charley

She sounds nice. She defineately likes you. She's trying. You like her too. What more do you want? Since her family is a big part of her life, do some things with her and her family. She already suggested that with the bingo right? In a way, think of it as a family date, because you'll want to get along with her family. This is very much the same as when I've dated a woman who has a kid or two. Single moms don't have much free time, especially if they are working or college students. The solution is easy. Family dates. Do something with her and her kid(s). Besides, I want to get to know her kids anyway. I can have fun with them as a group like we're a family. We can still have private dates sometimes when she gets a baby sitter. You situation isn't that much different. You can do things with her and her family and have fun. You'll build repoire with them and that will increase your repoire with her. You need her family to like you anyway because I can't see an Asian girl dating someone her family doesn't like. Doing fun things with them will be fun, and build repoire and trust. That will make your occasional private dates (just two of you) much better. If you want to date her, you must become part of her family. No, I've never dated an Asian girl personally (though I'd love to), but I've been very good friends with two Asian women. I've also been very good friends, almost like brothers, with two Asian guys and their families. So I have some idea what I'm talking about. If you want to date her, you'll have to also date her family. It'll be great fun for everyone and you'll become like a family member.

My shoe size is WAY longer than the length of my forearm. My shoe is 4" longer than my forearm. Not even close.

I will admit that it looks approximately accurate for me. However, I'm not going to actually compare. Great. Now I can estimate mens' penis size when I shake hands with them. Thanks. I hope I can forget this information. Your GF has the measurements for 11 guys erect wangs and that doesn't concern you? OK.

Put put golf isn't boring. You know, I think it'd be great fun to take a date to the local gun club shooting range. Not for a first date, I suppose. Some people might be averse to guns. However, I brought two of my platonic women friends to the gun club and they had a ball. They also surprised me with their natural talent.

Come to think about it, I've had lots of fun on many occasions when out with platonic women friends. In fact, we've mutually had fun every time I went out with a woman friend, or a group of them. So why is my (limited) dating record not as good? i.e. - why have I had less fun on most dates? I've had a few fun ones, but not many. Most sucked. Why? Well, I'm going to guess. I think that when out with friends, there's no pressure. Also, friends are probably compatible with me as far as spending time together. After all, that's why were friends. With dates there is, or can be, pressure. Also, some of the women I asked out, I asked because I was visually attracted to them. That does not mean our personalities will be compatible. The best dates I ever had were with my friend who asked me out. That makes sense because we were compatible. I know some people say not to date friends, but for me it was the best and only good dating experiences I've had.

Actually, it tastes rather good. Like a vanilla milkshake. I've only had one a time or two, but it tastes fine and is a convenient way to get some nutrition fast.

Quoting OP: "Isn't dating supposed to be fun?" I've heard that it is allegedly is fun. I have limited dating experience and even less experience with it being fun. I think most often it's scary, or uncomfortable, or boring, or any combination of those. I think the fun is the exception, but I know it can be fun since I've experienced that at least once, maybe twice. Getting hard to remember that far back. I will say the trying to get a date part was becoming fun a couple months ago. Currently I'm sick. So I'm dating myself now and only myself. I hope to get back to the trying part in a month or so.

Your original post confused me. Is it possible she was confused by it, or didn't get it? Heck, I'm still confused. Add to that, I go out with many women as friends. As far as I'm concerned, it's not a date unless the word "date" was used in the asking. It's more like you told her you'd like to be friends, to the extent that I understand your OP. Now don't misunderstand me. I'm totally sympathetic to your frustrations. I've been there. However, I think the solution is to be more direct and just ask her out either as a "friend" or as a "date" and be that specific to avoid confusion.

I want to reinvestment my money in a higher return investment. Improve my health (I've been sick 2 months with lung infection). Better health will make the next several resolutions possible: Work full time again, but not overtime because that's part of how I got sick in the first place due to wearing myself down. Spend less on medical costs Restart my local social life I had my shyness conquered. Now I need to get back to trying to date, then date. Haven't done that in a long time. However, I will NEVER go to a speed dating thing again. Speed dating makes lonliness and celibacy look attractive. That's how little I think of speed dating. My dating goal is to competently try to date and make the effort and not chicken out. I like to limit my goals to things I have control over. I am in control and responsible for trying. I make no resolutions or have any expectations about how women will respond, but I do think some of them will respond favorably, if I try well. Do more house cleaning - Hey, I might want to bring a date home. It could happen. Trade in my Jeep Cherokee for a Hard Top convertable Jeep Wrangler Rubicon Unlimited (lengthened version same size as Cherokee) that's a couple years old. Oh ya: Spend more time with my male friends and keep in better touch with them. I'm very good about this with my women friends, but I've been rather neglectful of my male friends.

You have not been lifting long enough to expect weight gains. Strength gains maybe, but not weight gains. I was the weight training T/A in high school weight classes and I studied strength training for health class in high school and part of my college health class as well. I'm years rusty at this, but I'll try to remember. Your muscle cells are bundled into units. I think I remember those units are called bundles. Anyhow, your nervous system is not fully efficient before you start weight training. thereforeeee, not all muscle cells or bundles are firing. This makes you less strong and also have less firm muscles. For example, if a person is very out of shape, then perhaps only 60% of their muscles cells are firing. The other 40% are doing nothing. The typical teenager (I think I recall) has about 80% efficiency. I'm trying to remember this stuff from when I was in high school. I got an A in this stuff, but that was 20 years ago. So my numbers may not be exactly correct, but the concept is. As you workout, your nerves and nervous system improves its efficiency by adding-growing better and more electrical insulation to send a stronger signal to each muscle cell and bundle. As you weight train, the electrical signal to each muscle cell gets stronger. Some cells used to get little or no electrical signal at all to flex, but now they are getting signal and that signal is getting stronger all the time as you lift more. The outward signs of more efficient nerves and electrical signals in your muscles is that you get stronger and gain muscle tone. Muscles that have a good nerve electric signal stay online, getting a partial signal all the time, which causes muscle tone. The more muscle cells that are getting signal, the more muscle tone you have. At some point, usually after a few months of weight training, your nervous system reach full 100% efficiency where all your muscle cells, bundles, and fibers are all firing when you lift. At this time you are at the strongest for your body weight that you will likely ever be and you still have full cardio endurance. Now, if you continue lifting and increasing weights slightly after your nerves are 100% efficient, then you body has no other option but to grow new muscle. So then you start gaining weight and getting bigger. I do not recommend force feeding to gain weight because your body will automatically adjust your appetite as it needs to. You appetite, especially for protein, will increase once you get to the point where you body starts adding new muscle mass. Up till that point, eating extra protein won't help because you aren't ready to add muscle. I do not recommend protein supplements because they can dehydrate you and are bad for your kidneys. Just a multi-vitamin, C, and E and that's it. Well, some extra non fat milk so you bones can gain necessary density to support the strain of lifting and new muscle. Yogurt is excellent. Lots of water, and 45 min before lifting a nice ripe, spotted banana because it has carbs, a little sugar, and potassium. Muscles need potassium to excercise and it prevents cramps. A half orange just before starting to lift, or 1/3 of an orange juice. Then other half orange halfway though workout, or another 1/3 of an orange juice, the another little bit of sugar from any fruit source after workout to help you recover. To much sugar is bad for immune system. To little and you'll have a sugar crash while working out. Weight training burns sugar (is anarobic excercise). You should still do some arobic exercise during the week to for your cardio and to burn some fat, because weights don't burn all that much fat. Also eat Knox gelatin mixed with some juice for flavor or mixed with Jello for flavor. Why? Because it provide nutrition for growing and rebuilding cartlidge, tendons, and ligaments. That's important to prevent injuries. You need your joints to grow stronger with your muscles so you don't get hurt. Your appetite will increase, not only because of exertion and muscle mass gains, but also because it takes energy to keep all those muscles partly flexed all the time (muscle tone). Jumping rope and stretching for 8 to 10 minutes BEFORE and jumping rope for 5 minutes AFTER weights is helpful because this prevents injuries, and it's been scientifically proven that stretching stimulus + weight stimulus increases strength gains. The warm down after is to remove lactic acid from your muscles so you don't get as sore and so they will grow faster. Lactic acid damages muscles and nerves. So you warm down to flush it out. Hot tubs or Jacuzzi's are also helpful to remove lactic acid from muscles. A hot shower too. But NEVER do that right after working out because it's dangerous. I think heat stroke is the danger. Don't remember for sure. Drink lots of water. Only eat as much as your appetite dictates. Protein supplements are not needed because the average American diet has way more protein than we need or use. It just comes out the other end and is wasted, normally. When you are lifting, the protein you eat in your normal diet will be used. Don't eat extra protein, unless you crave it in your appetite. If you do, tunafish packed in water is a convenient, safe, and healthy way to get extra protein in addition to your normal diet. But don't go crazy on protein or you can get dehydrated and that reduces your improvements and can harm your kidneys. Extra sleep helps a lot because muscles grow mostly while you sleep. The less alcohol and caffeine, the better. Also, reps of 10 with more weight add more muscle mass and strength than reps of 15 with less weight. However, reps of 15 add some strength and endurance. At age 16 to 24 my muscles had their own muscles and I had less than 3% body fat. I learned this stuff from my High School weight coach and it works. However, it's healthier to have some extra fat. I wouldn't want to be that lean again. Men and women are on equal terms for strength gains up to the point where nerves and muscles become 100% efficient and fully toned. After that, the body needs to add muscle mass to increase strength and men have an advantage there due to testosterone. However, you can add some mass to a female frame, and add a lot of tone and strength. Initially, you will only gain in strength, tone, and definition. Later, after a few months, you will start gaining muscle mass, assuming your reps are anywhere from 5 to 15 reps per set. I do not recommend 5 reps per set because that is to much weight and can cause injuries. 10 reps per set is safe and will eventually add muscle mass. 15 reps per set is safe and will eventually add a little bit of muscle mass and a lot of endurance. 20 or more reps per set will increase tone and endurance, but not increase strength much. 20 reps per set will not add muscle mass. I'm assuming you do anywhere from 2 to 5 sets, depending on which excercise, how much weight, etc. My info was state of the art 15 to 20 years ago. I have no idea what things have changed in last 15 years.

I have no idea about other guys, but as for myself... My glove size (hands) is halfway between small and medium. My shoe size is 12, which is a bit large. I'm 5'10" and 180 lbs. Is that average or larger than average? I don't know? My 3rd arm is average size for a white guy. I looked it up. I have no idea if the whole thing is a myth or not.

I think it sounds nice. You're only talking around a 10 year age difference. That's not a big deal. I don't think your friend will think the age difference is odd. Why would she? Besides, your friend already told you he's single and nice. That suggests to me that your friend thinks you and this guy might be good together. So no, I don't think your friend would object to setting you up. Certainly not because of age. Give it a try.

What Dako said is correct. Breaking the touch barrier is a big and helpful step. Years ago my best friend was a woman. She started initiating hugging me. I liked that a lot, but I assumed it was just friendship affection. However, it was a great ice breaker to prepare me to be more than friends. Later, she gave me a back rub-massage, then I gave her the same. Up to that time I thought of her as an attractive, but off limits friend. After the back rub, things were never the same. I don't know which is better, receiving or giving a backrub. Both are awesome! The mutual backrubs gave me all sorts of ideas, but I still didn't do anything about it, or talk to her about it. A couple days later, she initiated a conversation with me about our feelings for each other. The hugs had prepared me for the later backrubs. The backrubs prepared me for the later talk. I'm not saying you have to do things exactly like I describe above. There's more than one way. Dako's advice also sounds very good to me. Hand holding is awesome. The point is that small steps over time are the way to go, I think. You've already started this process by going out. So far, you're already doing good. Keep at it.

Perhaps just continue on as you already are. Eventually you should become more comfortable with each other and less shy. Why rush things? The people with the serious shyness problems are the ones who can't even have someone to go out with because shyness is preventing it. You're already past that. I think you should just keep on as you are and eventually, if it's meant to be, it will be. I'm no expert or anything. That's just my opinion as a formerly shy person.

P.S. - for those women who don't want to show any cleavage, that's fine to. It's womens' business how they dress, IMO. If a guy doesn't like how his woman dresses, then what is he doing with her in the first place? He should be dating a woman who likes to hide those things, if that's what he wants. Why do people date someone they're initially attracted to and then want to change them into something else? Can't people see how unfair that is? To OP, you should learn to accept her as she is and be happy. That's only fair, especially since you already knew how she dresses before you started dating her. You have no right to pressure her to change who she, or how she looks or dresses. If you can't accept her as she is and be happy, then you're dating the wrong person, or she is. If you want a woman who hides her body, there's plenty of them who do (and they have every right to if they want to). You could date a woman who likes to hide it all, if that's what you want, but don't try to change someone to suite you. Every woman has her own style and each man can see what her style is before he asks her out. So he knows her style of dress upfront. He does not have the right to try to change her style later, nor put her down for it. You wouldn't buy an apple and later insist it change itself into an orange would you?

I find the OP very interesting, especially his reactions. First, let me quote some premarital advice that I heard a preacher give to one of my cousins who was going to marry a very beautiful woman who is also a double delight. I'll have to paraphrase the preacher because I don't remember his exact words. He said something like this: If you're insecure or the jealous type, then you have no business marrying a beautiful woman. If you're insecure or the jealous type, that's your problem and your failing, not hers. Men will look at her and that is natural and normal. If you can't deal with that, then be fair to her and don't marry her. When men look at her, you'll either have to ignore it, or be proud of your wife's beauty. But don't get into confrontations with other men or with your wife over it. That's how life is. If you can't deal with it, then you have no business marrying her. If you can deal with it and be happy, then marry her, but I want you to think about this issue carefully before you decide to get married. The preacher told him that over dinner in front of his family and his fiancee. I thought it was a very enlightened view. Now to your OP. If you can't deal with it, then you have no business dating her, IMO. It doesn't sound like she's doing anything unusual and it's her business. Personally, how my GF or wife dresses is her business within reason, and I'm very liberal about reason. If other men or women looked at her, I'd be proud of her beauty. I would not ever assume she was looking for another guy. What a horrible thing to assume about someone you supposedly care for and trust. Now if it turned out that she really did leave me for another guy, well then she wasn't ever really mine anyway. Life is to short to worry about these things that may never happen. Also, how can you ever love someone, unless you can trust them? As for why she likes to dress how she does, that's her business, but I'll venture a few guesses. Women do judge each other somewhat on looks. Men also judge women somewhat on looks. So she wants to look attractive (IMO) so that other women and men will perceive her in a more positive way then they otherwise might. Actually, I think she's making you look better by being with you while looking attractive. Try to appreciate that. Also, don't be so jealous or insecure. It's really unattractive, IMO. If you were positive about it (proud, or at least not insecure), I think you'd be much more attractive to her. Then there's love. How can you ever be mutually in love without trust? You can't. Have some trust man.

I've never touched the stuff. Well, not knowingly. Once, while on my paper route in high school, I had some funny smelling, freshly baked brownies at a home where the high school kids who lived there were delinquents. I didn't know they were MJ brownies. All I remember is they were the best brownies ever. I had two. Then I missed several people on my paper route that day and couldn't remember the route. However, I didn't do that knowingly. I have never intentionally ingested MJ, or any other drug, aside from prescription drugs for medicinal purposes.

All the above sounds like good advice. However, let me add three basics. I got this from real estate sales training years ago, but it applies to any conversation where you want to develope a repoire and keep the repoire going. 1) Remember the person's name. Not only through that conversation, but keep it in your mind from one consersation to the next time. I'm not a woman, but I suspect that a woman finds it a big turn off when I guy doesn't remember her name. If your memory is poor, then write down her name (not while she's watching). I know this is important for customers. As they say in real estate, people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. Knowing and remembering the person's name is the first step to showing you care. 2) Listen, think, then talk. Then repeat that process all through the conversation. Talking is only 1/3 of a conversation. 3) While being engaged in conversation is important and keeping the conversation going for a reasonable time is important, it's also good to be attuned to when the conversation should end. If the other person, or you, has an appointment, or is hungry, tired, or for whatever reason wants to disengage, then let them. There are few thing more stressful than a marathon talker who won't allow you to disengage and leave when you want to. By allowing the conversation to gracefully end naturally when either person wants to, they'll be more likley to want to talk with you in the future. If you don't allow them to disengage when they want to, they'll feel trapped and learn to avoid you next time. There's other things that are important, but those are the basics, IMO. You've also included some other good ones. Empathy is also important, but that's not something that can be taught. A person either is empathetic, or not. Most women would notice the difference. Many men would notice too.

That's exactly why I like to be creative and have a repatoire to draw from. I can use a different one every time and that can go on for a long time before I repeat. Variety and newness are fun and exciting, I think. Originality is also nice.

I think it's also their age that sells it.

To original poster: I wish you well and I hope some of the things in this thread may be helpful to you.

Re what Aurian said: Exactly. Get cross trained. Then you'll always have something to do. I'm cross trained in many things. So I always can find something to do, or they give me something to do.

Everything is fine. I'm really not upset. Nothing that happens here is worth getting upset over. I wish you well. Truly.

Well, I know how I was treated. You are the one who raised the fairness issue(s). Perhaps more women just prefer college to a trade. I congratulate you on your scholarship and other successes. If you say they gave no consideration to whether you are a woman or race, then I'll take your word for it. However, many things that are open to anyone do give extra points for meeting certain racial or sexual criteria. That was explained to me many times in the past by college officials. However, if you earned it totally on your merit, then I congratulate you and respect you for it. I'm also very sorry that you've been discriminated against and/or harassed. I'm very much against that. I don't want to fight or argue at all, but let me point this out. You pointed out something you perceive as unfair and you assume that it's OK for you to express that. Yet, when I do exactly the same thing, you say I'm bitter. I do object to unfairness, but no more strongly than you do when it happens to you. The thing I object to the most is that a woman can point out something she perceives to be unfair and that is OK, yet when a man does the same thing, he's called bitter, unfair, or inappropriate. That is a double standard against men right there. I only did exactly the same thing that you did first. I pointed out something I perceive to be unfair. However, I want to conclude this by saying that I'm very sorry that you have been discriminated against and mildly harassed (your words). Congratulations on your successes and I wish you all the best future success in your endeavers. I mean that sincerely.