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CarnelianButterfly

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Everything posted by CarnelianButterfly

  1. CarnelianButterfly
    To me flowers are an insult. If he doesn't have the guts to come and stand in front of you and apologize he's even more worthless than I thought before. To me that would seal the deal, he's not worth your time.
  2. CarnelianButterfly
    Luke its good you're taking a stand against her. You need to start looking for places to live. Apartments that are near your work would be a good start, if those are too expensive start looking farther away.
  3. CarnelianButterfly
    Saying that is not the same as how you said this.
  4. CarnelianButterfly
    Then you say that, and not that listening to radio sermons is insane.
  5. CarnelianButterfly
    That's not insane, that's how people can listen to a sermon if the don't make it to church. It may not be something you do, but that doesn't make people who do mentally defective.
  6. CarnelianButterfly
    You could put a lock on your door.
  7. CarnelianButterfly
    Take your son on a date. Go get him a milkshake of ice cream sundae, he's the number one guy in your life and your his Mom. V-Day is a celebration of love and you two have love, so celebrate.
  8. CarnelianButterfly
    Don't expect her to say yes because she's done it in the past. She could very well not feel like doing it ever again.
  9. CarnelianButterfly
    Last V-Day, I had research meeting. The V-Day before that I went and saw the Vaginal Monologues, that was excellent.
  10. CarnelianButterfly
    I think he needs to do some thinking. He really shouldn't be involved with someone if he doesn't know what he wants in that respect. He's only hurting you.
  11. CarnelianButterfly
    I think you need to ask him to take some time and figure out he's feelings. This wishy washy back and forth with your emotions is totally unfair. He needs to decide and until then you need to take a step back and remove yourself from him so that you don't get hurt more by his indecisiveness.
  12. CarnelianButterfly
    Are you really seeing this new girl as in dating or have you just gone out a couple times. You need to make it clear that you want to be bf/gf and you have communicate that you consider that you are dating and serious. If they don't see the relationship as more than a few dates then you have no rights to be upset if they go out with other people.
  13. CarnelianButterfly
    If she has to cook dinner, clean the dishes, clean the house, laundry and all of this after a day of work, sex is not going to be an option. She just won't have the energy. When you do have sex is it on the weekends after a day of rest?
  14. CarnelianButterfly
    How do you initiate sex? Do you make it into a romantic affair with candles, massage and such? As she is older it can be that you aren't doing enough foreplay to get her warmed up and really interested in sex. If you just nudge her and say "I'm horny" of course you're going to get the brush off.
  15. CarnelianButterfly
    You still can end it. He's abusing you emotionally. How can you really love some one if they constantly hurt you? How can you feel he loves you when he continues to do that?
  16. CarnelianButterfly
    It would make a lot easier if people were more forth writhe with their thoughts and wants and needs. The "Talk" so to speak of the possible directions things may go and what is hoped for. There are still ways to be unbounded in a relationship, but have small areas of exclusion. Marriage and children being the pink elephant in the room, any long term relationship should have a "talk" as to those parts of the growth or not. I know I had expectations and baggage going into my relationship, some of them would be hard for guys to handle, but I gave my boyfriend the knowledge and allowed him to decide how he felt. He also has told me what he wants. I feel proud that we encourage each other to express our selves I think it save volumes of grief.
  17. CarnelianButterfly
    You said nothing of communication in your other posts, only that people should not have expectations when they enter a relationship. You shouldn't argue against having expectations because that would totally negate the point of dating or looking around for a partner. You have expectations because of what you want out of a relationship. You should not attack those expectations, the communication of the expectations is what your real trouble is with.
  18. CarnelianButterfly
    It sounds like you're miserable, which even if she's happy, is not good. You need to be happy too. The problems you've mentioned are things you need to tell her. You can sit down and talk to her about these things. Keep calm and don't let her get you upset if she gets upset. Try to talk about it. If talking doesn't work, it might be best to move on. Spending your life miserable is not going to do any good for you.
  19. CarnelianButterfly
    I'm answering even if I'm not a guy. My brother is very much NOT SHY, I'm a little shy, but I can build up the courage, we were raised by our Mom and very little of our Dad (he was always working). My brother liked to harass me a lot and tended to be violent, I had to fight with him just to get through the day.
  20. CarnelianButterfly
    Apologize and maintain your cool. If they fire you, be civil and walk away.
  21. CarnelianButterfly
    Its not going to make the relationship any stronger if he kisses anyone. Its a childish idea to think "you did this, so I need to get even", its not a matter to get even over. He either deals with the fact that you made a mistake and how he feels, but two wrongs don't make a right.
  22. CarnelianButterfly
    That's what I wonder. How is being a not so nice person suddenly a psychological issue? Why does it need a label as a mental disorder to know you've done something really bad to someone? You obviously recognize that you are doing nasty hurtful things and you feel guilt, why wait for a shrink to tell you have issues. Start changing things yourself, like telling the court you lied about the domestic violence. Start righting the things you know were wrong. You destroyed his life and all you worry about is your own little label as to what's wrong. Get over the label, take responsibility and start fixing the things you feel guilty about.
  23. CarnelianButterfly
    You essentially have the expectation that she is supposed to love you no matter what you did or how you acted. That she was supposed to follow you around like a devoted puppy with no sign of love or care from you. That is not love; that is you getting all the support you need with out giving any in return. Relationships are about mutual support and care. One party can not sit pining for any sign of love from the other and truly be happy. You don’t meet the needs of the person you are with, then how do you love them? During WWII society had the expectation that women were not supposed to express themselves and demand anything for themselves. They were expected to follow an antiquated gender role of the house wife and mother, with no thought of self or identity beyond their part in a family unit. You were not at war, you were in grad school. I am in grad school, my boyfriend is 2000 miles away, but when he needs my support, I give it. I listen to him, I talk to him. We communicate and discuss what we need. Having expectations of what a relationship may bring is not some evil, its part of thinking ahead, looking at future goals and life plans. You don’t have to disregard them to be in a relationship, you just have to communicate them.
  24. CarnelianButterfly
    Do you have a degree in psychology?
  25. CarnelianButterfly
    I don't think your appraisal is correct. I think its very possible for people to change and as they change they may become something the person that loves them no longer finds attractive. If you do change you have to admit that your relationship will either change with it or end. Its unreasonable to expect a person to completely readjust their desires in a partner just to sustain a relationship. If you fall in love there is an expectation that that person will be a similar through the years. Not many people want to be with a person whose sweet one month and totally nasty the next. Change is not always for the better. You say mature, but in her eyes it could have been a degeneration. Think about what happened over the course of the time you were in grad school. Was there a shift in your paradigm as to what you thought was best for you? Did you really put effort into the relationship? You say you became independent, does that mean you shut her out?
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