Dilly
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Everything posted by Dilly
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It certainly seems contagious and I love it. Nobody else in my life is pregnant so I come here to gain strength and stamina with my fellow preggo's. I'm due two weeks after Hazey in mid-April, 2007.
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Me tooo x two. I attribute it to heartburn.
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About the custody issue, sometimes I think in your case, you are much better off than you even know. I don't see personally the harm in protecting your child. I don't think you really would feel safe letting him take your little boy in a vehicle, do you? I wouldn't put up fences in your mind just yet, but I would consult an attourney, not an aggressive balls-to-the-wall attourney, but a good one and most importantly, take it one day at a time. You got your act together. Keep it together and everything will be fine. Yes, your child deserves to know his father, but... not if he poses a threat to the child.
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I read last night that fortunately, if you have lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, your body may be slowly getting you more prepared for the later stages of delivery (it won't happen all at once), minus all the acute pain. Weren't you 2 cm recently?
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My tune has officially changed on your interaction with R- based on what you have said. You are done with him. You don't want him in your life. He's not welcome at the delivery and you don't want the baby to have his last name. These two facts alone are completely justifiable. I only hope you drive a hard bargain from this point forward. I have only now begun to accept that you are done with him, based on your preferences re: name and delivery. And now, I am going to support you 100% in ending that romantic relationship once and for all. I used to think you wanted to help him, that you had some hope in reuniting, that you secretly wished he'd call. I accept now that you are done with Sir Creepy and will focus all of your energy and love on your child. HUGSSS!!!
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Giving the baby your last name when you know you don't want to share a life with R- makes perfect sense, especially when you don't like his last name and when the child could theoretically be adopted by your future spouse since R- likely wouldn't even be able to get partial custody or be willing to pay child support. Even if he is in the picture part of the time, you could still technically let a future hubby adopt your child if R- is negligent enough and the future follows the same course as the past. I hope knowing that you aren't into R- in a romantic way anymore that you merely move on without making his parental role easy for him. If he wants to see the child, make him do all the work, transporting of himself, and funding of support. I'm not saying to make it hard on him, just don't help him by using your time, money, and emotional resources to go out of your way to make his parental role possible.
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I'm so happy your little boy is going to be in the arms of his wonderful mother in a matter of days!!! You have been such a good mother to him already, put yourself in good hands with your family, established a good separation from the negative influences that drug you down, and put up with a bunch of feedback from me that wasn't helpful in the last days (I just want to say I'm sorry for pushing you and I do think R and his mother are entirely creepy, just so you know). I want you to know I really really am proud of you and know that this baby is going to give you a whole new world to breathe life into! He is going to be smart, beautiful, and loving and give you the most unconditional love that you have ever imagined in your life, the kind of love you probably gave to underserving R the last months. I hope that your little boy brings out only the best in everyone. And no, you never have to worry about R- getting rights to your child. He's so far gone that his only hope is long-term rehab to keep him out of trouble for the time it takes for his record to get clean.
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Not my intention. Honestly, I just read that you had hung out at his mom's and with him so I thought, wow, if she's hanging with the famdamily and they're asking the name (and you're getting annoyed and can't even tell them that you're making the decision on your own), and you're dodging questions... then, I just get the feeling... that you aren't being open or candid with any of them about your relationship. I mean, when the mom asks how you and R- are doing and you shrug your shoulders, you send mixed messages. Why not tell her what you tell us, that he's frustrating and you don't feel comfortable with the idea of him as a father. If you spend time with him and his family, and expect a call, or want one, it would seem reasonable to notify him to let him know. Not that he has to be there, or anything and if you don't want to call him on the baby's birthday (didn't you go to childbirth classes together), I would end it forever. I mean your actions would speak volumes louder than words and I would follow your actions - if he's not worthy of being present at the delivery, then flush the relationship forever. I would.
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I probably would only do NC if the situation was really, really bad (i.e. I found out he cheated on me and was not sure what who he wanted in his life and wanted to keep me waiting around, if he was threatening me or being violent, if he was making unreasonable demands on me or being relentless). I don't think NC will be an option I ever force myself into. However, I know it works for many people and I will support them if they are convinced that it is in their best interests (not to get the ex- back, but to move on when it is utterly necessary to).
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Question for women: Which type of male physique do you prefer?
Dilly replied to philosophia's topic in Sex and Romance
This is the quote that is being debated ... again. If I spent my time donating to the good of all, I would be a martyr and would be ignoring my primary responsibility to myself to do myself service and if I like going to the gym, I'm giong to do it. Who wants to be with someone who puts others before themselves most (if not all) the time. I would like to meet such a person, because I have never conscienciously met someone who put others first the majority of the time. And if I do meet such a person, I will suspect they are so depraved in spirit that they need the security of knowing they are helping others to prove they are worth their own weight in salt. Anyway. -
Question for women: Which type of male physique do you prefer?
Dilly replied to philosophia's topic in Sex and Romance
me too, but I didn't want to rehash the conversation. I feel like people judging me by how I spend time (not causing others harm, working out, making myself less a menace to society by being less a drag on health care, setting a good example, etc). I completely agree with both TiredMan and DragonEyes, HazeyAmber, and RayKay, especially when it comes to doing no harm to others - taht in itself is good (to merely not do bad). -
ITG, thank you so much for posing for Scared12! Scared12, I know this has been a long and winding road and that you were having some luck with NC, and now, this!!! I am so sorry! I hate to say chock it up to experience, but in this case, it's good that you know his true colors, the core of his nature which is dark, damp, and dreary, a place where mould grows, cochroaches thrive, and rats run through the sewers. He is ugly, dispicable, and I only hope you have the strength to see this some day. I do not and would not ever try to understand his perspective - he was WRONG on all counts and to ask you to lie to protect his relationship was outrageous, a true coward! Be lucky that you found out, granted the hard way, you didn't have to go digging. I think it's best that you trusted and were deceived than you expecting to be deceived without deceipt. I hope this does not teach you to distrust, but will just help you to appreciate honesty at all costs.
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I'm going to express an opinion here that you should inform him when you go into labor. I really feel like the father should know when his child is giong to be born, whether he's a slackass loser or not. Set your boundaries, abide by them, but you're the one who is going to know when you go into labor. It's really not up to him to keep calling to find out. You could even have your brother tell him and give him the scoop on whether he's invited to grace you with his presense at the hospital.
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Having a kid for the dogs !!! BAHAHAHAHA - I love it! I was the same way at the grocier and you know, everyone is joyful with you, that's the thing. SOmetimes, family and friends might get concerned, but then if they're like mine, then they get really excited because it's obvious you're going to be an awesome mom!!!
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I also have a fix with grapefruit smells (anything citrus) right now.
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I'm so happy for you! I'm sure they will keep tabs on your progress and induce you if things get too tricky! DOn't worry about R- ... he'll be around, calling, and fawning over the baby, I promise. Have you told his mother/him what the name will be?
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SCOUT!!! THIS IS TERRIFIC NEWS! I AM SO THRILLED FOR YOU!!! I had no idea you were even trying or interested in becoming preggo! Oh, you are going to love it. I can't believe the transition my body and mind and spirit have undergone. I'm serious. It really forces you to make choices and order your life and then, everything sort of just falls in place from there. I am so thrilled for you!!! YOu will truly be a wonderful mother. I wish I could be your daughter!!! As for the nausea, mostly aversions to food, I got it hard core between weeks 6 and 14 and still, occasionally have them. But I link that to the prenatal vitamin I'm on which, when taken as prescribed (on an emptry tummy) can make you want to wretch. SOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU, sweetie pie!!!!
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The suspense is killing me. Wondering if the news is good and your time away is due to phonecalls and excitement.
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Question for women: Which type of male physique do you prefer?
Dilly replied to philosophia's topic in Sex and Romance
Not opposed to any physique but E. As for the earlier discussions disputing time spent in exercise vs. some greater good, I respect people that are fit more than those who are not and am more likely to listen to their points of view. -
I think this is a brilliant post. And I agree with It'sAllGrand --- It's probably 100% natural, however, to feel insecure over this situation. That's fine. Just continue to develop yourself and show enthusiasm for the relationship and your involvement in it. I think you will be just fine!
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Hello Nappy, you are so fortunate in that you got him back into your life. But I wonder (possibly mirroring those unspoken doubts of your boyfriend) if you are not excited by the challenge that he has become. When relationships fade due to boredom, sometimes we push our partners away and then, once they finally stop trying to come into our zone of affectionate exchange, we try to lasso them back and the whole thing is this rigorous challenge that in no way resembles the boredom that preceded it. IF you got him back where you claim you want him, where he trusts you wholeheartedly and wants to be with you all the time and is able to carry on intelligent and intersting conversation, would you really find it all that appealing? I hope you know what you are doing because it sounds like he lacks assurance that you know what you want. I think all in all that there is no need for interventions of enforcing no-contact, unless one of you wants out, which neither of you do (thank goodness). My best recommendation is to relax, think positive, and take it one day at a time. You insinuate that you trust him and that he is honest with you and thus, I have no reason to think he's keeping options open with that girl (who is obviously entangled with her own boyfriend). But if you don't trust him, I would come right out and ask if he is considering other women. If not, GREAT, just let him develop his feelings for you at his own pace and let him pout about it a bit. You hurt him, he's allowed to complain. Let this pain process through your lives and be understanding and empathize with him over it. Give him a hug and reassure him that you love him and realize how dreadful it would have been to endure what he had to go through.
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Feeling the same!
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I would only caution that you give him some time (if you care about him and do want him back) before dating others. I wouldn't reflexively do things that might make him nervous or jealous, unless you are absolutely (and I mean absolutely) being true to yourself and your heart's desire, but love that whisks us away from temporary misery is not something that is usually based on absolute anything, other than fun and whimsical distraction. I would caution you about this, not because you seem like the type to run about and look for play, but because it's a predictable pattern that many fall into to "make their partner's think and realize what they are missing", a form of scorn. Sometimes it works, sometimes it backfires.
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You are a brilliant woman, full of reflection and self-analysis. You are a mother of two, capable of making decisions that are best for you and your family. As such, do you feel you need some outside intervention to come and physically help you refrain from contacting this guy? Honestly, I don't think you do. I think what you are working on is gaining a realistic set of expectations re: J's place in your life and heart. It sounds to me as though you derive some benefit from communicating with him, be it a sense of satisfaction out of being compassionate (VALID), companionship (VALID), or simple knowledge that can impart wisdom to him (VALID). There is gain in each of those experiences. I personally admire the generosity of your spirit and would only ask that you limit your generosity to the point at which you begin feeling aggrivated with him. You are patient and easy and dear. I don't think there is a wrong answer or a direct path, especially when you are imparting wisdom, possibly even teaching him lessons. I'm not, as you know, a major proponent of NC or of turning my back on someone once the straw breaks the camel, but I do believe in remaining cognizant and setting boundaries and abiding by those boundaries and establishing a flowchart in your own mind to guide your actions, so that you are at least three steps ahead of the if/thens and you have the worst-case scenarios (and best) mapped out for self-protection and satisfaction.
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((((((((HUGS))))))))) This, too, will pass. I know exactly how you feel. Eat, sleep (if you can), and try to keep busy. Oh God, I hate the feelings you are going through.