Lovelee56

I never told him about my inheritance, I just mentioned I wanted to protect it in the post. And the properties he knows about because one day we were at a gathering and my cousin asked me how my tenants are doing. He asked me about it later so I told him. But yes moving forward maybe it's best to not be so revealing

I didn't find you rude at all. Thanks for being respecful. I understand where you're coming from. Again, I grew up privileged and my parents were wealthy so they always advised me to get a prenup and everyone in my family has done the same. I agree that just because someone dates someone of higher financial status that they are automatically after money. However I think it's a bit suspicious if they are overly inquiring about finances and already making suggestions about how I should spend my money to benefit him (which my boyfriend was doing). He has hinted that his job is very stressful and he wants to quit so this is what concerns me and makes me think he would benefit from my income.

Good point and you're probably right. Will keep this in mind moving forward to prevent wasted time.

Yes the woman could definitely be the provider. But I feel like there's no point to someone to stay at home unless there's kids which we both agreed we don't want.

Yes historically that's how it's been. Men were the providers and women stayed home but now that's slowly changing. I'm not sure what the statistics are on men asking women for prenup, but I do know of plenty of men who got completely screwed over in a divorce and lost everything to their ex wife. I'm sure they wish they had prenup.

Fair enough and I respect your opinion. There are some people who don't want prenup (for valid reasons that you mentioned) and I think maybe it's best for someone to find another partner who is aligned with finances. If you dont want prenup then don't marry someone who wants one.. I guess this is where I am right now and don't want to question the rest of my life is someone with me for money. Genuine question though: If you never want to get a divorce, then why wouldn't you sign a prenup? If you're never going to use it then why have a problem signing? just curious

Yes I agree! True equality. But very interesting how when a woman makes more money and wants a prenup, the man isn't labeled as a gold digger if he doesn't want to sign? Hmmm.

Yes, if the gender roles were reversed and I was a man, I guarantee that EVERYONE would be saying that my girlfriend is a gold digger and I should leave. But of course, when the woman makes money, she's selfish and only cares about money. Typical.

I'm really surprised at the viciousness here about the high salary? I'm not sure why it's so offensive to everyone.

Fair enough. I personally am not crazy about getting married, as i said, he is the one pushing for marriage and bringing it up. I am completely fine with not marrying someone but still being in a committed relationship. And prenup is like an insurance. Why do you have car insurance or home insurance? Do you not trust your driving enough and think you'll be reckless? No, it's "just in case".

I was thinking the same. Seems like he rushed into a relationship out of desperation to begin with.

It's not my fault that I worked hard and am successful in my 20's. I'm really sorry it offends you and that's not my intention but was looking for advice about something else and not debate on my salary.

Okay then tell him to work harder? Lol I'm not sure why you're all so hung up on the salary number when I'm asking about relationship advice.

Haha I'm flattered 🙂 Yes I'm a PhD in Neuroscience working in research and neuroengineering.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. He is recently divorced (last year) and we started dating around 3 months after. So far I have no complaints, he treats me well. To give background, I'm a doctor and make around 350k a year, while he's a software engineer making 90k a year. I have several rental properties, investments, and future inheritance from my family. My boyfriend doesn't have assets aside from his house and has some money in 401k however he states he has never maxed out the amount in the past few years. I pay for most things in our relationship which has mostly been dates and I have taken care of some of larger expenses for him (e.g. boarding his dogs while he go on trips and gifts for his family during holidays). I don't mind doing so because I do make significantly more and he does pay for dates occasionally. Recently he has been pushing the idea of marriage, which at first I found strange because he initially told me that he didn't want to rush into anything after being divorced which I agreed to because to be honest I never cared about marriage and felt like you can be committed to someone without the legal document. We were talking about it and I casually mentioned a prenup. He immediately got upset and said that I don't trust him and it's an easy out for me to leave the marriage. He also said if we divorce, he doesn't have financial security aside from moving back in with his parents. Because I grew up very comfortable financially, my father always advised me to sign a prenup because of my career and because of the family wealth just in case, and I always follow his advice. I thought it was weird how he would object especially since he is divorced, but he said him and his ex didn't have a prenup and she didn't take anything from him (he agreed to sign the prenup as long as he doesn't have to pay alimony and can keep the house). I'm becoming a bit suspicious because my boyfriend has opened up to me about how in his previous marriage, he was the provider and could never get his savings up because his ex was always spending his money and she only worked minimum wage jobs. He says it's a relief to him to finally have someone like me to "give him security and not be worried if he loses his job because he can rely on me." He has also made weirdly specific suggestions, such as recommending that we join bank accounts (even before marriage) and max out both of our retirement accounts. One night he kept insisting that I tell him how much is in my bank account and when I told him he made a comment like, "Wow, you have my whole salary in your bank." He has also been saying that his job is stressful and he would like to take a break for a while and I feel like he's hinting that he wants me to support him. I do love him but I feel like he sees me as financial security and I don't like that feeling. He insists that he doesn't want me for money but now I'm hesistent to follow through with the relationship because it seems like it's a big part for him..