Dilly
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I agree this thread is great - I just rated it a 5-star. It's really going to be a helpful resource when I actually compile my wish-list. Thanks SouthernGirl for the bassonette feedback. I was having doubts, but now I'm sure to get it.
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Scarew, you seem to understand all the factors at play, the supportive and the destructive ones at least. Congratulations for being assertive about this to your husband and counsellor. Hubby sounds nice, I agree! Happy New Year - good luck getting beyond this. I think the rubber-band trick Avman suggested may suit you though.
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Oh boy, it does sound like you are in a bind. You have five months to secure a position. Working for an attourney, you have gained some valuable skills. I doubt you look that pregnant yet. Maybe just overweight. I'd start posting my resume now. Do you use link removed? Keep your eyes open. My biggest concern and likely our father's is your own livelihood. You need to be able to provide for yourself, if at all possible, since as of now, you aren't married and there are no guarantees with the boyfriend, his employment, or yours. Your worries are valid, but maybe he will have some valuable suggestions to help you figure some things out. Don't go into conversation with your parents thinking you have all the answers. They may have some ideas to help you. Pregnancy is a condition of vulnerability and you should stay emotionally calm.
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I feel relieved for you!!! Happy New Year!
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Ahhh, you're welcome. It wasn't difficult to be "gracious" to you though. You are a tremendous assett to this forum!!! And thanks so much for the warm regards! I sort of agree that congratulations pre-birth is a bit presumptuous! A close friend of mine has celebrated conception twice and has lost both. Such a tragedy! She would be such a wonderful mother and I hope this year brings her deepest desire to have a child into fruition! THANKS AGAIN!
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As I read your post, BTR, I was thinking the same thing, that he's interested in partying tonight. I wonder if you called if he would already be high. I don't want to tell you to do so, but I just wonder. I hope you can bring all your knowledge to the table tonight and make some realistic resolutions. I will try to do the same. If you're feeling depressed tonight, don't worry, me too! Just lost a family member (Robert's brother-in-law) and will be spending the time with his neice and sister, mother, step-dad to ring in the new year. It's quite heartbreaking. HUGS TO YOU!!! P.S. I know what you mean about feeling huge. I am starting to really bump out. My dad hugged me this morning and said, wow, youre firm! What did he think, I was just fat!? Anyway, starting to show.
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Batya, I tend to vascillate in my perspectives on this and you've made some strong arguments. I'm not one for increasing taxes or public welfare in any way, and to your point, I do think I personally bought too large a house and perhaps this is contributing to my stress. Nonetheless, your feedback is always appreciated, on this thread and any others I have visited. I always find myself a little more enlightened by your perspective, if not significantly overturned. THANKS! Happy new year!!!
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Itsallgrand, the mourning band together for shelter, don't they? I really think I understand this now. I don't feel much like going to work Tuesday or continuing the way I have been. The pain of something missing is so real to me today, so unravelling, so unsettling, so oddly motivating. It makes me want to go home and live there until my parents pass. I really really love them, even though they get on my nerves at times.
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You used the term "luxury" a few times in this thread and I really feel like Hazey is right, luxury is being a stay-at-home castaway for two years. I just want a few months to get to know my baby without having to worry about the next round of bills I have to pay. There are many valid perspectives on parenting, of which the dichotomy varies from working mom to stay-at-home. I'm not interested in going there because it's a polarizing topic and I'm a grey girl - I like taking the best of both worlds (where there's a choice). Unfortunately, being a stay-at-home mom would require me to depend on someone else for a time being and all my life, I've worked to avoid the state of dependence, at least conscious financial dependence. Institutions, employers, and governments have been served by me throughout my life, and I'm really looking forward to a day when I can feel in my heart beyond any begrudging that I've gotten something worthwhile in return. As a licensed professional, I feel enabled by the laws that suppress many, and in that regard I feel I have an advantage over others in terms of professional desirability, but not one I'm proud of.
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Batya, you describe having children as a blessing! Agreed. Sleep is also a blessing as is my next meal. But it's also a fact of life. Yes, I'm thankful I have clothes in my closet and that I have quite a few to choose from, but the fact is that society wants me to wear them. Basic necessities are not privileges and there were seven the last time I checked. Reproduction being one of them. When the average household produces over 2 children, that's a one ratio, meaning each person in the US has about one child. Having said that, theoretically we all get our chance to reep what we sow. I, too, have sacrificed for parents, and for friends who just couldn't work late on Fridays. I have bent over backwards for each type of situation you can imagine. And I DO feel that as a desirable hardworking employee, I should be rewarded with better benefits. My eight years of schooling is earning me a regular salary that allows me to be a single mother. However, there are many companies in the States that prioritize families and really work with employees to be accomodating. Shoot, many (including a former of mine) count a 4-hour workday as a whole, no questions asked. Yes, abuse occurs in such a system, but it's not government, it's free market. I really think parents should raise MORE (not less) of a stink about this if they want to modify work practices. Don't you see the benefits of LONG-TERM retention? Your perspective acknowledges the short-term ramifications on companies, but being that pregnancy and mother/fatherhood is a fact of life (meaning a usual course), then I feel it's appropriate for companies to treat it as a major milestone. Anyway, thanks for your nice thoughts and kind words.
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boyfriend nad his ex got each other xmas presents
Dilly replied to sleex's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
AND he was honest with you when you asked. Don't punish his honesty with paranoia. You haven't been together long enough to warrant complete disclosure. But don't assume he's hiding anything. -
CONGRATULATIONS! Hazey gave you some EXCELLENT advice. Cut out any unnecessary stress, rearrange the priorities and think about your resources now. These include money, time, and childcare (family). Start budgeting each resource and thinking about a way to get through these first tough years. You sound like you are in a very good situation currently with your husband and the fact that the news delighted him is terrific!!! You have no idea how many of us have issues with our partners during pregnancy and that yours is fully supportive is a wonderful blessing you should count everyday! My advice also is to be warned that while your hormones may not be sending you through emotional waves, they may soon! Be prepared. Plan, plan, plan and be flixible if/when things don't go accordingly. I agree that it is simply wonderful that your family is behind you 100%. This is another sign of virue! Very promising! Make the doctor's appt.! So nice to hear a profession of concern from someone so mature and fortunate, even at the age of 21! You will be a great mother!
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I forgot to say that babies are little parasites and they do tend to get what they need from you, if not your food source. Hopefully, you are on prenatal vitamins??? The food is to sustain you as much as your child.
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I new a bolimic woman who refused to eat at all during her first trimester without throwing it all up. They had to put her on IV fluids including nutrient solutions (dextrose) to keep her intake up. She was put on bedrest from 3 months on and she bragged that during her birthin classes, some women gained too much weight while she only gained 15 pounds. I was a bit confused by her, but think that if she had eaten normally and wasn't visiting the throne each time she consumed something, it wouldn't be so alarming. She gave birth to a healthy 6 1/2 pound girl, however. I thought the baby would be supersmall, but not a bad size.
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This is a shout out to all of you. You all rock! I'm a Libra.
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God, Daisy is a cute name!!! You guys are great! I'm due April 15th, 2007 according to the last ultrasound. Will get another on Tuesday 2-January. I think the actual due date is Friday the 13th of April. HA!! Her name will be Chloe _______. Can't figure out the middle name yet. Soon enough, soon enough.
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THAT IS CUTE!!! Are you having a boy or girl? I forget!!! I might opt for the packnplay too if it can truly double as a bassonette. I really wish I could look at your list Hazey. I bet you took good notes from the Wal-mart thread. If you have an electronic version, maybe you could email it to me? I keep getting lists and just want something simple. People are asking me about a shower and I don't want to put a tone of unnecessary things on it. I just want the basics, for my own sanity.
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link removed
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Linda!!! Awe, what a wonderful name with a profound familial tie. NICE!! I'm hoping the pain has subsided now and you are taking it easy. Excellent post by Hope (edit to correct screenname - had southerngirl). I read in a book recently that a dab of breast milk on the nipple rubbed around it actually serves as a protectant and natural soothing agent. Just squeeze/express (I forget the word they use) the nipple to produce a little extra milk and dab that on. I have NEVER tried this but read it works.
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Hey BTR, the waits are long IF you want the best daycares which are not really matched up to my schedule. Nonetheless, I think they can be 4-5 months. I am thinking NANNY for a while until I hook up with another mom who wants to babysit. I might really do some outreach. And Robert actually put the bed together on Friday before I got home. It's a crib, still need a bassonette for the early months.
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Happy Holidays To All!!! Thank You So Much For Your Help. Time To Go Put The Baby Room Together!!!
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My God, DN and ShakaShika, you guys are so fortunate. I work in the Bible Belt of the USA, NC. I truly find it unbelievable that we only get 6 weeks, if you can call it that. Anyway, I gotta do what I gotta do and I agree with Hazey in that Home Daycare may just be my best bet. I just don't have any idea how to look those options up. I really need to secure a place and soon. A nanny is still an option, not a cheap one, but an option at a whopping $1200/month. Hardly affordable, but with my shift-based schedule, may be a last resort.
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God, that's another major concern I haven't worked out. I am very seriously considering a combination of daycare and qualified sitters.
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Hi All, I just found out that unless I am medically able (not likely since I feel pretty darn healthy), I will only be granted six weeks of maternity leave and then, will need to use vacation for the remainder. I don't technically even get paid for the first six weeks! ---Week one - I have to use 5 days vacation!!! ---Weeks 2-6 - I get reimbursed at 80%, thus one/ vacation day per week. So essentially, I lose two weeks vacation with a wimpy six week maternity leave. Anyway, that should leave me with a balance by that point of two more weeks vacation, which I am thinking of saving in cases of emergency, sickness, etc. Anybody have a list of pros/cons re: long maternity leaves? My main concern is that the baby is OK and adjusted and that's all really! I also fully desire to breast feed (100%) and hope I can. THANKS!!!
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I'd start a thread... this one's a bit ... old and maybe you should create a thread to focus on this subject. If you are SURE you are welcome at her door, I would drop by, but not on Christmas, maybe a tonight or tomorrow lunch. But night time visitors on one of the shortest days of the year might be creepy. But you know, I know what you mean. Me and my ex were close for years. It was nice having an open invitation.