dancingmsg

need help to buy a gift for girl whom i am having this feeling for. but she probably does not know. we hang out sometime lately, with mutual friends. her b-day will be next week. want to give her a small gift or something...just don't want to make it too obvious....like to take it slow....any idea? thinking of a music cd .... any suggestion on a good pick thanks a lot, you guys are awesome

hi everybody, I am not whinning here but figured this xmas will be very hard for a loner. Really don't want to stuck in my house and crying all day long. So anyone got any suggestions for a single lonely guy? Except get a girlfriend because it is not going to happen in three weeks ;-) thanks yall

Yeah, it really sucks....but i know now even there is no woman out there....i would not regret for forgeting her....don't get me wrong....she is a nice girl....smart...cute...just not that into me....and i refused to be a fool and being clingy....so there is no way it can work out.....it's all God's will....nothing we can do about it..... i guess it might be a retribution for my rejection to other girls....the only thing is i always tried to be very nice while clear when i say "no"....but this girl is way too much....i think she is confused and confusing me and herself....DiggityDogg....i know you will disagree with me ;-) .... you will say her behaviors have already showed her no-interest.....but i still don't like to figure out what women think by reading their actions.....i am not a mind reader....i just want to have a straight answer....yes/no.....ironically.....i had to read her action this time....to reach my decision to end this.....in a unplesant way....maybe you are right....it's time for me to learn how to watch what women do and interpret what they mean.....i got to say this is nuts.....but hey...if it is the only way to do it..... well, i still want to wish this girl the best....and wish somewhere down the road....i can meet someone tells me directly that she likes me....don't give me any signals....i know....it's going to be a wish just like bubble....will not live in the real world more than 10 seconds.....

well, i guess that i will end this post...in a sad way....did not get her answer....directly....but this time her behavior really said it all...and i finally got it.....it is a "NO".....so i feel good now....although i wished i could've felt great....but good thing is i got the answer....and i knew i had tried...no regret this time....so not bad at all....will start fresh tomorrow....got some important things to do..... thank you all for everything you said....

What i was trying to say is....don't give up easily....if there is slight hope....work on it.....of course not stubbornly.....but don't always think there will be better one out there....the one in front of you might be hard to pursue....but nothing is easy...it is just my attitude about life and work.....do your best this moment now...dream about tomorrow later....you don't want to leave a string of "what if" regrets on the road in your life.....i know i don't.... Also, the definition for "best" to each person will change over the time....it is tied to your own situation.....your age, you career, your knowledge, your attitude toward life etc....you can not rule out the possibility that you might have to settle down with somebody who before you would not consider....yet she/he is the "best" at the time you are out of choices..... why not pursue every chance presented to you at this moment....otherwise you might end up with worse choice tomorrow....even if there might be tons of wonderul girls out there ....they might....simply...not be the choices for you at all.....

Sorry i confused you....What i meant was....after telling the girl that you want to know the answer to make a decision....Anything other than "YES" would be "NO"....i.e.....black or white...no gray in middle.....if she gives gray....consider it black....and go find other wonderful girls who will give you a "yes" answer.....and let her know you take gray as black....that's what i am going to do ..... and i think any guys in similar situation need to consider doing so.....

i don't agree with you....as you told me in PM....if i go ask her if she thinks there is a chance between us....then if she says "yes"...we know she is willing to work with me to see that chance....anything else would be a "no"....why is it hard to get an answer?....i think this is bullet proof...better than grinding your mind trying to fingure out what does she mean by her action....don't forget....we men are still trying to figure out "what women want"....if we can figure out by observing their action....it won't be a question any more.... people often do things that does not make sense.....like someone suggested that the girl might just being bored....so she went out with me again....that does not make sense to me in action....if she's not interested...why she wants to get me involved into complicated situation?....just to give me a restraining order later?.....i am sure that Annie24 did not do that to that guy who came to her door all the time.....then why this girl accepted my two invitations on the phone?....keeping me calling her to boost her ego?.....and yet i am still uncertain about her interest level....action does not work in my case....who knows.... That is exactly why we need to have "the talk" and encourage women to talk to us. They need to take some pressure too. what if you miss the best one....grass on the other side of mountain is not always greener.....my life philosophy....don't let any opportunity slip out of your hand....until you know you can not have it....

yeah, agree with most of these posts. just tell him that you are not interested and don't want to lead him on. Period. It will hurt at first but better than later.

Agree....however....i think if a guy who contientious enough knowing that the leve of interest is not that high....he won't become much more attached into that girl....and will not get hurt.....i mean....at least i will not....the only thing is i think i have been persistent enough already.....now i want to find out if my hardworking is paid off or not....and i want to hear it from her directly and clearly....without any obscurity....then i will decide if i should move on.... meanwhile...i am open to any opportunity to meet other girls and i am completely ok with her opening up to other man.....better or worse than i am...as long as she is happy.....after all....what i always wanted to do is to bring the girl i like the happiness into her life and to enjoy watching her being happy....and i will be happy too.... so if she is happy with someone else....i have achieved my goal without sacrficing too much for her.....the only thing is....that poor guy has to take on the heavy duty and work on it ;-) Well, in that case, i would suggest to point it out how necessary to have "the talk" that you talked about. I think it is very important for people in a dating scene to understand where each man/woman stands. I remember when i said in one of my posts that i wanted to ask that girl about if there is a chance between us....someone else said i better not to...because it would become too drama....that is why i did not ask her in our third date and then i got back into confusion zone again....in fact i think i had great chance during that 3rd date to ask her flat out....but i missed that opportunity.....because i was not sure if that "talk" was justified ......

DiggityDogg my friend, to be honest, i think you are being too harsh on ShySoul...i am sure he could use some encourges rather than discourages...after all... he has been so deeply drawn into this and seems at least he is happy now....it does not matter why he got into this and who is responsible for it....it is life....so please.... ShySoul....i truly admire your persistence...and more importantly...the deep feelings that you have toward that girl and your willingness to stick to it no matter what the outcome might be....however....i do think that you should at least keep your door open for some other luckier girl....for the better of you and her....you know, they used to say...you should not put all the eggs in one basket....and we all know....the happiness of life is far more precious than some eggs.... Again, from my point of view, persistence is only for girl who really likes me in a way that love can be nurtured....not for girl who thinks that i am a nice guy and she should not tell me directly that she does not feel the same as i do.....what i need is someone who loves me and beloved by me.....a heart broken one girl can be fixed by another girl....with true love.... Also, i never believed that in the world of love, a person's mind can be changed.....if you don't like a girl/man at the beginning....i don't think there will be much chance you will like her/him that way later....this biological coding thing...i don't think it can be changed....you need something at least a tiny little thing to begin with.... back to my own situation....the reason i was being persistent is that i knew for sure that she at least like me that way....otherwise she would never go out with me in the first place...not to mention the second and third...absolutely not...unfortunately... for some reason we did not connect stronly in our first date....but it's getting better i think....it might work out...might not...as DiggityDogg pointed out....going out is not "exclusive dating"...or not "official".....but something is there....i can even tell people at work who knows our going-out thing think us as couple...and told me she likes me....(i hardly know those people and they are not my friends either)...i never told anybody....(just don't like to be a topic of office gossip)....she did....and i am sure that she did not tell them there is no future between us...otherwise those people won't act that way....and this girl would not respond to me that way....the only thing is...i think....she did not have very high interest level on me....and i happen to be somone (who DiggityDogg might sneer at) who is willing to work on push that level up ..... to the sky.... as long as i know what i am doing and know i am far away from get a restraining order ;-) DiggityDogg, i think it might be a good chapter to add on to your guide....encourage guys following their heart...after all....love relationship need something passionate....something that was not generated from a 5 hours meditation....but meanwhile....tell them put a thinking leash on that following-heart enthusiam....just to be safe....for both follower and followed...

Wow, ShySoul, you have some beautiful stories out there....I truly admire you and your persistence....maybe that is really what they call true love....you made your efforts and they all paid off....it seems to me you and your gf are meant to be together....it's God's will.....nothing really matters other than that....

Yes, indeed. PocoDiablo, you got some good points there. Like i said...the only problem i am facing now is that i am not sure that if this girl has no/low interest level in me or she is just being shy and likes to take passive role in a relationship.....i will find it out very soon....will simply this whole thing by simply asking her flat out.... period

so you did not even tell him straight that you are not interested and tell him to stop calling you not come to your house? wow, thanks for the heads up. i gotta be careful

wow, did you warn him beforehand? .... did you at least tell him to stop.... in my case...this girl at least returned my email sometimes....and talked with me on the phone for >15 minutes or so.... and went out with me twice in the past weeks....she won't file a restraining order on, will she?

ShySoul, thanks for your encouragement....it really helps....i think that you are right....and you and i are similar...in terms of persistency... honestly, i am willing to be persistent if i know she likes me....my persistency might seems to be clingy to some people....but i definitely consider myself as a strong mind person....i refuse to be a fool...and life has lots of other beautiful things.... i have made the decision to find out exactly what is going on in her mind....i will have an open "talk" with her... if she likes me....then i will kiss her and continue driving this relationship down the road....if this is what she wants....i am willing to make efforts for what i consider valuable....both of us will end up being happy.....just like what you did....but if she does not...and hope i will lose interest ... as annie24 suggested....then we will walk our ways and both will be fine.... hope by doing that...i can save that girl an application for a restraining order