charley

Don't over react. You're a nice guy, remember? Don't allow your anger to ruin your niceness. Just dump her in a civilized way without excessive anger and obviously with no violence. You do need to end this because it's not healthy for you. However, as I said before, she may have already ended it. Since she doesn't take your calls, I'd say it's already over and all you have to do is move on. Don't go all mental over it. Chill out and just move on. Calm down and be the cool guy I know you really are.

I honestly don't know. That's my honest answer.

What's a touter? We're on opposite sides of country. I think we don't speakee the same AmerEnglish, or is that an age difference in language? Anyhow, what's a touter? Hey, you're a nice guy and you've been trying to give her every benefit of the doubt. Now take some comfort in knowing that you have been a nice guy and you treated her well inspite of herself. Take some pride in that and then dump her with a clean conscience and then take some pride in having had the strength and smarts to dump her while still retaining your class. First impressions and first reactions are often correct because they come from our gut instincts without reason or conscience interfering. My first gut reaction was to dump her and I should have stayed with that. However, it's admirable that you didn't want to dump her (despite all common sense pointing to it) because you're a kind man. Don't feel stupid or wrong for having been kind. You've done eveything reasonable and more. Now it's time to stop being kind and protect yourself. Dump her now. You don't have to be mean about it, but don't be overly nice either. She'll only be more disrespectful if you're to nice. Like Nike says, just do it. Actually, it sounds like she may have already dumped you. If so, then just walk away and learn from this, but don't dwell on it. There's no profit in being a door mat. I can honestly say that I've always been nice to all the women at work, but some of them were mean to me until I got really angry and told them off. After a big fight and some cooling off time, we've gotten along much better. I showed some backbone. There's no profit in being a door mat. i.e. - be a nice guy to a point, but set limits that they can't cross.

Well said.

Sometimes it's because I like my 2 jobs. I like my job activities and most of my coworkers. There's also lots of nice women at work. It helps to like what you do and who you work with. Unfortuneately, I don't like all my job duties, nor all my coworkers. Then I have to do my job because I like money and because I have enough character to take the bad with the good. Job searching on the other hand, just plain sucks. However, you can let the above type reasons help motivate you, plus the knowledge that you have bills to pay. You have no choice. So just do it. I've personally found all my jobs in my life either by personal contacts or by walking into the place and asking what openings they have, may I apply, etc. The local government employment agency has never found me a job. They're useless government teets on a government boar, IMO. I think private employment agencies are very effective, especially if you have specialized skills. However, I've not used one.

He should be paying his share since he lives there. There is no excuse for what he said to his mother. Then he repeated that to his GF as well. You hadn't done or said anything wrong. You do NOT owe him an apology. I agree with KellBell, except I think it's already time to dump him now. He is a horrible creep. I also think it's time his mother kicked him out. Actually long past time. Some people are not worth dealing with. A second chance is wasted on this guy. He'd ruin 100 extra chances becaue that's his evil, cruel, and selfish nature. He never left the stage of his terrible twos and he's a supposed adult now.

Oh ya, in Oregon, Mary Jane is legally prescribed by doctors. I know a young woman who is a medical professional and also a legal, licensed MJ grower for medicinal purposes for one of her patients. I assume she has to sample some occasionally to make sure the stuff is good - quality control and all that. In Washington, MJ is also prescribed for pain killer, but only in capsule form (containing active ingredient). I'm sure I qualify. I really don't care which pain drug I have, as long as it works. If I can still think clearly, that's an added bonus. I think my worst problems will be all worked out in the next couple weeks and then I'll be healthier again and not need the pain meds. Until then, they're appreciated.

Actually, the question in OP was (as I interpreted) asking if I'd ever done it. My answer was no, except the time those kids tricked me into eating 3 MJ brownies. Here's another question, "Would I now?" Prior to a few days ago, I'd have said no. However, my left knee has been hurting so bad the last few days that I can honestly say I'd have eaten a plate of those special brownies, or nearly anything else, legal or otherwise. Like the song says, I want a new knee and a new drug. The irony is that my knee has hurt so much the last few weeks, and especially the last few days, that I couldn't help screaming and swearing getting in or out of bed, putting on left sock, left shoe, standing from seated position. The pain has nauseated me several times. My neighbors probably think I'm crazy and on drugs (do to screaming and swearing). The actual problem is that I've had no drugs. Well, no pain drugs anyway. Until now. My doctor obliged today. Things will get better soon because I'm now over lung infection and will be able to restart immune suppressent drugs for arthritis in a couple of days. Until then, thanks for the pain pills.

Never mind the Jeep. I'm going to get my left knee fixed. I've been off my arthritis meds for almost 2 months now due to having a lung infection. My arthritis med is an immune suppressant. I can't take it until several days to a week after I'm no longer sick. My knee is now swelled up like a cantelope. It's twice the size of the other and hurts beyond description. A couple years ago my rheumatologist suggested I get my knee cleaned out. According to X-Rays and cat scan, my knee is still in good enough shape not to need a joint replacement, but I do need it cleaned out to remove all dead cells, dead or torn loose cartlidge, etc. I was told that if I had that done to remove debris from prior injury, then the arthritis would have little or nothing to trigger it in my knee. That's RA. I didn't want to do it because the idea of having my knee vacuumed out did not appeal to me and the knee was working good enough. However, it now hurts so bad that a good vacuuming is looking really attractive. I don't know how much that will cost, but I assume it's going to eliminate much or all my discretionary money. i.e. - no Jeep.

Wow. That is a really beautiful sentiment. You're a really good guy. OK. Stick to her for a while then and show her what it's like to be with a nice guy. However, I don't think you should sleep with her, at least not unless she changes substantially. Whatever you do, don't get her pregnant. She'll respect you more if you stand up to her when she's being inappropriate or unkind. You should tell her when she's being unacceptable or mean and let her know you don't appreciate it. Good luck.

I know it's not just guys because women have done this to me before, many times. My policy is to always start out nice with everyone, but be prepared to stop being nice if that becomes more appropriate.

After thought for OP. If dating or marrying a virgin is so important to you for religious reasons, then get setup through your church or church contacts. That's very commonly done. Heck, I have relatives at one church who'd like to set me up and even have someone in mind. My cousin's wife's sister. Just to clarify, that makes us already related by marriage, but not by blood. I have friends at another church who'd like to set me up. They don't have anyone specific in mind, but it's a nationwide church and they have sort of a network for that managed by the married women. I could be setup and married off in no time, if that was my primary goal. Heck, the gal at my relative's church I already know and she's attractive, fun, and likes me. I like her too. Here's the problem, both of those churches have some somewhat extreme views and lifestyles that I'm not prepared to adopt. If you get setup for marriage by a church, they'll have their finger in your marriage for life. No thanks. However, maybe that'd be good for you. I'd bet money that 98% of the women they setup are virgins, and the other 2% will lie about it so you won't know. That isn't the route I want to go, but maybe it'd be good for you. Then you could get what you want, live happily ever after (maybe), and have no reason to antagonize others who don't believe as you do. Why haven't you gone the church setup route? Could it be that you're to judgemental even for ultra conservative church goers? Maybe something else? Not even the most conservative people I know would buy into the retroactive cheating idea. That's not even a Christian ideal, IMO. A key element of Christianity is that everyone can start over and begin a new life. You don't believe that. Another part of Christianity is "judge not, lest you be judged". Well, the truth of that is evident right in this thread. Many have judged you as harshly as you judged them. If you believe the Bible, then you should know that it says God will judge you with the same level of fairness and mercy, or lack of, as you've judged others. It also says you aren't supposed to judge other people. I don't think your ideas are Christian, certainly not your most judgemental ideas, unless some misguided form of Christianity adjusted and manipulated to serve your personal ends. So where are you getting this from? I'm sorry to say it, but personal bitterness is the likely source. If you want to be attactive to anyone, church women or anyone else, you're going to have to let go of your bitterness, stop being so judgemental, and give people a fair chance. Women tend to like nice men. The things you are saying are not nice. FYI - I do believe that virginity is a gift, but I don't require it. I would only require love and monogamy. I also know that bitterness is NOT a gift to anyone. Let it go.

Wow. That OP is very inflamatory. No offense to LukeSkyWalker, but it's going to draw a lot of heat, and I can see why. There is no such thing as retroactive cheating. I think that's unreasonable. People shouldn't be that judgemental. Everyone has a past, especially as we get older. At the same time, it's equally unfair to judge someone negatively because they're a virgin. That's the same discrimination in reverse. Let's live and let live. If any of us want to be happy and have a mate, we have to accept their past, whether it be 10 lovers or 0. You cannot receive love and acceptance, until you give it. The love and the acceptance are a matched set. You can't have love without acceptance. Trust is also part of the matched set. If you're missing any of those things, I don't see how love is possible.

She sounds mean and sneaky. Dump her. It'll make you feel better and she'll see you do have some stones after all. I think the dumping would be great for you. Also, I don't think a 16 year old is to young to date a 19 year old, if her parents are OK with it. However, this girl is obviously way to immature. Dump her. It'll be good for both of you. Besides, do you really want to lose your virginity to a girl who has no class, and little or no kindness? She sounds like zero class to me. Yuck.

Did you ever establish with her that you'd both only see each other? If so, then I see your complaint and the following applies: Character really is destiny. What goes around does come around. Her character (or lack) will plague all around her, which will in turn plague her. It's a certainty. To say that another way, trash always stinks and those around it can't help smelling it eventually and then they start realizing the source. Be glad you're no longer around her. In 5 years, they'll be getting divorced and you'll look back and think how lucky you were not to have married her.

Good advice.

So you're one of the guys? Cool. Well, I'm one of the girls, almost. I try to make sure they remember I'm a guy though. I don't want them thinking of me to much as one of girls. They do like to gossip a bit too, but I kind of enjoy it, as long as it isn't mean gossip. I don't like mean gossip.

FYI - If you're leaving a company, it's best to leave on good terms for many reasons. One reason is so they hopefully won't fight your unemployment application. There are many other good reasons not to burn your bridges. I've personally gone back and worked again later somewhere I worked before.

My father is very fair in his hiring practices. In fact, we have a higher percentage of women and minorities at his company than is required by law and far higher than is the norm for our community. In fact, women are the majority, including in management. Furthermore, we don't tolerate rasicm or other discrimination between employees either. I can think of one case where I got a white supremacist idiot fired for saying racially insulting things to others in the lunchroom. He was directing it at individuals by name. Now if you look at my profile pic, I'm about as lily white as it gets, yet this stuff really P's me off. I didn't have enough pull to get him fired the same day, but I tried. He was fired the next day. The reason for the delay was the managers were arguing over whether to give him "sensitivity training" or fire him. My dad said, "Send him into my office right now and I'll give him sensitivity training." His sensitivity training was being fired and served with a no trepass order and told to get off the premises. My dad is 6'4", 250 lbs, and can be very intimidating when fully p'd off. I have to admit, my dad does have a talent for sensitivity training. I know darn well my father's company is fair. More fair by far than is the norm. Even so, my father also has a standing policy that if anyone is not hired, or is fired, they are not told the reason. That is standing orders for all managers and is for legal reasons. It would be just stupid for a company to list the reasons. The exception is if someone is laid off. That just means there was not sufficient need for their job skills anymore, or not enough available hours. Then "laid off due to lack of available work" is the reason given. That is very different from being fired or terminated. Laid off means they can get unemployment easily. Fired or terminated means they are not eligable for unemployment (in most cases). Also, if someone quits they are not eligable for unemployment (in most cases).

I know a guy who lost his job for saying things to the newspaper that embarrassed his employer. I don't know the exact grounds he was fired for, but it was his own fault. He was a prison guard who'd abused a handicapped prisoner in county jail. The prisoner was a triplegic. I don't know if that's correct term, but both legs and an arm were paralyzed. The guard's rationale for abusing the guy was that he wouldn't walk and was thereforeeee uncooperative. In his efforts to justify himself in the newspaper, the guard admitted that'd he'd done those things. My father and I were the ones who originally brought it to the attention of the local newspaper after the man's family had come to my father in depseration for help. My dad is locally prominent. I also called the ACLU. The local jail got a lot of bad PR in the paper and had the ACLU all over them. The guard's own big mouth in his writing letters to the editor to justify himself provided the best evidence for a lawsuit against the jail that the prisoner won. Also, this paralyzed guy was only supposed to be in for 3 days, but they kept him 9, apparently a punishment for not cooperating? We never were able to get an answer as to why he was there 9 days. However, they released him 1.5 days after I called the ACLU. The guard wasn't fired for what things he'd done to the handicapped prisoner. He was fired for talking to the newspaper about it. An employer can choose not to hire you because they think you are not appropriate for their company. That's all they have to tell you. They don't have to list their reasons. Then can let you go for any variety of reasons. Shooting your mouth off in the local paper is obviously one way to get fired. MySpace sounds like another possibility.

I don't see how the MySpace site being public offers any protection. You could get fired for saying inappropriate things to the local newspaper. That's public too. So where's the protection there? Also, where's the defamation? It'd be the MySpace account user who'd said whatever things about themself. How's the the employer defaming the individual? It was the individual who'd said or shown whatever. Even if you had a case, which I doubt, how are you going to afford a lawyer? It takes money and lots of it to hire a lawyer and sue someone. That requires an income, which likely requires a job. See the catch 22 there? Fairness under the law in civil court is for those who can afford it (afford the lawyer(s)). That's even true in criminal court to a substantial extent. If you want justice, you have to be able to afford the lawyer(s) to have a chance. It also helps to be in the right, but I've observed that's not always necessary. However, money is always necessary. Our legal system isn't fair, but there it is.

The one who asked me out was awesome, but that was 15 years ago. We dated for a year and it was great, but college ended and we each went back to our own separate home towns and lost track of each other. Now as for my current platonic friends, each of them fall into 1 of 4 categories: 1) Neither of us has any sexual attraction to the other 2) I feel sexual attraction to her, but she's not interested, or she's to habituated to viewing me as a friend. 3) I feel sexual attraction to her, but she's taken/unavailable (BF or married). In the past, one of these became a nun. Truly. There's different kinds of unavailable. 4) She has sexual attraction to me, but I'm not attracted to her. Now I admit, I'm working on the number 2s. I flirt with them and they either tolerate it, or like it. Some clearly like it, but still cling to the friends designation. I'm working on it. Oh, who am I kidding? I probably flirt and tease a little with all of them, but it's the number 2s who I do that with the most. It's only the 2s where my flirting has any intent behind it. Actually, I'm not working on anything right now since I'm sick, but I will be working on it again later.

Actually, this subject was just on the radio last night, but with a different slant. It was in regard to setting up a MySpace account as a personal resume and employers are impressed with that, if well done. At least that's what it said on radio. So perhaps a positve one can help as much as a negative one. The one thing the radio was clear about is that some employers are looking applicants up in MySpace. Personally, I'd just get my own web address and start my own personal site, if I wanted to. That doesn't cost much and it's easy to do. However, I've only done this for my employers and for company I started. I've never done a personal one.

From OP, "Even more recently, a "professional" person I have worked with in the disability field has a MySpace page with photos of himself drinking and with comments that degrade people with disabilities.... calling them "retards". We are still trying to figure out what to do about it at work." This dude needs to be fired if he still works with people with disabilities. I'd print his MySpace page first, then give his MySpace address to his employer with the prints and let him get what he deserves. That's if he still works with the handicapped. Now if he's in an unrelated field now, then I wouldn't do that. I have no qualms about lowering the boom on someone who is a bigot, especially if to the handicapped. I've done that at work once. I'm glad I did. If I hadn't, the creep would still be there treating others like dirt. Since I did, he's gone and replaced by someone nice.

I agree. I even regularly get shocked at E by things people post and there's their picture next to it. Don't you think someone from your own hometown might go to E sometime? That's why I use my 5 year old picture. Who's going to recognize that? Only my mom or dad and they won't ever be at E. I'm sure of that. Besides, I'm a darn cute 5 year old. ;-)