Big Jim

Im not breaking it at all. Unless she says to me i made a mistake i want you back, im sorry. Then ill give her the time of day, but even then i dont know if i do. If that never happens great, if it does great. I will settle for nothing less anymore

ps thanks for everyones opinions and adivce throughout this stuff

I agree, and it feels great. Yeah ill miss her, but ive been doing that for three months now and getting no better, its time she misses me. And she will, i didnt talk to her for three days and i had 10 missed calls, i text, i email. Its funny, yesterday she was saying to me when she was mad "things have changed they are not the same" which is true, but she is kidding herself too, because her actions are completely different. Haha for gods sake, just yesterday i was talking about my buddy and how he is feeling just like a friend to his girl (no sex life) and she takes him for granted and needs him when she is down, and my girl got worried being like, "its not like that with us, im not doing that to you, i never lost interest in you sexually, i care about you so much, just having a hard time, you know this right? rigiht??" There will be days when we havent talked, then days when shes calling my cell, even my house (which is odd for her since the breakup), desparate to get a hold of me. Just last week she was waiting outside my class crying, spent the whole day together, i cheered her up huge, and she says thigns like "i would like to have a place with you, or i wish everyday was like today." Way i see it now is, she is in a rough spot in life, mixed up with everything not sure what she is feeling, however still has strong feelings for me. Yet she uses this "things have changed " line to jusitfy her chatting it up with this other guy. It was always that way, she would cause problems between us to justify for things she has done. A new ago her ex started calling her, causing problems between us, but she would go outta her way to cause trouble between us, to justify her talking to him. This girl refuses to deal with everything, just push it aside. So i feel good, haha feel like a man again. I was and am willing to be tehre if shes having a hard time in life, but she has to be respecting me, and not pulling moves like this. She now knows where i stand, and what is acceptable and if she doesnt like it, well she can deal with ehr stuff alone.

Quick note, after all this, listen to everyones advice, as soon as you get dumped, go NC (unless some bigger cause, in my case she is honestly messed up in the head). The LC or friends makes it 100x worse.

Well i never got a chance to email her and express this. Starting late monday night i get a bomdbardment of phones calls on my cell, i dont answer. Then i get a text message and an email, "why are you ignoring me like this etc?". Still i couldnt give a * * * *. Tuesday, 7 am my phone is ringing, i dont answer it, wasnt until 9 i realized she finally left a message. I listened to it, and it broke my heart. She was obvisiously crying hard and begging me just to talk to her. So i caved. Yeah i know, bad idea, but after so long with this girl, its hard to be mean to her. We talk for a while, and she was so upset, thinking i had left town (spring break) and had even driven by my house to see if my car was there. Well we talk for a bit, then she had to go. She calls again at 3, we talk, good times. Then at 6 she calls, "what you doing tongiht.. blah blah, would you like to come over? im really down, could use someone to talk to". So like an idoit i go. We sit in her room for 3 and a half hours, her opening up, a complete mess, and i realized that yes this girl has some serious * * * * going on and i am just a small part of it, and she is completely lost in life. We watch a movie, and she falls asleep in my arms. Next day, exact same thing happens all over, less drama, more just a fun night. Wednesday calls me first thing in the morning seeing if i want to hang out. i say yes. We go out, have a great lunch, then the * * * * hits the fan! However this is were i lost it. See she hasnt been this relaxed and easy going in a long time, she always seems tense and stressed, she wanted to hang out 4 days in a row (this is a record since the break up). Yes she is still down and depressed, but she is relaxed around me now. Surprise surprise, i connect the dots, that family friend guy who she talks to now is outta town for the week. I always knew she was playing games with both me and him (i know she isnt "doing" anything with him, but apparetnly leads both of us on). So she was driving me home and we started auguring, i said i am tired of you bull@$%@. She thought i was implying her moods and not being well, i was like no , you know exactly what im talking about, and im not taking it anymore. She was shocked didnt know how to respond to me putting my foot down, so starts attacking me with nonsese. "thats right your the perfect one, we all know that your the saint etc" (yeah ive been exceptionally nice to her, but dont throw it in my face like it was a bad thing). So i just got out of the car. She was shocked and speed off. The phone calls start, i dont answer, finally i do, "if im too messed for you now, tell me and ill leave ytou alone" (looking for pity). I said we both know thats not the issue. The fight went on for a while, she starting grabbing for anything "your pushing me again! i feel sufficated" (hoping i would back off, bs, she has been calling me last few days), i simply said i dont care anymore. "So you dont want to talk anymore??". I responded "i just dont want to talk, i dont want to see you, i dont want to sit with you in class, i dont want to even acknowledge that we ever knew eachother, i dont want to know you anymore, its been fun, good bye" I know this isnt the end per say, she loves drama and will try something, i am sure, but i dont care. Its the end for me as far as being there for her. She dumped me 3 months ago, but htere was no chagne between us (except sex). Time for her wake up call, see if her new "friend" will listen to all her messed up * * * *. I surprisingly dont care. I am happy it was on my terms, i have no regrets (i didnt jump to conclusoins, this week was just proof), i was always good to her, and it was my choice. Shes gotta grow up

i agree completely. Myself, girls i have dated etc, came and went, ive been rejected and have done the rejection, and i never fliched, however once i commited to someone, and it didnt work, i was crushed 100 times harder than i thought i ever would be.

It is eaiser said then done. I am changing on my part as well, i have realized there is a lot more going on with her then just our relationship, i guess i was blinded by my hurt ego. She had mentioned something about our last valentines together, how great it was, but then she also acknowledged she is not the same girl, in a bad way. She said she hasnt felt herself in months, and is so unhappy. Its odd, she was unhappy in a relationship with me, but even unhappier when there is nothing between us. I love and hate this girl at the same time, i hate some of the stuff she has done to me, but i still see the girl i knew for so long, sometimes. In a positive sense, these brief periods of NC (a week or so) have proven to me that i am ok without her, so that is easier for me.

Yesterday was an odd day for me. I hadnt talked to my girl since friday after a stupid drunken fight with her on the phone. She then started calling me like mad on monday, asking what she has done etc, i got calls, texts, and even an email. She calls me yesterday really really early, orbviously cannot sleep, beggin me just to tell her why im being this way. Well i call her back a while later and she is a wreck. She is falling apart at the seams. She thought i had left town (spring break) and even drove by my house to see if my car was there. She calls me back in the afternoon and is so down, i talk to her a while , then let her go. She calls again when i was at the gym, i call her back and she wanted to know if i wanted to come over. Here i was torn, i know i should say no, but i honestly cannot be mean to this girl (i could tell she needed to talk to someone). So i go over there. Well the whole night consisted of her opening up to me, talking about everything wrong in her life, she has hit rock bottom etc. I could tell it helped her tons to talk and she picked up alot. We didnt talk about us much, i kinda avoided it. I dont know what to do anymore, she has some serious isssues, and is so lost in life in general, however she does treat me poorly 50% of the time. I am no longer her doormat, if she is a * * * * * to me, i simply tell her to leave me alone and walk away, but at the same time she cant go three days without talking to me. Is NC the best choice? or should i try to conditionally be there for her still? I do have this to say, even though i had a good time, i feel worse today than i have in weeks.

I say give him a chance... be perpared if it doesnt live up to expectations, but that hurt would be 100x easier then always regretting not doing it

Anyone here have any experince with this? A friend of mine was dianosed with a ver low levels, and i have been doing some reading. It started with her being moody and tired all the time, now it seems like i dont know her at all anymore, her personality has completely changed...anyone experince similar???

draw the line. If someone is making you hurt yourself, it is not worth it. Talk to someone, ideally a professional

I took a look at your email, pretty much exactly what i intended to write if i go that route, thanks for your help i really appreciate any advice. However at this moment, im so mixed up with feelings of anger/saddness, that i am not going to call or email her anything. I need to calm down and collect my thoughts before i write her or call. Either way its gonna be awkward next week when i see her in class (spring break this week). However i do feel good that im doing this. I love her, but she left me and has to see exactly how that is... but god i miss her haha see how mixed up i am

Do i call her, or email? or do i wait to see if she calls me again and then say it, and if she doesnt well, just assume???

Thanks for your advice texasman I havent talked to her since friday, and she probably thinks im just a little mad. I was talking to my buddy yesterdday and he thinks she feels she will never lose me. He knows her and thinks she is like "this guy really loves me" and kinda uses that to her advantage. But you are right, ive realized this cant go on and am going nc. Afterall she broke up with me, time she experinces what she did

thanks for the response, She has me second guessing myself all the time now. Yeah i was drunk, but i didnt think me saying i miss you etc was all that outta line, considering the stuff she says to me. I was drunk and stupid, but i realized she cant put anything on the line when its not under her terms. I dont think me saying "i miss you, thinking of you" when i was drunk was reason for the huge fight. I think she just can not be confronted, and can not handle when i do outta nowhere.

Hi, A brief recap of my story, broken up 3 months now, have been friends since, talking as much now as we did then (same classes at uni). At first we were hanging out even more, but now that has tapered off. We have done all sorts of couple things since the breakup, skiing, movies, dinners, me falling asleep cuddling on couch. She is extermely moody exhausted all the time, and not eating much, most likely depressed, although refuses to see a doctor. Has been three months of "i love you , need you one day" and two days later im the last person she wants to see. This seems like an exargeration, but half the time shes my girl, the other half a complete stranger. Needless to say its been three months of mixed messages and my heart getting stomped. I have never tried so hard to be there for someone, and am only getting slapped in the face. The whole story is under the "is there a chance" thread by texasman Well, i think its time to go to Nc, Her behavior has bothered me for the last time. Last friday she freaked on me for no reason, was so mad, swearing, then hung up on me. I was like that was stupid and went out drinking. Around 2 i get a message saying "sorry" etc and i didnt respond. Went the whole weekend without talking to her, when surprise who is outside of my class on tuesday crying. Spent the whole day with her, she was talking about everything, all the stresses, and even about us. It was a great day, spent the entire time together, and she was saying all the "wouldnt it be nice if we did this..or i cant wait till we do that etc" and i totally got caught in the moment. Well the week went on and her moods got worse and the hot and cold started up again. Wednesday she was a *****, and we left things on bad terms, then thurday morning i got a message "why didnt you call me last ngiht". Friday was more or less the same durign the day. Well last night went out drinking and was having a good time, got really drunk and she called me late, i was loaded and was happy to hear from her, and she was at some chicks condo and said something like "i would like it have a place like that with you", so i kind of starting saying things (for the first time in a while) like "i really miss you" "i think of you all the time" (nothing she hasnt said to me on the days when she is really needy, ie just this week). Well she got all quiet and would try to change the subject all teh time, so i got upset. I asked her stragiht out "how do you feel about things", "i cant answer that, you know i dont know". Its been 3 months, its time she knows already. I finally said, "this is such bull, because if your in that mood im there and reposive, but if i say anything i feel like an idoit for saying it! I'm tired having to put my feelings on your shedule!" Now we havent slept together since we broke up (just once) and she implies things of that nature all the time, but i feel like an idoit when i do because she is so cold to me. For gods sake on thurday she was holding my hand and arm as we walked from class!!! then she kissed me lightly in the car!! I am tired of all of this. Whatever mood she is in , is how it has to be, well no more of this. I think she has not been afraid to lose me since we have broken up, she gets teh best of both worlds, her freedom, and me when she needs it. It is not fair to me adn i plan on telling her this all. Any thoughts or advice on the situaiton??? I havent talked to her since 2 am on friday, and am asking for advice. Do i just keep it like this, do i call her and tell her no more, do i right a email venting my frustratoins???? Ive been trying so hard, beucase im the only person she opens up to about her problems (there are many right nwo), and she does "need me" in a sense, but i cant take it anymore, the games, the lies, hte constant reminder of what i dont have...

do i tell her i dont want to talk to her anymore? do i call, email? or just leave it since it was left on bad terms anyway. anyone have any opionions on this?

I dont see a harm in sending that stuff. You guys are done for now by her hand, your being mature and sending her stuff back. It may actually shock her that you are so casual about it, she may think "man, didnt he realize this stuff would upset me?" It will bother her you are not taking her into consideration, and rightfully so. Do not contact her, if she loves you she will contact you. You say she may just think your not interested anymore, but put yourself in her situation. Would you doubt that a girl you dumped and was heartbroken was over you all of a sudden? be a little cocky man, she knows how you feel,you dont need to make a spectable of it. You were teh most important thing in her life for a good chunk of time, it will hit her eventually just what is she walking away from. Send the stuff, no sappy notes or Vday wishes, and keep NC. If its meant to be, it will happen

Yeah dont get caught up in a calling/ contact situation, believe me, i was in one for 3 months, and it made the hurt 3x as bad. You will hurt like hell for a bit, but the immediate gratifictation you would be getting by calling her, will only make it worse in the long run. Believe me. Im now at teh point that sometimes when she calls me, im actually pissed about it, because all she does is bring me down, its like a constant reminder of what you dont have anymore. Im just starting NC, and i know it will help me more then anything. Also it gives her a chance to see life without me, i treated her better then anyone has or will, and she has still been gettiing that from me, without a relationship. No longer will i be there for her

anyone have any input?

Well, i think its time to go to Nc, (if youve been reading this thread) Her behavior has bothered me for the last time. Last friday she freaked on me for no reason, was so mad, swearing, then hung up on me. I was like that was stupid and went out drinking. Around 2 i get a message saying "sorry" etc and i didnt respond. Went the whole weekend without talking to her, when surprise who is outside of my class on tuesday crying. Spent the whole day with her, she was talking about everything, all the stresses, and even about us. It was a great day, spent the entire time together, and she was saying all the "wouldnt it be ncie if we did this..or i cant wait till we do that etc" and i totally got caught in the moment. Well the week went on and her moods got worse and the hot and cold started up again. Wednesday she was a * * * * *, and we left things on bad terms, then thurday morning i got a message "why didnt you call me last ngiht". Friday was more or less the same durign the day. Well last night went out drinking and was having a good time, got really drunk and she called me late, i was loaded and was happy to hear from her, and she was at some chicks condo and said something like "i would like it have a place like that with you", so i kind of starting saying things "i really miss you" "i think of you all the time" (nothing she hasnt said to me on the days when she is really needy). Well she got all quiet and would try to change the subject all teh time, so i got upset. I asked her stragiht out "how do you feel about things", "i cant answer that, you know i dont know". Its been 3 months, its time she knows already. I finally said, "this is such bull, because if your in that mood im there and reposive, but if i say anything i feel like an idoit for saying it! I'm tired having to put my feelings on your shedule!" Now we havent slept together since we broke up (just once) and she implies things of that nature all the time, but i feel like an idoit when i do because she is so cold to me. I am tired of all of this. Whatever mood she is in , is how it has to be, well no more of this. I think she has not been afraid to lose me since we have broken up, she gets teh best of both worlds, her freedom, and me when she needs it. It is not fair to me adn i plan on telling her this all. Any thoughts or advice on the situaiton???

My girl broke up with me 3 months ago, shes having a lot of issues right now with life in general. I still talk to her all the time, would i give it antoher shot? not right now thats for sure, she is too messed, but who knows down the road

Im thinking about giving that ultimatium right now. If you read my situation under the IS THERE A CHANCE thread by texasman, you will see what i mean. Im getting really frustrated of being there for her no questions asked, but as soon as i cheer her up, her forgeting that she is not well with herlself and needs to see a doctor

Dogg Man you got to relax, im in a similar boat as you, and just like you its sinking. I am in limited contact with her, but i have been feeling the exact same way you are. Right now i keep looking at my phone because she said she was going to call. I cant sleep properly, wake up at 4 thinking about everything, i know exactly what you are going through. HOWEVER, today i started to see things just a little differently, i mean my ex was perfect for me in everyway, the girl of my dreams, but today she was talking to me for a bit and i was just thinking "man , i love this girl, but she treats me like absolute * * * * sometimes", and that is the truth. My feelings havent changed for her,but a change in perspective is starting to happen. Give it time man, you will start to realize things you never dreamed youd think, believe me! The ironic thing is over the last three months, my ex would scream at me, "dont you realize your just pushing me away!!" , but what she never has considered is that she is pushing me away even more, and i know im the best she;ll ever have. Get that mentallity, get cocky, once you feel like its her lose, she might start to too, and if she doesnt, well you know the truth

Im confused curly girl I do see where you coming from about going out and such, because i can tell it bothers her when she hears i had a great weekend etc. But how do i "take the love away" , do i still be there for me when she calls me freaking out about everything? Im just confused as to how to make it more subtle, she knows i love her and all, but im having trouble pulling back some. As far as my own life, she is well aware of that, i work evenings a bit, and workout all the time, im very busy, i just need some more input on how to go about this "taking the love away". Any more advice from your book curly girl? if you dont mind