Dilly
-
Posts
930 -
Joined
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Articles
Videos
Blogs
Store
Everything posted by Dilly
-
Can't wait for you to announce your beautiful little girl's name!!!
-
You're going to be fine! Now that the memories from last year's reunion are almost behind you, I hope you can enter into the new year with a new spring in your step. I really feel like based on what little I've read that you are going to make someone very happy and that you should be ready to date again, if you aren't seriously doing so already. YOu have my blessings.
-
Very happy and full of wondrous anticipation for you girls!!!! A little baby girl on the way... prolly already here!!!
-
THINKING ABOUT YOU ON THIS MARVELOUS DAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LITTLE BABY!!! Please announce the name soon!!!
-
I think in regards to your communication with your coworker that you should break the news as gently as possible. These matters truly are like you said incredibly sensitive.
-
Maybe the grief is compounded by the breakup and you have regrets that are folding into the forgotten regret of abortion. You made the decision and it's best to consider it a life-step. Maybe if you are in these shoes again, or have the opportunity to consult a friend considering abotion, you can give your testimony of regret - testimony can be a powerful force.
-
Glad you got it out on the table and at least that he's accepting it. He is a coward and will not break up with you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to him by his own account and do not let him brow-beat you into submission. You are STRONGER than you know. Tap into it some more and hold the line.
-
Muffin Cakes, you deserve a big hug! STAY SAFE - that's most important. Buckle up and keep the stress low. BIG HUGS OUT TO YOU!
-
This is great news!!!
-
Out of curiosity, where was this class? At your hospital? I really need to sign up for some. Also, what other classes will you attend?
-
Wow, all of this a complete education for me. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Not sure I understand the Tether strap function in car seats. Haven't been shopping yet. Wow, much to learn. THANKS!!!
-
And yes, you would be putting your custodial rights at risk by using poor judgment. DO NOT give into this idea of living with him - I would seriously make him do an at-home drug test. You don't trust him - he knows it. Why trust him until he gets good results? Remember how he once stood over you and made you cry threatening a mean custody battle and making you feel like he had a chance at it. DO NOT weaken your position.
-
You're not crazy! You're pregnant with this man's child and I would say it's somewhat normal to struggle with the idea of just cutting him out of your life. Even if you did distance yourself (which you have been doing), he would still have involvement in the child's life, whether he's acting like a royal idiot in traffic or not. It's normal to want the dad in the picture. I don't feel like a total freak for wanting it. I would say it would be abnormal if you didn't. Gotta get strong, but you've highlighted some real issues about communication. If words don't get results, actions might. I don't recommend anything drastic, just small and gradual.
-
What's up B?
-
What does he offer you that you couldn't find in your own backyard? I mean, is he really that great? Do you really love him or is it more that he is putting you off? Careful not to go for the challenge of securing a man's interest.
-
BTW, I really doubt he'd move that far north. He does love you, as much as he is capable of loving anyone.
-
Hey Sweet Girl, I hope his ups and downs aren't too traumatizing. I'm sure if he puts his priorities in order each morning, he should be able to realize what he needs to do. You are holding your ground. You are making us proud. He on the other hand is backpeddling into lala land. Nonetheless, I'm glad YOU spent your nights in the comfort of your mother's home. He would have had me feeling the guilt right off the bat and I think if you want to help him with your time and effort, that's fine. But your resources are serving as a livelihood for you and your baby boy. R will figure something out. He's a survivor. So are you!!!
-
Mine too! I am sooo entirely happy for you!!! So happy I'm goosebumping!!! Ahhh, you've waited so long for this!!!
-
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY AND... I hope the weekend brought you closer to telling your parents. And closer to a proven birth control method, which you know abortion is not. Have you been refraining from alcohol, substances, and otherwise any behavior that might harm the unborn? I think you have been provided with quite a bit of useful information from SouthernGirl. Why in the world would you wait until 20 weeks to get an abortion? Were you counting on support from your ex? Honestly, he almost sounds like he wants you to have it... why are you getting cold feet all of a sudden? Aren't you showing yet?
-
ITG tells me I do!!! But you guys make me smile!!! Interesting way to bring about a point, a poetic delivery to be sure!!! I am not an enthusiastic proponent of NC either, at least not strict NC. But circumstances vary. In some cases, I'm sure I would never want to talk to an ex- again (I know of one person that I would never wish to talk to again, well two). But they were both freaky staulker types who didn't back off when I advised them to. It's funny, that's there are only two times - wow - that I've gone NC. When I go NC - it's without any doubt about the lack of worth the person has in my life. They really have to push the limits with me, usually selfishly so.
-
You are BRILLIANT!!! I think ... wow, you have done everything within your power to evaluate this situation for what it is. You gave him distance even though he didn't ask for it. You perceived he was unhappy or at least troubled, even though he didn't acknowledge it. You have had an uncanny feeling for several weeks now about him, questions about him needing space and time to think for himself. I think that what you're doing makes alot of sense. I PERSONALLY LIKE THE FACT THAT YOU TWO ARE STILL TALKING AND ... I think there you have leverage. Keep up the conversations and I think if you want you can better communicate your issues when the time comes (certainly not now when he has to think about his baby and new set of responsibilities). He will be so much more pleasant to be around when he gets out of his own funk, when this baby is finally born, and he can see how his life is impacted by it, what is expected of him, ect. Unknowns can kill a relationship and so can unexpressed fear of them. He wasn't communicating his trauma over it (so I'm making an assumption he was feeling suffocated by the X factors in his life). But you were perceptive and selfless enough to see that something didn't feel right. I really think that you did the right thing, and that you are DOING the right thing by talking to him and being there for him. You both know that there could be something in the future and you're both keeping your options open at this point because you prolly both knew something didn't feel right. I really am proud of you!!! I like the way this is shaking out honestly, because meeting the 'rents the weekend before the baby is born ---- awkward. You've used great judgment. I say if J wants to come around for Christmas though and be generous to your kiddies, let him. But once he gets funky, IF HE GETS FUNKY, occupy yourself. It's tough when somebody plops themselves in your place though and you have to sleep next to a dud. Hard to communicate that it's not working. Maybe you should refrain from sleeping in the same place if you do decide to spend any time with each other, at least for some time.
-
EVERYTHING'S FINE LYRICS Mother mother how's the family? I'm just calling to say hello. How's the weather? how's my father? Am I lonely? heavens no. Mother mother are ya listening? just a phone call to ease your mind. Life is perfect, never better, distance making the heart grow fond. When you sent me off to see the world, were you scared that I might get hurt? Would I try a little tobacco, would I keep on hiking up my skirt? I'm hungry, I'm dirty, I'm losing my mind... Everything's fine! I'm freezing, I'm Starving, I'm Bleeding death... Everything's fine! Yeah, I'm working, making money, I'm just starting to build a name. I can feel it, around the corner, I could make it any day. Mother mother can you hear me, sure I'm sober, sure I'm sane. Life is perfect, never better, still your daughter, still the same. If I tell you what you want to hear, will it help you to sleep well at night? Are you sure that I'm your perfect dear, now just cuddle up and sleep tight. I'm hungry, I'm dirty, I'm losing my mind... Everything's fine! I'm freezing, I'm starving, I'm bleeding to death... Everything's fine! I miss you, I love you. I guess I'm posting this because the lyrics entered my head when I imagined the message you might send to R by visiting. He's being a complete jacka** right now. How could he have had his heart in the right place two days ago, getting teary eyed and being sincere when you talked about his daughter, ect. And now, no conscience or sense of responsibility? His roommate didn't just happen to kick him out. His roommate knows something and isn't going to support him or his lazy lifestyle. My feeling is that he saw the train coming and knew that he had to rely on you... so he buttered you up. DON'T YOU WORK during your downtime. Let him!!! If he doesn't, fine --- you can WORK OUT and get in shape again and focus your energy on you and regaining your figure but do NOT put up with his bullying of you for money. I'm serious. YOu can tell he hit a chord with me. Money is now a HUGE issue for me with my Robert. Draw the line - don't cross it. And BTW, $500 is a LOT OF MONEY!
-
Well, yeah... what's that mean??? OK, I would just tell him you want him to move somewhere that he can afford, first, with his own money and second, somewhere absent all the distractions of his beachbum, druggie world. No forwarding address to his friends if he wants access to the child. He can be a trainwreck because he likes the drama of being a bottom dweller. I knew a guy that did crystal all the time and he dressed himself up as a Christian. He told me he needed to walk through the valleys because he couldn't do anything for the blue-haired lady in the third pew at church. OK, I'm not supporting any religion (because I don't have one myself at the moment), but that whole mentality about walkign through the valley was a crock and he is definitely one that likes the bottom dwelling life. I really fell hard for this guy, didn't ever do any drugs, but really loved the person he sold to me. But then, I realized, he is recycling garbage into garbage - working hard to party hard and for no other end but that. DON'T YOU GIVE HIM YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY!
-
This is the right thing to do now. You really really should put your foot down. I'm not saying dump R and move on, but I AM saying you set the rules and you abide by your own rules. You aren't controlling him - you are controlling you. You don't want to give him money to live on (unless there were dire circumstances beyond his control and he was truly giving it 200% of everything - MAYBE), but you don't give him $$$. You don't want to drive out there - that's your decision - I don't care what you do in that regard. Frankly, if you did drive otu there... he might get the message that everything's fine!!! (it's funny when I write this, I think of that song where that woman is screaming EVERYTHING'S FINE!!!! Man, you're a sweet, wonderful, generous, caring, responsible, beautiful, understanding, and respectable girl/woman/person!!! But R should NOT be measuring you by what you offer to him materialistically. You can talk to him, support him, care for him, but DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT give him money.
-
He's got some high expectations. But not for himself, for others. Hopefully he can just continue deferring to you. You are the child's mother and you will make wonderful decisions. Look how far you've come already. Trust yourself, BTR. Trust yourself to stand up to R and tell him when to sit down and chill out. You are having to confront him now on things that require you to stand up to him and you will only have to continue this throughout your life. R is going to raise a stink over some mothering instincts that you have and you will have to determine which battles you are willing to fight. It's really really good that you both agree on not spanking or physically reprimanding your child. Robert and I feel the exact same way. We don't want to communicate our position by brute force. We will set examples and communicate pros and cons and do everything to communicate logic when it is appropriate. But ... you can't really predict what issues will arise necessarily. But you can ask yourselves what are the values you wish to instill in your child's life. Put five down each and compare your lists. I want to inspire 1) hard work/responsibility for self 2) honesty 3) curiosity 4) creativity 5) concern for well-being of others. Anyway, sigh... there is no formula. My mom likes to tell me how to get Robert to do what I want... that I need to set boundaries and stick to them and that Robert will follow suit. I just told her there's no formula for success with him and she told me I'm wrong. I wonder ... maybe she's right, as long as I get strong, and stand up for myself and remain decisive... maybe he will.