charley

Bingo. I agree totally.

I don't know for sure what's going on in your case. However, I recently had a friend who had a similar problem. So I told her to call him. The phone works both ways after all. So she called him and they did indeed get together and had a good time at his place. After that, he never called her. I suggested she call him one more time and try to discuss things. She called him, but they didn't discuss anything, but spent the night at his place again. (i.e. - he never takes her out anymore). Still he never called her. I suggested she not call him again because I'm a firm believer in never calling anyone, man or woman, more than twice without them reciprocating. So they had NC for a while without having ever discussed that. She was suspecting that he had used her for sex and nothing more. Well, I know the guy since we work together. So one day I tactfully asked him how thing were going with her. He indicated that he liked things as they were. i.e. - he liked receiving an occasional booty call and nothing more. To her, she wanted to date, not be his private blowup doll. I told her never to call him again, unless she likes that arrangement. She doesn't. I'm not saying that's what's going on with you and this guy, but maybe it is? I don't know. Try calling him once or twice, but NEVER a 3rd time in a row if he isn't reciprocating. Maybe it's time to forget this guy right now?

You should treat employees according to their behavior, quality of work, skills, and how those things affect the company. More skilled employees typically have more responsible natures, but also are more difficult to replace so they have to be catered to more. Less skilled employees can be easily replaced so there's little or no reason to cator to them. Those are the facts of life. Some companies don't mind having flexible hours for certain types of jobs, especially for highly skilled employees. Some of my hours are flexible, some are not. For those where I have to be somewhere at a certain time because either my employer or I see the need for it, then I'm there at those times. Otherwise, my hours are whatever I make them as long as I get the jobs done on schedule. i.e. - I'm self managed. However, the unskilled labor people at work have a strict schedule and receive limited lenience from management because those people need to be managed by their manager to make the schedule work and because those employees are inherantly less reliable, and also because they're easy to replace so management isn't going to cator to them much. If this employee is causing you management problems that negatively affect the company (which includes other employees, customers, bottom line, and/or schedule) and those problems outweigh her benefit to the company, then put a stop to it. I added the part about considering how problems balance against her benefits to the company because that should be considered. I had a college programming instructor who is a personal friend. He told me that he once managed a team of programmers and he had one guy who was consistently late or absent much of the time because the guy was an alcoholic. Yet he was never fired because he was a genius when he was sober and he was sober enough to outwork the other programmers each week. So this guy's benefits to the company outweighed his problems to the company and they kept him. If he'd been less skilled, they would have booted him out the door fast. In your post, you've indicated this employee is nothing special in her work. So you have no reason to put up with this. You've pretty much indicated that you find her behavior unacceptable because it sets a bad example for other employees. Also, I assume it wreaks havoc with your scheduling of employees? You've also said she's nothing special in her work. So it's a no brainer. Be nice, polite, yet firm with her and tell her she can't do this anymore. Tell her what is expected of her and what she must do to keep her job. However, I'll give you one last piece of very important advice. Men sometimes yell and/or get violent when confronted by a manager. Women sometimes cry, sob, scream, and might even throw things at you. Most likely these things won't happen, but you never know in advance. Also, you can be accused of all sorts of things if she becomes upset with you. She could say that you made sexual advances at her and then fired her, or threatened to fire her because she refused. That's a classic tactic of an angry woman at work. I've seen it before. So I strongly suggest you talk to her at the end of the work day so that if she flips out, or if you must let her go, then at least you won't be faced with the choice of dealing with her the rest of the day at work vs. being short handed the rest of the day. Also, have a second management person present in your office as a witness when you talk to her. Naturally, this should be done in a private office away from other employees to avoid unnecessary humiliation for the employee. Maybe she'll take it calmly and there's no problem and she reforms. Maybe you'll have to let her go. Maybe she'll quit. Maybe she'll wig out and quit, or wig out and you'll have to terminate her. Be prepared for any of these possiblities. Hopefully all goes smoothly.

Maybe somtimes a woman just gets sick of men and wants to be on-strike regarding men. A couple of my women friends have gotten that way a time or two in the past. I've felt that way towards women before. I know other guys who've felt that way before. I think it's normal to feel that way sometimes, but it's also normal to get over it. I'm not saying that's what happened in these cases he describes though. I'm not really sure what happened between him and these women he posted about. I don't know.

Who says they're friends? Maybe they're just coworkers. If they are just coworkers, then maybe she was really trying to prevent you from harm. Maybe she is jealous. I don't know. I guess the only way to find out is to give the woman in question the benefit of the doubt, for now. Give her a try and see what happens.

First check for rings. Second, what is rude about asking? I don't it's rude at all, but it is a scary thing for a shy person to ask.

I'm thinking of a quote: "The key to happiness is to have low expectations". Is that a famous quote? If so, who said that? It's a somewhat jaded sentiment, but somewhat true. Geeze. Wow. I'm starting to bum myself out. Better stop here.

My women friends have told me that all men are delusional to some extent. They say the difference per guy is just the extent. I know they're teasing me somewhat, but they're also partly serious. Since you are a man, you probably are at least somewhat delusional. Regardless of whether you are delusional or not, she might like you, or not. I don't know.

Is it possible that he asked if you are going to be there because he wants to avoid you? At work I spend most of my time at one building, but sometimes others too. At one of those other buildings is a female coworker who I avoid as much as possible. When I know I need to go to that other building to do some work, I first get a copy of the employee schedule for that building so I know when she is working. That way I can avoid her for as much as 2 months at a time, or longer. So I do keep track of her, but only so I can avoid her. I don't think you can assume that your X asked about you because he wants to see you. Maybe he wanted to know so he can see you, but maybe he wanted to know because he wants to avoid you. Just a thought.

The commercial real estate investment software company I started does most of it's sales over the Internet all over the USA and English speaking world. However, it took 7 years before the company started to succeed and make money. There was nothing fast or easy about it. We've now been enjoying success for 4 years. So that's an 11 year adventure. Also, you have to have some product to sell that people want. Making that product was 3 YEARS OF WORK for me and another 4 years starting and building the company into a success. Think about this. I worked on it for 7 years before it started making money. Before that it was a financial drain and a time drain on me. It's still a time drain, but at least now I'm paid for my time. Would you be willing to work at something for 7 years without getting paid, and in fact having to pay money into it? So yes it is possible because I've done it and finally succeeded during the last 4 years. However, it was not easy. If you want it easier, go get a job somewhere and just punch the clock because that would be far less difficult than working your butt off for years starting a company. I don't intend to sound harsh. I'm just being realistic. There is no free lunch. You would have to work your butt off to succeed, and you might fail even after working your butt off. The vast majority of companies fail.

I was referring to positive socialization. What you describe is negative. Cliques are almost always negative because they are based on exclusion.

Well then, accentuating your cute look would help balance your morbid and sarcastic sides, IMO. I like pretty and sexy too, but I confess that cute is my personal favorite in a woman if I have to choose only one of the three. I could put up with some sarcasm, maybe even enjoy it in moderation, if she's cute. It's kind of like that Mary Poppins song, "Just a spoon full of sugar makes the vinegar go down, in the most delightful way."

Some guys do like slim women. Many do. Also, some guys either don't care about breast size, or maybe even like small ones. One good thing about small breasts is that they probably won't ever get saggy. So later in life you'll likely look better than most large breasted women because they will often start to sag in their 30s or 40s. I really don't have any strong preferences about breasts, except that they not sag to much. I like slim women for being slim and shapely women for being shapely.

I have a hot apple cider with black tea bag in it every morning with breakfast. I do feel better after and more awake, but that might just be a bit of sugar plus caffeine. I think caffeine in moderation will improve thought speed and memory and cognitive ability, but so would coffee. The thing about black tea is that it has half the caffeine of a cup of coffee. Tea seems to have just enough, but not to much. Also, the tea and cider both have antioxidents and vitamins in them that coffee lacks.

Perhaps you should accentuate your cute look, if you can do so without looking younger because of it. Many guys are attracted to cute. Heck they might not even care if it did make you look younger. I suggest increasing your cute factor, instead of reducing it like you say you now are. Personally, I think there's 3 kinds of good looking in women. Cute, pretty, and sexy. The women who are all 3 are to die for. However, 1 out of 3 is good enough to get it done. This based on my own eyesight and experiences. For a man's looks I think there's cute, handsome, and sexy types of looks. A guy who has all 3 has it made, but 1 of 3 is good enough to attract women (assuming a decent or better personality). This based on talking with my women friends. Accentuate what you've got and make it work for you, along with your personality.

How safe it the park? Maybe they're just scared of an unknown man for safety reasons. This even happens to me sometimes and I look extra kind and friendly (which I am, if I don't have a shyness episode). So I imagine this can happen to any guy at the park and similar settings - on the street, etc. Perhaps you'd have better luck in an environment where women feel safer. For example, in a store, library, at work (if you dare) or any place where they are likely to feel safe. I don't think they are rejecting you personally. I think they're just scared for their safety. Don't take it personal. Also, the "bad boy" look only appeals to some women. Many are scared of guys who look scary. I have a scary looking, but reasonably good looking biker friend, who appeals to some women, but he scares most of them off. I have more of a kind, cuddly, friendly look and I have much better luck at putting women at ease. To put that another way, some women like to be scared a little because they find it exciting, but most do NOT like being scared. Helping them feel safe is a good first step towards meeting them, IMO. This includes where you meet them. It also includes what you look like, how you're dressed, etc. The clean cut "good boy" look has huge advantages for putting women at ease. So does the GQ look. I try to combine these looks into one. I don't approach women in the park anymore. Oh, I have in the past, and about half of them responded friendly, but the other half seemed scared or unfriendly. So I don't even try in the park anymore. It's kindest and most considerate to leave them alone there, unless she initiates, IMO. Well, those are my thoughts.

I observe that you said "my way" and "me" many times. I think it's not about you, it's about the company, employees, and customers. I think those are a good manager's priorities. I know just recently at work, a middle manager just laid down the law to a guy who is hard working, well meaning, and does better quality work than anyone else in that department, including the manager himself. So that employee was going to quit because he doesn't like being ordered around unnecessarily. So this all ended up in the owner's office because he does NOT want his best maintenance man quitting, if he can avoid that. The other maintenance men said that everything was working well and the jobs were getting done and everyone was happy, until the middle manager guy decided to flex his muscles and show who's boss. Now there's discontent and bad morale in general in that department, and if that guy quits, there will be chaos at work. Since the employee in question does good and reliable work, why rock the boat with him? He does things a bit different than the manager does, but so what? The guy was doing good work. The company owner told this middle manager guy that he doesn't want him rocking the boat or flexing his muscles, unless it's for the benefit of the company, employees, and/or customers. I was consulted as a 3rd party in this whole thing by the owner. I'm not in the maintenance department, but I'm very plugged into what goes on and why. My opinion agrees with the owner. Don't rock the boat with an employee who's getting it done with reasonable quality and reliability. =============== On the other hand, one of my women friends was recently promoted to administrator. She does not need to consult me since she is now over me, but we were middle management peers for 9 years. It's lonely at the top as she's now finding some of her former friends no longer like her since she's their boss now. Also, some other friends are kissing up to her to gain favor at work. Favor at work should be earned. She consulted me about a particular employee who was middle management and who was publicly bucking her authority in front of other management and employees. Now I'm normally in favor of being mellow and not rocking the boat if everything and everyone is working out, but this situation is NOT working. The administrator asked my opinion and I told her that that middle manager had publicly challenged her authority to her face and behind her back (as she well knew). I told her that now you have to show her who's boss and if she can't deal with it, then terminate her. I also added to check with the owner first and not just do anything based on my advice. I don't want my neck on the chopping block, nor my friend's. She checked with the owner. He said that he wanted to meet with the 3 of them and work things out if possible. If not possible, the middle management woman was going to be let go because he has to back the administrator, if things can't be worked out. Things did work out. It's a good thing to because the person would have been difficult to replace. Now the middle manager woman knows that the owner will back up the administrator woman. The middle manager is now cooperating. My points are that you have to weight the benefits to the company (profits, employees as a whole, customers) of working things out, vs. leaving things be, vs. using some authority combined with persuasion, vs. just terminating someone. The words "me" and "I" and "my way" should not figure into that. It's just what's best for the company and reasonable in a human way? Since you are a human too, that is where "you" figure in. You have the right to expect the same fairness, loyalty, and respect that you give. If it's not working that way, then something needs to change and it's up to you to figure out what. Then there's some employees who have an intentionally bad attitude and they are bad for the company. My thoughts in that case are "hit the road". In the past, we had two racist employees who said terrible things about their minority coworkers. The administrator and assistant administrator at the time wanted to sign them up for sensitivity training classes. The owner said, "People like that cannot be trained to be sensitive. It'd be a waste of time to try and would fail. Send them into my office right now and I'll give them sensitivity training." He fired them in his office 5 minutes later with no attempt to reform them because they were hopeless jerks. ================ People who are putting in a reasonable effort deserve to be left in peace, if they are doing their job in a satisfactory manner. Other people may benefit from some kindly guidance that is not authoritarian. Some people need a bit of authority to play ball, but they're overall decent workers and decent people. Some people cannot be relied on, and/or cannot be nice to others, and cannot be reformed - so good bye and good luck. Much of this depends on the quality of people you have working for you. i.e. - are they responsible, reliable people, or not? Much of that depends on the pay scale. As the employee pay scales gets lower, you as a manager have to lower your standards. However, under no circumstances would I ever put up with bullies at work or racist bullies like the two I mentioned.

Overdue medical bills are not overlooked by credit agencies or credit scores. However, overdue medical bills count less against your credit than an overdue bill of any other type of the same amount. Why? Because it's a matter of the credit bureaus and lenders looking at your credit history and trying to determine your character and trying to take into account what type person you are. Lenders, such as a mortgage broker (buying a home), will overlook some credit damage due to medical, but their tolerance is limited. Your credit score counts medical at a reduced penalty, but it still hurts you. It does count against you, but counts less against you than other types of overdue debts. If you have an overdue medical bill, that does not necessarily indicate that you are an irresponsible person. It might just indicate that you have been sick. thereforeeee, they aren't going to count that as heavily against you as they would if you had an overdue credit card bill of equal amount. The type of overdue bill they count least against you are medical bills. The type of overdue bill they count most heavily against you is a late or unpaid house payment or rent because that indicates either severe irresponsibility or that you are financially going down the tubes. ================ If you lack sufficient money to keep all bills current and payoff all overdue bills, then you need to prioritize and strategize.

Well, I just got the death stare in quantity tonight. This from a woman who was totally flirting with me just 30 minutes before. I posted about it here

Well said. That's exactly why I like to keep things spontaneous and listen to her. Listening to her is party fun, partly smart, and it helps determine what I'm going to say next. I don't have a script in advance because I have no idea in advance what she will want to talk about. I'm going to want to talk about her interests, or ideally our common interests.

What about wolf whistles? Same as a cat call, or different?

I think the stuff in the original post is good as a second step. I think the first step is to practice just saying "hi" to women and if they want to talk more, then having a spontaneous, unplanned conversation that goes wherever their interests suggest while talking with them. Once the practice of the above becomes easy, spontaneous, and no longer stressful or frightening, then think about your plan. The last step is to go try your plan, but the plan should be just a plan of what your general goals are and a general idea of how to go about it. Nothing to specific because spontanaity is king. The actual things you say after saying "Hi" should be spontaneous and adapted to her on the fly based on the feedback you get from listening to her and watching her facial expressions and body language. Be prepared to succeed or fail and take it in stride either way. If you fail, then try again at the next opportunity with a different woman. i.e. - don't let failure get you down. Each failure is practice and a learning experience. Babe Ruth once said that every time he struck out, he was that much closer to his next home run. He held both the strike out and home run records simultaneously. I think the most important thing is having the courage to try, and try again. Spontanaety based on listening to her is also important, IMO. That spontaneous talent comes from the earlier practice of saying "hi" and trying to start conversations without attempting to ask them out. I practiced for months. Now I'm totally as spontaneous and adaptable in person as I always was online. In any sport, you'd practice before you tried to play a game. This is the same thing, IMO. The plan should be to practice introductions and conversations on the fly and later practice asking women out while fully expecting some failures along the way. So practice should be the main plan, IMO. Other than that, no plan because spontaneous is best and results from practice, IMO. If you really feel the need to plan a conversation in advance, then at least try that out with an attitude of practice. Personally, I don't like plans, other than planning to practice and keep trying. Other than that, I prefer to keep things spontaneous.

Hi. Don't feel so bad. You look attractive. You also look very young. Pehaps they think you are to young? Maybe. You'll get older. That will help. Women seldom found me attractive before age 23 because I looked to young. All of a sudden at age 23 and 24, I was suddenly a chick magnet, but of course I didn't know how to handle that attention since I'd never received any before. So I was shy in response to that attention. Then I got my neck crushed at age 25. So it was many years before I got to try again. You aren't going to die alone. Please don't be so dramatic because it just makes you feel bad. You're 18. You've got many good years ahead of you and I'm sure one or more guys are going to like and want you. Maybe you'll just need to be a little older, like maybe 22 or 23 or 24 to look old enough. Until then, just work into the conversation (tactfully and subtely) that you are 18 or 19 (when you are). That way the guys won't be afraid you're 16 or 17. Letting them know your age will increase your chances. If the guys don't know your true age, they'll likely assume you're to young and avoid any romantic relationship. I'll give you an example of this that happened with me a year ago. A young lady I know liked me and I liked her, but I thought she was to young for me. She looked 16, but I knew she was graduated from High School and working full time. So I assumed she was 18 or 19. She tried to put her head on my arm and I pulled back and moved away from her because I thought she was to young for me. I later found out that she was 26 at the time, and now is 27. I had no idea of her true age. If she'd let me know her actual age, I wouldn't have pulled away. Now I no longer have the opportunity to be around her. So I can't even repair my earlier mistake. So take a lesson from my example and make sure you let the guy know you're 18 so he doesn't assume you are much younger and pull away. Also, don't feel guilty about wearing makeup. There's nothing wrong with that. Things will work out for you in time. In the meanwhile, don't be so hard on yourself. It'll be OK.

Big city? I didn't see that earlier. My personal experiences I was referring to are in regard to a medium size city where there's enough people to be always able to meet someone new, yet it's small enough so that women still feel reasonably safe and are thereforeeee friendlier. In a big city, all bets are off. I would not try to approach a woman on the street in a big city. Maybe I would in a store or library or a restaurant. Maybe. I've lived in a big city for 3 years before (and small and medium size cities and the country too) and I can tell you that receiving cold stares from women in big cities is much more common because they are defensive because they have safety concerns with strangers, which is understandable. There is also a substantial cultural difference from one big city to another. For example, women in Portland, Oregon are very friendly for a city of that size. At least usually they are. They also dress colorful and pretty. In Seattle, the women tend to dress and act like they're on their way to a friends funeral. I currently live in a mid size town geographically between those two larger cities. In Seattle, I'd expect to receive the cold stare 90% of the time, if I try to talk to women. I wouldn't even bother trying in Seattle. In Portland, I receive the cold look about 50% and the friendly the other 50%, which is good for a city that size. In my hometown, I receive the friendly look about 80% of the time, which is excellent. Different cities have different cultures. That's partly from size of city and partly just the unique culture of each city. Small towns on the other hand, have very extreme culture differences from one town to the next. It's like the whole town is one big clique. I used to live in one where the people were really nice to me and I was popular. I lived in another where they were really rotten jerks and I was a social leper. You might try you luck in a different city, or town, or different size city. Also, do consult some local women friends, if you have any. Consult some male friends to, if you have any. As a last resort, go see a school guidance councelor.