ElektraHere

Oh so are you saying it is only guys who cheat???? Not women.???

I don't think she is saying that Brando. She is only saying it from a womens perspective.

Love should have brought them home and not to someone elses home.

Again my unmarried 2 cents.

First step for you is that you need to STOP calling him your best friend. He isnt the best and he isnt a friend.

RW ~ I really hope you can but you are starting to sound like a former member of this site. Everytime someone would offer adivce this person would come back with an excuse about the situation. You have to stop. As for the marriage thing YOU ARE ONLY MARRIED ON PAPER!!! This is not a true union. You are trying to justify his actions and all but there are no justifications.

Is it going to be hard??? YES! Is it goingto hurt??? YES Will you be better off in the future??? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have it is hard, there are alot of falls, and their are many tears. IT CAN BE DONE!!! Think about Tina Turner. Watch the movie "Whats love got to do with it." She was with Ike since she was a young girl in Nutbush. He constantly denigrated her, abused her, and even raped her. She finally had enough and walked away. All she wanted was to keep her name. She left her home, her money, all that she knew and walked away with what little pride she had.

Look at the woman now. She is beautiful, talented, has money, found a partner who respects and loves her, found a spiritual connection, etc.

There are many many women who have done it before you and who will do it after you. Be the good example, then another woman down the road can look upon and say "hey she did it so can I."

No I have never been married. I voted for infidelity.I don't think that is something I could get passed.

I do feel that alot of people get married to get married. Like some women want the wedding, the parties, etc. I know I want to be married. I have thought of what my wedding would be since gosh forever. I know that I won't settle for anyone to marry. My parents are rare they have been married for 36 years. I know at times they didn't really like each other but then they had a strong foundation on which to lean on during those times. Plus they were friends well are friends.

Marriages are rushed or people think "that thing that he does with his fork bugs me but I will change him." That is the problem you can't change a person. What you see is what you will get. Hopefully maturity will happen but not the little quirks and such they are around for the long haul.

Just my unmarried 2 cents...

Abuse has this lingering effect. My mom has said ever since my abusive relationship it has changed me in a way. I asked her how? She said before him I was a "I could careless what you think and especially what he thinks" kind of gal. If a guy didnt like me or call I was like "Oh well your loss bud!" I am not so much like her anymore. I am reclaiming her back little by little. Abuse is an unexcusable reaction and action!!

Read what I highlighted and bolded and that will give you reason to detach. Read it over and over and know life will be a WHOLE lot better without him abusing you or your life anymore.

Yes sex for me in the morning seems to be a work in progress. I do like it but it seems my whole body is asleep. It takes longer to get the engines revving.

Aggie, I work fulltime and go to school fulltime. I also have car payments, rent payments, other bills, and I am doing it. I am alot older than you to. I am using the student loans to further me in school. Yes I will have to pay on them in the future but its well worth it in my book.

This may sound harsh but you need to grow up, quit * * * * *ing, and just do it. That is if you want the life YOU want to lead.

Aggie ~ If you ever expect to get on with your own life and actually achieve things you must THINK for yourself. I have seen MANY posts from you asking questions about what you should do, say, how you should wear your hair, etc. It's time you embrace being an adult and start making the desicions as one.

Do you think that you are not into the "routine" of having sex every morning? I mena if this is just expected then yes you will lose interest. How about any other time is it still great? How do you feel about her other than the sex part?

Then either stand by what you believe in or stand by the $$$$. You have choices!!!!!

Yea I don't understand either and suicide is definitely the cowards' way out. You're in your fantasy when you're thinking about suicide, there's no reason for it. It's normal to go through anxiety and stress along with once in a while depression, but to think of killing yourself, that's where you need thearapy right away.

Nothing wrong with being virgin either, shows that you're right for the right person and rigth moment, that you won't randomly bang someone you find on the streets.

I have always thought suicide was a selfish way out but then I was knocking on that door. I am a lot older and not a virgin but I had my heart beaten up by someone who could have cared less. He then promised me he would try to be a good friend. He broke it and then I spiraled. I really was going to do it. I credit good friends who kept me on the line for hours to talk me down. I think when you hit rock bottom you just don't know what way to go. I am glad I didn't and I am thankful for my friends.

Ailec its not a fantasy world that one is in, its a world of pain, sadness, and desperation for contentment.

How do you approach talking to someone about their insecurities about physical flaws?

 

I know someone who has burn scars on her arms, and I know she is insecure about it. The scars look bad, but I really don't care about it.

 

If I said "They're not so bad." or "I don't notice them." She'd know I'm lying.

 

Any thoughts?

Why do you have to comment on them at all? Is there a reason that you must?

Hello,

Thanks a lot for your answers..

Well, first of all, i didnt expect these kind of answers..

I tought with all the things I said, it was a kewl cyber relation i was living..

 

i know he isnt ready. And I am not either anyway...

We live our things on the internet day by day...

 

i just wanted to... i dont know..

im kinda down right now..

 

when 2 person say to each other they are close and have something real...

but, some ppl who are outside hear about it and tell you to completely drop it..

 

i dont know anymore..

Hun,

I was in your place. My guy was not my b/f nor did he ever admit to it. However, we crossed the line of a casual online relationship. When you cyber or have phone sex. Or even when you get closer like I did and actually sleep with them it is crossing the casual line.

You must do what you must. Just be careful with your heart. I wasnt and gave it to someone who was not deserving of it.

We are no longer friends which is a sad fact but a must. SO if you are willing to risk it all then go ahead but you may just lose it it all in the end.

This kind sounds like he's not ready for a relationship. I mean in general it's hard to be with someone who doesn't express their feelings well like you do, but he on the other hand is similiar to you because he can't give a straight answer, or kind of beats around the bush about things.

 

I think your "clear" answer is he doesn't seem to be "clear" up to now about how he feels about you or what he defines what your relationship is. I think if someone wants to be with you, they'll know how to express it and not be so wishy washy about it.

 

I think I'd just leave him as a friend I talk to once in a while, or stop talking to him all together. I don't think he's a winner here.

Monkey where were you when I needed you???? ;-)

I hate to be a downer but I wouldnt put all your eggs in one basket. I too met someone online. First we were occasional hellos, then it moved to IM's they start to get heated (yes cyber sex), then we started talking on the phone.We talked for hours and hours about anything from how are day was to music to sex. I was falling for him but I was just a fantasy. He and I eventually met and I was ready for him and a relationship and he was done with it all. He broke my heart and spirit.

All I can say is watch your heart. LDR are hard and they are especially hard when its an online LDR.

ANYONE can be in love with two people. Of course pathalogical liars can too.

 

They're just people.....

 

....people who love to weave a good tale.

 

 

I had a bf who was totally a pathalogical liar - well, he actually still is, he's just no longer my bf...

 

Anyway, he fell in love very easily actually.

I was with a pathalogical liar for 3 years and looking back everything he said was a farse. I don't think he could truly love. In order to love one must be honest with their partner and with themselves. He couldn't even tell me the simple truth like doing an errand or going to the store. I don't think he even really loved me. He said it but did he mean it? Who knows I highly doubt it. The sad thing is he had 2 children from his previous marriage and they will have this guy to look at as their father. SAD SAD SAD. He was kicked out of the military for lieing. They have no concept of reality and the world they have created.

Can they change???? I don't think so. I think it is an illness just like depression, anxiety, etc.

Until the day you can think of him/her with someone else and you have no pangs of jealousy or making you sick to your stomach. Then your ready.

Well hellloooo Iceman ;-) hehehehe

Well 6' is tall, but I would not consider it that tall overall.

 

While it is taller that "average" it's not huge or anything. I am 5'4" and my bf is 6'3"ish and is just perfect for me (I make a good chin rest too for him!). I have dated shorter men, and taller ones...and height is really one of the last things I even think about when it comes to someone I like!

Well at 5'4" it would be my last concern too but with being 6'0" it is one of my main concerns when meeting someone. If under 6'0" I just would feel so uncomfortable. I mean 5'11" is ok but thats about it.

LOL! I was just thinking about this. I think that is average height for a man. The reason being is I too am 6'0" so that is my cut off point when dating. However, it seems some short men WANT a tall gal. I can't figure out why? I would be so uncomfortable with a shorter man but that is me.

6'0" your alright in my book

P.S. to all the shorter men I mean now harm with my comments about being shorter. So please don't take offense. If anything I wonder hy shorter men are attracted to taller women?

I've always been attracted to smart ladies, and also feel somewhat intimidated by them. It might seem a very unmasculine trait, but so is vanity. I often wonder if intimidation is a component of attraction.

 

Whatever... I like smart women.

I agree with you Dako I have always been attracted to smart men. Someone who throws in "dude" every other word is not attractive. As for intimidating I remember that I was going on a date and I met the guy at his house. His roommate and I were watching Jeopardy and I was smoking hot that evening. I even got the final question correct. Needless to say I think my date was intimidated by that. Plus the kidding he got from his roommate didnt help either. He was joking with him saying that I was a smart one and to watch out. I know he wasn't liking that.

Anyhoo yes I think men and women can be intimidated by knowledge. I find it very attractive and enlightening that you can carry on a conversation with someone and not have to explain what words mean and what the current events are.

Just my 2 cents

fairview your going to do what your going to do. We can only offer up our advice and it is your choice to listen to it or do what you must.

If that is the excuse you are going to use to get in to bed with your cousin then I guess in sickness and in health till death do us part means nothing to your cousin or to you.