a real hard time with conflict & feelings. I was certainly not a priority in his life. I do believe he cared & loved me, but we were on such different pages. I know I still have a long road ahead. But I never thought I would start having good days so soon. I still do miss him & think of him constantly, but I'm getting use to him not being around. For those of you that are at the beginning of NC, a few things that have really helped me are...

ENA, the NC challenge. When I felt real weak, I got on here and got the support I needed as to why I should not contact him & there are so many other threads on here that have helped tremendously...I've spent hours & hours on here, even when I'm at work, it's just a click away

Having someone to call instead of your ex, I have a gf that I call every day, sometimes hysterical, not sure she can understand me, but she's heard me say "I can't do this, I miss him, does he miss me?? Blah, blah, blah. She would hear the same thing over & over, but always told me all the reasons he is not good for me.

My journal...I write in it several times a day. When I want to say something to him...I say it to him in my journal. I write inspirational things I get from people on here. I write the good & the bad. Things that hurt, things I miss. I swear, I call him names, I love him. What ever I'm feeling, I write it down. I have every page dated & make note of my NC progress. I even write the time of day. This is a huge help.

A few things I haven't done...I HAVE NOT listened to any music. I can't yet. I have not looked at any pictures. I have not gone out much, I am getting use to be home alone on a Fri. Sat. & Sunday. I'm allowing myself to feel the pain & cry & yell & punch my pillow & damn I feel good after.

So there you have it. A week ago, I couldn't imagine saying I had a good day. Not saying that tomorrow I won't be a total mess, that's where my friends, journal & ENA come in!!

BIG HUG

simplyme, I just put him out of my mind. I don't think about "what if..." I remember that he made me feel unhappy, and that I don't want to feel that way. I find other things to occupy my thoughts-- reading, movies/TV shows, surfing the internet...and I know that a guy who would give me up isn't the guy for me.

Do you still miss him & hurt? How long were you together? And how long broken up??

Day 8. I'm fine.

REALLY????

I'm so happy to hear that! I'm a day behind you. I hope to see more good days than bad going forward. What have you been doing to help??

Day 7

Wow! Day 7 for me...this is the longest we've ever gone without any contact. Almost 3 weeks since I last saw him. I've had good days ad bad. It is still a constant emptiness feeling & I do miss him so much. I am trying to do a little more everyday as far as getting my life back on track. I am still not ready to go out on a Friday or Saturday night. I don't trust myself & I'm afraid I would drunk text him or even go knock on his door. So for now, I will stay in & continue my healing.

Dear X, I miss you so much today. I'm doing all I can do everyday to not contact you. I just don't know what it would do if I did. Would I feel better? Would I even get a response? Would it set me back? Are you missing me? I can't stop thinking of the good. There was way more good than bad. You just didn't want to compromise, not change, but compromise. I wonder what you're thinking & feeling. I know when we broke up I said some really mean things. I was angry & hurt. I did apologize, but I hope you don't remember me by those things that I said. I even told you & would never go back. That is not true. If you came to me & said you wanted to work things out, I would. I wonder if you're as confused as I am, or if you are really ok with your decision. It just blows my mind that in the year & a half that we were together there was 1 thing that kept getting in our way that we could never get past or work through. It broke us up. I feel all it would have taken was some compromise & understanding, but it was your way or no way. That hurts. We had so much. I know when ever we fought about this, it was bad...but damn, we were good. I know I have to take care of me & I am. Everyday is a struggle. I miss you & us so, so much...it hurts. I hope you have the time you need to miss me & us too. Maybe it will never happen. It's just so confusing how we can be over because of one issue

Cause there are plenty of guys like myself out there, good guys who do everything right to save and be in love. Only to get thrown aside for the simple fact that certain women need attention from all guys even though it hurts the person that's trying everything to make it work.... We are out there and we won't have a chance till you move on and get over this. We can't play the victom forever... There are so many people out there with larger problems then we....

If this was meant for me, as not why I have to stay no contact...thank you! I know there are great guys out there. Guys that really do know how to treat women & work at a relationship. Instead of the schmuck I spent a yr & a half with on again, off again over the same issues of him putting me down & tell me I'm crazy & obsess everytime I express feelings. For some reason, I am hanging on top the good & not thinking of the bad, there wa so much good. More good than bad, at least I thought so. I think I'm also hanging onto the thought of NC...the longer I go, maybe he'll miss me & want to work this out. That is so crazy, I know. I know the same thing will happen again. I don't want to miss him anymore!!!!!!!!!!

Isn't this suppose to get easier?? Why do I feel my absolute weakest today?? Please, please tell me again why I SHOULD NOT CONTACT him. I need a kick in the butt from you guys bad!!!

Day 6.

Why is it that we are hurt by parting from someone who does us not good? It must be brain chemistry and hormones having to do with the attachment we'd formed.

I still feel a bit ill over the whole thing. The less I think about it, the better it is. It really does help to find distractions. I don't need to waste time agaonizing about somebody who didn't care enough about me to stick around.

Janeiac...we seem to be at the same place with this. You're day 6, I'm day 5. We dated 1.5 years & BU 2 weeks ago. I know & have known it wasn't the best relationship, even though so much of it was wonderful. It's so hard to let go & not reach out 1 more time. When did you BU? And how long were you together>> I know I'll have good days & bad going forward. Just don't want to miss him anymore

Day 5 of NC

...here I am again 6:30 am feeling so weak. I actually wrote out a message I want to leave him on his voice mail this morning. It's not mean. I just feel it's some closure for me to say a couple of things. I ask...what can it hurt?? Will I feel better if I leave it? Why after having a great day yesterday, do I feel so weak this morning, like I just have to reach out. Maybe things were left so ugly (I said some real horrible things that I feel so bad saying). I accept that we're over & want him to know I am sorry for the things that I said. I somehow feel like I'm not going to be able to move on entirely until I say that. Am I wrong?? Will I feel better or worse leaving him a message?? HELP!!

Day 4 pm

All in all I had a great day. Felt extremly weak this morning, signed on here, reached out for help & got it!!! I didn't text him like I really wanted to this morning. Didn't cry today. Missed him horribly. But felt really good for the most part. I pray I have more days like this ahead. I feel so good that I didn't contact him. I KNOW I AM MORE IMPORTANT THAN HE IS & I KNOW I NEED TO & WILL TAKE CARE OF ME!

i have been in the darkest place imaginable! now i can see there is a flicker of light, i have been to the darkest pits of hell in relationship terms and am slowly coming out of it! I want to help as many people if only just by giving them some kind words of encouragement. I have just started training to be a counsellor and am looking forward to helping those go through their journey to recovery as many people have helped me. I'm no expert, i just know how hard this is, so I am here as others have been for me.

I know everyone is different & I'm sure it depends on the amount of time you were together. I've been reading so many posts & some people feel better after a few weeks, others are still struggling after a few months. I can't imagine feeling like this for months...

it does get easier simply, it really does, don't send that text, be strong, turn your phone off and go out for a walk, phone a friend, write down your feelings but whatever you do don't text!!!!!!!!!! we are all here for you, many people are going through the same thing, be strong! you've made 4 days, make it 5!!!!

 

talking helps and i am here to listen! be strong!!!!

Thank you so much. I feel like I'm going to be reaching out a lot the next few days. I miss him & I think the hardest part is not knowing if he's hurting, or missing me, or thinking of me. And I'm struggling with "things were fixable"????? I feel like I can't do this

DAY 4

I feel so weak this morning. I want so bad to send him a text, just to say hey. I know I won't get the response I want, if any. I have to stay strong today. I'm not sure if I can. I miss him soooo much, it hurts, my heart aches. Everyone says this gets easier...REALLY???? Please help...

Hey, good morning! Just wanted to say hi & hope you're well. I also need to know that you forgive me for the horrible things that I said. I was angry & hurt & didn't mean them. I know we're over & I accept that. It will be easier if I know you forgive me.

I want so bad to send this to him. It's 2 weeks since our BU & this is day 4 of NC. This is hell. I feel weak this morning, like I have to text him. I KNOW I won't get the response I want, if any. I miss him so much

Sunday morning, 2 weeks since I've seen him, 3 days NC. Please tell me this gets easier. I went to bed last night early. I had the most restless night. I thought about him & had dreams about him all night. It felt as if he was in bed next to me. I very seldom dream at all & these were so real & so vivid. I miss him so much & wonder if he misses me I was wide awake from 1 am - 3 am & online, what else was there to do? Finally at 3 am, I turned off my light & laptop & tried to sleep. I couldn't. There are times when I feel like I just can't do this anymore. I want so bad to talk to him. There is a song that started going through my mind during my nights restlessness. I know the song, put can't pin point it enough to even google it. It's driving me crazy, I'm wondering it it has some significance for my healing. I feel so scared, helpless & weak this morning.

Day 3

Sunday morning, 2 weeks since I've seen him, 3 days NC. Please tell me this gets easier. I went to bed last night early. I had the most restless night. I thought about him & had dreams about him all night. It felt as if he was in bed next to me. I very seldom dream at all & these were so real & so vivid. I miss him so much & wonder if he misses me I was wide awake from 1 am - 3 am & online, what else was there to do? Finally at 3 am, I turned off my light & laptop & tried to sleep. I couldn't. There are times when I feel like I just can't do this anymore. I want so bad to talk to him. There is a song that started going through my mind during my nights restlessness. I know the song, put can't pin point it enough to even google it. It's driving me crazy, I'm wondering it it has some significance for my healing. I feel so scared, helpless & weak this morning.

Day 2

Saturday morning...damn this is hard. Just had a real good cry, not sure I'm done. Maybe if I get it all out now I can conquer the day. I go back & forth with this...what hurts more, not being together, or the rejection, thinking that he is just ok with this?? * * * ? Just doesn't seem fair. Here on day, gone the next. Happy & relaxed one day, world turned upside down the next. What really gets me, is i KNOW this is the best thing for me. We had so much good in our relationship. I'd go as far as saying 80/20...80 being good. The bad was bad & we couldn't get past it. All I know is I miss him.

Janeiac...looks like we're in this together gf!! WE CAN DO THIS!!

Day 1

This is my real day one! I had a great day today, for the 1st time since our break up 2 weeks ago. Yesterday I sent him a couple of very short, not mean text messages. He responded with something that wasn't very nice. I didn't respond back. I think this helps me, because I don't feel the rejection that I've been feeling. It actually felt really good to not respond & to have no desire today to contact him at all. I almost felt at peace today. Both physically & emotionally. I'm not sure why & only hope I have more days like this than not. I did miss him tons at times. I'm trying to practice getting rid of those thoughts as soon as I start, or I know I will be in a place I don't want to be. It's not easy. I started feeling really anxious when I left work today. Friday night & I'm home alone. When every Friday night for the past year & a half we've been together. It's times like these I have to work through & get use to him not being around. I am allowing myself to feel what I feel & cry, talk to myself, lol or even yell at him when I feel the need & then I feel better. I just realized too, that today is the 1st time I didn't cry in 2 weeks. What a wonderful feeling. I really do believe if I were to contact him, it would just be rejection in one way or another & that would without a doubt hurt more than just missing him & working through this. I pray I feel this way tomorrow & the next day & next & next

Day 1

Back to day one for me. It was me. Unblocked him. Said what I had to say. Not very nice, but I felt I had to do it. I honestly feel now like there is nothing more I can say. I don't think I will hear from him again either. I think we have both lost so much respect for each other, me for how he has treated me & he for how I get crazy & lash out. I really feel like it's out of my system now. I even told him this is for the better, that I no longer want to be with him. In a way now I feel like it is more mutual. I only wish it wasn't ending on a real ugly note like it is. I'm hoping NC and moving on will be a little easier this time around.

Janeiac...thank you so much for your feedback

Day 3

Someone please tell me I can do this. I am struggling with a couple of things. I blocked him on my cell phone, so neither of us could contact the other. Childish? Selfish? Maybe. The main reason I did it is not so he couldn't contact me, but to make it easier for me to not contact him. This has made it easier for me, a little. I guess I'm wondering, what if he wants to contact me? Or what kind of signal am I sending him? I am the dumpee, btw. This was all done in a fight. Am I being to harsh? Was all of this done out of anger & emotions? Damn, I am so confused. He could contact me via email, but even in the last email I sent him it said do not contact me again. Soooo, I feel like I've put up every single wall possible. My struggle is, should I contact him & tell him I know things ended ugly & I'd rather it eneded a little better than it did. I want to ask him if we're really over? Is that pathetic? I realize this would set me back to day 1. But I feel things are just unsettled & I need a bit more closure. Honest thoughts, please???????

I am really looking for & needing some feedback & support here...please, please??

Day 2

I guess I will have good days & bad. Good moments & bad. I want so bad to call him, talk to him, sleep with him again. I miss him so much. I read some of these posts, where even after 30 days it still hurts & you still miss your ex. I don't know how I will go on everyday feeling like this. It's been 8 days since the break up & 2 of NC. As much as I want to contact him, I don't think I will. I have this forum to vent & I started a journal which helps. I write to him in the journal to avoid typing an email & sending it. I just wish I knew what he was feeling. I've been spending a lot of time alone, which is sooooo scary to me. I've always gone from one relationship to the next, always, to avoid being alone. This time I am determined to take this time to take care of me & grow. I can't believe how it literally affects every single aspect of your life. I am losing weight, my sleep pattern is all screwed up. My performance on the job has absolutely been affected. I know soon I have to start getting out & being around people. The last week I've been getting comfortable (trying to) being alone. I cry when i feel the need. Sometimes I really cry & yell...pretty much yell at him. Really though, when does this hurt go away??? People on here talk about 6 mos. still hurting & missing their ex. REALLY??

Day 2

This isn't easy at all. My heart aches. The best thing that I did was to block "both of us" from being able to contact the other via text message or phone call. This helps so much. Otherwise, I don't know I would be able to not send a text message. Right now, I feel an emptiness. Like a part of me is missing. 2 things that continue to go through my mind, what is he doing? And, is he thinking about or missing me? Those 2 questions are weighing heavy. I know I hurt him with the horrible things that I said, after he hurt me. And then the crazy text messages I couldn't stop sending for 2 days. I don't know if he'll ever come back. The fact of the matter is...I'm not so sure that I really want him back. I do love him, tons. But I don't think things will change & I think we are in 2 different places when it comes to a relationship & what's important to make it work. I feel like "if" we ever did get back together, it would be a matter of time before we are here again. So, I think for me...I need to just get over him and move on. Not hope that he comes around, wants to get back together & we'll live happily ever after. In the mean time, I do miss him & the so many wonderful times that we shared

DAY 1

Sunday morning & I am missing him. It's been a week to the day since I've seen him. We've been together a year & a half. Have broken up a few times, for the same reason, and have always gotten back together. This time, I'm not so sure we will. Even though I know in my heart it is for the best, that doesn't make it easier. Sunday mornings, he gets up, makes the coffee, gets the paper & we sit in bed together...drinking coffee & reading the paper. This morning, it's me. Our breakup was ugly. He hurt me & I said some REALLY mean things that I've apologized for but can never take back. Since last Sunday, Ive called him a few times, left messages, we talked (yelled) a couple times. I've sent a zillion text messages...one right after another, just pouring my heart our, pathetic. Yesterday I took a huge step...I blocked both of us from being able to contact the other via cell phone. This does make it so much easier. I am not tempted to send a text every time something comes to mind, & i don't keep looking at my phone for a call or text from him. I sent him 2 emails yesterday, with no response from him. None the less, my heart is beyond broken. I miss him so bad. I really think we're over. I know the best thing for both of us is NC. God help me...