charley

Well, I'd try to work things out with them first, but do so with a polite, but direct written letter to start establishing some evidence. I think I would send it by certified or registered mail, but make the tone very polite yet direct so that you can have a chance of working it out, yet also establishing some paper evidence. Who has possession of the check? That is the best evidence you currently have. A checked signed by both parties is a legal contract in my state, but only if is clearly states what it was for. I'd give you 50/50 chances in court because you don't have a contract, other than maybe a check. If the other party has the check, then you have nothing, IMO. Life is full of painful lessons. This is one of them. From now on all your business dealings must be based on a signed written contract. To be legal (at least in my state) both parties must have a copy with both parties signatures on it. I don't know what your time is worth, but I doubt your time is well spent going to court without a contract. I suggest you try and learn from it, then move on. Experience is a cruel teacher.

All you can do is the best you can. Then let God sort out the rest. That's a quote from a friend of mine. Good advice really. To put that in a more secular way, do your best and only worry about the things you can do anything about. Beyond that, what happens, happens and worrying won't change anything. Try your best and make sure they know you're trying. Then, if it doesn't work out, don't worry about it because there are other places you can work. Maybe this job, or this type job, isn't for you. If so, there's other things you can do.

I just realized something about my use of "sweetie". I would only call a woman sweetie if I know her well. Like a close friend or a GF. For example, "Hi sweetie. How are you?" However, saying, "You're a sweetie" or "You're sweet" is different. I sometimes say that to women who are being sweet and friendly, regardles of how well I know them. See the difference? To me it's a notable difference. In the first example, I'm calling her sweetie as a petname. In the second example I'm using it as an adjective to describe her behavior and/or personality, which seems to me to be OK for any nice, kind, friendly woman, regardless of how well I know her. Does anyone else see the distinction? It may be subtle, but I think it's important. This might partially explain why most women at least tolerate me, and many like me (and I'm often using the word sweet or sweetie often). I have the intention of a compliment in a respectful way. I think that many women like that combination, and those who don't at least tolerate me (usually). The above is in regard to my sincere compliments, such as sweet or sweetie. My humorous compliments (poems, rhymes, and various goofy stuff) are for GFs and are aimed at humor. If my humorous ones sometimes come of making me look a little dumb, well that can be funny too and add to the joking around.

Clingy people are lonely. That might indicate a flaw in them. It might indicate a flaw in their mate: perhaps neglectful, distant, or absent. It might not be a flaw in either person. It might just be a difference in how much "together time" they need. Different expectations is not a flaw, it's just a fact of life for many couples. Heck, this even applies to friendships. No matter the underlying causes, clinginess = lonliness. Possible solutions are: for their mate to spend more time with them, if possible and reasonable; and/or to help them find other things to fill their time: activities, other people such as friends or coworkers, a job, going to school, or a pet. Perhaps a combination of these things would be ideal. Puppies are needy, clingy, and get lonely easy. Puppies need a lot of love and they give endless love in return. Puppies are ideal for a lonely person to get some extra love. Not only do I know guys who got their lonely wife a puppy, I also have women friends who got lonely (whether in a relationship or single) and they went out and got themself a puppy. It helps, though it's not a cure. I think a combination of the above solutions can be a cure. Heck, I'd get myself a puppy, if I wasn't allergic to them.

I don't think aggressive is a good thing in this context. Passive is not good either and it's clearly not working for you. Assertive is what you need to be. Assertive is neutral between aggressive and passive. Assertive people don't give any crud and they don't take any either. How to get there? I think RedQueen's advice is good and you should follow it. It also sounds like you're making progress on your own. Self help can work too. Aim for assertive, not aggressive. Good job!

The person who suggested encouraging her to do more activities: school, work, friends, etc, made an excellent suggestion. Also, does she have a dog? Seriously. Get her a puppy. I know several guys who got their lonely wife a puppy and it helped. I also know of several cases where she got a job and/or went back to school and it completely solved it. Those are all good ideas, I think. However, the issue is also still as much about you as her - like I said in my first post. I think you'll work things out.

I do some observations to make about "clinginess" that might help give some perspective from both partners' point of view. Different people have different expectations and desires for amount of time spent together. I have experienced that if a GF wants to spend the same amount of time together as I do, then we are ideal for each other, or at least this helps a lot. If she wants to spend more time together than I do, then she "seems" clingy to me. I feel smothered. If I want to spend more time together than she does, then I "seem" clingy to her. She feels smothered. In each case, the "clingy" person feels neglected and lonely. The other person feels smothered and trapped. So I observe that clinginess is not just the clingy person's problem or fault. Rather it is both people creating the situation due to having different desires and expectations. The clingy issue can only be 50% your GF's fault in my opinion. From her point of view, you probably seem neglectful, which is 50% your fault. i.e. - it takes two to tango. So this problem is coming from both of you, not just her. It is caused by different expectations. Try to keep that in mind while you search for a solution. Then, hopefully you can reach a solution that is fair and works for both of you to be happy.

My reply is based on your first post: At various times in the past, I've felt very similarly jaded towards women, but only for relatively short periods of time, like 2 weeks to a month. The longest I ever felt that way was all fall and winter, which was like 5 or 6 months. Then I got over it each time. If you don't feel interested in guys and are fedup and are fine with being single, then no problem. I think that is perfectly normal to feel that way sometimes and take a break. Call it taking a break, or giving up for a while. Either way, it's the same thing. Take a vacation from men and enjoy all the advantages of being single, which are many. Later on, you'll feel like trying again. Try to cheer up and enjoy your vacation from men, your single by choice time, or whatever you want to call it. I used to call it being on strike. It's a normal phase to go into and out of, IMO. Just enjoy your own company and your friends, especially your same sex friends since there won't be any potential for romantic complications. Don't worry, be happy. You'll feel better eventually, and sometime after that you'll want to try again. Later a guy you want might come along in time.

Why would other girls (or guys) care how long your hair was? I think two things. Some of them liked it and were jealous. The other thing is that kids are like animals in that they will always target someone who looks different. I've heard that on a farm, if one chick looks different from the others, like a different color or some other distinguishing feature, the other chicks and chickens will keep pecking at it until they kill it. I think that children behave like that too, unless adults intervene. Sometimes adults even behave that way. You can also be targeted for being good looking in general. Blonde hair can also trigger that. Try being the blondest guy in the room sometime, or worse, the only blonde guy present. Being different can be bad in many cases, but sometimes it's an advantage. As a child, being different is going to be tough no matter what the difference is.

I think long hair on a woman is very sexy. However, I don't require it. In fact, this is the first time I've even thought about long hair on a woman since the last time I saw that, which was.... Months? Longer? When? I can't remember. That is with regard to seeing it on non-relatives. I do have many women cousins with long blonde hair, but from my point of view, who cares? Every once in a while I get to see a brunette or black haired woman with long hair and wowy, zowy! However, long hair is so seldom seen on women these days that it's not something I actively look for. As for the maintenance needed to keep long hair combed and in good condition, I'd love to help with that. Hand me a comb and I'll get right on it. Yes, I do know how to comb long hair properly without pulling it. When I was a kid, my mom was a school teacher and one summer she went off to summer school all summer for continuing ed or whatever. My dad and I were supposed to take care of my younger sister who had long blonde hair down to her waist. Guess who combed it every day, or every other day? Me. I know to start at the bottom, hold tightly just above that, comb out about 2 or 3 inches, then move up 3 inches and start over. Keep going until I get to the top. When my mom came home a couple months later, my sister insisted that only I be allowed to comb her hair and NOT my mom because my sister did not like the comb pulled roughly through the snags. The secret being to kind combing is to only comb 2 or 3 inches at a time and to hold tight to the hair so that any snags don't pull the hair at the roots. Slowly work up. So I actually do know how to take care of long hair. I doubt I'll ever have a GF with long hair because there are so few women with long hair these days, but if I ever do, she'd be pleasantly surprised to find that I can comb it for her. I'm not much good a braids though. Oh well.

That was mentioned as a possiblity in one of the studies I quoted and put a link to. I think that's because the artificial blondes have darker skin, which does contrast nicely with blonde hair. I do like fake blondes for many of the same reasons that I like brunettes. However, I don't think there's any shortage of people who like natural blondes too. That's why natural blondes are becoming less common and will become extinct. It's because they typically marry someone darker than themselves. That's the opposites attracting thing. You can clearly see that when you see most couples together. How often do you see two blondes together? How often do you see a blonde with someone darker than themself? I'm a natural blonde and I typically go for women darker than myself. So yes, I do think opposites attract, which will eventually result in no more natural blondes since that's not a dominent gene.

I see your point and I agree. I was thinking in regard to someone I know well enough to know she has a sweet personality. I wouldn't be saying that to a stranger, nor to a non-sweet woman. Only to someone I know deserves it because I know her well enough to know (or think I know) it's appropriate. So actually, I think we are in agreement. Sweetie is possibly not appropriate for strangers. However, I know plenty of ladies older than me who call me sweetie and sometimes even call me that when we first meet. I don't mind. Sometimes I like it.

Actually, I did meet one nice lady there that night, but she was more shy by far than I am, and I have a little bit of an initial shyness problem myself. I was reasonably smooth until I got to her. Then I froze up like a deer in headlights. I'm working on not doing that anymore, but the stress of 5 minutes and a buzzer makes it nearly impossible for anyone, but a seasoned player. Shy people can't function under that time pressure. I am friends with one of her friends (small town) who later told me that she is more shy than I am and she was frozen up far worse than I was. The whole 5 mintue time limit and the buzzer every 5 minutes added a lot of unnecessary stress to the whole thing. My platonic woman friend gave this appraisal of the guys there. She said there were only two nice guys and I was one of them. There were only two reasonably good looking guys and I was one of them, but the other was literally quite drunk. One of the other women told me that was better than the prior time because at least no married guys showed up. i.e. - there is no screening. When I earlier said it was an interesting evening, I was thinking of the Chinese curse, "May you lead an interesting life."

I tried that about a month ago. There was no score at the place where I did it. Well, not in the way you describe. It does not matter how many people pick you or how many you pick, what matters is how many mutual picks. The fact that your guy friend told you they were competing for score should tell you everything you need to know about the value of speed dating right there. I will say other things about it, but I think you've already answered your own question about it's value right there. I had started a thread about my experience earlier. Try it. It's an interesting one time experience and the ideal playground for players. Truly, it was an interesting evening, but interesting does not necessarily equate to good. I met a couple obvious players that night. I also met the desperately shy who make my shyness look minor. Those poor shy people don't have a chance in a 5 minute competitive thing like that. I also met some seriously desperate people. One of my platonic lady friends went with me so we'd both have some moral support afterwards. We both had an interesting evening, and that's all we had. Well, I did manage to catch a terrible cold that later turned into bronchitis. Thankfully, I'm better now. By all means, try it once and let us know how it goes, but don't expect anything beyond an interesting evening.

I really like my women friends and my men friends. Three quarters of my friends are women. Women friends are much different than men friends in many ways, but similar in someways. The women often like to talk about people, feelings, emotions, who either of us is attracted to emotionally and/or physically. They also like to do activities together and/or in groups. The men generally don't talk about people as much, except if they're angry with someone, or think some woman is good looking. Not so much talk about feelings, but sometimes they surprise me and do. Here's the funny part, when the guys want to talk about their feelings (occasionally they do), I'm sometimes getting squirmy and uncomfortable a bit with that. When the women do that I'm into it. I dunno. I don't always understand myself. Usually the men are more action and activity oriented and less about talking. When they do talk, it's typically about activities they like, inanimate objects (like cars), serious issues (like politics), or the shape of some woman's _____ (fill in any body part that comes to mind) or her face or hair. However, sometimes they talk about how nice she is (nice as in nice person). Most of my guy friends are reasonably sensitive type guys, except for: my military friend who's more a fart, belch and laugh about it kind of guy (yuck), but he's a loyal and constant friend; and my cat calling biker friend who embarrases me, but he's a loyal and constant friend. We also think it hilarious the visual contrast we make together: I look GQ and friendly. He looks dangerous. We think that contrast really confuses women, which makes us laugh. In a way, we make each other look good by emphasizing each other's look. Those are the things that come to mind right off the top of my head. I prefer to spend most of my time with women, but not always. The things all my friends have in common are they are loyal, supportive type people (well the guys do the best they can in the supportive area) and they all have a sense of humor. Those are the qualities I require at minimum. All my friends are protective of me (likely since they know my neck was previously broken) though I do NOT require that (no, I'm not paralyzed). I'm also protective of the women in various ways. The one caution I will give a guy about women friends is this: If you're not careful, you'll look like a couple and that means you'll have no chance to date anyone else, or get a GF because other women will think you are taken. If I know, meet, or see a woman I'm interested in hopefully dating, I take care to not be seen with my women friends, or if I am seen with them, I make sure to explain that they are my friends from work, or wherever, and make it clear they're just platonic friends. Being seen with guy friends does NOT present this problem. If I'm going someplace I hope to meet a woman to date, I'll probably go by myself, or maybe with a guy friend or two. I think the best time for a guy to meet a romantic prospect is when he is by himself. The worst time is when he is with a woman friend or sister. Explaining can take care of it, but I'd rather just avoid the confusion in the first place. Women friends are great, but if you're not careful, they'll accidentally keep you single forever, IMO. Lastly, I don't know why I do this, but I instinctively keep my women and men friends away from each other by doing separate activities. I don't know why, but I instinctively feel trouble might result if we all got together. Why risk it?

Baloney. Excuse me, but I'm a natural blonde with light skin and I'm not inbred. The marrying cousins stuff did used to happen all over the world in the past with all races of people. That was something that used to be common and normal everywhere, but it does not account for blue eyes or blonde hair anymore than it accounts for dark eyes and dark skin. These things are climate adaptations. I read all about dark eyes vs blue eyes in the past. Brown and black eyes are adapted to see best in bright light because they have more cones. So people with darker eyes tend to have better vision in bright light. i.e. - sunny climates. Darker eyes also have more resistance to sun damage. Dark eyes are ideally adapted to sunny climates. Blue eyes have less cones and more rods than brown eyes. Blue eyes are adapted to seeing better in dim light. So blue eyes tend to see better in dim light and at night than brown eyes do. i.e. - overcast, cloudy climates. Blue eyes are ideally adapted to overcast, dim, low light climates. If you don't believe me, then go look it up. You can read this at many sources. Some sources just say that brown eyes have more cones and blue eyes have more rods. Other sources will explain the implications to eyesight and adaption to climate. Dark skin is adapted to sunnier climates because it resists sun burn and skin cancer better. Light skin is better adapted to dimmer, cloudier climates, and also climates near the poles where sun is weak (angle with earth). This because lighter skin absorbs sunlight faster, which is an advantage in dim light because it helps the person absorb more vitamin D from the sun faster. That is an important advantage in dim light, especially before the days when people could buy vitamins. I just recently learned this on educational T.V. So darker eyes and skin are adaptations to sunnier, hotter climates. Blue eyes and light skin are adaptations to climates with less sun. i.e. - colder and/or rainier climates. No one is better than anyone else, but we are different due to climate adpaptations reasons.

I have not been able to locate the specific experiment my lady friend told me about that showed brunette women are typically more friendly, approachable, and open to men. The study exists somewhere, but I can't find it. The rest of the experiments-studies below are based on men's perceptions, not women's actual behavior. An important distinction, IMO. link removed link removed Let's be fair. If you do meet a dumb blonde, she's probably a brunette dyed blonde, not a natural blonde. That is statistically likely since most blondes are artificial. Then there's this journal-study that in it's abstract observes that over the years more blondes have appeared in Playboy magazine than any other hair color. Whay does that suggest? Obviously that blondes are sexually popular with men. link removed ================ Based on my interpretation of the above studies: if you want max respect, be a brunette. If you want to be wanted for a longer term relationship, be a brunette. If you want max attractiveness for a quick fling, be a blonde. At least that's how I interpret the various studies above. That does not mean I agree with those studies. Those studies reflect the men in those studies, not my personal tastes, opinions, or preferences. Personally, I prefer brunettes for attraction reasons and because I perceive them to typically be more friendly and approachable (with some exceptions). I do NOT think hair color has anything to do with brains, talent, or capability, but many other men apparently think so based on those studies above. In the end, none of that matters anyway to me, if we like each other. However, it might matter to ladies with regard to your chance of promotion, pay rate, and how many and which guys approach you. Read the studies above and draw your own conclusions.

As with nearly any question about men, it would depend on the guy.

Fair enough. However, to me "sweetie" is not about looks. It's about personality. So a picture is not relevant for that petname, IMO.

To be fair, some women do like cat calls, if it's done under circumstances where they don't have to fear for their safety. Other women hate cat calls anytime, anyplace, no matter the cat call. Some don't seem to care one way or another. As a somewhat shy guy I'm not going to be making any cat calls to a stranger, though I have said "Hi" and winked more than once. I have whistled at a GF or good friend before, but that's different since we know each other. I think the worst danger of a cat call to a stranger is that it might seem threatening to a woman's safety. That is my first concern since I don't want to scare anyone. Of secondary concern is that some women might be insulted. Bottom line is, why do it guys? Cat calls seldom work, but politeness often works. That said, I think a lot of guys do it to show off for their friends, and I know one guy who does it to intentionally scare women (no, not my biker friend). Some guys might even mean well with their cat calls, but there are much better ways to politely compliment a woman. ============== Now women making cat calls at a man is a somewhat different thing because I'm not fearing for my safety when they do it, even though they do embarrass me. I do observe that when women have cat called me, they were always with their friends and I was alone; thereforeeee I conclude they were showing off to their friends and they felt safe due to their safety in numbers. Sometimes I think they were making fun of me. Sometimes I think they really were attracted to me. Like the last time this happened about 3 months ago when a car load of young women in their early to mid 20s were yelling and honking at me and wanting me to pull over. I think in that case, at least one of them wanted to meet and talk to me. However, they were giving me a shyness fit of epidemic proportions and I did not pull over. Other times I don't know how to interpret it: hitting on me or making fun of me? I'm not saying that women make cat calls at me often, but occasionally it happens. Everytime it happened, they did NOT get anywhere with me. If they had politely approached me, then I would have been much more receptive. However, I know other guys who'd love a woman cat calling him and would pounce on the opportunity. (pun intended) When women make cat calls at a man, it is not offensive or frightening in my opinion, but neither is it an effective way to meet a man, unless he's aggressive. But if he's aggressive, then there's no need to cat call him cause he's already after you. ============= Bottom line IMO is that some people like being cat called. Most don't. A polite, respectful approach is much more effective for meeting someone. However, meeting someone is probably not the goal. Showing off for friends is likely the goal of the cat caller.

With all due respect, you don't understand that cat call. It is a reference to her kitty. If you still don't get it, then I'm not going to explain further except to say that you (as a man) do NOT have a kitty. Please don't get mad at me for saying that. I'm just sincerely trying to give you the idea of what that specific cat call means. Hint: What's another word for kitty?

I don't normally like honey bunny either, but can we make an exception on Easter? If not, then how about snuggle bunny or cuddle bunny? I mean for Easter or Valentines Day, not every day.

Most people don't really like jerks. Most are actually afraid of them. So they pretend to like them to fool the jerk, and also to fool themselves. This then creates the illusion of popularity. Many other sheep are then attracted to the illusion of popularity and thereforeeee want to be around the wolf because they think he's popular. Then again, there is a fine line between nicely teasing someone in a funny way vs being mean. Maybe he stays on the good side of that line? I don't know since I don't know him.

I don't think I've ever been anywhere in my life where there was cocaine, or if there was, they must have hid it when I walked in. So I don't know about that. Can you change the places you go and who you hang out with so you won't be around it? I can indirectly relate because I only want to drink one alcholic drink per week and no more when I go out once a week. Yet some of my friends, and one in particular, typically have alcohol around and offer it to me. Just last night I had one drink and then my friend tried her best to get me to drink a second. One is good for me per week. More is not good because if I drink more I start developing a tolerance, which results in drinking more to get a buzz, then more, etc. This reality requires me to draw the line somewhere. So I draw it at one drink per week. I don't want to end up being a hard drinker like I was at age 23 and 24. I like being a lightweight now and intend to keep it that way. Last night, I only had one drink. My friend had 5. How did things get like this? She used to be the designated driver and non drinker and I only had one, or sometimes two at that time. Now she's a borderline lush and trying to push a second drink on me. If I had given in and drank a second, then she'd have probably tried to push a third on me. Draw your line in the sand and don't cross it. I stuck to one drink. So I can sort of relate to your situation. Just say no thanks and stick to your plan and your values.

I'm very sorry that you are in this situation. I don't have any advice because I don't know what you should do, if anything. I can only offer my sympathy.