keenan

good thread idea! your ex sounds less than stellar, i must say. i'll try this, but unfortunately, my ex doesn't have many flaws. stuff that comes to mind: 1. he never fixed things around the house. just not a 'handy' guy. would rather pay people to have things fixed, or just let them be broken. usually not a problem, but sometimes annoying. 2. he watched a lot of tv & movies. i'm mostly a music chick, so sometimes it was just boring to watch him go wild over the latest show--watching 12 hours straight of the sopranos, or lost, or 24, or whatever. yawn. 3. he was starting to get a bald spot, but then he started taking propecia (sp?) and it all grew back. funny to take a pill to keep your hair. but whatever. fun to tease him about. 4. he thought my job was really boring and really didn't like hearing about it. kind of made me feel like he didn't 'get' a big part of me. that's a big one, actually. we had a lot of fights about that. 5. mostly only reads non-fiction books, and even then, stuff like financial books. the only fiction books were tom clancy and such. am a pretty vocracious reader; it would have been nice to be able to talk with somebody about books. 6. really into having everything be really chic and polished--fancy digs, fancy car, plasma, all latest gadgets. nice, but sometimes felt a little shallow. kept me in the technology loop, though. 7. didn't want a dog. too messy. 8. grumpy grumpy grumpy under stress. 9. sulks for long time when mad. doesn't just get it out and move on. 10. snores. sadly, there are hundreds of things i absolutely like and love about him. but...it was still fun to think of the bad ones. thanks!

hey girl, don't worry about weight and birth control. it has a lot of other advantages--shorter, lighter, more regular periods; bigger breasts! and more importantly--the peace of mind of not being in the agony you're in right now. go for it. p.s. the patch is good if you don't want to have the daily responsibility of the pill, and depo provera (the shot) is excellent, too (and often results in no periods at all--woohoo!). talk to your family doc or ob/gyn. if you can't do that w/o your parents freaking out, go down to planned parenthood. they'll take good care of you.

Excellent thread! I have so many, but three are making me feel good right now. Sorry for the length, but these songs are worth it...check 'em out! (ah...but fair warning that there's a significant jam band/bluegrass bias, so if you can't stomach that, then skip it.) (1) Railroad Earth, "Long Way to Go" i wore my boots out walkin' poured my heart out talkin' i felt the pain & i broke the chain but i still got a long way to go been on the road 'til tomorrow been through the joys & the sorrows came through the flood & i pulled through the mud but i still got a long way to go been in the back-room dealin' been on a long hook reelin' crashed in the shed & i woke in a sunny bed & i still got a long way to go been on the rails & big muddy I've crossed the trails rocky & rutted been down the road a million miles but i still got a long way to go i've traveled near & traveled far i beat a hole in my guitar crawled with the zeroes & i stood with my heroes & i still got a long way to go been in the rain & on the run i worked a long day in the sun i slopped the pails & i beat the nails but i still got a long way to go i tried the a verse as the b verse i took the c verse to the chorus rewrote & changed it then rearranged it & i still got a long way to go i lost my way in darkest night i woke again & saw the light opened the book & i . . took a look but i still got a long way to go tell me what . . . what is the soul of a man? he's got to reach up his hand tell me what . . . what is the soul of a man? he's got to reach out his hand & i still got a long way to go still got a long way to go still got a long way to go (2) Tim O'Brien; Less and Less I try to travel around with less and less I tried them all and the simple way is the way that's best I save a lot of time not havin' to choose What color shirt I wear or which pair of shoes Don't need a guitar to sing my song Wherever I land I'll always get along Chorus: I've been up and down the road a time or two I guess Now I try to travel around with less and less I had a woman once, she was not my wife I took a long detour on the road of life I carried that weight and almost broke my back Nearly lost the ones I love getting' back on track Wasted lots of time and I still feel the pain Made a vow that I won't go through that again Chorus Coffee in the mornin' a little wine at night A meal somewhere in the middle I think I'll be alright I've got my pride, I got a smile to greet the day I got a friend or two to help me through when I lose my way Don't need a guitar to sing my song Wherever I land I'll always get along I've been up and down the road a time or two I guess Now it's time to travel around with less and less (3) Bonnie Raitt, I Will Not Be Broken (abridged) That was then this is now Found my way back here somehow Knew you'd have to let me go Told you once I told you so Take me down You can hold me but you Can't hold what's within Pull me round Push me to the limit Maybe I may bend But I know where I'm not going I will not be broken I will not be broken I will not be... Someone other than who I am I will fight to make my stand Cause what is livin' if I can't live free What is freedom if I can't be me

wow. [contemplating....] do you feel that way even after talking to her or seeing her?

happy birthday! 30 is a great year.

yep, we care. promise. yes. i have felt that way. right now i DO feel that way. i mostly believe that things get better because people here say they do, but it's really hard to believe them sometimes. i'm sorry that throwing your heart into the void didn't pay off. i know how it feels to need to hold onto hope, and how badly it hurts to try to let it go...and how absolutely terrible it is that hopes just oozes out slowly, over time. it's like a long illness (but hopefully not terminal). dogg, can you take some time off from your regular routine? for example, can you take a few weeks off work, or a take leave of absense from school, and just throw you stuff in your car and take a road trip to someplace warm and sunny? could you visit some friends or relatives who live far away (in an interesting place) and who would let you bum around with them for awhile? or...you could get a temporary job that would let you eat, but cause less stress. ski resort? surf shop? something low-key but different, where the stress is minimal and the scenery and people are new. it might really help you break out of this gray and muddy rut. (i'm taking my own advice, fyi. am throwing my sh*it in my little VW and heading south for awhile. i'll let you know if it helps.)

i feel you. i'd be right there, too. hug.

I have family members in the Air Force and Navy. They're all very happy.

it means BINGO!

Ilse, I have a background in linguistics, too. Protex, I read once that the most successful law school applicants have undergrad degrees in philosophy. The logic classes and heavy mental lifting pay off on the LSAT, apparently.

There is nothing that quite matches the experience of being a single woman shopping for canned cat food, alone, on Valentine's Day. Chicken, or Ocean Fish?

I thought it was a hamster. But I never kept rodents as pets....

Well. I guess that falls into the 'overdoing it' camp. Sorry, man. I guess it's important to consider all the biases and insecurities the "sponge" brings to the situation, too.

I'd be a girl about it too. It stinks! I don't even like the stupid holiday, but I'd want more than that, I'm afraid. Guys can be so dumb. If he had only said, "Hey, I love you...Happy Valentines Day; I wish I could be there with you" you'd probably be feeling pretty fine. Like they say, it's not the gift, it's the thought.

I've never had it play out exactly like that, but I trust my gut. I think humans are information sponges. We soak up lots of things that we aren't processing fully at the time--an unusual turn of phrase, a glance that lingers too long, a pause that lasts a couple of seconds longer than it usually would, etc. By themselves, these things don't mean much...but over time, and in the right combination, they might accumulate to form a tidy little package of 'uh oh'. Of course, it's possible to overdo it. But it sounds like you didn't!

My dad died five years ago. He loved me and influenced me more than anyone in my life. His death was a complete and utter shock, and his funeral was on my 27th birthday. I don't remember much about that year. When times get rough I think of him more, and I know exactly what he would think...and what he would say. He demands more *from* me, and more *for* me, than I do. The 'from me' part is a pain (grin), but the 'for me' part is really precious, and the greatest thing ever gave me.

Hey, I wasn't trying to make a diagnosis at all, and was really trying to emphasize that I wasn't qualified to do so. I was glad RC posted and saved my butt a little. I just think that bandying about names like ' psycho' and such is really scary, because this girl could have real problems. My primary concern was her safety, not the friendship. I completely agree that to make anything resembling a diagnosis is dangerous and probably irresponsible, and I'm truly sorry If I offended anyone. I agree that somebody's chances of seeking real help because 'a friend of a friend read on a newsgroup that you may have this really scary mental illness' are very, very slim. But what if she hurts him or herself?

NC is no contact, askNsee. Dish, Unfortunately I agree with everybody here. She's likely expressing friendly affection for you because of your past, and trying to hold onto something familiar as she moves into a new phase of her life. I really doubt that her note means that she is having second thoughts. If she decides she wants to reconcile, she won't be ambiguous. Try to stay strong. I'm in a similar boat.

Fantastic! I used to live in Austin, and it's pretty good compared to Houston or Dallas or Fort Worth (yeesh)...but Seattle is way better. We're like a snug little oasis up here. A bit sheltered, but in a really nice way. Portland is a winner, too. Go for it. Good luck, and keep us posted if you feel like it!

Mmmm. Not anger management--perhaps therapy. It's a hugely controversial and stigmatized diagnosis (and I am NOT making it, nor am I remotely qualified to begin to do so), but the behaviors you describe seem to be fairly consistent with the behaviors associated with Borderline Personality Disorder. link removed

What are the rules? How much do you like her? Can you disguise her as a maid and sneak her on board the Queen Mary? Is this a "my boyfriend needs to go back to XX country and take over his parents' lucrative company, but to do so he must marry a woman of his culture and social class and never see me again" kind of question? Because I had a friend who did that. His girlfriend married a nicer guy the following year, and his parents company got taken over by a rebel government. For real. Sorry. I guess I'm not good at hypotheticals. I'll be safe and say no. But I don't have a girlfriend.

For real? Do they kiss and stuff? I can't imagine wanting to have sex with my brother, and I'm from the Ozarks! Heck, I gave him a watch for his birthday, and I felt like THAT was too generous.

Argh. I WISH I knew what to tell you. I get so frustrated reading your post because I grew up in a SUPER conservative, tiny little town in the lower midwest where being gay really was equated with being possessed by the devil, or was explained as a consequence of child molestation or shrewish mothers. I got the he*l out there as soon as I turned 18, and only go back once a year to visit my grandparents. Out here in Seattle, gay culture is such a totally normal and accepted and *appreciated* part of the character of the city--by folks of all religions. At least half my friends are gay, and I can't bear to think of them enduring what you do, FoxLocke. You're amazing. When I go back "home," I'm appalled to see obviously gay men and women in my family, or who are friends of my family, truly SUFFERING from trying to change for their families, or their church. Ok--sorry for blowing off major steam. I don't know what to advise you, but to ME, it sounds very much like your friend really likes and admires you, is interested in you, and is just starting to explore his own feelings. He's putting out feelers (no pun) and is turning to you because he *suspects* that you're gay, and so might be a good person to question, confide in, (or more!). If I were you (and I'm a straight woman who lives thousands of miles from where I assume you're from, so dude, take that with a big grain of salt), I'd probably pull him aside and "confess" that you think you might be gay, and that you hesitated to tell him because you were afraid he wouldn't like you anymore. You may think that's kind of dishonoring to your sexual orientation, or is a childlike approach to take with him, but I think it's pragmatic. You're giving HIM the opportunity to judge YOU, and you're taking a very humble approach, appealing to his basic goodness as a friend. When you throw yourself at the mercy of a person's good nature, they usually are very honored and take the high road. Then, once he accepts it (and I think he will), you're giving the two of you an opportunity to have all kinds of great exploratory conversations about the issue. And then who knows...maybe more! Good luck. Big hug.

why do you think he's way out of your league? you mean, physically? it's hard to know where you really fall in the spectrum, and different guys like different things. my ex, frankly, is super fantastic looking--people would compare him to hollywood stars all the time (i sound like such a huge dip--laugh) and i always knew i was at least a few rungs below him on the 1-10 scale. really, really gorgeous girls were always flirting with him. but who knows why, but he only had eyes for me, and always made me feel fantastic. i sure liked it! so, keep your hat in the ring. it sounds like he's interested in you. but you'll learn soon enough; wait and see if he calls again. keep us posted, eh? (oh, but make sure he's terrific on the inside, too! it lasts longer.)

Hey Dogg...what did you decide to do? Did you send the message from the cats?