ElektraHere

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I see, so if I put on some makeup, wore a push-up bra, smiled and bat my pretty little lashes, I wouldn't be here posting my troubles on ENA, on this lovely Saturday evening. Thanks friscodj, gonna go find that perfect man, once I find my mascara.

I think you take yourself to seriously. I dont think he said anything about prettying yourself up for a centrfold pictoral. He merely said to smile.

I bet if you smiled more you would find that someone sooner...you look like you're about to walk out the door and beat someone's a-s with a baseball bat in your avatar...

 

I agree with Frisco. In all your avatars you have had a fierce look on your face. It can be intimidating to others. I have that problem too so I know. Frisco is right a smile does wonders!!!

I am sitting here thinking and wondering, do contact her one last time and tell her what I am doing or do I just walk away with NC?

WALK AWAY!!! I didn't do that and it was just self inflicted torture over and over again. Save yourself the pain and let this one go. It was not meant to come to anything but two ships passing in the night.

Ididit,

First off welcome to ENA. I hope that you can come here and feel comfortable sharing your woes like the rest of us.

You have been divorced for 3 years and have made great progress in moving on. However this woman in the abusive marriage is still so fresh from it. She seems to stil be caught up in the abuse cycle. I really don't see there being any success in a realtionship with her. Her husband probably told he's changed and will make it work. She being in this cycle has more than likely taken him back or is at least considering it.

I think the best thing for you is to move on from this gal. There is someone out there that is in a healthier place. Save yourself from all the drama now.

Hi Mike,

I don't think your weak, your human. I think you just lost yourself in this relationship.

You said you loved her more than you loved yourself. You have to love you in order to love another. Yes she is moving on and as much as that is a painful thought that must be your action too. They are really the hardest steps a person must make. Leaving the past in the past and walking towards your future.

You are a good person who just has a broken heart that needs to be healed. Focus more on repairing the heart than what was and what was lost. Its hard but in order for you to be happy again its a must.

Well you are aware of this so now you have to face this fearness or shyness. How do you interact with your friends? Use that same interaction with a few people at work. Are there places to go to eat around your work? Ask someone one day if they would like to go grab a bite. Is there a SBUX around you? Some type coffee shop? Ask if anyone would like to go on a coffee run with you?

Its scary to make the first move but you must in order to start the ball rolling on making friends at work.

Martha,

You may be worrying about it too much... What type of work environment is it?? Do you have many friends?

I think it comes with life experiences and work experiences. I am shy but I observe those around me. Who are the reserved people, who are the ones that have a wild or edgy personality, and the token * * * * *y people. I think its easy for me to do this because long ago I was a waitress. That is the ultimate school for reading people. Some tables you knew you could joke around with and others were just there to be served to eat.

My point to that is its like that with friends and people at jobs. You have to sit back, observe, find what you have in common with these people and take advantage of it. Even if its just being in the copy room, kitchen, elevator and saying hello. A hello is an amazing word

Question for you Martha do you like to people watch??? If you do then use that observation skill for your job.

I think some people who have problem with friends (making or keeping) is they are too closed off. They dont emotionally invest into that person. I think a person who has no friends I feel sorry for.

I'm not hugging you Scout, that one guy on the right there in your avatar scares me...

 

Well then how about you give me a hug? I wont bite ;-) lol

yes, i have some horror stories, but i blame neither women in general nor marriage for them. i falls off my bike, i gets back on... when the time is right.

 

wait, is this is one of "those" touchy subjects? maybe i'd better do...

 

THIS! *leaps from soapbox*

SB and Scout heck Frisco and Dako let us all join in on a group hug. SHEESH!!

Not all women are shrews

Not all men are commitment phobes

Not all marriages are bad

Not all marriages are good

Not all are bound to end

Not all are bound to last

In my little ol opinion how can you knock something until you try it and how can you give up on something after 1 fall?

Cheers!!

Ailec

I think you may not understand so much now because you are 19. No I am not saying you don't know much. I am saying that if you and your partner be it a lover or your spouse were cybering other people that is going outside the bounds of friendly conversation.

Have I done it? Yes. Did I enjoy it? Yes Was I in a realtionship? No Was he in a relationship? No I think if I came home to find my S.O. cybering some chick in say Omaha and he was J.O. to her words or on cam then yes he is cheating.

I don't have a problem with it if your two single and consenting adults I do however have a problem if one or both are involved with someone else.

I would have to agree with RK..If a guy said I reminded him of his ex that would send me the other way.

yeah frisco, you might wanna hold off on the vice. leave that job to your wife.

 

i agreed with what you said about people who obsess over getting married. i've seen some of that on this site ( no, never from Elektra) and it seems to me that the time to think about getting married is when you actually have someone particular in mind.

I hope you were serious and not mocking me?

I dont think about a wedding everyday. I just know what I would want and no I know marriage isnt the fairytale. I am a smart woman that has no preconceived notions.

I know chicks who have had their wedding planned and names for kids picked out by age 10, that sort of thing.

I am one of those crazy chicks. Not that I have it planned out detail for detail but I know its not going to be lavish and expensive. The dress style has changed no more poofy princess dress I thought of in my teens. UGH! I dont know when, where, or to whom butI do have an idea that I want my friends and family to come together and have the best evening. It will make me happy to have that. The happiness of having those who I am close to there. Not being a Bridezilla and not enjoying the moment.

As for the kids names maybe its where you grow up or its just the gals I have talked to. You have certain names you like but only fate knows if you will ever use that name or if you will like it when you do have a baby. I guess thats the difference between men and women or it could be the programed idea that is given to girls??? Who knows

I know Dako! I am not trying to argue seriosly. But being a single gal and then to hear young men who are so jaded by something they never have experienced makes me want to pull my hair out.

I know some people are not meant for the long haul, but sheesh there are great women/men out there who you never know you could just click right into place?

I do think the Goldie Hawns, Kurt Russells, and such have it good so why rock the boat. I like Scout want the ceremony and the symbolic thing.

I'm definitely pro-marriage, but I also can understand why some people don't think it's necessary. For example, Ray Kay's mom & step-dad, Kurt Russell & Goldie Hawn, and other long-time unmarried (officially, that is) couples.

 

For me, I'd like to make it official. I chalk it up to the human tendency to create/respond to symbolic gestures.

I CONCUR!!!

And after reading this post, I now think I'd rather turn my nuts inside out than get married...

 

GOOD GRIEF!! You know how can you knock something before you try it? I look forward to getting married. I dont think of marriage as this dark ominious cloud of impending divorce. Jeeezz when did hope and optimism fly out the window???

 

I am not truly religious but I do agree with some churchs who won't marry couples until they go through the pre marriage counseling. To make sure they are on the same page on issues and future wants and needs. Yes I know these change but to get a general idea is good. There have been marriages where the people have assumed things of their partner. Thats when the marriage starts to crumble.

 

I am still going to be the Pollyanna of this thread!!! I am PRO MARRIAGE!!!

Good for you! But 7 years?? Is this a friendship or romantic intentions? Just dont have expectations, I say this because online and on the phone is soo much different then live and in person.

Where is he coming from and why was it 7 years?

I guess I am the odd man out. I come from an odd family (my parents are still married.) I could be looking at it with rose colored glasses on but what about this....

Your in a Long term relationship for 10 years and it ends. Does that mean you would never have another relationship again? It wasnt marriage but it was a relationship.

I guess I am trying to put my arms around your POV's.

S2S

I totally agree with your last paragraph. I believe that those who were burned and have put that wall up are keeping the good ones out.

This will sound bitter.

Because you lose all faith in an institution based upon a faulty premise.

Love dies, so how can you be so pretentious to promise another person to love them until you die? Once you know love dies, even your perfect one with all the bells and whistles, this faith goes with it.

I won't remarry because my faith in marriage is gone.

 

Many married folks console themselves by thinking they have the secret to a forever marriage. I did too.

Dako,

I understand part of what you say but unfortunately there are others that can be pretty special. If I am reading your post right you are saying that since that marriage didnt work, you will punish yourself forever? I can understand a person taking a few years to recoop but to take the rest of their life and to be jaded on marriage is a sad fact. Perhaps that is my only slice of optimism speaking??

I have a question for the people who were married and have experienced divorce......

Why is it you say your happy/healthy, doing things for you, and have moved on from that time? Although in the next breath you are finished with marriage or the word marriage sends you running the other way????

I have known a few divorced people and they all seem to have that POV.

Honey the first thing is what are you doing with a guy who is serving time???? Leave his sorry butt in jail and dont be around when he gets out.

What a jerk!!!!

Obviously the people who have taken the poll, even though it isnt scientific are somewhat in agreeance. That infidelity is a deal breaker.

If you are that trusting of a person and can forget what happened and how disrespected you and your vows meant to the other person then stay all you want.