catfeeder

I like Bolt's advice. Also, the above does NOT say, "You must inform your manager before applying...." If you receive an INformal offer, you can notify your boss. Unless and until then, you get to decide the right time and the right degree to which you'll want to pitch your desire for mobility to your boss.

I wouldn't bother. Why would I want to position myself to badger someone else into being honest? Either someone is trust-worthy, or they are not. If not, they can go play with someone else--I'm out.

Yep. I can't help but lose respect for any guy who tries to play down the middle. Either someone is honest with EVERYone in their life, or they're not trustworthy. I think this guy is showing you how to dodge a bullet.

If my BF had one friend who he's spoken about but is the only one of his friends who I've never met, that alone would make him stand out as a special interest to me. You either believe that BF is trustworthy, or you don't. If not, then that doesn't really say anything about this particular friend--it's a much larger issue.

My heart goes out to you, I know what it's like to have a crush. I would back off, because if he may ever develops feelings for you, neither of you would want for that to be a mere distraction while he's rebounding from his recent breakup. Skip that. If the guy ever views you as a GF, he'll have no trouble making that clear to you. So don't try to read tea leaves right now while his breakup waters are still murky. Head high, and write more if it helps.

If all you're talking about is sex, that's pretty one-dimensional and not a great way to get to know a person. She said she wants to get to know you, so invite her out and go on a date. Leave sex off the table, and if she gets sexual with you, don't try to take it beyond where she leads it. After the date you can either follow up to ask for another date, or you can hang back and learn whether she invites you for another date.

This is all you really need to know. I'd tell him, "I understand, and I need to walk away while we both still think highly of one another. If you ever develop the ability to care for me, you can let me know. If I'm still available then, maybe we can meet to catch up. Meanwhile, I wish you the best." Then you're done with this nonsense, and you're free to go pursue someone who will treat you better. You've left your door open if this guy ever wants to bring you the kind of relationship you want and deserve, but you're not hovering around someone who refuses to give that to you. Hovering only devalues you to him, and it devalues you to your Self. Make a better decision, and you will thank yourself later.

The bigger issue is, how do you know the details of his messages? If he shows you, then he's stirring your pot, and there's nothing trustworthy about that. If you're snooping, then you already don't trust him, so a stupid emoji is the least of your problems.

You may be confusing letting go of grief with letting go of the hope that ex might one day want to reconcile. Those are 2 different things. If you tie grief and hope together, you'll keep torturing yourself for zero payoff. Grieving and rumination do NOT raise the possibility that ex will return. In fact, the opposite is true, because nobody is attracted to the idea of returning to someone who's stuck in the past and won't move forward. Holding onto hope does NOT require holding onto grief and rumination. Hope is something you can set onto a back burner while you focus on building and cultivating the rest of your life. When you do that successfully, the hope become less and less relevant, even while your chances of crossing paths with ex socially someday from a healed and whole place that can handle the encounter in a positive way are actually increased. So when your goal of reaching higher ground becomes more important to you than ruminating about the past, you'll do that. You might consider pursuing help from a counselor or therapist to learn how to make that shift. Higher ground will give you a whole new perspective that you cannot attain while stagnating. Consider a goal of building private 'resilience'. This is a necessary life skill to develop, because losses are typical events in everyone's life, and the ability to bounce back from them are the best way to live fully, while playing small to avoid losses is a form of stagnation that will not heal you. Head high, and write more if it helps.

This is all the 'feeling' I would need to skip this, and I'd look instead for a place elsewhere. There are 2 places where you never want to feel 'uncomfortable,' and those would be home and/or your work location. So? Why go in already knowing that you'd feel uncomfortable in both places? Don't sign a new lease beyond a month-to-month with your current place, and keep looking. The current landlord would need to spend enough time to get you out if he/she won't go month-to-month for you to you find a new location. So there's no 'real' need to deal with someone at your job.

I would pick a non-sexual time to raise with her that you're feeling stressed to perform at work. From there I would raise that you feel a special intimacy in confiding this to her, and you hope that she will understand that you want to take some comfort in your time with her by cuddling and enjoying intimacy in ways that don't require you to perform sexually at this time. Leave that with her to sink in, and listen for how she responds. If she's empathetic, you've got a keeper, and if she personalizes it, consider how invested she is in you versus her own ego. You don't get to determine her response, but you DO get to decide how to interpret her response. Be true to Your Self.

I'm sorry you're going through this, and I agree with not hiring a PI or installing a GPS. If you're mistrustful enough to do those things, then that's really the only answer you need. Nobody but you can answer whether you trust your husband, or not. If not, then no comments from anyone here will change that. I would speak with husband about your sex life and what he perceives as potential answers about that, and if he won't go there to resolve that, then what more do you need to know? Write more if it helps.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You don't mention how long you were together. Loss of a job impacts people differently, and so does depression. However, depression can often render a person incapable of a relationship. That can also mean that they're incapable of exiting one gracefully--if there is such a thing. Write more if it helps.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. If you'd give us an idea of what her action will be that you find difficult to live with, maybe we can help by offering you some alternative views. Ya never know...

So this is something you knew about him going in, and you accepted that deal. This is also someone you've never met in person, so what are your chances of converting this into a real-life relationship? You're learning why it's important to choose your relationships wisely. Question how wise it is to invest your focus in a stranger who has an active crush on someone else, and then make a better decision.

You wanted to pop your fantasy bubble about him, so why doesn't your front row seat to view his capacity for disloyalty pop that for you? Even if you were to 'win,' you'd lose. If he ever leaves his relationship you'd enjoy your victory for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that you've been promoted from the one he's disloyal WITH to the one he'll be disloyal to NEXT. What about that makes you feel so secure and understood? My fantasy would be popped, alright. I'd move on fast, and I'd trust that I will thank myself later. Head high, and Respect Your Self.

If this is not what you envision for a relationship, this in not your guy. I'd skip him and go find someone better to actually date.

I can appreciate that during this pandemic you'd seek entertainment, but you are building fantasies 'around' people and then falling love with the stuff you create with your own mind. That's not against the law, but it's a disadvantage to you, because one of that hardest things to grieve is the death of an illusion. It's called dis-illusion-ment. Consider ways to meet real and local people. From there you'll have a realistic basis to consider forming a real relationship. Head high, and respect your Self.

Our job in any relationship is to get to KNOW a person. Even while we may love more as we learn more, it's important to recognize when another person is best loved from far away. This is one of those instances. Heed that, and you will thank yourself later.

Congrats on your self awareness, DC. I have no doubt that you will turn this 'problem' into an advantage for yourself going forward. One of the pearls of remote work is that it affords the privacy to cry and work things through. I don't view crying as a 'bad' thing. When we reach a point of tears, it's our signal that we have cleared the decks to focus and address our Highest Self with our low point. It makes important room for accomplishing deep work. So when your cry, lean IN to the cry, and comfort yourself with the best self-talk you can reach for at that time. For instance, you noticed in your cry WHY this man and his team trigger you. THAT is great work! You're also doing the work to realize that it's your sensitivity that's causing you distress rather than this man's words. Remind yourself that some people just have a lousy personality. That's HIS 'disability'. His limits. Prompt yourself with self-confidence that you CAN learn to manage your own discomfort with harsh personality types. Also, when in meetings, do NOT scramble to overcome what you regard as an objection or criticism of your work, but rather look alert, point your pen to the person speaking and then begin jotting. Your only reply need be, "Thanks, I've made a note of that." or, "Thanks, that's in progress and I'll have status for you by end of week..." or something like that. No need to turn such meetings into a work process--you don't need to voice details, just an acknowledgement that a point is well taken. Head high, and write more if it helps!

Is this the kind of man you would want?

What does this mean, exactly?

I'm so sorry you're hurting. You're starting to 'see' now what you could have recognized back when this guy began exiting at month one. Honey, this guy was never fully invested. He was kind and attempted damage control multiple times, but the only real way to cut damage is to rip the band-aid off and get the pain over with. Most people are NOT our match. No matter how much we might wish for a person to be The One, that feeling needs to be mutual. It can't be coaxed by us or contrived by them. This is also no reflection on you. Whenever someone is unable to view you through the right 'love' lens, that speaks of their limits rather than of any deficiency in you. Everyone is calibrated differently, and the RIGHT person for you will recognize and appreciate your unique value in a way that is mutual with your vision of him. Everyone else will see you as a great person, but not necessarily their mate--and that's how most of us see one another. Even with friendships we all have our limits--most people are NOT our best friend, even if they view us as fabulous and worthy. Head high, and trust that you will rise from this grief to the degree that you DECIDE to thrive. You will thank yourself for choosing resilience, and you will make yourself proud. Make the right decision, and write more if helps.

You sound a bit hyper about presuming what BF will think. Why? Either you have a good and trusting relationship where something like this is a simple thing to mention so he won't miss an invitation, OR, you don't trust HIM to trust YOU. If it's the latter, it doesn't really matter what you do--you're on pins and needles, and that signals that he behaves in ways that are jerkish and mistrusting of you, OR you are a high-anxiety person who isn't ready for a relationship. So? Decide how you WISH you could behave in a trusting, loving relationship, and behave that way. Then let the chips fall. If BF is a jerk about it, then what should that tell you about him? Head high, and life is too short for anxiety relationships.

I don't think you're overreacting. While I'd be PO'd by what he did, I'd be extra PO'd that he'd be stupid enough to tell me about it. I'd cancel on the family-meet, and I'd use that time to reconsider why I'm with this guy in the first place.