guy0221

I agree and believe me, I'm not jumping back into this relationship w/out being positive that she knows what she wants. There will be many things I need to hear if I am to pursue something with her again. I'm worried about what happens when we get together and I DON'T hear the things from her that I need to. I guess I would know for sure that there is no future. I'm still at a loss how I should handle her call tonite.

Well, basically she was abroad and developed feelings for another girl. She was struggling with how to react to these feelings and her sexual orientation. In the process, she lied to me about it, became very distant, and strung me along for a month. It was a very odd circumstance and one that I feel cannot be classified as just her "treating me like crap". I understand why we broke up...she needed to find herself again after being away. She hurt me bad though...she lied to me and that is what I fear I could never get over. I'm just wondering if it would hurt my progress to see her and hear her out.

It has been 3 weeks since I had any contact with the exgf. It has been a month since I have seen her. Anyone following my threads knows that I have been doing better...I have stopped checking my phone and email constantly...I have been seeing other people...I have been going out and having fun. I still have horrible relapses where I feel sick to be without her. Those feelings pass though, and I feel like I could live without her...I know I could. So out of the blue, she calls me early this morning before I wasn't even out of bed. I answered mainly because I thought it might be an emergency...It was not. She wanted to ask me if we could spend some time together NOT as friends. I had told her to only contact me if she wanted to "try 'us' again" and that I could never just be her friend. Basically she was saying she wants to try again. We had very little time to talk because I had to get ready for work but she wants to meet up tonite. I told her I didn't know what my schedule was tonite but to call me after work. I don't know what to feel. I know I still love her but she treated me like sh@#. Should I take this meeting? It could hurt again if I sense that her actions are insincere. This is the last contact I had with her (part of an email). I understand what happened to us for the most part. I agree with alot of what you said. But if we can't be together, then I'm afraid I cannot be around for you. As much as it hurts, I cannot be your 'friend'. Like I've said before, if you come to the conclusion that you want me in your life and want to try 'us' again, I'd be willing to listen.

I am feeling alot better today. I will go days at a time without really thinking about her that much. Then I have days like the past two where I miss her so much and want to reach out to her. Days like today I would say, "Eh, I'm over her". I know that I am not because of how I felt yesterday. I guess what I am hoping for is that someday I won't have to fight these battles with myself anymore. When will the last relapse occur? Maybe this was it? Maybe not. I just hope that they will eventually end. So when they end, is that when you are healed? How do I know I won't become a blabbering mess sometime in the future because of her? How will I know when I'm truly moving on?

Shell, you're always good for a slap in the face...I appreciate that. You're right anyway, I'm just trying to talk myself into calling/emailing her. It's not going to help either of us. I want you to read the last things I said to her via email. I regret one thing and that is that I never told her I loved her again after she told me she still did. I guess she doesn't deserve it. Please read below and let me know your thoughts everyone. Thanks. Is anything missing here? Aren't my cards out on the table? I do wish I would've told her I still loved her...I guess it's too late.

Thanks for that reply. I am going to seriously consider your recommendations. If you're interested, my situation is summed up in the first couple posts of the following thread. I consider myself in the "very strong" category...usually...but with her, I have no control over my emotions. I still don't know how to deal with that. Sigh. I miss her love so much.

So I've been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks now. She is really a nice girl and fun to be around. She is COMPLETELY different from my exgf which I thought might be a good thing. We were kissing last night and I just felt absolutely nothing. It almost made me sick. This lack of feeling just makes me think more about the AMAZING FEELING I had when I would kiss my ex. Even after we broke up, we had dinner a month later and kissed for a while afterwords. i still felt that spark then. It is disheartening that I cannot feel anything for this new girl. I know she is into me and that I will now have to hurt her. I made the mistake of looking at pictures of me and my ex just now. My heart dropped again and my stomach is churning at the thought of "why did this all happen???" We haven't had any contact for 3 weeks now. I just feel like emailing her to tell her I still love her and will always. I know that is stupid but why shouldn't I? I was cold to her the last week before NC. I want her to know how I feel. Help me realize why I should not do this........

It's just tough seeing your life going forward at an astonishing speed and not having that someone right there with you to share in everything. I see my family and friends who are all married or in serious relationships...they care so much about each other...at the end of the day, that person is always there for them. At the end of my day, I have to fall asleep to television just to try and drown out the sound of silence.

I hope you are right. I still feel inside that my exgf was "the one". I guess I was wrong. It's tought to get over those expectations...I have found that it helps to think about how she treated me the last couple months. No one that truly loved me and wanted to make me happy could have been so selfish and indifferent to my feelings. I want so much to find the faith I need to keep searching. I just have a very pessimistic view right now on my life and my relationships. And, yes I have been going out and doing things I enjoy. I have no choice but to at least try I guess.

Anyone who has followed my posts knows that my gf of 1 1/2 years recently left me following confusion over her sexual orientation. It has been about 3 weeks now since I instigated total NC and she has respected my wishes. I have been doing the things recommended on here: going out, working out, seeing other people, keeping busy...etc. It is just so hard for me to find meaning in anything anymore. My ex and I had so many great expectations in our relationship. I truly thought the search was over and that she was the girl to make me happy for the rest of my life. I'm having trouble letting go of that even though I know we could probably never repair what is broken now. I also cannot help but try and look for the next "one". I'm 26 and I feel like my window is closing. I am at a point in my life where I want to settle down and try and make someone else happy. Why am I feeling so much pressure to find this girl? It's only coming from inside my own self...I feel like my ex was truly the one for me...it didn't work out...now I am at a loss. I hate these days.

I'm not sure why I'm craving to be with someone. I guess I am just feeling like I'm getting older and am ready to settle down in my life. I'm sick of going to the bars, meeting dumb girls, getting drunk and then doing the same thing over again the next weekend. I thought the exgf was going to be the one for me...I was wrong and now I'm having trouble seeking out where to go from here.

Ya, it's not just the puking. I can't get a word in with her...she's always talking. I've become less physically attracted to her...i don't know why. Plus, she is in school right now and plans to move abroad when she is done. I can't help but compare her to the "pre-cheating, sexual orientation confused" exgf. It's going to be a while before I could care about anybody again anyways I'm afraid.

She is 4 years younger than me. I didn't want to come off like I was shallow and the puking turned me off. It didn't help but she is definitely still in party mode. I just feel like I'm getting older and want to find someone to settle down with. I've always dated younger girls so maybe that is the key here. I thought it was actually pretty funny and we've laughed about it since. We are just in 2 different places right now. And yes, I'd rather have a puker than a cheater.

You know what really stinks (literally)? Every time I get in the car, the vomit smell overpowers. I can't get it out! Worse though, is that it reminds me of the situation I am in. I really thought I had found the girl for me (pre pukey girl). I was convinced that I would marry her and my life would be complete and wonderful. I wish I could find the faith that I will find that feeling again someday.

Well, I've started threads in Breaking Up, Getting Back Together, and now Healing. Basically, I told my exgf of 1 1/2 years that i could not have her in my life anymore. This was 2 weeks ago. She had cheated on me with another girl and lied to me about it. She is now "confused" and needs to find out what is best for her. I waited for around 1 month and couldn't take it anymore. Now we are on NC and it is helping me but... I started seeing another girl about a week ago. She was very fun and VERY different from my ex, which i thought was a good thing. Anyway, she got real drunk this weekend and made a fool of herself around my friends...then she puked in my car...MY BRAND NEW CAR! THis completely turned me off...I could just tell that she was not my type at all. I need to be looking for something meaningful at this time of my life...I'm ready to settle down a bit and don't want to be with someone that is still in their "party" years. So now I haven't talked to her in a couple days. It really makes me miss my ex. She was exactly the type of girl I am attracted to...mentally and physically. I'm just disheartened now that I have apparently burned bridges with the ex. I would really like to find someone special like that again...i'm afraid it's not going to happen. Thanks for letting me vent.