charley

Sorry. This is exactly why you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. Try to have more than one friend in the future and spread yourself around a little. This is also exactly why I generally do NOT introduce one of my friends to another. I like to keep my relationships compartmentalized. That way if something goes wrong with one friend, no matter who's fault, it does not affect my relationships with my other friends. Also, one friend might not like another friend. You don't want a situation where your friends fight with each other. Keeping them apart prevents problems. The exception to that is my work friends since they all already know each other. So there's no way, and no need, to keep them apart. I have enough friends to help keep me stable and not have the torment you are going through now. If I had a break up with one friend, it would hurt, but it wouldn't crush me since I'd still have the others. Also, keeping my friendships compartmentalized and not introducing one to another is I think one reason why I have some very longterm friendships going back 5, 6, 10+, 20+, and even 30+ years. I'm preventing group dynamics from affecting my one on one relationships to the extent possible. One on one relationships with friends are great because they are powerful relationships. However, that power can be very painful when a breakup with a friend occurs. That is why it's crucial for your emotional and mental stability to have more than one close friend, and ideally keep them apart by not introducing them. i.e. - you can't end up odd man out if they don't know each other.

That stuff applies to school tests and life. Life is full of challenges and tests. Every life challenge is a test. Your advice applies there as well. Part of what you are teaching is technique, and part of it is attitude. The attitude to keep your head under pressure and think and act in the most effective manner possible given your resources. That applies to tests and to life. Your advice is universal and applies to life's tests, which include school test. It's good life advice. School tests do serve one excellent purpose that study and practice cannot. Tests put you under pressure and force you to think while under pressure. Tests are thereforeeee training for life just as much or more than study is. Your number 1 advice item also applies to restoring and building credit (and anything else in life too, I think). Take care of the easy things first. For example, imagine you have 3 small debts, a medium size debt, and a large debt all overdue and on your credit history as unpaid overdue, which would you pay off first? If you had enough money, you'd pay them all off. If you don't, then pay off the small ones first since it doesn't require much money to get those monkeys off your back. Then go after the medium size debt. Then the larger one. Of course, you'd also want to take into consideration the other priorties stuff I mentioned in the credit thread. However, on a basic level, it's as simple as in this paragraph, which comes straight from your advice item number 1. "Test Taking 101" applies to real life situations too. Good post EasyGuy. You might want to add a number 5: "Keep your cool and stay calm because you'll think better that way. You're going to do the best you can (hopefully you've studied) and whatever happens happens." As a friend says, "Do the best you can and let God take care of the rest." Same idea. Do what you can and don't sweat the rest. If you've studied ahead, you'll probably do fine. If not, then worrying still won't help. So don't bother to worry because it's wasted energy. The time to worry was back when you should have been studying. Test time is not time to worry. This whether an academic test or a life test. I was accustomed to getting "As", but if I got a "B", that's fine to as long as I gave my best effort. A "C" would not be to my satisfaction, but once again, if I gave my best effort, then I wouldn't let it get me down. If you can have this type attitude, it really promotes calm, which tends to improve performance. In any case, it reduces stress and that's an end in itself.

If a person can pay their bills on time, they should. Be careful NOT to spend more than you can afford, or borrow more than you can pay back on time. Paying your bills on time is ethical and it's also the best way to improve and protect your credit and financial future. However, sometimes people have catastrophic medical events, or other unexpected disasters, or a divorce, or other situations that make it impossible to get out of debt, except by doing some negotiating for a reduced settlement(s) that they can pay, and other techniques I've described in prior posts in this thread.

As long as where talking about ethics and responsiblities of debtors (customers) to pay their bills (and they should to the extent possible), let's also talk about ethics and responsiblities of creditors (businesses) and collection agencies. I do believe that most businesses are ethical organizations with the intent of fairness and honesty to their customers, but there are exceptions. In certan industries the exceptions are so common that it's a scandle. Certain industries are rife with corruption that hurts consumers. One is the credit card industry. The only place I'd even consider getting a credit card is from my local bank, or ideally a local credit union. I do not trust all the others who constantly send me unwanted credit card applications clogging up my mail box. Some of these unsolicited, unwanted credit cards may be from companies I'd consider to be legitimate and ethical companies. Chace being one that comes to mind because I think they're an OK company. However, I can get a much better deal on a credit card through my local credit union. My local credit unions offer lower interest rate credit cards, and for sure I know they've checked out the card issuer for me. Many of the unsolicited credit card offers are from companies whom I suspect are not ethical companies. I'm certain many are not to be trusted. Unsolicited credit card offers are the equivalent of a drug pusher trying to get you hooked on something bad for you. The terms of these cards are often bad. The also often offer these cards to people who are not ready to have a credit card. Get your credit card through your local bank, or ideally your local credit union where you have a savings, checking, and debit card already. ==================== Then there's the medical profession and industry, and hospitals especially. I do believe that most doctors are caring, honest people who want to help you. However, some doctors (a minority I'm sure) are bent on ripping off the medical insurance industry at your expense. Also, some medical insurance companies are bent on ripping you off at the possible expense of your health. Most insurance companies are fair, ethical organizations that take your premiums, and are also there for you when you need them. Others are bent on taking their customers premiums and then doing little or nothing in return when the customer needs them, even when the medical care should be covered by the insurance the customer has been paying for. I'm lucky because I now have very good group health insurance. Drug companies do many good things, but some of them seem bent on finding creative ways to gouge both the consumer and the medical insurance companies. Hospitals. Don't even get me started. Well, to late because I'm started. Some hospitals are good organizations, but many are bent on gouging the consumer and the medical insurance. Some hospitals don't even give such good care either. When my neck was broken, they left my in a room by myself for 3 hours without examining my neck. All they'd done was check my vitals when I came in by ambulance was ask me a few questions, which included my insurance info of course. I was strapped to a board and digging in my pocket for my wallet and unable to see the contents of the wallet due to my glasses being gone. We finally got the insurance stuff cleared up. Then they left me by myself in a room for 3 hours. They finally did start examining my neck 3 hours later, after I'd threatened to leave and tried to unstrap myself from the board. About an hour later they determined my neck was broken and suddenly they had some concern. They released me 6 hours later in a neck collar, crying from the pain (still no pain meds), with a paper prescription for pain meds that I couldn't fill because I couldn't get around well enough to go to drugstore. They still billed for good care though, and I still paid them. I later got my good care from private doctors specializing in spine and arthritis at their private offices. Hospitals are typically non-profit organizations. They take in millions and billions of dollars of dollars, yet they are non-profit organizations with associated tax breaks, tax benefits, and in many cases they are exempt from paying tax. Who else can make millions to billions and be tax exempt? See this link about non-profit organizations. link removed Did you know that most hospitals are non-profit organizations? i.e. - a charitable organization? It doesn't seem that way when you get your bill, does it? The churches and other organizations that typically own or sponsor hospitals are taking advantage of the biggest business tax loophole in history and they're laughing all the way to the bank and are partly to totally tax exempt doing it. How do you think certain church leaders can afford limos and palaces in the name of charity? If hospitals are going to make certain organizations wealthy and avoid many or most of the tax obligations that other businesses must pay, then they could at least do it without gouging the public and the insurance companies so hard. They could also provide better medical care. Many hospitals do provide excellent medical care, but some don't, yet they charge the same either way. So while I do agree that consumers need to behave ethically and responsibly, so should businesses. Now I don't even have room in this post to rail about the unethical practices used by some collection agencies, but I've already covered that in a prior post in another thread and how to counter those practices. The Bush administration tipped the balance of power far in the favor of the creditor and against the consumer. This is especially the case with those questionable credit card companies that send out those unsolicited offers. So if my advice and knowledge may help to relevel the playing field and help the consumer, then great. I request that businesses and consumers both try to be fair and ethical to each other.

Also, I might add that the creditor is better off if a negotiated settlement is reached and they get that payment in one lump as compared to drawn out payment plan. Due to the time value of money and hassle factor, a lump sum negotiated settlement may be in the best interest of the creditor and collection agency. The evidence of the truth of my statement is that they often accept and agree to negotiated settlements. They agree to them when they are in their best interests. So these agreements benefit the creditor, collection agency, and the debtor when compared to the status quo. BornToResist also proved that it's possible to negotiate a reduced settlement combined with a payment plan. That's a new one to me. I always heard it was either a reduced settlement or a payment plan that you can negotiate, but she proved that both are possible in combination. The collection agency agreed to accept what they negotiated with her because it's in their best interest to do so because she's doing the best she can to pay them off. The settlement makes it possible for her to pay them off. So I don't like the implication someone made in an earlier post that she's screwing her creditors by negotiating a settlement. That is simply not the case. She's doing the best she can given her circumstances. The collection agency was apparently satisfied with the negotiated arrangement since they accepted it. The collection agency speaks for the creditor because the creditor signed over their negotiating rights and collection responsiblity to the collection agency. So if the collection agency is satisfied, then the creditor must be to since they gave the collection agency the authority to deal with debt and debtor. The reason she had to ask for a payment plan is obviously because it's not easy for her to pay off the debt, even AFTER negotiating a reduced settlement. So she is not trying to screw her creditor. That is not her intent. Her intent is to pay it off and that requires her to get the best arrangement possible. As for any advice I gave, it is a tool. I hope people will use that tool in a responsible manner in combination with doing their best they can to pay their debts responsibly. But just like a gun manufacturer, or car manufacturer, I cannot control how people use what I've made (advice) and with what intent. My intent is to be helpful to the public. I hope those using my advice will do so with sincere intentions to pay their debts as best they are able. That may very well necessitate them to bargain with collection agencies, and if so, then do it.

True. If a person can pay their bills, they should. However, sometimes people have catastrophic medical events, or other unexpected disasters, or a divorce, or other situations that make it impossible to get cleared up, except by doing some negotiating for a reduced settlement that they can pay, or other techniques I've described. A settlement for a reduced amount (discounted settlement) is sometimes the only option a person can do. A check for "payment in full" of a discounted amount (reduced amount) is a powerful bargaining tool. Likewise, credit challenges to late payment history AFTER it's paid off makes good sense. The business world, of which I'm a part of, thinks the system is all great and dandy when they understand it and the public doesn't. Well that isn't fair. I hope I've leveled the playing field by showing the public how the system works as I've seen it from the inside and outside. My conscience is totally clear about providing credit advice, and advice about how to bargain with collection agencies. I'm proud of it. And by the by, I paid off all my back medical bills (broken neck) in full, except the two they wouldn't take my money for because they'd dropped off my history due to being to old. I still drove there in person and told them the amount I knew I owed. I tried to get them to take the money, but they wouldn't. So I paid all my bills off, except the two where they refused to take the money and they told me to forget it. So my conscience is totally clear. Then I restored my credit history and score. So I know this stuff both as a business person of many years and as a debtor whose been through tough times and come out the other side smarter, wiser, and stronger. You might say I'm a liberal conservative, or a conservative liberal. An oxymoron you say? We used to call ourselves moderates, but where have all the moderates gone? Long time passing. Here's a moderate right here. A moderate is another word for sane and fair. I'm conservative enough to understand the credit system and liberal enough to share this knowledge with the public.

You know, I think as a bargaining tool, I'd try sending them a check for a reduced settlement and write the payment in full stuff on the check. Then, if they cash it, you're done with that debt and it's legally paid. Even if the collection agency is smart enough to realize what you've written on the check, they'd be very tempted just to cash it anyway and take that as a reduced settlement because a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. If you try this with a collection agency, I'd try making the check for 60% of the balance owing, but writing all the payment in full and final payment stuff on the check. Even if they're smart enough to realize what the legal implications are of cashing that check, they'll be darned tempted to cash it anyway and take 60% now as payment in full. If you're a gambler, then try this with a check for 50%, but they might not swallow that. Can't hurt to try though. If they won't accept the above, then perhaps they'll make you a counter offer. Perhaps you should start the process in the first place simply by asking them if you can work out a reduced settlement, then see what they offer and where that goes. I can't really go into bargaining here to much because that would be a thread all to itself.

Ya, I'm also a blusher to, unless I have a bit of a tan at end of summer. Some women are very in tune to that and do notice it, especially if they know you well and are familiar with your normal color. When the women at work tell dirty jokes, sometimes I turn pink and they comment on it and laugh all the more and are self satisfied for having made me blush. If they ask me if I like one woman or another, if the answer is yes, I turn pink and they comment on it and laugh themselves silly. Some women are very in tune and observant. Others are not. Here's the good news: The ones who are observant and notice it tend to think it's cute and funny. The ones who don't notice don't notice.

I have a friend who has no high school diploma, no GED, but he has a 2 year associates degree from a junior college. So when he applies for a job, they only ask his highest year of education and his highest degree. He says associates degree in whatever and they never ask about high school. If they did ask about high school, I doubt they'd care since he has an associates degree. He currently is a private sector dental hygenist. He is also in the army reserves. He used to be full time airforce. He wants to join the navy next time. He thinks it's fun to join a different branch of the military each time to keep things interesting.

I'm pretty sure that all USA junior colleges offer free education towards a GED and the GED test for all USA citizens. Don't they? Anyone know? Might even be free to non citizens. This is how my sister met her husband. He has a Mexican high school degree, but he wanted a USA GED. So he went to the local college and started taking classes where he met my sister who was an English teacher there. He got a GED and a wife.

I think it goes without saying that shy people send mixed signals, or no detectable signals at all. So yes, you probably do that. Mixed signals attract some women because they are intrigued by it, but most find it confusing, and then eventually aggravating, or nerve wracking, or infuriating, or insulting. I'm speaking from experience here as a formerly shy guy who has been accused of being a male tease before. I didn't do that on purpose, but the results were sometimes very negative. Once her patience or confidence is sufficiently eroded by your mixed signals, she will give up and turn cold, or give up and turn angry. Perhaps some direct honesty from you would be your best course of action. Tell her, "I like you, but I'm shy." Then once she understands and knows that you do like her for sure, then your mixed signals won't be hurting her confidence anymore. Also, then she'll be more understanding of your shyness and help you work through it. I'll leave it to others to help you work out your solutions. Good luck.

Maybe you just thought you were straight? Don't sound so straight to me. That's not a criticism. It's just an unbiased observation based on the fact that you get turned on thinking about it. You may have been drunk then, but you're sober now and still getting turned on thinking about it. Does that sound straight to anyone? FYI - If you are bi and you don't want to be bi because of family, social, or religious reasons, then I see no reason why you can't just indulge your straight half and ignore the other half. On the other hand, if you have no serious objections to being bi, then why not just admit it to yourself?

Hi BornToResist. It's great that you got your debts paid off. Now, how would you like to get that late payment history off your credit history? Want to also raise your credit score a lot? You've accomplished one step, which is you got the stuff paid off and I'm really impressed with how well you did at that. However, there's several more things for you to do, if you want to repair your credit history without having to wait many years for late history to drop off. Also, many other things to do to raise your credit score.

I don't know if this has any bearing on this or not, but I remember a beautiful 40 year old woman on T.V. saying in an interview that she had not been allowed to participate in some match making thing, or online dating thing because she's age 40. She said she was told by the dating service that most men age 40+ are either married, or have totally given up on women altogether, or they are only interested in dating younger women. thereforeeee, that service would not take women who are 40+. This was an intelligent, sweet, beautiful woman. I remember thinking I wished I could be at that interview in the audience and stand up to ask her out. If the above is true, that's a shame. However, it would work in my favor since I haven't given up and I'm not limiting myself to younger women. I mean, I do like younger women, but I wouldn't limit myself to them. Anyhow, I don't know if the above is true or not, but if I was a woman 40+, I'd be saying I was 38 or 39 on the application. The really insane thing is that this woman looked like she was 30. The injustice of the whole thing to her was upsetting to her. It upset me just hearing it.

I believe in honesty. That means don't lie. It does not mean that you tell all you've done, or have not done, in the past; nor every thought that comes through your head. I used to err on the side of tell all honesty. No more. Women are not prepared to hear every thought that comes through any man's head. For that matter, neither are other men. For example, you think your male friend's GF is hot and you're attracted to her. Are you going to tell him that? I hope not. For another example, you think your GF's girlfriend is hot and you're attracted to her friend. Are you going to tell your GF that? I hope not. Don't lie about things, but feel free to leave things out. As a guiding rule to know what to include vs. leave out, consider if it helps her/him or hurts her/him to know. Consider if it's something she'd or he'd want to know, or needs to know.

I'm very fond of librarians, if that helps.

First, what that guy did to you, upstaging you like that was very uncool. He's a jerk. I would think at least one or two of the women there can see that. Which women were not standing around him? They'd be your likely candidates. Any guy can have a chance. I know some women who don't even like handsome men. These women are a minority, but they exist. Why? Maybe because they don't trust a handsome guy - like he'd cheat or something. Maybe because handsome guys tend to be arrogant or cocky and some women don't like that. Maybe because some women want to be the better looking person in the relationship (it's true, some do). I've heard all those things at various times in the past from my many women friends. Of course, many women do like handsome men and I've heard that too. Both things are true because different women have different tastes. It depends on the woman, but being handsome is not a requirement for getting a woman. Having good hygiene probably is a requirement. Having a personality she likes is usually far more important that your looks, unless we're talking extremely, hideously unattractive; or super stud handsome. Other than extremes, I really don't think a man's looks matter that much. I know they don't. I know a man's looks don't matter as much as his personality. When I was 23 and 24 my looks were an A, but I had little success with women because I was shy and afraid of them, and didn't know how to talk to them. Now, at age 38 and after some horrendous accidents in the past (including a broken neck), I'm not nearly as good looking as before. Now I'd say I'm a B- or a B for looks. Yet guess what? I do far better talking to women and flirting with them now because I'm less shy. I can tell you from personal experience that for a man, personality counts far more than looks. ====================== I think your attitude is your problem, and maybe your choices of which women you go after. I'm not really very competitive with other men about women because I figure the women will decide who they like and I'll just go with what they decide. That attitude right there makes me receptive to flirting or other interactions, but not pushy about it. I think that works in my favor, as long as I don't get to laid back. All things in moderation. If I see another guy at a club who is better looking than me, I know that some women will prefer him, but others will still prefer me either because I'm less good looking than him, or because of my personality. So why worry about other guys looks? If I'm the best looking guy present, which does still happen sometimes, I'm not going to let it go to my head because I know some women will dislike me specifically because I'm the best looking guy present. Others might like me for it. So once again, who cares which guy is handsome or not, or how much. Rock stars are often the ugliest dudes on earth, yet they typically are with beautiful women. Many of them marry super models. What does that tell you? It tells me that a man's looks don't count half as much as what he says, does, and his attitude. I think these guys confidence is a major factor in their attractiveness to women. Even the old rock stars who look like they've been put through a food dehydrator still are with beautful women. Donald Trump has a history of being a super model babe magnet, yet I don't think anyone could accuse him of being overly good looking. Attitude and personality with some accomplishments or talent behind them count far more than looks for a man. So don't focus so much on looks so much, IMO. Before anyone screams money about the rock stars and Mr. Trump, let me point out right now there are plenty of wealthy men who are NOT popular with women and plenty of poor ones who are. In college I knew a guy who was a struggling local rock star without two cents to rub together and he was not handsome at all that I could see, yet many beautiful young women thought he was hotter than a pistol. This guy was poor, ugly, and immensely popular with women because he was confident, talented, had some possible future potential, and he was generally a cool guy. Other guys liked to be around him too because of his cool personality and confidence. That guy didn't steal those women's attention from you with his looks, he did it with his big mouth and what he said and how he acted. However, I'll bet he was also alienating some women at the same time with his big mouth. OK, maybe his looks helped him a little with some women, but at the same time his good looks would have been alienating some other women. Some women don't like a man who's to good looking. Also, many don't like a big mouth like this guy. So while he appealed to some women, he was repulsing others. I'm sure of it. So if you'd have stepped back away from that immediate area and looked around, you'd probably have observed many women who had no interest in being near that guy. Those women would likley be more compatible for you anyway. Instead of giving up, you should have shifted your focus to work the room a bit more and maybe go quietly stand or sit near the corner of the room facing the room so you could just observe the people interacting for a few minutes. Then you'd see which women were NOT into that guy. Then go talk to those women. He can't compete with you for those women.

This post is in regard to the original post, but may also have some bearing on the post just before this one. Instead of having the attitude that you are going to "pick up girls at the mall", which sounds sleazy. Why not say, and think, that you are wanting to "meet and talk to girls at the mall". Once you have a conversation with them, then perhaps nature can take it's natural course and things might just fall into place for you. So I suggest you ask for advice for how to "meet and have conversations with girls at the mall". Then also ask for advice for how to ask her out. That is so much classier than saying you want to "pick up" girls. They aren't prostitutes for gosh sakes. So show them some respect in your mind and speech and don't say "pick up". That is my opinion. My advice is intended to help, not flame. So please don't flame me. FYI - I only used the term "girls" instead of women because at age 19, he's going to be meeting girls, I assume. So I didn't intend any disprect to women when I said "girls". I think the term "girls" is appropriate considering his age.

I don't think couples need to be of equal intelligence. That's not necessary. However, it is helpful if they are of similar, or close enough intelligence. A vast disparity could be a problem. Personally, I enjoy some intellectual competion, such as board games. That's something people of similar intelligence can enjoy together. Also pet names contests to see who is more creative and spontaneous. Use your imagination and the possiblities are endless. There are countless activities that are best enjoyed by two people of similar intellect. The same is true of physical fitness. There are many activities that can only be enjoyed by people who are of a similar, or close enough, physical fitness (for examples, skiing, rollerblading, hiking, running, dancing, etc).

Based on first post, I was thinking he just wanted to be friends. I've cuddled with a platonic woman friend before (clothes on) with no interest in sex. We just liked each other, but no sexual attraction. That happens. My cuddling with a female friend was in the distant past. It was only an affection thing, not a sex thing. In more recent times I stick to the occasional hug only, or maybe a clothes on backrub (given or received) with the recipient sitting in a chair, the giver standing up behind them. I don't see anything wrong with cuddling with a female friend, except one thing - it confuses people. That's why I wouldn't do that anymore, unless I had interest beyond a friend. Well, maybe I still would if she initiated it and we discussed things so there was no misunderstandings. However, I would not initiate cuddling anymore, unless I had intent beyond a friend. I don't like misunderstandings. However, then you mention that part about how you both agree that you don't want to date other people. That does not sound like friends to me. My women friends and me want each other to date other people since we aren't dating each other. So after reading your first post, I'm as confused as you are. I have no idea what is going on with this guy. I can see why you are confused.

Give them at least one week's notice. It's the right thing to do. Two weeks notice is ideal when you want to avoid burning your bridges and do the right thing, but one weeks notice is good enough. The crummy thing to do is give them zero notice. That type of behavior will come back on you some day in some way because what goes around often comes back around. They won't put you through any extra crud if they want you to stay there that one or two weeks. It wouldn't be in their interestes to do so. If they did give you serious grief during that week, well then you could leave sooner with a clean conscience, but I doubt they would be nasty during that week. If they do find a replacement before your week or two is up, then they might replace you as soon as they have the replacement, but that's OK. You don't want to be there anyway. I once gave two weeks notice at a place. They were extra nice to me that last two weeks because they had no reason to criticize me for anything since I was leaving anyway. Also, they wanted to be nice because they didn't want me walking out before they found and oriented a replacement. Those last two weeks were the best I ever had at that place. Send around good things and some of that will come back to you. Send around bad things and much of that will come back to you.

However, it might work out for you to. If you make money, you'd earn it through hard work. If you're OK with that, then by all means - go for it.

Bartenders, waiters, and waitresses are very professionally friendly if theyr'e good at their job. That makes it very difficult to know if they really like you. I'm not saying you are wrong about him liking you. I'm just saying, how can you be sure? Also, bartenders get a huge quantity of the opposite sex after them. Just a thought. Perhaps you should just ask him out. Then see what happens.

I like that favorite color one and I do ask women that often, but not necessarily because I'm hitting on them. Often I just want to know because I'm color sensitive and curious. Actually, I can often guess her favorite color based on what she wears over a week or so. Now here's a thought, if I see she wears the same colors I do, then I'm guessing we have some color tastes in common. If she doesn't even want to talk about a color, then I'm thinking she's a right-off and you should give up on her and try agan later with someone else. If a woman won't even talk about something as non-threatening as her fav color, then I think she doesn't doesn't want to talk at all, or not to that guy. No matter. There's many other women in the world.

Awesome post because it's so true. I'll add one: You can't get a hit if you don't swing. Sometimes a swing gets a hit, sometimes a strike, but really what choice do you have but to try?