charley

My dad and sister both suffered from migranes. Now seldom. Nearly cured. Something my dad buys from healthfood store. I wish I could remember what it's called. My dad used to get one a week. Now only about one a year. I'll ask my dad or sister and get back to you. In the meanwhile, Folic Acid (one of B vitamins) is supposed to help somewhat. I'll find out about the other thing and get back to you. It's not even expensive and doesn't require a prescription.

Maybe he lives with him mom, or something like that, or his wife. Maybe he lives with his mom and wife.

People who don't write back without first making things clear... Are rude people. I don't know what to tell you to tell him, but you should tell him something to the effect that you aren't interested anymore. Your reason about him being to busy is a valid reason. So use that as the reason. It's honest.

That went right over my head. Care to explain or elaborate?

Runway fashion models are NOT chosen for being attractive to men. They are chosen for being walking clothing racks to display dresses. CB wants me to go do some homework checking out Victoria Secret models? Well, OK, I will. I'll do it for you.

If I'm seeing ribs, then to skinny. However, I didn't think those VC models where that thin. I thought they run more to the shapely. Have I not been paying close enough attention? Runway fashion models are way to skinny.

Actually, if it was one of my women friends who I'm attracted to who did that, I might even like it. However, I wouldn't be trying to take her home and jump her bones because I wouldn't want to take advantage of a women when she's drunk, especially one of my friends. I'd feel guilty. I feel guilty even thinking about it. If you were my friend, I'd just do like Dako said, and like I did do with my one of my friends 3 months ago, and make sure you got home safe and try and keep the other guys off you too. I don't want them taking advantage of my friend when she's drunk. In the actual case I describe, I did have to rescue her from the clutches a guy who had every intention. Then I brought her back to my place to sleep it off before bringing her home. I could have easily had my way with her, but I wouldn't take advantage of a drunk woman, or any woman. She thanked me profusely later for rescuing her from the other guy and for looking after her.

Ah, you misunderstand me. I wouldn't literally assume she literally has VD. I was overstating it partly in a joking way. I wouldn't literally assume she had VD. I would however, suspect she might be rather promiscuous. That suspicion might lead me to wonder about other risks. That's all if she's a stranger to me. If it was one of my women friends and she was drunk, that's different. I would then do exactly like Dako described and laugh and make sure she got home OK. Just what I did when one of my women friends got really drunk. So drunk that while I was bringing her home, her boob popped out and whoop, there it was. She didn't even know it was out. I discreetly told her and she tucked it back in before passing out in my recliner chair. I'd brought her back to my place to sober up before I brought her home because I didn't want her parents seeing her like that. Yep, a young woman friend. She slept it off in my chair a couple hours before I brought her home. I didn't judge her negatively over it, except that I was concerned about her drinking to much. She didn't even remember her boob popping out, or tucking it back.

I know lots of slightly overweight young guys who are dating or married to attractive women. I do think women are not so into thin men though. I have to agree there. I know one very attractive woman who told me she prefers men who are about 15 lbs overweight because to her that's perfect. As for your age comment, I agree that has something to do with it. Women are a lot more lenient about looks when a guy is in his 30s than 20s, IMO. Women in their 20s like me better right now than they did when I was in my 20s. Of course, there's likely extenuating circumstances there. In my 20s, I looked like I was a very good looking 16 to 18 year old, but what woman in her 20s wants to date a guy who looks like he's in high school? For a man, there is some advantage in looking older, or at least old enough - looking say 25+. Since I now look 28 to 32, I'm visually appearing to be old enough. Maybe that is the most important thing. I don't know for sure. I can only guess.

Life isn't fair, but us guys do catch a break on looks. Women like me better right now slightly chubby and 1/3 bald than they did when I was younger, had a full head of blonde hair, and muscles. Go figure. Actually, why is that? It's a mystery to me. I think I was better looking then, but women either don't think so, or don't care. Maybe it's because I'm better at conversation now?

You are fun and never boring. Your posts are always interesting and sometimes funny. I find you entertaining. I don't know you, but you seem potentially very likeable. I didn't mean to come off so negative or harsh. It's just that what you described is beyond aggressive flirting to me. It would honestly make me assume that a woman that wild has an extensive sexual history, which might be risky. I didn't mean any offense. I'm just being as boldly and directly honest as you always are. I don't have any intent of insulting or offending you. I was just giving my honest reactions to your scenario. I propose we rename you "Naughty Carrot" or "Wild Carrot"

Before anyone get's to torqued up about my use of the word chubby, which is a perfectly fine word, let me say that I'm a little bit chubby myself. Puff.Dragon, you can't get away with using that word without catching some flak because you're in to good physical condition to get a free pass on that. They'll probably let me get away with it, since I'm a little chubby myself.

I don't have an answer for the OP question. Just an observation. Imagine it from both sides. To the neglected person, from their point of view their mate is neglectful. To the other person, from their point of view, their mate is clingly. It's like two people pointing at each other and one points and says "neglectful". The other points and says "clingly". Who's right? I don't know. I suspect it's a case of being fundamentally incompatible and not being with the right person.

True enough. I meant just getting to know someone. However, after you do know them, isn't there still some risk? What if a guy you knew well complimented you on being skinny?

A classic example to men why compliments to a woman's looks should be general and not specific. i.e. - you're beautiful is probably good, but you're beautiful because x, y, z is likely to offend. For some reason women often get really offended by overly specific compliments to their appearance. In fact, overly specific compliments are often considered rude. For example, "nice boobs" or "nice butt" are very specific compliments and have a good chance of being considered rude and offensive. Apparently being called "thin" can be added to the list of overly specific ones. Most women seem to prefer their compliments vague and general. Even those who don't mind a specific compliment still like the vague ones. The vague ones are considered polite. Your're beautiful. You're pretty, etc. Vague compliments are safe, polite, and classic.

I've observed that chubby white girls are popular with Mexican guys in my area. Sometimes with black guys too. One of my best friends (before he moved away) was a black guy and he had a thing for chubby white girls and shapely Asian girls. Well, I can relate to the second half of that anyway. I have several Mexican friends and they all prefer chubby women. One is married to a chubby Mexican woman. The others are either married or dating chubby white women. My sister is a chubby white gal. She used to teach English at the local college. One of her specialties was teaching English to non English speakers, which was mostly Mexicans, but also some Asians. She was not accustomed to guys hitting on her because most white guys aren't into chubby white gals. However, as a young teacher age 25, yet looking like she was 17 or 18, she was suddenly uber popular at school and her Mexican students were hitting on her like crazy. She thought the Asian guys liked her too, but were shy about it. She told most of those guys that she can't date students, except the one guy she liked she told she can't date a student while he's in her class, but if he'd ask her again after the quarter ended, then she'd could. As soon as that quarter was over and he wasn't going to be in her classes anymore, they started dating. They eventually got married. That was years ago. They're still married, happy, and have a little girl. Here's the funny parts, to me anyway. One time I was out with my brother in law and we did a little girl watching just to compare our tastes. So I'm like, OK, point out a woman you find attractive. He draws my attention to a chubby white, blonde woman, who was whiter than I am (more pale). I said, "You like that look???" He was very enthusiastic about liking it. He loved that look. OK. He didn't like any women I was attracted to. All the ones I liked (Asian, Mexican, darker white gals, lighter African American gals) were all to dark for his tastes, and not heavy enough. I think I have excellent taste in women, but he doesn't think so. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. The lucky thing for me and my brother in law is that our tastes seem to be compatible with the women who tend to like us. i.e. - we have a chance. Well he's taken now. I have a chance. It would suck to be attracted to a type woman who never returned it. To each his own. The interesting and perplexing thing about Puff.Dragon's tastes is the disparity. The two things you like have no similarities to each other that I can see. My tastes are consistant. Oh well, to each his own. However, it might also behoove you to pay attention what types women find you attractive and then adjust your tastes accordingly, if you can.

You have an interesting disparity of tastes.

In private maybe, but in front of a crowd in public? It's the crowd of spectators that I find most disturbing. In private would be totally different, IMO.

It depends. If you were a stranger, I'd likely wonder if you were just making fun of me. If I thought that you're making fun of me, I'd be offended, angry, and embarrassed. If I thought you really meant it, I'd still be embarrassed, yet a bit flattered, yet not touching you with a pole because any stranger woman who acts like that is a bad risk for VD and not my emotional type anyway. However, if I knew you well, I'd probably laugh, find it amusing, possibly flattering, yet still embarrassing. No matter what, I'd prefer a more subtle approach. I have had women yell at me like you describe, occasionally, and I always walked away from them. There was a woman who used to pat me on the butt, but she was quiet and didn't attract attention about it. She was my friend and would pat my butt while hugging me hello. I remember being confused about that and wondering, then shrugging off and putting out of my mind. Later on, she asked me out and became my first GF. I've exchanged hugs and innocent backrubs with many female friends and still do, but that's different. The reaction you'd get will depend on the guy and how well he knows you. Quiet guys are not going to like it. I wouldn't. Boisterous guys might like it.

Depends on how much and in what ways. I have to consider it on a case by case basis.

Just in case anyone is wondering, I did not make the above post to sound self promoting. I made it to make two very valid points. 1) I do know what I'm talking about. 2) We all have financial problems occasionally, and other problems. To survive we must make choices and carry them out, even though they may be unpleasant or painful. It's far less painful to solve your money problem than to lose your home. However, if you do lose your home, you still have your health and can start over. So this isn't life and death. It's just unpleasantness. Let's keep that in perspective. Do you think my dad and mom wanted to move out of a large home into a small apartment? Of course they didn't want to, but they did what was necessary. People thought my dad was going down the tube when they saw him move into a small apartment. He told them he did it because it's in same city as his business, only a block away and more convenient, plus he doesn't have to worry about yardwork. All true, but the real reason he did it was to prevent going down tube, and it worked. A hard decision I'm sure, but he did it soon enough. I don't think he minds driving an older car. He's sort of into the whole miser mindset now. Now (years later) he can afford whatever he wants, but he likes being a miser now. Do you think I wanted to sell my software company to my fathers real estate competitor? Hell no, but it was the right thing to do and it's been working out very well for me and for the guy who bought it. My physical therapy used to, and sometimes still does, hurt like hell. Yet I do it anyway because it's necessary. Your problems might be solved in time to save your house, but you're going to have to make some hard decisions and carry through with them SOON. Time is of the essense because your home is experiencing negative amortization. You are getting in deeper all the time. The interest is compounding and thereforeeee interest is growing at an exponential rate because you are not making payments. Speed is a key element to any solution for you. You cannot afford to procrastinate any longer. You must get a plan into action. I know you don't want to part with your car, but will have to. Public transportation works. A bicycle works well, if weather not to bad and distance not to far. Also, living close to work is a huge time and money saver. How close do you live to work? Your home is a good investment. So it'd be ideal if you can keep it. However, if you can't keep it, then it's financially much better to sell it than to lose it to the bank or to back property taxes. The bank or government would sell the home for only enough to get what its owed, not for enough for you to get your equity out of it. If you sell it, you can sell it for enough to pay bank, property taxes, and still get your equity out of it. So it's crucial that you avoid bank forclosure to save your equity. Your car is not a necessity, not an investment, and it's a money drain. Starting point is to sell the car. Then let's also think about other things you can do to save money and make more money. Screw their not working a 2nd job policy. You can have a Saturday job and they won't find out, probably. There's more to talk about, but first you need to answer my questions in prior post.

Remember when Donald Trump got into trouble? He sold his mega yacht and a lot of other things, tightened his belt, and endeavered to spend less and make more income. He recovered. Your problems are on a smaller scale, but the same things apply. My father is a multi-millionare real estate developer, yet he's had many hard times along the way. I can remember paying the house payment with my substantial lawn mowing money when I was a kid in high school. I made $1,000 a month mowing lawns plus $60 a month from paper route in the mid 80s. Adjusted for inflation, in today's money, that's like I was making $2,100 a month working part time. Imagine how my dad felt having to ask his kid to pay the house payment. He couldn't have felt good. I paid the $700 a month house payment and helped buy the food. Then I still had about $250 a month for myself. However, I had to buy my own clothes, shoes, lunches at school, and other things. My mom paid all other bills with her school teacher's salary, plus she chipped away at the bills from my father's failed real estate brokerage business. We couldn't afford to go to doctor much, or dentist. Luckily we'd had good dental before that. Mind you this was a large and expensive house we lived in because my dad bought it before interest rates went up to 18% and the real estate market cr@pped out. So I was making the house payment on a 3,500 square foot house with a view of Columbia River when I was 15, 16, and 17 years old. That's darn near a mansion. The lawn was several acres too (in town). Actually it took up 1/2 a large city block by my estimation - half the frontage and half the depth. My dad couldn't sell it because homes weren't selling due to VERY high interest rates combined with BAD economy. Of course it was in lawn mowing season 6 months of the year when I could help. In fall and winter, there were no lawns to mow and a paper route pay sucks. So we didn't have enough food sometimes. Seriously. I know suffering from way back. My dad later recovered, paid off his debts, and over 15 years time went on to become wealthier than he ever had been before he went bust the first time. However, during the middle of that 15 years things looked tight for him temperarily. So he sold his very large home BEFORE things got desperate and he and my mom moved into one of his apartment buildings he owns in a small 2 bedroom apartment. This is a guy who's wealthy (despite a temperary money pinch due to assets tied up in apt buildings). So he moves into one of his own apts. From a 3,500 sq ft home to a small apt. Never a complaint out of him or my mom. This allowed him to prevent a serious cash flow problem. He then went on to financially grow ever larger for many years since. He could easily afford another large home and any brand-model of new car, but he prefers to just stay in that small apt and drive his 15 year old Chevy van. He was always good at making money. What he's learned in old age is that saving money is also good. That's true when you have lots of money. It's even more true when you don't. FYI - saving money is tax free while making it is taxed. He taught me many things, including real estate investment, sales, financial management, and especially how to recover. I also have formal education in business administration and real estate investment. The best stuff is what I learned from my dad and several of his competitors in the real estate development world who I worked for. Those guys took me under their wing, which was quite generous, especially since I was their competitor's son. I was a licensed professional real estate and investment councelor in my 20s. Then a designer of real estate investment software in my 30s. I've also had to recover from my own personal financial disasters. Having a crushed neck one time, broken neck another, plus assorted other injuries, knee, back, fingers, hand, ankles, feet, etc. I was once told by a doctor that I'd never walk again. However, years later I relearned to walk again and very well to. Not even a limp. The exception being if I get an infection and have to quit arthritis meds - like the last two months (limping like crazy), but that's getting better now. I not only had to recover physically, but also mentally and financially. I went from under a mountain of medical bills and other debts to out of debt and good credit again and financially slightly ahead of the game. How? I sold the software company I started (still young company at the time) in exchange for the buyer paying off all my debts plus some cash for me. That company now sells real estate investment software internationally and I continue to manage it for the owner who I sold it too. I should be a millionare right now. Instead, I'm slightly financially ahead. I feel darn fortunate too. I have a job for life at good programmers pay rate. I still intend to be wealthy some day. However, I have regular monthly medical costs of $2,000 which means I have to struggle to get ahead. Imagine having a whole in your pocket and losing $2K every month even before you begin to deal with the normal expenses that everyone else has. When sick like recently, it's going to be several hundred dollars more than $2k medical costs and I didn't work the last two months, much. Ouch. Yet in long-term I am slowly getting ahead and I even have substantial money invested that is growing at a good rate, soon to be better rate. I feel darn fortunate too. I'm doing reasonably well in spite of all my problems. The last two months was an unpleasant exception and a setback because I couldn't work (sick) most of that time, and I suffered. However, I'm now making a strong comeback. Give me a another week and I'll have the tiger by the tail instead of it having me by the tail. Maybe I can help you with some good planning and you can recover. Maybe not, since it's late in the game. In any case, you have your health. Be thankful for that. It's more than some of us have. You can start over if necessary. There's more to life than possessions and money, as long as you have an adequate place to live, adequate food, and your health. You might recover. Nearly anything is possible if you persevere and apply good management. That starts with a good plan. My greatest concern is that we get at it before your home is foreclosed by bank because that would be a severe financial blow. So let's try and avoid that by getting to work on solutions and implementing them fast. Please answer my questions in prior post ASAP.

Donald Trump said a quote that applies to everyone. "It's not how much you make or spend that matters. It's is the difference." It's that philosophy that I have in mind with what plan I'd like to help you form. I asked for the list of information because I need that to fit the plan to you. I think I can help you. Dako's advice is along the general lines of what I'm about here. However, I want details from you so I can give you a more detailed plan. You can pull out of this, but you'll have to form a realistic plan and then have the perseverance to carry it out. I'd like to help you form that plan. You can do it.

Ask your local CPA for advice. Ideally a CPA with 10+ or 15+ years experience. It'll cost you around $200 for that professional advice, but worth every penny.