charley

Nice eyes are awesome. That's part of face, so I didn't mention that earlier. I love looking into a woman's eyes when I talk to her. I used to be afraid to do that, but now that I've got that fear conquered, I just love maintaining eye contact while conversating. Not just maintaining eye contact, but gazing into them and enoying myself, but I have to be careful to keep listening to her too. It's easy to just go deaf and mute and keep looking into her eyes. I can get mentally lost in a woman's eyes. I think eye contact is emotionally intimate. I love it. I wonder what they think of my eyes? They have dark blue outer ring, and light brown inner ring speckled with yellow and green, then black pupil inside that. I probably look like I'm wearing trick contacts, but I'm not. My eye color changes from year to year a bit, getting lighter or darker, amount of green or yellow flecks changing. What's up with that?

I want to know if she's clean. I'd rather have a visually unattractive woman who's clean, has good hygiene, and smells nice, then a stinky beauty. In fact, there's no such thing as a stinky beauty because if she smells bad, or looks dirty, I'm turned off. In fact, I'd have to say that good hygiene is number one on my list with a woman. All other things come after that. Looks, personality, everything takes a back seat to good hygiene. I've had a couple of smelly woman experiences in the past that left me a bit traumatized. One gal wasn't to good looking, but she was nice and liked me. So I liked her back and became somewhat attracted to her. We dated a couple months. However, her bad hygiene became evident and grossed me out. Another time it was a very good looking woman, but same bad hygiene and she grossed me out too. She never looked good to me after that. ======================== Now for looks, I'm a face and hair guy first and foremost. I especially love a nice smile. I live in a climate where face is all I can see of a woman for 6+ months of the year. So maybe it's circumstances that trained me to be that way. I also like a nice butt, but here again, that's the climate. A woman's butt is one of the few areas you can still appreciate in winter. You can't see it when outdoors because her coat will cover it, but at least indoors you can see some shape, maybe. If it's cold enough for long john under pants, then you can't even see any shape. So then it's all on her face. I love nice hair to, but that's likely covered outdoors (weather), but indoors it's nice. I kind of have a thing for women's calves to, but here again that's circumstances. That's about all they let the girls show when I was in high school (cheer leaders being an exception allowed to show more) and calf is all they ever showed in church to. So I kind of have a calf fettish. I like them with some muscle in them, but not gigantic Swartenegger muscles. Some nice athletic feminine muscle is awesome. Not to skinny please.

Virgin at 22? So what? That's no biggie. Don't worry about it. Some guys might prefer an experienced woman, but there's plenty of guys who'd prefer a virgin, and many others who don't care. I wouldn't even dream of requiring a GF to be a virgin, but if she was, honestly that'd be an emotional and physical extra turn on for me. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Virginity is nothing to be ashamed of. Relax. You don't have an expiration date. Don't even give it another thought.

You know why it's called a crush don't you? Because you get emotionally crushed. That's where the nickname comes from. It wouldn't be a crush if it worked out. Ouch!

I would not recommend buying shoes online due to the need to try them on. However, just for kicks, go look around link removed It's a slice of shoe viewing heaven. I also like Nikes boots and many brands of hiking boots. My watch is cheap because I don't care about it. Not super cheap, but a nicer Timex. Nothing to brag on. I'll spend it on my feet thank you, and slacks, jeans, shirts, sweatshirts (cool washington university ones), and I have a really nice leather jacket with flags of the nations of the world on it. I bought it when I was 25 and it still looks great. It's a classic with flags of countries that no longer exist. USSR, East Germany, and others. I think it's cool. I also have a nice maroon letterman's jacket for Washington State University with matching wool baseball hat. A lot of nice polo shirts and a color matching baseball hat for each. I have better color matching skills than most women. Ha ha. Actually, that's one of the things about me that stands out visually.

Well, in the USA, he'd probably be already fired for touching you at work in front of others, even if you hadn't complained. I find it amazing that he does all these things without getting fired. But you live in a different culture. A wonderful culture actually. I live in the USA where everyone is uptight about everything. The women are especially uptight here. No offense to the USA women present, but compared to women elsewhere in the world, you're an uptight bunch. It's a fact. I think Canadian women are a bit uptight too, but not as much as USA women. No one is the world is as uptight as USA women. I put in a lot of effort to sweeten them up. It's not easy. They're going to want to castrate me now. I'll have to leave the country. Someone suggested laying a sexual harassment suit. Let me guess, a North American woman suggested that, right? If you don't like it, be decent and tell him to stop first. Then if he doesn't stop, report him to your boss. You have no grounds for a suit, unless you boss knew about it (saw it, or you reported it) and did nothing to stop it. A suit would be against the company, not the employee (guy). Why punish the company for something you never reported to them? If you don't like it, just tell him to stop. Only report it if he doesn't stop after you told him. Now back to you. I find New Zealand and Australian women to be amazingly tolerant of men. I love your attitudes. On my worst behavior day ever at work, or elsewhere, you'd think I was very well behaved. The USA women likely would think I'm borderline at work, which I am by USA standards. But I manage to stay just on the good side of the line. A polite, respectful, verbal compliment is as far as I'd dare go at work or elsewhere, and I wouldn't be touching any women without permission, though many do give me permission as they like to receive a backrub at lunch time. Not a private backrub. A public one in cafeteria where I'll go around table and give every woman who consents a little backrub while she's in her chair. I'm very popular at work, especially with the ladies. Popular as a friend though, darn. Mess up an American woman's hair, especially at work? That's going to start a nasty fight and the guy's going to get fired the first time, or if he's really lucky, he might just get a single warning. However, you are a New Zealander and from a different culture than me. So I don't know how much of a violation the hair or touching without permission is. In the USA, especially at work, his @ss would be grass. I think it's time to have a serious talk with this guy and find out what his deal is. Not just ask him the current deal, but also ask him to explain the history of his feelings and behavior. He sounds freakin weird to me, but I'm from another culture. So I don't know what weird is in New Zealand. He doesn't sound shy to me. He sounds just strange. I can't explain him. However, I shouldn't be to critical of a guy who is from another culture that I don't understand.

I don't think she's suffocating him. He's the one who inititates many of the contacts with her. So I still think he's shy, but into her. However, I do understand what you're saying RedQueen.

Well, I predicted that pretty accurately. Oh well, another lesson learned. Think about it this way. Look how much smarter you've recently become. Seriously. That is a positive thing.

Well, not being interested is another possibility and I've also pulled back for that reason too. However, when I backed off due to not being interested, I didn't come back at all, or if I did, I came back being less close and remaining less close. When I backed off due to being interested but shy, then I came back a bit closer and more interested each time. So I think you can tell the difference. Geeze, I'm a complicated, confusing individual, aren't I? I must drive women nuts. I think this guy is into you, but shy. I sense that based on your description.

That describes my shy guy behavior perfectly.

I have taken the plunge with a crush a couple times and it was a painful crash landing both times. Actually one was a painful crash landing since I freaked her out. The other liked me and the attention, but I got shy and I freaked out and avoided her after that. I'm thinking of a cases from years ago. However, I'm glad I tried in the first case. At the same time, I know so much more now. I did so many things wrong. In the second case, I'm still kicking myself. She liked the attention and was into me. All I had to do was carry through instead of chickening out. That one makes me want to punch myself.

I notice footwear. I have a thing for shoes. My women friends call me metrosexual about shoes. I won't admit how many pairs I own. Let's just say I own more shoes than most girls, and as many as most women. I know some women notice shoes and I'm in good shape there. However, I didn't buy them for women to notice. I bought them because I like them. I like them comfortable and fancy, comfortable and dressy, comfortable and rugged, comfortable and casual sometimes, etc. I had foot problems in the past and my self help was to learn about shoes. Clarks are my favorites. I do either match my shoes to my pants, or my belt, or my shirt. Sometimes I put forth the effort to match everything. I also like to match my baseball hat color to my shirt or jacket. I have a collection of hats. Another good one for winter is to match shoes, pants, and shirt to each other, then match jacket and hat to each other. I don't think black or white shoes look good with jeans. Actually, I don't like white shoes at all and don't own any. Most of my shoes are 12s, some are 13s. I don't want my feet looking any bigger. White shoes look enormous in 12s or 13s. With jeans I like brown shoes. With black or navy slacks I like black shoes. With brown slacks, appropriate brown shoes. With grey slacks, black shoes. I have natural color sense. Probably because I'm an artist and photographer as hobbies, and also some professional photographer experience. I do notice a woman's shoes too, but it has little effect of whether I'm attracted to her.

You're a woman? I've only read a couple of your posts. I agree that eyes are important. Eye contact and a nice smile rules. I used to be afraid to look an attractive woman in her eyes. Now I enjoy it. Attracting women is actually so easy. While shy for years, I never knew it was as easy as a smile and eye contact, but it is. I'm still working on the following up and follow through.

Well, I quit taking the Robitussen after reading Annie's post. No change. Willie was on indefinate leave and I was to sick to care anyway. Besides, no GF, so who cares anyway? However, I did get over the lung infection and after being over that for 4 days, on the morning of the 5th day, guess what? Yep. The morining wood thing. Not that it does me any good. The pneumonia left me with a really active and bad case of asthma. Also, my old injuries have bad arthritis that is normally well controlled by my immune suppressent arthritis drug. However, I've not been able to take that arthritis drug for 2 months. I also can't take much pain pills due to sensitive stomach. So I'm in pain, especially my knee, and I'm asthmatic. However, those two things aren't enough to keep me down. But when I had the combination of the infection, asthma, and pain, that did keep me down. The asthma will gradually subside. So will the pain since I'm now back on my arthritis drug. I think in a week I should feel good. As for the subject of this thread, it was not the Robitussen. I don't think so. I think it was just illness, fatigue, and misery both physical and mental. However, I'm getting better now.

My point was why bother at all? Why obsess about her, or even think about her anymore? It's already over. I think you'll embarrass yourself trying to dump her when the relationship is already over. I think she's already dumped you. I didn't want to say that earlier because I didn't want to hurt you, but there it is. If you try to dump her in person, on phone, or any other way after she's effectively already dumped you, you'll just embarrass yourself. I really urge you to just forget this now (for your own good) and just let it all go. Move on.

I personally couldn't care what other men like. I like what I like. If I observed two equally attractive women and one had a bunch of guys flocking around her, and the other was alone. I'd go for the alone woman. She'd appreciate me more. However, I've observed women to very often be guilty of what you describe. So I try to work that to my advantage. Hey, I didn't make them that way, but if that's how many of them are, then I'm going to try and get their ridiculous system working in my favor, instead of against me. At work I've got it working for me, at least in regard to friends. At my favorite club, I had it working for me until my friend quit working there. She was often sending women for me to meet. To bad she's gone now. We're still friends, but she now works in an older club establishment with older clientele. She's was the activities director at the first place, and has the same job at second place.

Personally, I didn't always start out shy. It wasn't attractive women that made me shy. It was attactive women who showed interest in me and then I realized I actually had a chance. Then at the moment I realized I had a chance I turned shy because I now realized I had a chance and was then afraid of blowing it. Prior to realizing I had a chance, I wasn't shy because there was nothing to lose. So I was sometimes very charming and/or funny prior to turning shy. Then turned shy. I've got that mostly whipped now though.

I'll bet they just love, love, love you to. Even if they're to shy to say so.

For NoComply: I had a woman friend who for whatever reason stopped taking my calls for 2 weeks. So I wrote her off. About 2 weeks after that she started calling me. I haven't returned her calls in 3 weeks now. I don't know if I ever will. We'll see. One thing that really gets under a woman's skin is being ignored. It doesn't matter if she did it first, or not, she still dislikes it. My point is that your X is nothing and you should treat her as nothing. She deserves it after how she's treated you. The yawning is just to add some insult to her injury of being ignored. She's got it coming. The thing is to be casual about it so it looks like you're not doing it on purpose. Then it's more effective at tearing down her ego, which is exactly what your X deserves.

When she asks for your opinion, ask, "Do I know you?" and act serious about it. Also, feel free to yawn in her presense when it's just the two of you to indicate the full extent of your boredom with her.

I've done that before: pulled back, thought things over, and then come back ready to become closer after some introspection. And I don't think it strange that he might do that prior to starting to date. I've done that before too. In fact, that's when I'm most likely to do it. For two reasons, one is that I've been rather shy, at least until recently. Shy people are notorious for that behavior. It's just like when a cat is friendly, wants to be petted, then gets shy or spooked and backs away, but then calms down and comes back for some more attention in a while. It's not an intentional game. It's shyness, fear, and a process of overcoming it in steps. I've also done this when I wasn't sure how much I liked a woman and I needed to take time to think about it. That isn't shyness. That's different. I've done this when I was nuts, crazy, head over heals for her and just got scared. That was defineately shyness. I think maybe he's shy. I'd say that maybe he wasn't sure how interested he is, except that's only likely to make a guy back off once. Shyness can make a guy back off, come back off, and do this over and over, but if you make a bit more progress each time, then that's progress. It's also possible that it's something else that I have no idea of. I know a woman who does that with her BF, but it wasn't shyness. It was because she'd consider getting back with her X husband because he wanted to and when her X started sweet talking her, she'd back away from her BF. Then she'd decide the X was history and come back to her BF. Then later she'd repeat this whole process over again. Not shyness at all, but similar outward indicators. What all these various possible sources of backing away have in common is indecision and inner turmoil. I think the first two examples are harmless. The last is bad news.

Why even call her or talk to her again? Is telling her off that important? If so, then I guess go ahead, but don't expect much satisfaction from it. Expect some snotty or angry insults from her, if you do call her to dump her. You could just never call her again and leave it at that. It's already over. Up to you though. Either way, your future will be better. Each learning experience will help you avoid the same mistake next time. Things will improve.

Well, I'm not a fan of online dating for several reasons. First of all, most people do not look as good in a photo as they do in real life, IMO. So I think we all have an advantage right there on the local scene. Second, with online dating, how do you know anything is real about the other person. How do you know that pic is of them, or if it is, it might be years old. Also, online dating then becomes more about how you can write than how you talk or are in person. I think I've become reasonably good in person, but I'm still better in writing. Yet let's think about that. A person's writing skills aren't so important when you are face to face with them. It isn't their writing skills that you date in person, or marry, or sleep with. Some people are less articulate in person than in writing. Others are the opposite. It's the "in person skills" that you end up dating, not their writing skills. I personally think the local scene wherever you are is better than online. I mean more tradtional ways of getting dates locally. Speed dating and other 3 ring circus acts like that are not helpful either, even though they are local. I'd like to see you succeed. I really think that local is a better route for you, or anyone. Just my opinion. However, if you want to continue with the online stuff, then the ladies' advice above sounds like good advice.

I guess what I mean is: show some backbone and not be a doormat, but don't get mean. There's a happy middle ground. It's called assertive. Assertive means you don't take cr@p and you don't give any. You don't abuse others, and you don't allow them to abuse you. Just aim for assertive behavior. To do that you'll have to calm down. I think it's over already anyway. Just learn from it, but don't let it bother you to much, and move on. Life is a series of cruel learning experiences. Experience is a cruel teacher. Learn from it, but don't let it ruin you or destroy your kindness. Find the assertive middle ground where you're still a nice guy, but you don't allow others to mistreat you. Try to view all this as a learning experience because that's what it is.