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Dilly

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Everything posted by Dilly

  1. Dilly
    Good grief, I have NO CLUE how hot the water gets when I bathe. Do you guys actually check the temps? All I know is, I've taken some warm/hot baths and showers ... EEEYIKES!!!
  2. Dilly
    I was thinking that many families would support a child being ripped away from a parent that is portrayed as "unfit". Seriously, the moral fabric of our society is so shred that people don't think twice about exercising judgment like this and usually, when you throw in a few hard facts, you can spoil the image of one or both parents to any party. How would Canada cooperate with the US in such a case? Do parents that kidnap children accross country borders usually succeed? SO SCARY!
  3. Dilly
    A great question, to be sure. Glad you are bringing it up. I think that where there are fundamental differences in terms of parenting, you should be happy you are the custodial parent. Not saying that you should exercise that power without just cause, but on matters of safety, value reinforcement, social influence (avoiding bad ones most importantly), I see this as necessary leverage when it comes to R-. Otherwise, a little compromise (give and take).
  4. Dilly
    OK, I loathe this too! I loathe the fact that you want to help him through his hardship and are unable to get through to him. DOes he seem like the type inclined to abide by NC? What exactly did you share with him during the breakup conversation? Did he cry? How did he respond? I just loathe this too! I am NOT a strong proponent of NC - so I am probably a drag to positive aspirations when it comes to your struggle. I'm sorry to be blunt, but I am skeptical of it. I just think back to the CRITICAL CONVERSATION thread that you started a while back and remember some of the posts by Scout. I just can't help but wonder... if ... all this was temporary. And ... I guess I also think about your job, your committment to live where you live and I can give some cred to your position. It does almost seem like you could compromise on location if necessary. When things become (if they are ever able) more stable. WHAT DO I KNOW? I'm in a terrible bind with someone because I made the decision to move AFTER pregnancy. Ugggh, not good to put off fundamental differences, to be sure.
  5. Dilly
    Haven't finished reading the thread, but removing everything now is just ... possibly an advertisement that you're ready to move on... which you're not really. You need time.
  6. Dilly
    completely agree (((hugs)))
  7. Dilly
    Did the girl get the telephone numbers for Canada? I mean if she's in Canada, she'll need to know how to call the US. Did you guys make her memorize that? I think you were so smart to tell her to memorize the phone numbers. Did she?
  8. Dilly
    Wayne Dyer is wonderful! I saw a book tonight on a shelf and did not open it, but the title was something like "climbing on the bumps". The theme being to use your challeges as your starting blocks!!! What you say reminds me of the book's message.
  9. Dilly
    Well, Boost, you have us! You really should try as hard as you can to get busy and have fun, yourself, if possible, responsibly, not to get to her, but to build yourself back. I think she was mad because she didn't like what she had to do and she wanted out but didn't want to feel guilty so she rolled out the red carpet for accusations to walk down. Oldest trick in the book. She's probably getting coached by some friends on how to be a player/this and that but you know what, you may have lost her for good, because the party girl she will become/is becoming is a player. I used to be a really good girl and married the first guy I fell in love with. OUr relationship weakened over some of HIS poor decisions and I made some poor ones myself. As a result, I wanted what he had pursued through our relationship, FUN! And when it was my turn, HE didn't like it and I did. My point is, that I never returned to that innocent girl I had once been. I wish I could now, six years later, but it's too late. Don't hold your breath. Once girls take a walk on the wild side, it brings wilderness into their hearts and they get all confused, stupid and callous. While she may wise up, she may not for a very very long time.
  10. Dilly
    FYI, mine is a 28 day cycle and I ovulated on day 14 and made whoopie on day 13 and vuala, baby in belly!
  11. Dilly
    Ok, there's a great site called link removed. You can monitor your basal body temps and determine when you ovulate. Each woman is different and usually (not by any means always) a woman will ovulate on Day 14 of a 28 day cycle, especially if she's very regular. However, there are some flukey things that can happen, like maybe your cycle is longer on the front end and you ovulate later, ect. Doing BBT's or OTK (ovulation test kit strips) might help.
  12. Dilly
    These guys never do know, or if they do, they don't care because it gets them where they want to be in a short period of time. My boyfriend actually told me three months into our relationship when I was much, much stronger, and much less committed and feeling the urge to drop his butt off that I was "smarter than the others", "more prepared to get rid of him", and that's the only sign I've ever seen from him that he knows he's a punk and a control freak at times. But that was a long time ago and that moment of humility for him has never repeated itself. My point is, they know, but ... they also know that it gets them the distance. My guy doesn't have LPD by any means, but a huge ego and the knowledge that I can be replaced almost as quickly as I was found/found him. Being a beautiful, intelligent woman is not easy, especially when you mingle with guys like these. I'm not saying I'm beautiful (I think I'm alright, but not breathtakingly so by any means), but my sister is a knockout and she always gets hung up on guys like this! Finally, she told me one day, you know, I don't like being a b----. If I have to act like one around a guy, that's my sign to go. So maybe they cuss you out and act hostile, but when you feel inclined to hit the redial button one too many times, bust a move. I wish only that I could follow my own advice.
  13. Dilly
    TOTALLY AGREE AILEC. Some people really are no good for us and really motivated people go for the rejection because if it comes too easy, it might not be worth it, right? Gluttons for punishment, methinks, me being one of these fools.
  14. Dilly
    FOUR FREAKIN BOTTLES OF VODKA ---- WOAH!!! I just read that! Dude, or whatever the greeting is in England --- Lad, Fella, Gent, Whatever --- YOU HONESTLY NEED HELP!!! You will get the DT's trying to do this on your own. There are some things that require outreach and as a person that does not truly invest alot of belief in the "magic bullet", I TRULY BELIEVE IN MEDICAL HELP WHEN IT COMES TO ALCOHOLISM. There are drugs that can make you sick when you drink and some that can make you less sick, and some that can prevent the DT's. Please use your good head and see a doctor and go to an AA meeting. There are people there with tremendous character, possibly even a future soulmate.
  15. Dilly
    He did accept it, right? He brought it to our attention in the first post. He obviously has low self-esteem because he's vulnerable to the fear of abandonment (like me) and I think he should look himself in the mirror and recognize his potential, AND the path he is on and be proud, and know that he's better than the alcohol that weakens him. I agree with you, I hope he can speak at the AA meeting.
  16. Dilly
    I actually couldn't agree more. I think some people are extremely toxic to others and she tried to turn the hostility in the relationship back onto you by telling you that you are insane. You honestly need to be careful about what you feel for this person as I am very skeptical about here sincerity. I sense a manipulative move was made to flip the justified anger on your part into guilt which you readily accepted. You need to recognize what she is saying and that she has all the power in this relationship because she is telling you she is still interested in the other guy. Let her go and regain your control that way. She's telling you goodbye and you would be a chump (like I usually am) to try to reel her back in with any remourseful comments and apologetic conversations. Let her go. Get through your depression and refrain from the bottle. YOu are a great catch if you are half-way to being a doctor. Usually in the states, you would have to be about 24 or so. Nonetheless, don't be too hard on yourself. Your scholarly life is hard enough on you! Keep it cool, she's one fish in a vast sea and let me tell, as a man, a doctor in training no less, you will find another and if you don't, she will find you! YOu have all the cards. But do understand that the source of anger is fear and you have been battling with this fear of abandonment by her and she is thriving off of it. Let her go and go toxic-free.
  17. Dilly
    God, after reading through them all, I really love this thread! The following are quotes by Thomas Szasz, author of the Myth of Mental Illness and the Manufacture of Madness (link removed. I always like to remember that mental health care providers have made a living off of convincing or corroborating others' beliefs that they are "sick". I think this, in itself, is sick! Anyway, here are some quotes: In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined. People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. The proverb warns; "Don't bite the hand that feeds you." But maybe you should, if it prevents you from feeding yourself. The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
  18. Dilly
    Excellent suggestions Dako (first post in thread), haven't finished this thread.
  19. Dilly
    God, that's so true!!! She is a life-force for R- and he is beginning to realize how vital that is to him, her support, her kindness, her ability to forgive and maintain hope. Quite lovely! And of course, taken too far, ... anything is at risk for turning ugly... but she's not gone too far! He needs her more than ever to support him emotionally and he is drawing from the well of her wisdom to make the right decisions. It's so apparent how he respects her when he says things like, Oh God, what do I tell her (his little girl) after she learns about the possiblity of being moved north with her mother.
  20. Dilly
    Really excellent idea to have her memorize phone numbers, BTW! You are thinking clearly!!!
  21. Dilly
    I remember that! I was thinking just that when she decided to play the I'm-moving-away card. She is really torn about this and really must be grasping at straws. It's probable that R- has really been drawn closer to you by this whole ordeal she is throwing in his lap and that the more she tries to pull him away, the more he wants to stay put. I think he loves you as much as he can. You are predictable, something he can't comprehend. You are solid and proving to be moreso everyday. He values THAT!!! Plus, you're not being unreasonable! His ex-wife may not be either, maybe she just can't deal witht he pain of staying and witnessing this man that she is crazy about fall in love with you and grow (hopefully) into a man (she probably gave up on that a long time ago and figures you're the one and she can't handle submitting to you in that way). Ugggh, I feel bad for everyone involved, but she might not win!!! And if R- can get his head on straight and keep it on, he might have some strength in the custody battle, if not now, in five years when the child can proclaim her preferences.
  22. Dilly
    God, that's sad about his mother moving and his little girl suffering like that! I hate it! How far away is she moving and whatever gave his ex- the impression he might move also? Odd communication one might presume. I wonder if she made a proposition for them to get back together and if she is moving because she needs to play a little tug of war over R- and can't stand the idea of him getting attached to a new baby. Whatever the case, it sounds like R- is there for your child and you (at least in aspiration). I feel like the tears might be a good sign of sincere motivation, and a sign of happiness that you are not bailing on him. You are strong, BTR. Very strong! I'm very happy for you and sorry that you have to struggle with these twinges of guilt over witnessing the devastation of his first marriage and the aftermath it's having on his little girl. Ugggh But you're doing the right thing! Stay strong and committed.
  23. Dilly
    Just found this thread. Yeah, I tend to agree. I think she will get over it. Friends are forgiving, even in the most daunting of circumstances.
  24. Dilly
    Yeah, I'd wanna know the differences. And whether the military would accept this second option. It's nice that you are able to help him out. So many intelligent people don't have paper to back it up, and you know, many people who do don't strike me as all that intelligent. Just funny I guess. But our society insists on education and the higher, the better, and it almost seems the lower the bar. I know that sounds weird, but the hardest job I ever had was Burger King... well, I don't know about that but... it seemed really hard at the time... just frantic.
  25. Dilly
    Speculating here, but I betcha a school provides the diploma which functions the same as a GED. But you already know this. I wonder if a High School Principal in your area might be a valuable resource to you.
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