charley

I don't know if this is traditional, but this is what a lot of people did when I was young. Take a white washcloth (white has no skin irritating dyes) and put rubbing alcohol on it. The higher the concentration of alcohol the better. Stores sell 70% alcohol, 80%, 90%, and sometimes Safeway sells 99%. Pour some on the washrag and scrub your face with it, but not to hard. Do this every other day at first. If the alcohol dries out your skin to much, then only do it twice a week. In between days scrub face with a white wash cloth with bar soap on it. Then wash soap off with a clean wash cloth. The above will disinfect rather well. Also, drink as much water as you can everyday and eat less fatty foods and especially less cheese. This will reduce the number of clogged pores. The scrubbing with a white terry wash cloth will also unclog pores. Also, the stronger alcohols 90% and higher are very effective at dissolving grease and that unclogs pores (plus the disinfecting). That's what I started doing in my late teens and my face started clearing up after about a month. It fully cleared up at about 2 months and my complexion was good after that. I continued this for years. I still do it once a week. It worked for me and I have no scars. Maybe it'll work for you. Best of all, it's a very cheap remedy. I think this could be called an old school remedy. It worked for me and my sister and many other people. Oh ya, tanning does also work wonders for disinfecting the skin. The UV rays in the sun disinfect deeper than alcohol. However, tanning does not unclog pores. If you can get some sun, then on those days you can use the sun instead of alcohol. However, in my climate and many others in the country, the sun is not available for months at time. For example, here in WA we have not seen the sun for two days straight now due to thick clouds. That condition may go on for days or weeks. Even when we do see the sun, it has no strength in the Fall, Winter, and Early Spring. So sun tanning is not an option here for 9 months of the year. I preferred the sun over alcohol when there was sun available in the summer. The rest of the year, alcohol was great.

What a great thread. I can relate since I often feel the same about women. Though I never wanted a gay pill, an asexual pill would be nice. I've found that sometimes a sufficiently discouraged and negative attitude will result in temporary asexuality that sometimes lasts one to 3 months. I'm very sorry to hear that men are a source of stress for you. Sometimes an extended vacation from the opposite sex is best to clear your mind and recover. I wish you luck and all the best.

These are my thoughts about it and as such they are only my opinions. I don't guarantee I'm right about anything, but I often am. First of all, STOP spending the $100 a week. You can't afford that. Tell your BF you can't afford it. Ask him if he'd prefer to see you every second week and him pay the $100 each time or see you once a month and split the cost with him. This will accomplish two things. First, you'll be showing some backbone, but in a fair way. i.e. - you'll now be a partner instead of the slave. I don't like master-dog aka master-slave relationships. I'd rather be partners. I think you'd be much happier as a partner in your relationship. So start acting like a partner. A partner is willing to make compromises and try to be fair, but won't take or give all the cr@p. Now on to granny. Maybe she's jealous of you because no one's good enough for her grandson. Maybe she's just scared to leave her home (likely). Maybe she has dementia. Like early Alzheimers (which can cause nasty behavior). Seriously. I'm not being flippant. Possibly she's just a B and always has been. Either way, nasty old folks are only temperary problems. If she was his mother, I'd say you have a problem that will last you 40 years, if you married him. That's much of your life. However, this is an old woman who probably wouldn't be more than a 5 to 10 year problem for you, if you married him. i.e. - she's going to die of old age. So I'd consider her a nasty, temperary problem that will resolve itself. Besides, she isn't going to live there forever. She must have had a reason why she sold her house. To much for her? So clearly she can't stay there the rest of her life. Once she moves out it will be much better for you. Be patient about that, as long as you aren't paying the $100 a month. The $100 a month is the thing you can't be patient about. I suspect that possibly granny was selling the house because it's to much for her, but now that her grandson is there taking care of it, she figures she can stay on indefinitely or permanently since he's now mowing the yard, etc. Likely she's scared to move. Old folks are very fearful of major life changes and I can understand that. If his mother and father are nice to you, then that's most important. If you get the $100 a week issue solved, then you are in reasonably good shape. As for granny, I think you can be patient for a few months to a year because you're young and have many years to spare. Granny doesn't. However, you don't have money to spare. So solve that money issue now. I think if things work out within a year or less from this date, then great. If not, consider if you really want to be with this guy, but give it a year first. Remember, a year seems like forever to you, but to granny it seems like a month. A month to her probably passes like a couple days to you. Old and young folks have a different sense of the passage of time. I'm in the middle at age 38 and it seems like a year flys by to me. I remember when I was 19 a year seemed like a long time. =================== P.S. - I won't fault a guy for not confronting his grandma for a girlfriend. Sorry, but that's how I see it. However, I do seriously fault him for allowing you to pay that $100 a week yourself. That is very insensitive of him, even more so considering your age and that you are a student. Also, it sounds (in others' posts) like he doesn't visit you. Also very insensitive of him.

I think she (whoever she is) could and would say her expectations more diplomatically than that. If she says it diplomatically and you don't like it, then by all means feel free to become absent from her life. I'm sure she wouldn't miss you, if you can't take it polite, or if you're bent on excessive contact. Sometimes complete absense is best for both people.

There is nothing wrong with saying, "Let's be friends" or something like that, if you really mean it. However, I've been on both ends of this before (the rejector or the rejected). When you really do want to just be friends, you should be specific about what that means to you. For example, if you'd like to see the person (as a friend) once a month, then say that you'd like to see them as a friend once a month. Be specific. I've had the sad experience before of a gal telling me she wants to be friends and really meaning "go away and stay away". That leads to additional humiliation and hurt feelings for me, if I don't get her true meaning. Also, extra discomfort for her. I've also had them tell me they want to just be friends and really meant it, but I thought they wanted me to go away and I did. Then months later accidentally I run into them and they're hurt or offended that I didn't want to be friends just because they didn't want to date me. Another miscommunication. I've also had them tell me they want to be friends and I believed them, but I didn't know if they wanted to see me once a day, once a week, once a month, or what. This partly also depends on context (i.e. - do I have to see them every day at work, or school, or never have to see them unless I choose to). I've also been on the other end of this were I told a gal I wanted to be friends, but I was vague about what I meant. I meant I'd like to see or hear from her once a week to once a month since that is my normal contact with my friends. She thought "friends" meant calling me several times a week. So that got uncomfortable the first week. Then she got really hurt when I asked her not to call so much. I could have avoided this if I'd been specific in the first place. The problem with saying "let's be friends" is that many people say that when they don't mean it and they really mean "go away and stay away". The other problem with saying "let's be friends" is that those who really sincerely mean it are usually to vague about what they intend for a friendship, how much contact, type of contact, etc. For example, some lady friends like to give or receive a hug. Others don't want to be touched at all. How's a guy supposed to know all these things if we aren't told? We aren't mind readers. So here's what I've learned: If a lady tells me she wants to be friends, I'll ask her if she means friends with a possibility of dating, or just friends only, or what does she mean? If she really does want to be friends, I'll ask her how often she'd like to hear from me. I wouldn't have to ask these things if they'd be more specific, but they usually aren't specific, until I ask. If I'm the one saying I'd like to be friends, then first of all, I won't say that unless I really mean it. There's some people I just don't want to be around and I would NOT tell them I want to be friends if I don't. For a lady I really want to be friends with, I am very specific. If I mean I'd like to be friends first and maybe date later, I'll say exactly that. If I mean I ONLY want to be friends, then I'll say exactly that. I'll also say "I'd like to see you as a friend once a week" or "twice a week" or "once a month" or whatever I would prefer. Of course, I then have to listen to her wishes and compromise might be necessary, if possible. Being specific about amount of contact prevents your new friend from calling you once a day every day or some other disaster like that, or encourages it if that's what you requested. i.e. - you have to set the ground rules for the friendship and amount and type of contact is the starting point, IMO. Be honest and specific if you are the one saying. If you are the one hearing, then ask questions to clarify, if you have any doubts. These are some things I've learned the HARD way. Experience is a cruel teacher and the lessons are ongoing (ouch).

I don't have any advice for what to tell you to tell someone else because I'm not sure. Any good advice might work, or might go badly. However, I do have a comment about the "let's be friends" statement. I think that's fine to say if you sincerely want to be friends with the person. However, if you don't really want to be actual friends, then don't say it. Saying "let's be friends" when you don't mean it is phony and insulting at best; or confuses the other person at worst. The "let's be friends" thing is ugly, IME, when one person says, "let's be friends", but really means "stay away from me". It either sounds phony and insulting, or it sounds sincere and thereby confuses the other person. If the rejected person doesn't understand that you really meant to stay away from you, then they will try to be friends with you for real, which will make you uncomfortable all over again; and will cause them a second, deeper hurt and humiliation when they find out that you don't really want to be friends at all. That's like adding insult to injury. On the other hand, if you really do like the person as a friend and want to be friends and only friends with them, then I think it's appropriate to say that because it's how you honestly feel. In this way, you might be able to retain them as a friend, and only a friend. Some kindness mixed with honesty is best, IMO. However, I don't know what you should say in your situation. No matter what you say, it will hurt. However, hopefully you can do it in a way that will minimize the pain for the other person, yet also accomplish whatever you really want to accomplish. First, I think you need to figure out if you really want to be friends (for real) with the person, or if you just don't want to know them anymore. Once you figure out that, you'll have your end goal figured out. Then hopefully you can figure out what to say.

in that innocent misunderstandings happen all the time. One the other hand, some women sometimes do that on purpose just to boost their ego (at your expense). So sometimes you just misunderstood friendliness, but other times they intend you to misunderstand. Perhaps sometimes they might even like you and then change their mind midstream for some reason. I think it's pointless to try to figure out their reasons because it's hard on a guy's sanity to try and understand women to much. The only thing worth figuring out is if she's sincerely interested or not. If you figure out that they're not interested for whatever reason, just pick up and move on and don't pay that gal any more attention. There's many other women in your area, and every area. So there's no need to continue with one after you've determined her to be a dead end. If you run accross one who intentionally leads you on to boost her ego, and you are certain that it's intentional, then don't seek her out anymore. If your path accidentally (or unavoidably) crosses hers, yawn whenever you are around her. It sends a signal that "you bore me and I don't find you attractive". That knocks her ego down a peg and you can regain some self respect and power. i.e. - now you're rejecting her subtely and without saying anything. The key is to be subtle and make it real. I have to admit, when I occasionally meet some super hot, stuck-up gal who thinks she's irresistible, I enjoy looking right at her and yawning. I have the ability to yawn at will for real anytime, anyplace. I developed the ability to yawn under stress for business reasons during negotiations to convey indifference, but it's also great for stuck-up women to communicate indifference. Yawning during times of stress helps relax a person. Even if you intentionally yawn (fake), it will quickly relax you and your next yawn will be real. Don't forget to cover your mouth because you want to be indifferent, not rude. ;-) The goal is polite indifference when you want to express that. The interesting thing is that yawning really triggers relaxation, sleepiness and then the indifference is real. So it will become true indifference and not just an act. A great way to forget someone who's right in front of you.

My gut instinct is to not say anything. Perhaps a councelor in your local area would be the best person to consult. Perhaps a relationship or marriage councelor where you go see the councelor by yourself first and tell them all about it. Then see what they think. I think you need professional advice before deciding to tell anything, or not.

There is a difference between constructive criticism vs. put downs, character assassination, and outright emotional cruelty. What he described sounds to me like cruelty, put downs, and emotional abuse and is inappropriate in her approach. It also sounds unreasonable in content. That's my opinion. Many other posters seem to share my opinion, though they may not have stated it as strongly as I did. Life is to short to put up with being treated like that. I was abused both emotionally and physically by a women. Do you know when it stopped? The day I stood up to her is when it stopped. His girlfriend is clearly emotionally mean. She isn't likely to change. To change, she'd have to become nice, kind, considerate, and learn to like entirely different qualities in a man. To change that much, he needs a new and different woman. They sound fundamentally incompatible. She might be happy with some macho jock. He could be happy with a girl who likes him as he is. They just don't sound right for each other. Her clearcut meanness and cruelty make her inelligable for sympathy, IMO. His girlfriend has emotional abuser written all over her. She's already doing it. He deserves better than that (we all do).

You cannot work things out with a woman like this (notice I did not say lady). She is the problem. Tell her to "hit the road baby." Perhaps that would be manly enough for her. You don't have to take this krap. She wants you to toughen up and be more assertive? Dumping her is the best place to start toughening up, IMO. Strangely enough, she might even respect you more, but who cares? I'm not talking about pretending to dump her. I mean do it for real. There are many other women out there. Many of them are really nice, some super nice. Some of them would like you as you are. Some women like macho guys. Some don't. Dump her. Be alone long enough to clear your head (2 or 3 months). Then look for a woman who likes you as you are. I'm not macho, but I wouldn't put up with what you describe. No way. You shouldn't either. Normally, you should breakup with someone as nicely as possible, but in her case, no more Mr. nice guy. Don't be nice about it. Literally tell her, "You are dumped", or "I'm dumping you", or "Hit the road baby". Those are mean things to say, but she is a B who deserves it. Let her have it. You'll have a lot more self respect afterwards and you will be tougher from the experience. She doesn't give you any sympathy. Don't give her any. Just get her out of your life. Oh ya, and don't forget to tell her not to call you. No contact. Leave you the heck alone. She's just the type of crazy, simpleton B who will start wanting you because you had the b*lls to dump her. Don't fall for that. You don't want this one back. Not ever. Dumping her will be good for you and a good lesson for her, if she has the brains to learn from it. No matter what, dumping her will be best for you. Then, after a cooling off period, you can meet a nice lady who will like you as you are, appreciate you, and treat you with kindness. You deserve to be treated well.

Partners should never use their experience, or lack of experience, to make the other person feel bad. That would be a terrible thing to do. People should be considerate of each other, especially of their partner. Virginity, or not being a virgin, can be a very sensitive subject. I think no one should be looked down on for being experienced. Also, no one should be looked down on for being a virgin. Neither makes a person worth more or less. Our value is not determined by that. I do think people should be in love first, but that's me. I don't want to try to force my opinion on anyone else. As for whatever has happened in the past, or not happened, it's in the past. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter.

thereforeeee, when you try less, or not at all, sometimes you are more attractive, or at least safer, which is attractive to many women. That's my theory. I think that to much effort chasing someone can scare them. To little effort can discourage them. Also, some women like shy guys, which is another way of saying a guy who doesn't try to hard. I don't know for sure. I'm just guessing. I've experienced the same thing you describe. I've found to much effort ruins things. To little prevents things from starting. Just a little effort, or at least friendliness, seems to be best in the beginning. At least for me when I think back on successes vs. failures.

First of all, I don't think dating a friend's X is a betrayal, if enough time has passed. I think that's fine. However, he might think different. He might be concerned. However, I doubt this is the problem based on your posts, or perhaps it figures in a bit. As another poster said, it might be that he's taking it VERY slow because he knows your X. I think he might just be a bit shy too. I used to be very shy with women (outside of writing). Now I'm only a little shy. I've changed some. However, I think I understand shy people. If he is shy, that would explain a lot. It's also possible that he's not interested, but I don't think that's the case. I think he is interested. In your first post, you said you had a 4 hr conversation with him. Then he suggested you catch up two days later. IMO, that indicates interest beyond a friend. I don't spend that much time with my male or female friends. This has to be interest beyond a friend, IMO. However, your reply was, "You know my number." That would be a suitable reply for an aggressive guy. Anything would work with an aggressive guy. However, as a somewhat shy guy myself, I'd take your reply as you aren't that interested in me, but I can call you if I want. A discouraging cold shower to me and I might give up right there. Perhaps it was the same to him. If you'd said, "Sure. Call me. I'd like that." Then he'd know you like him and that he's welcome to call you. That's a lot better than the indifferent reply you gave him. An aggressive guy will chase anything and the challenge is to get them to stop. A shy guy is the opposite. They need encouragement. I don't think you've given him much, if any, encouragement. This probably explains why, when I date, its with slightly aggressive women. Who else would encourage a shy guy? Give him some more obvious signs and encouragement that you are interested. Then if he really is shy, this will help. If he's concerned about your X, it will still help. If your being more obvious doesn't work, then at least you'll know to move on. Closure can be its own reward. Not knowing is worst, IMO. But stick with it for a while first.

How long have you been engaged? It really takes about 3 years to know someone well. I've found this is even true for friends. It'd be best to know all her sides and facets of her personality before getting married. It's ironic and a scary to have these troubles over a compatibility test. It would be humorous, if it wasn't so troubling. A lengthy engagement would be a good idea. That way you can both get to know each other longer before getting married. Would postponing the wedding throw her into another hissy fit? I assume so. I think this may be the answer to your compatibility test. i.e. - this was a compatibility test and it didn't go well. Of course, I reserve the right to be wrong about anything.

Seriously? It might work out long term anyway. Who knows? It's not wrong. It's fine if it's fine with both you and him. He's an adult.

I don't know what you should do, but here's a couple things to think about: If you want to be a nurse, or something medical: You won't have time for school if you are babysitting all day and working at night. That would more or less guarantee you can't go to college, IMO. If you want to go to college, then you need some time for that. Also, in my state, nursing students need some medical on the job experience and your current job offers that. ================== On the other hand, the military is a great way to get an education, especially a medical one. However, that would be joining the military, not babysitting. ================== Whatever you decide does not have to be permanent, but it might become permanent. For example, if you are isolated on a military base and the only people your age are young guys in the military, then I'd bet you end up married to a military guy and babysitting your own kids and your sister's kids and never get to go to college. That would be a very likely possibility if you live isolated on a military base and you aren't a member of the military (and thereforeeee you lack the military schooling opportunities). Being married to a soldier and having his kids and being a housewife forever is fine, if that's what you want. However, is that what you what? If you don't know, that's understandable. If you go to live on the military base, you might find yourself with a choice between that and being lonely. =================== I'm not telling you what to do. I'm only pointing out the likely consequences. The weather in CA is darn nice. It has some attractions. You might meet a guy you like a lot. Who knows for sure? The future can't be predicted, but I think I've done a fair job at guessing the likely outcomes of either decision.

I don't think B hates you. I think she just doesn't want to deal with you anymore. Hey, that's a lot better than hating you. However, it still means you've got to leave her alone for her own good and for yours. Forget about her. You're just going to have to let B go and stop thinking about her. That requires other people and activities. Also some self discipline and pride not to think of her. Seriously, you demean yourself when you think of B. It's been since February. It's long past time to move on. I don't intend to be harsh. I'm only saying this for your own good. If C is the right person for you, she will help inspire you to forget B. However, I'd think that would have already happened. So perhaps C isn't the right person for you. I think your age has much to do with this. As we get older we have more experiences to draw on. When I was 21 I was much like you. It took a really long time to get over any relationship breakup. Like maybe 6 months at your age. However, I'm 39 today (B-Day) and I realize that I can get over a breakup within a month. And I'm extra emotionally sensitive (for my age). Other guys my age (who I know) get over things faster than I do. My point is that even though our middles get softer as we age, our emotions toughen up a lot. They have to. I'm sure that time will help heal you. Also, as you get older, these things will probably get easier. Do you have any guy friends? Personally, I have both guy friends and female platonic friends. Both are great in their own ways. Both can give advice in this sort of situation. The ladies are sympathetic, which can be helpful and nice, but sometimes what is needed is the company of a guy friend, or a group of them and the atmosphere they bring. The guys aren't so sympathetic in these breakup situations. Instead, they'd tell me to quit whining and get ready to go out. Then they'd take me to the beach to look at about a zillion bikinis. That alone is great therapy. Guy friends might bring me to some other place where I'm likely to see a bunch of hot babes. They've brought me to "dance" clubs before to make me forget. FYI - I've never gone into one of those exotic dance places, except when guy friend(s) insisted. However, it was good therapy for a broken heart. Truly, seeing a bunch of hot, barely dressed women will help you forget and force you to acknowledge that there are many other women out there. Once you see a few you are attracted to, that will help a lot. Drinking is not needed and not good for you. Don't get drunk when unhappy. You need to develope the attitude towards B that you don't care and couldn't be bothered. Have some pride. You need to emotionally toughen up. Other guy friends are the best way to do that, IME. These guys don't have to be your age. When I was your age, I had guy friends my own age, but also older guys in their 30s and 40s were some of my best friends. Go out with your guy friends. They, and the places they'll bring you, will help you forget and not care about B. Then you can start over fresh on your own (without a woman) for a while to let your head clear. Later you can start over with another woman. Also, start excercising at least 5 days a week. This is a fantastic mood elevator.

Maybe especially a drivers test. I thinks that's normal.

I try to remember and follow these things: 1) The coolest guys I've even known (and I mean cool in a crises) have said that whatever is going to happen is going to happen and worrying won't change it. Just do the best you can and don't worry about the rest. I try to remember that. I remind myself of it. I don't always successfully maintain this calm and brave attitude, but I always come back to it. It's very calming and inspiring. I read this in Donald Trumps book. My dad follows this attitude himself and always has. My friend and boss, Bill follows this attitude and always has. These guys rarely get ruffled over anything and they have some serious stress in their lives. They thrive on stress and overcoming challenges. Cooincidentally, these guys are all real estate developers. That is a job requiring calm and guts as a prerequisite, along with perseverance and intelligence. Since I make software used by real estate developers and investors, I get the priviledge of working with these people all over the USA and in other countries by email and phone. The people we spend our time with have a huge influence on us. For example, when Donald Trump had financial troubles in the past, he never got ruffled. Not that I ever saw. Instead he rebuilt and came back stronger than before. That's impressive and inspiring. The above is also the Wiseman's prayer philosophy put into modern language. To paraphrase the wiseman's prayer, Give me the strength to change the things I can, the courage to endure the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference between the two. That is important. This is exactly the attitude that I see in the successful real estate developers, successful investors, and other successful business people. In fact, this is the attitude I see in successful people in any field. This philosophy promotes calm, sanity, success, bravery, and hard work. I see it in every successful, intelligent alpha person I know, regardless of their field. This attitude and philosophy applies and can be applied to business, science, personal relationships, and just about anything else in life. It's an attitude worth emulating by anyone in any job or personal situation. 2) Most problems are temporary and will eventually pass. As the RedQueen said, "This too shall pass." That is usually true. Of course, I try to figure that into the wiseman's prayer philosophy because some problems pass and some don't or can't. Some problems must be endured. Some can be solved. For example, if a person's neck were broken in a car accident, that problem might not pass. It might, but it might not. So the "whatever happens is going to happen" philosophy combined with "I'll do the best I can regardless" is a good place to start. Then maybe the problem will pass if the person heals. If they don't heal, or don't fully heal, then some things will have to be endured. 3) I try to follow something called the 48 hour rule. I learned this from one of the manager ladies at work. She says that it's best to take 48 hours to think and let emotions settle before acting or reacting to a conflict. That's usually excellent advice, assuming there's time to wait 48 hours. Sometimes there isn't time. So then I have to cut that to 24 hours. Sometimes I have to cut it to only 2 hours, but 2 hrs is a lot better then zero time to reflect. Granted, some situations don't allow time to reflect, but many do. I take the time when I can. This doesn't necessarily mean spend the time thinking consciously about the problem. Sometimes doing an activity to take my mind off it is best. However, my subconscious will keep working on it. Taking some time to reflect not only allows emotions to calm, but also gives time to reflect on the wiseman's prayer philosophy. i.e. - is the problem something that can be changed-solved, or must it be endured? Once that question is answered, an approach to deal with it can be formed as a plan. Not all problems pass, some do. Some must be endured. Some can be overcome. Some can be solved outright. The point of the wiseman's prayer philosophy is to determine which category the problem fits into to decide how to react. However, sometimes a "wait and see attitude" is needed first. The real estate developers' attitude's for dealing with problems encompasses all these issues and contingencies. As a software programmer and support manager, I try to emulate their attitudes. They have inner strength and calm in the face of nearly any situation. I don't always follow the above advice, but those are the ideals I aspire to. Although I sometimes deviate from them, I always come back to them. As a last resort, I can always go talk to my dad or Bill or another friend. For some things I'd rather talk to a platonic woman friend, which I have several of. However, in a crisis, a smart alpha male is often an excellent choice for advice. The real estate developers can't be beat. They always see every problem as solvable, ignorable, or tolerable. Charley

Can those who like big nips become associate members of Big Nips United? I want an associate membership. Also, I propose the Big Jugg Association be named the Milk Shake Club. I considered "Dairy Queen", but that name is already taken. ;-) Wouldn't a lot of the same women be members of both clubs? You'll have to offer dual memberships for the women and associate memberships for the guys.

Of course, I heard that from an Italian guy at work. So his info is suspect. Ha ha.

I did the virtual opposite of the Atkins diet. I just cut my fat and grease intake as much as possible. I did not change my starch intake at all. I lost the weight over a year and I never was hungry or tired. I avoided all fried foods, especially deep fried. Also avoided cheese, mayo, and any other high fat foods. I did not avoid red meat or anything that extreme, but I did and do try to avoid very fatty meats (no sausage for example). I also had to not eat pizza more than once in a while. No more desserts either. No more French fries. I suffered no hunger or tiredness at all. I did suffer some food cravings the first week. Then I mentally or physically adjusted. To stay sane and motivated, I allowed myself one day per week to eat whatever I wanted, but only in reasonable portions. The first 25 lbs was lost by purely by the above dietary restrictions. The next 20 by excercise in addition to diet. Now I want to lose another 10 pounds because I'm still about 15 lbs overweight. To lose the next 10 lbs, I will either have to cut my starch intake since my fat intake is already low, or I'll have to exercise much more. I think I'll do some of both. I think it's going to be harder to lose the last 10 lbs than it was the first 45 lbs. Why? Because my body is now very determined to hold onto what's left of my fat. A person can lose weight by burning more calories (excercise), or by cutting calories by reducing fat or starch. Ideally, some of each is the best route. Since fat also clogs a persons circulatory system (heart disease), I chose to cut that as much as possible before cutting my starch. However, at some point a person must cut their starch too. The above based on my experiences. I made that diet up myself and it works. If I were to name it, I'd call it the "Common Sense Weight Loss Plan You Can Do for Free".

Whenever someone says something disrepectful about their ex (exlover, exfriend, etc), they are also disrespecting themselves. Each insult directed at an ex is not only unacceptable behavior, but is also an insult directed at oneself. Why? Because if you were with someone unworthy, then what does that say about you? "If you are bored, then you are are boring." "There are no smart parts, just small actors." Who said those famous quotes? I forgot. The same principle applies here. If your ex is unworthy, then so are you since you were with her. I'm not saying your ex is unworthy. I'm not saying that at all. What I am saying is stop insulting yourself by stop insulting your ex. Think about it.

The only things I object to are a smoking, hairy woman down there, bad hygene, or obesity. Otherwise, I'm easy going and open minded. All of these are solvable issues that any woman can change. I myself lost 45 lbs and have kept it off for 3 years. I'm now trying to lose another 10 lbs, but it's harder now because my body wants to hold onto what's left of it's fat reserve. I mention this because I'm NOT a hypocrit about the fat thing. I was very fat, now I'm only a little fat. I worked at getting the extra pounds off. So I'm not a hypocrit for saying I find obesity unattractive in a woman. I also find it unattractive in myself. However, I'm now only 15 lbs overweight and I'm working on losing 10 lbs of it. So being overweight is a fixable problem, as is excessive hair down there, bad hygene, or smoking. All fixable issues. =========================== As for nipple size, that isn't very important to me. However, my preference is for bigger and/or pointy ones. I like them. Some guys like small nipples. Obviously that's a personal preference thing. However, it isn't that important to me one way or the other. Also, bumps on the nipples, or no bumps, doesn't matter to me at all one way or the other.

I'm very sorry to hear about that. I think this shy guy you posted about in this thread might be just the sort of guy you need. Good thinking on your part. It does sound like he likes you. I think he might be good for you, or perhaps even ideal. He sounds non-threatening and that is one quality that you need in a guy, IMO. I can relate to your feelings as a person who was abused in the past, but also to him as a shy guy. Well, formerly shy in my case, still a little shy in person. It sounds promising, but you'll have to go slow and avoid scaring him, just as I described in my prior post above. The good news of this is that you will be in control. He sounds safe based on what you've said. Since you've known him for a year and he hasn't made any moves on you, that suggests two things to me: 1) He is non-aggressive and safe for you (probably). That is good for you. 2) He is so non-aggressive that it's up to you to make the moves, but you'll have to be careful to go very slowly and not scare him, just as I explained in my earlier post above. Hopefully, you will eventually bring him out of his shell and get him to be comfortable enough to return your affection. Be prepared (and hopeful) for him to come out of his shell eventually. This also means that you have to expect him to change a bit as he becomes more confident. He will become more affectionate and perhaps a bit forward with your encouragement. However, that all takes time over many non-dates. This might take weeks or months. Goodluck, Charley