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maplesyrup

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  1. maplesyrup
    I know, I don't mean to be unappreciative of the help I have received, its just the feeling I got. Everyone, thank you for your time, and patience with me.
  2. maplesyrup
    Thank you Derek for actually adressing my question without reading too much into it. I gave up a couple posts back, it seemed to turn into coach the crazy women instead of what I tried to intend it to be. I think I will do that, first I am going to wait a couple of days to calm down and blow off steam, and maybe go out for a walk on the beach to talk about it. The main problem always seems to come back to the actual act, he thinks I want him to stop, and I have such ahard time explaining that I accept it but just not to this extent, its like he thinks if I accept it it should be to all degrees, and I just can't seem to do that. I tried, I tried for a long time before even bringing it up. I always seem to say the wrong things while trying to talk about it, thanks for the ideas.
  3. maplesyrup
    Yeah, still something I need to figure out myself. SIGH
  4. maplesyrup
    Thanks, that'll help a little bit, seeing as how I am perpetually confusing. Most of what I do or say doesn't make sense in the normal logic, so trying to explain to my SO why something he does that is completely normal bothers me is always a hurdle.
  5. maplesyrup
    I have been to these sites, and all it does is make me want to log off and find my fiance, so I suppose I just don't understand the jump from that to multiple times while online, without a thought to me. Ultimately leaving me feeling completely left out and uneeded and confused. I am probably reading too much into all of this, he has a high sex drive, so what, he looks at porn and masturbates, so what, all of that is normal. So why does the frequency bother me? Maybe I need to take up a good hobby...and even maybe find a way to not feel so replaceable..maybe then it wouldnt worry me so..
  6. maplesyrup
    Okay, Derek, thanks for that, I admit I didn't read the PS the first time around. I do understand the need, and the desire to escape sometimes. But so much? It worries me, though I have noticed it increases before bed and when he is home alone with nothing to do. Maybe it really stems from lack of something else to do, but how do we, as a unit, help to remedy that? I realize that it is most likely me having a 'female' moment and overthinking the situation. But I still worry if it has something to do with me. And when I say something, it makes him feel bad, I know he feels ashamed about it sometimes, and he can't really put it into words. Words that would satisfy me I guess. Everytime I try to talk about it, I back off, because it had started to make him uncomfortable to talk about it, or it seems it is taken the wrong way. General it feels like we didn't get anywhere closer to a problem that may be causing the desire to escape more often, and with that pathway. It went from magazines and tv to internet when we got the comp hooked up online. I know because I was aware of this with the other two mentioned above, and he would do it in the bathroom or when I wasn't there. Or if I was, he would get aroused from it and then come and find me. Then with the computer it seems to be whenever, even intruding on our own personal time. Looking to me less then he needed, or in better words, just as much as always even while his desires were increasing. I know its a confusing situation. And I know there is a reason, I just have to get to the bottom of it.
  7. maplesyrup
    A guys insight would help greatly, maybe if I could understand why a little bit more, it wouldn't bother me. Which is how we got through it last time, and all the other issues that come up in every relationship. If there was a reason or a way of thinking that led to it, I would be more inclined to it. As of right now, he cannot really explain it himself, he admits that it is just an urge he cant seem to calm.
  8. maplesyrup
    Thank you...I never wanted to be analyzed, as I know I am dysfunctional already, and my views on roles of a man and woman relationships are very different than others, so. All I needed was an idea on where to go from here. Maybe for the post I should have just asked: "What do you do if you asked someone to do not do something that was bothering you, and they didn't, multiple times, how would you then approach the situation without hurting anyone?" I think trying to help everyone thoroughly understand the situation made them wonder too many things that weren't related to the problem at hand.
  9. maplesyrup
    Alright I am just going to end this thread. It has gone from my seeking advice on how to handle a situation to posters attempting to delve into the shadows of an 'obviously' perverse relationship. If I wanted therapy I would fork out the money, all I needed was advice on what to say and how to say it, where to go from here. And in trying to explain the situation thoroughly so that one could make an enlightened decision, it seems it has now been focused on the mechanisms of the relationship. I never once mentioned problems with anything besides the frequency of viewing the internet porn and possibly get some insight on why he shuts me out. Thank you everyone for your time and patience and insight, but I think I have absorbed enough from this for the day. Thanks again, and again sorry for getting everyone so riled up over something I thought was a minut issue. I know exactly what he is into, and it is no where close to child porn, and the locked door thing was more figurative than literal. But thank you for all of your concerns.
  10. maplesyrup
    I would like to post a recap so that everyone is still on the same path: This is a emotionally and physically healthy relationship. Sex is not pressured or the like. The problem still stands at the fact that, though I have allowed the porn to a certain degree (twice daily) once it hit the point where it is hours at a time, while I am still present, and even right after lovemaking, I have confronted him about it. Not long afterwards, it went back to the way it was. He denies looking at it so much when I know damn well from the computer, I would probably feel better if he admitted it was so much, or even wanted more from me. But instead he goes straight to the porn, sometimes even right before I was going to initiate something myself with him. Thus causing my feelings of being insufficient or left out. My original seek to this was what do I do now? Established I need to talk to him again, but I am still unsure of what to say? How do you tell a man he can look at porn but not on the internet, which is where he seems to be sucked into the most, without sounding like a nagging naive woman?
  11. maplesyrup
    I truly do appreciate the different scenarios. But the daily sex is not initiated nor pressured, that is up to speed to my sex drive as well as his. It would be more but I cannot physically do that, it takes days for the tears to heal from it. Nothing is lacking from the relationship as far as I can see. And the reason he keeps doing it is he doesn't think it is bothering me, because I will be fine with it once we talk about it and an agreement is come to, or an undertanding rather. Now, he doesn't realize he has gone back to doing it so much and in a way that is insensitive, and I have yet to confront him again. Hence this post. He does not know I am still upset about it, I am sure he senses a little but not the full degree.
  12. maplesyrup
    I cannot meet his needs past once a day during the workweek, I AM able to devote more time to this on the weekends however.
  13. maplesyrup
    WildChild, I think I didn't clarify 'involved' at the very least all I mean is for him to let me know he is desiring something like that at the moment. Something as little as him giving me a kiss after hes been online makes me feel less left out. I never said I didn't want him to masturbate at all, I think what I am trying to say is getting progessively skewed through diff posts. No, I do not feel it is an addiction, I feel he is only being less sensitive. That he should recognize that when he does it I feel unneeded. If he wanted it five times a day and I could accommodate I would, but mostly he doesn't even come to me, doesn't even mention his needs or desires. And he won't let on to it when I ask, thus making me feel unwanted. I'm sorry this is so confusing to thoroughly explain, I am doing my best and if there is anything else I left out that would help let me know. Thank you scout for trying to keep things in line with what I am trying to say, this has become more difficult than I intended to relay my situation.
  14. maplesyrup
    Okay, so I put my foot down? What do I say, what do I allow and ban? I fear banning the act completely would do more harm than good. I do understand the need and desire, I just wish he would look to me before settling for masturbation. Because thats how I view it, I grew up very understanding of mens outlooks, but I always thought that if a man could get real sex he would not need to masturbate, hence my concern in this whole thing. I know now it is viewed as a different category. A couple times a day, maybe once coupled with love making, that I can understand. I know his sexual drive is higher than mine, I cannot physically handle the demands. But I just want to be involved, whether he watches it with me or I help out when I cannot make love. Thats all I wanted, and this is what is progressed to. Sorry to repeat myself, just thought it would help for those new viewers and also to clarify anything. No it has not decreased, it is still once a day and more on weekends, two to three. It is still passionate, I have even allowed some quickies for himself, when there isn't alot of time. But also should be noted, that I no longer feel sexual driven by him when he has recently masturbated. I just don't feel needed. Also I will skip a day if he spent the whole day previous on the internet as mentioned before.
  15. maplesyrup
    I were to put my foot down? Well, that's certainly not my place, but yes it would make things difficult if not short of him leaving. Also, it wouldn't solve anything, he would just go back to hiding it and lying. Hypothetical as in he never existed? I wouldn't be here right now. Hypothetical as in he leaves me when I confront him? I don't really know. After a failed attempt to salvage it I supposed I would abandon our plans, pack up and get in my car and drive until I can't drive any further. Because he's the only reason I am still here, the only reason I have hope. That's really not something I want to think about when I am awake, my nights are already filled with horrid dreams of that exact thing happening.
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