ElektraHere

Anti

Can I ask you a question? Have you ever had a relationship with a woman? I ask this because you mention that you are 60-70% attracted to them. Do you think that your unhappiness and other issues stem from not being able to be yourself? Meaning someone who is able to be in a relationship with a woman.

Teacup,

Why do you ruminate on bad things all the time? You must have positive things you can think about?

Yes you have made some bad choices in men and hopefully you will be more perceptive in the future. It's time to get out of this bizarre circle of detructive thoughts and move forward. Its like your stuck or that your are choosing to obsess about these type things. Your life will be alot easier if you can just let it go.

RW

You may be using food as sort of a comfort because you are not happy. The best friend relationship as of right now is a bit toxic and not working is probably a big factor also. With all the free time on your hands sitting around eating is the last thing you should be doing. You need to become more active. Easier said then done I know. I lost about 10 pounds a couple months ago due to stress. I have put on 7 of them. UGH! I just need to get my * * * * in gear and work out. Join a gym and take some of the classes you may just meet some great people there.

The first thing you can do is not dwell on the past. If the NOW is true and you really feel that way then make a list of things you want to accomplish. If you want to learn piano? Learn it. If you want to go back to school? Do it. Anything you want to motivate yourself towards you can do. Quit compairing yourself to others. If you continually do that you will stay in that same spot and never move forward.

Thanks Scotcha. RW out of all my posts have you ever found me to be a cold and uncaring person? I am as Scotcha says....blunt. I dont dance around issues or am afraid to say something. Thats where you and I differ and our advice giving will differ too.

Now back to the OP!

Ocrob I hate to say it man but "she just isn't into you!" Sorry sweets.

RW ~ The answer is NOPE!

Blondy getting to know you through your posts I dont think you would be able to stick to the FWB thing. I think with your caring and sensitive heart it would be too much for you when you develop feelings and if your friend said "hey we are just friends."

I would advise to stay away from the FWB vibe!

Why is it that everything has to be so challenging? Can nothing just fall softly into ones lap? My friend Robert is avoiding me like the plauge it not only hurts my heart but it also makes me wonder if I was worth his time at all? I have called, emailed, messaged just to get that connection back up and running. I miss him and everything we had or shared.

I am hurt and not sure if this will ever be resolved for me. I will always think that if it were not for my actions that none of this or this post would exist. I am not even sure I want to stick around here anymore. It conjures up alot. I am tired and just done with it! If this is the meaning of life I want to get off this ride because I hate it.

Note to all Never tell a friend you have feelings for them. They simply turn the other way and run.

Almost,

I am so sorry you are feel the way you do. I can empathize with you. When I saw your post I thought "did I post that?" It hurts especially when you have no contact anymore.

I have a friend whom I haven't talked to in the same amount of time as you. I am not sure if he has a girlfriend but I too miss my friend.

It is an up and down thing and some days I am good and others I am down. This week has been really hard and I miss his laugh and sense of humor. You will come out ok

I too hope that one day I can look up and see his smiling face again or look down at my ringing phone and see his name on the screen.

I am glad you did!

Its good to know not all relationships that end are riddled with animosity. I am sure the moment was bittersweet. Dako I think you will find someone who will strike your fancy again. Just enjoy your freedom and your new ride! Vrrrom Vrrrom

Blondy,

It is called the "Push and Pull" game. Now come on let him go and look straight ahead and don't look back in his direction. He seems to me that he needs constant attention and when he isn't getting it from all the girls he is hanging with he knows he can get to you. Don't let him!

Do you like the water? Take a sailing class or surfing? I would think that there are PLENTY of water activities there. How about becoming a lifeguard at a pool? For the Ren Fair and guinea pigs I think you might be in the wrong area for that.

You need not medicate yourself because you might become dependant on them. I hate to say this and don't take it as a mean comment but you are already dependant on your unheathy friendship with your ex. (the best friend) Seriously, I think if you sought out help to hone in on these issues your dependancy to thing would be non existent. First thing though is to find a job.

Maybe things will start looking up if you

A. Get a job

B. Seek out someone to help sort out these feelings and find the root

C. Consider moving somewhere else

I know last year I didn't work for 7 months. I drove my friends, family, and myself crazy. I had toooooo much time on my hands and I was alone most of the time. I started to feel worthless and crazy. It would also be great if you could increase your social circle. No one can have too many friends.

so I am not sure is that a compliment laced with a bit of sarcasim? I would agree on some of your point. I love to get feedback from other members. At times I feel that I am abrasive but I am supportive.If there were a book of "mistakes not to make" the whole book would be on experiences I have had and ALLLLL the mistakes I have made. Just going off my experiences.

I do feel that after awhile if the person continues to keep "putting their hand in the fire" you have to get through to them somehow. Do you want to see a person get burned so to speak? No.

Lef,

Reading through all your past posts you have alot of baggage that you need to go through. I think the addition of this guy who "isn't into you" is another bag you DONT need.

You have issues that need to be worked out on your own before you will be a strong, confident woman in a relationship. This is a very lopsided relationship and you need to get off this scale and balance yourself out.

And I do too. That is why this site works. You have a wide spectrum of advice and what has worked for you and your experiences. I may be brash and I don't believe my "truth" is the gospel far from it. Go back in my posts I have had my fair share of problems that I created for myself.

Back to the OP Sukerbut I hope now you will be able to put her behind you and focus on the road ahead. This may be a blessing in disguise?

I think that's a pretty cold way of summing things up. Almost every heartache we endure could somehow be traced back to our own decisions (or lack thereof...).

 

That's why we're all here, to support each other. No one asks to be treated like crap...sometimes we put up with a lot from people we love...someone shouldn't be bashed for being human.

 

to the OP: you've been through a lot, but it will get better, there's someone else out there who won't treat you that way.

I wasn't trying to be cold. I was just stating that when we let someone control our lives, our thoughts, or when we can't seem to put the heartache and relationship behind us that we reep the all that pain we put upon ourselves over that one person. I know I am guilty as charged that is why I am so upfront about it.

Sorry I am not one that minces words and I would hope when I ask for advice that others would be honest instead of coddling me and my problem. Sometimes the harsh truth, facts, however you would categorize it helps light that fire to get up, get mad, and move on.

Sukerbut,

I hate to say this but you put yourself in this spot. You were the one who wasted your time not her. You allowed all this to happen so you kind of have to put up with the remnants so to speak. Perhaps you will learn not to do this again in the future.

Blondy

What if you didnt go to the party? I think he misses the attention from you but he doesnt miss you. Does that make sense?

I wouldn't get any hopes up, I wouldn't continue talking to him, and I wouldn't go to the party that is just a train wreck waiting to happen. That is unless you like going through all these emotional rollercoasters?

I think the deeper issue is that attention is needed constantly. Like I said seek a professional. Get to the root of why you feel this way.

Why ponder this thought? Isn't there anything better that you have to think about then who would miss you and who would grieve you.

On a sidenote it seems you need contant reassuring about your looks, actions, etc have you ever thought of seeking someone to talk to about this? A professional?

Have you thought that the reason why you are thinking about men? It's not that you want to be with men it's that you are not happy in your current relationship? I think to have the curiosity is normal but you seem to be obsessed with this.

Libertine,

The guy I spoke of was my friend and he only wanted to be friends too. We also slept together and like he told me it was just sex to him where to me it was something more.

What you need to understand is he likes you but not as much as you him. Please for your own sanity you need to distance yourself from him right now. If he were to start dating someone right now you would be wrecked and that's not good is it? NO!

Distance, distance, distance. I struggle with it everyday because I not only lost someone I loved but I lost a great friend whom I shared many things with.