pine_nut_dancing

Oh I think there's a misunderstanding here, I was simply stating this for the philosophical unpacking of the consideration of why is this so pervasive in our culture?! It just struck me as worth digging into. I'm not saying it as any justification.

Thanks for having empathy. That has meant so much. I'm going to come to make a decision, but when people automatically jump to shame first thing, it just makes it so much harder to process all the feelings involved. I've appreciated your thoughtful input a lot. Thanks.

Yeah, as I've discovered, the reddit ones aren't full blown sex scenes. They're in front of a camera masturbating. I think he likes the bodies? I am small, so I assume that could be the case. But still, I'm not sure I find this acceptable. First time I've even considered it and my initial instinct was "***, this is so creepy and disgusting!" But I'm at least taking this as a learning experience and trying to understand what I am ok with. A conversation with him is likely best first step. I will just have to maintain my own values in the end, but I don't think I'd feel good about making a decision without at least talking it out with him first.

Yes. I just have to figure out how to have this conversation with such low capacity right now (working multiple jobs and in university). I stumbled on this accidentally. I was looking at his comment section in reddit because we were debating on a topic relevant to a post. Then I looked down further and there was this weird looking comment and it linked to this video.

Yes, honestly, I haven't even gone down this ethical dilemma in my head. I am a naive person and I don't consume porn and haven't even considered this category never mind if my partner consumed it. So it's just a lot to breakdown and think about. I just don't want to accuse him of being a predator when it could be more a body size/look sexual arousal in private thing rather than anything else. I am slim and lean, so I guess he has a type? And I have to ask myself what I'm ok with, what are my limits. He's never striked me as creepy before. He's been such a big hearted and kind person towards me and one of the most emotionally mature, not someone you would ever meet, get to know and think "oh he's a creep with some skeletons". So this has struck me hard. I've fallen in love with him for a reason, you know? And it's not like I meet men like him just any day - I've gone on so many dates and I really like him as a person. But my values do matter and I need to be honest with myself. I just know it will take time. I appreciate you guiding me towards my values. I just have to take things one step at a time. I'm in university right now, so I haven't even really had a chance to sit with my feelings and figure this out. Having some external guidance is helpful to help me ask the hard questions and start figuring out what is what.

I can't remember the subreddit, but it was something like small size. It wasn't teen porn, I snooped the subreddit and it's mostly just smaller bodies/25 to 30-something crowd. But I've since checked and he has looked at teen-porn category, although it was once in probably 3 months. And they were just young looking, not 15 young, but like 18 years old. And it was them masturbating, not scene setups. I don't know what a lot of porn consumption is, how to quantify that. He watches probably 2-3 times a week. He lives alone though, so I kind of chalk it up to that. I have to find a way to talk to him about this, I suppose. I just want to go into it when I'm ready to. I don't know, I'm a naive person. I didn't even know that teen category was a thing, let alone so popular. I'm just disturbed by the zeitgeist of this.

this isn't exactly helpful. It completely disregards the humanity of it all and that there way way more to my situation then this one scenario. I have really invested a lot into this person and it really isn't that simple. It's easy to say that to someone, but reality is very different. I have really appreciated the people who have put in some level of effort and consideration for how nuanced this is. I get the repulsion, but there's so much more going on here.

I hear that concern. And yet, it is THE number one porn consumed by people. NUMBER ONE. Wow, seems like a massive scale issue. Yikes.

Yes, that's part of why I'm feeling so much disgust. It would be on thing if I knew for certain this wasn't some 15 year old teen girl posting on Reddit for attention and all these men are commenting ... Like shame on them. That's not ok. The thing with Reddit is they just have to click "over 18", it's too easy for young, vulnerable girls 😞. That's so sad to me. I want to protect them!! But I don't get that peace of mind to know this. I'm not acting on anything yet. I'm just too confused. I have so many mixed emotions and am not thinking clearly (I'm also burnt out from working multiple jobs, my capacity is low). I understand people saying "just leave" but I'm a human being. I see him in all kinds of contexts and it's not that simple!! People in the real world don't just operate on switches where it's that black and white. I'm NOT a black and white person.

Yes, the problem is this is reddit. There's really no sure moderator to regulate this, so you can end up with the widest scope of ethical/unethical porn. If this is what he is actually attracted to, that puts him at attracted to what very much appears to be a 15 year old girl. I guess I can't wrap my head around this... And I don't know if this young girl is of age. Maybe she is? But it feels like I'd be kidding myself to believe it...

Thanks for saying that, hard to hear. I think in my gut I feel this way too, but I'm also giving myself some time to process all this (I just learned about it last night). I'm so crushed because I was getting very committed to this person. It's so hard to accept this, really really painful.

Hi, I've discovered that my boyfriend watches a lot of porn on reddit. I was okay with porn, however, I've found a comment on a very young looking girl's naked body (she looked 15 years old) and I was completely floored. I'm in a bit of shock as I write this, and I'm just not sure how I should move forward with this. It is deeply disturbing AND I love him deeply. How do I begin navigating this? I'm worried he has some creepy habits that might indicate a character trait that is harmful. Has he ever done anything to a young teen? I know this is jumping to conclusions, I just felt like this was really abnormal to watch. He is 41. He also has a very strong reddit presence and now I'm just concerned about so many other things he might be up to on there... I can't see his personal messages (nor is it appropriate to try to look), but now I'm having a sickly feeling in my gut and want to investigate. We are only 9 months into the relationship, so trust is still being formed. So yes, for those who might frame it as a trust issue, that is developing still and this did not help. I'm just not sure what steps to take as I feel OVERWHELMED. Thank you for any help.