isisastaria

Don't worry...we're not a violent bunch!! I'm trying to describe the type of guy I am attracted to! I'm very gentle and loving, actually. This crap hurts!!!!

I've seen this guy with guns. I've seen this guy defend me...see the trend?

Oh good! But do the nice guys want a divoced girl with two kids?

This guy seemed like the nicest in the WORLD!! Okay, maybe there were some signs....my dad was a cop. He was very rough. i saw him with guns. I saw him in fights defending his family. I'm use to very rough men. That makes me feel safe.

Have you tried No contact after he leaves? And if he doesn't contact you after that, he wasn't worth it. He LEFT!!! That means he doesn't want to be around you.

Hey! You are experiencing the same stuff I am! We need to stick together! That is exactly what my fiancee has been doing. I just didn't include it in my last post. What would you tell me in my situation? It's labeled "need input: porn case turned real bad". And I'l give you my advice. Maybe we can follow some of our own advice?

IMHO...what does that mean? Not quite up to par on the comp. lingo

thank you!!! Anyone else? PLEASE REPLY!!! I need you!!!

that was denial. Yes, I know...I've considered that Zaphod

Wow. I think i've been in denail about this and how bad it's become. Where are all the loving guys? Why don't I find them?

You're very insightful Dako. Thanks for your honest opinion Zaphod

Yeah, think i'm crazy?

Im the one who posted the thread about the fiancee who was looking at porn, and I didn't know how to get over it. Well, everything was okay in that arena (althought I can't seem to get past the dating site- we were ENGAGED!!!), but he's starting arguments over NOTHING and he is leaving for 7 months in 4 weeks for training in his career. I would be visiting him, but I am going to be honest. I'm not sure I should marry him. I've given back the ring twice (including today). He has lied a lot and I don't know if I can trust him. Last night I simply text messaged him that some girls at work were asking why we don't get married before he goes to get training. We were planning to do it after his training in a 10 day period at the same time we would have to relocate to a new city before he starts work. He acted like I was the one who said didn't want to get married before he left . Last MONTH I asked him why we don't just get married now before he goes...and he said it's because he will be in debt and doesn't want to get married in debt. I thought that was fine. Then last night he tells me there are other reasons. I have been treating him well...we've been having fun and bonding...nothing seemed too bad. Then he just gets so mad and I'm not even sure what's going on. To make a long story short, he has now called me a B, made fun of me...told me he was looking for women with really big breasts when he was looking at porn (I'm average lg B to small C cup). So I got really angry and told him that I had a guy who liked me (and why doesn't my fiance like the way I look?) I told him I want HIM. But he doesn't like me? I was trying to make him jealous. Well, turns out the guy is a friend of mine who is very gay...and I cleared that all up with my fiancee. I admitted I was just trying to make him jealous because I was jealous. (not smart, I know). This morning I was talking to him about last night and how I felt he started an argument when I was just asking a simple question. (Even his MOM is on my case about marrying before he leaves!) I thought everyone was seeing something we weren't. He told me he will talk to me about it later. I get no sleep last night, I'm an emotional mess, and he calls me this morning with this generic apology. I could tell he was just saying it so he didn't have to talk about the issues at hand. So i asked him why he would start an argument over something innocent (trying to figure out why he was SO mad!) And he hangs up on me and text messages me to leave him alone. THis morning he made fun of my voice when I was upset and hung up on me over and over. I feel like I should do the NC thing now. Am I overreacting? It just doesn't seems like he cares about how I feel! So I don't write a novel, ASK ME QUESTIONS IF YOU NEED MORE OF THE STORY!!!

Why don't you just give him the same treatment? BE tired, busy, whatever. Don't wait around for him or expect him to call back everytime. Just don't call him as much. If he IS into you, he will call back quickly garaunteed. If he isn't that into you, he won't . Plain and simple.

Umm...welcome to pregnancy and motherhood, darlin'. Be glad that right now it's ONLY this uncomfortable. When the baby is born, you will get no sleep, no showers, and no time to yourself. Try to just enjoy those things as much as you can right now. Then when you are getting no sleep, showers, etc...you can think about how glad you are that you're not so uncomfortably pregnant anymore. Make sense? Good luck with everything!

I think you need an intervention. She needs to know you'll be gone if she doesn't stop it. End of conversation. Otherwise, you're an enabler

My main thought is...how is this okay in any way, shape, form, figment of imagination, other world, this world, your world? Have I made my point? How do you marry a guy who is getting pics of a girl's bare breasts? This is scandalous, girl.

NEVER> Kidding. Yeah, my fiancee is 27 and ALMOST there. I'll tell you what, tho....if he tries to draw out the time more...I'm gone! I'm aging quickly!

Problem is...if there is a reason for an absolute diagnosis, then ...Houston, we have a problem!!! lol...

Jayar: good point, I just happen to be absolutely amazed and interested in psychology in general. I guess all of us could fit under every "diagnosis" a little, can't we?

So is he overly sensitive to criticizm and does he have a lack of empathy for others (most importantly...to you)?

Throwing labels around? Woah! I think you're just trying to figure out what makes this guy so annoying!!! I think it's good...if you research it, you can figure out a lot of people and get around in this world more easily!! Doesn't everyone agree??? SOUNDS PRETTY ACCURATE! From Psychology today: Narcissistic Personality Disorder Definition Symptoms Causes Treatment Read Psychology Today articles on "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" Go to Condition Center for more terms Definition Find a therapist near you. Enter your City or Zip: An individual with narcissistic personality disorder exhibits extreme self-importance, inability to empathize with others and heightened sensitivity to criticism. Self-involvement and lack of empathy characterize this personality disorder. People with narcissistic personality disorder are frequently perfectionists and need to be the center of attention, receiving affection and admiration, and controlling the situation. To get the attention he craves, he may try to create crises that return the focus to him. Like patients with antisocial personality disorder, this person places entitlement issues at the fore. He feels that the world owes him, regardless of whether he makes a contribution. Alcohol and other drugs (AOD) can induce states that mimic a personality disorder, but if an AOD-using person with a personality disorder abstains, only the symptoms of the personality disorder will still be evident. AOD use may trigger or aggravate a personality disorder. The course and severity of personality disorders can also be made worse if other psychiatric problems, such as mood, anxiety and psychotic disorders are present. A patient with a personality disorder frequently uses AODs to relieve her symptoms: to raise self-esteem, decrease feelings of guilt and amplify feelings of diminished individuality. Narcissistic personality disorder often leads to use of drugs, particularly stimulants. As a disinhibitor, alcohol may help lower anxiety and alleviate depression. A shy person with narcissistic personality disorder may depend on marijuana to relieve her social anxiety, while others use steroids to boost confidence in physical perfection. Without AODs, a person with narcissistic personality disorder may believe that others are overly critical or do not adequately appreciate her good qualities. In a crisis, she may become severely depressed. top of page Symptoms Overreacts to criticism, becoming angry or humiliated Uses others to reach goals Exaggerates own importance Entertains unrealistic fantasies about achievements, power, beauty, intelligence or romance Has unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment Needs constant attention and positive reinforcement from others Is easily jealous top of page Causes The exact cause is not known. Although onset of the disorder is usually early adulthood, it is likely to be in response to childhood experiences. A psychological evaluation may be performed. top of page

He needs to know it drives everyone nutty! When he does it again and it's just you two, just stop him when he does it (gently)... And say, "Hold on...what do you think about my situation? I didn't ask you about your experience (or whatever)" See what he says. If you stop him RIGHT when he does it, it'll kind of slap the dumb out of him and get him to look at it. If he gets mad, oh well...it's constructive.

My dad died when I was 15 and I felt the same way. I think you need to stop and look at the whole picture right now. Grief is like a toothache (that you never get filled). It hurts like hell then you kind of get used to it. You will never fully "get over" your dad's death, but you can get better. There are people who overdose on cetain drugs (over the counter) that wake up the next morning thinking that they lived through it and they are fine. Then they think to themselves,"Why did i even think about that? That was so stupid!" What they don't know is that the drug(s) did irrepairable damage to their organs and they will die within 3 days. I know because my mother is in the mental health profession and she has SEEN it happen. suicide isn't your only option. As hard as it seems right now, you need to get through this and accept that maybe one day you can take your experience and help others with what you have learned. People who don't experience this sort of thing aren't as helpful as people who have. What about other kids that will (and are) going through the same thing? You can't try to help them? It will eventually help YOU if you do. I wouldn't isolate and withdraw. You should get out and as painful as it seems...be around people in your situation. Go see a counselor/ therapist.

I realize you are so depressed that you aren't thinking with a clear angle. LOOK at yourself. You are a human with flesh and bones. You breath...you love, you feel...you cry. You NEED to connect with yourself and give yourself a break. Go look at your baby or old school pictures. Ask that child what he needs