Areophile

@Batya33 Exactly. I wish I could move. My job, alas, is here.

@yogacat Fair question. The answer is that the slim women are too much younger than me for my comfort. The last half dozen women I've dated have all been in their 30s. I'm just not finding any, and I mean ANY single, available women in their 50s who aren't full-figured. I have met a few in their 50s that I was attracted to, but they were/are all married, so I just admired them from afar. I'm a very monogamous man, and I would not try to break up a marriage. I've also had some "polyamorous" women attracted to me, but since I find the poly lifestyle repugnant, I didn't return her advances. I don't want to live in a stable with the other horses, you know? I'm a one filly stallion (to beat the metaphor like a d*** horse). So, in a nutshell, I want to date a peer that is slender, but - at least in my area - I don't even see any.

@Coily Of course I don't speak of these things publicly. I sought advice here for a reason. Some of which is unactionable (change what you are attracted to), and some of it is (use dating apps and be patient). Another that is completely unactionable for me is this idea (I've heard this before) that looks are unimportant. I'm 58 and I didn't just fall off the turnip truck. Everyone I know and everyone I've EVER known got together INITIALLY due to a mutual physical/sexual attraction. People know how that plays online, so now there is a massive chorus of people claiming "I don't even look at their exterior, I'm attracted to their SOUL!" Which is a lot of hogwash. I have male friends who are very into big women. SOLELY attracted to big women. And that's great for them. I wish I felt that way. Believe me, it would make life much easier and simpler. Another would be if I were gay. I'm not, but I've been propositioned dozens and dozens of times by gay men. Sorry, fellas. But, to re-iterate, since I was a young boy of 7, I have only ever and always been attracted to small women. Jane Wiedlin from the Go-Gos. Huge crush when I was younger. I've just never been turned on or attracted to tall or big women. I don't know why. Even someone like Taylor Swift, or Lynda Carter - while both beautiful women, aren't attractive to me because they are tall, that's just how I am.

@Tinydance You keep misquoting me. I didn't say that women size 9 or above are big or overweight. I said my ATTRACTION stops at about a size 9. I think 12+ would be big or overweight, and most women my age that I am seeing on dating apps and in the wild (clubs, special interest groups) are 18+ US. That is no exaggeration.

@Tinydance I compare myself to him because we are the same height and weight. No other reason. It's a handy tool to accurately describe the dimensions of my body. I also stated explicitly that I'm not as good-looking. You are being pretty abusive to me, frankly. And I have dated numerous times in the intervening 12 years. The women I've been FINDING are in their 30s, but I'd prefer someone my own age. I broke up with my last girlfriend, who was 36, because she used excessive amounts of weed - she was constantly using the bong. Like 10-12 times a day. I don't smoke weed, so this became an issue I couldn't ignore.

@Tinydance and @Morello I'm not "fat-shaming" people. There are MANY upon many shaming terms that I don't use. I'm simply trying to be factual. When I'm using the term "big" what I mean is a rounder shape. A person with an apple-shaped body, instead of a more or less standard body shape like you might find in a textbook on human anatomy. My shoulders and chest are wider and thicker than my belly and waist. You see? When you see a man with narrower shoulders than his midsection - that person is obese. I need to lose 20-30 lbs yes, but that weight is distributed and I carry it well. There is a famous picture of Ben Affleck smoking a cigarette in a light blue sweater where people have said "he has a dad bod." I have a dad bod, too, but I don't smoke. I'm not attracted to PERFECTION, like a runway model. I'm fully capable of being attracted to a woman who weighs 130-140 lbs. I don't understand why we need to be so granular with this, but you are both accusing me of thinking that one or two pounds overweight is fat, and that's not what I'm saying. Now, let me re-iterate, I live in Ohio, and 50-something women I see on dating sites and in real life ARE big. Large. Size 18-24. I begin to lose attraction around size 9. That's just how I'm built.

@SophiaG No, she remarried last year. She began dating the guy just after our divorce so they've been together 10+ years. He's an alcoholic, in an out of rehab. He's a chef. His parents are wealthy, so they bought them a house. All just to say, no - she isn't available. We were married for 17 years, together for 20. Our sons are 20, 23, and 26 now. They HATE her current husband, but it's whatever. Thanks for your thoughts. The "petite dating sites" are all about height, not weight. So, plenty of shorter women in their 50s but literally all of them big. It's an Ohio problem, I think.

@Starlight925 and @Batya33 I think I've been completely transparent in this discussion that I would not end a relationship over 20-30 lbs of maturity weight or fluctuations. In the case of my ex-wife, she gained 100+ lbs and simply wasn't appealing to me at all. I still loved her emotionally, but was not attracted to her in a sexual way. She kept that weight on for 8-10 years. I didn't leave her or divorce her. She divorced me. Then immediately lost all the weight. I believe for her that it was a Pyrrhic victory.

@catfeeder ....uh, why do you assume I don't do anything, have no common sense, and otherwise no intelligence at all? You have developed a picture of me cloistered in a basement den slapping a keyboard all night bemoaning a lack of the "Logan's Run" partner delivery service. That's not me. I do things. I'm social. I interact. I have not given you an exhaustive curriculum vitae of my activities. Anyway, I do those things, and others. So far, not seeing any single, available, compatible women.

Okay. I kind of got the answer I expected, which amounts to: good luck but you probably aren't going to find anyone. Hahaha. In sum: Near-60, Democrat (non-negotiable), slender and petite ---- and one more, I am an atheist and I couldn't comfortably date a woman who believes I'll burn for eternity and is okay with that. So, adding up the limiters leaves me with something less than 1% of eligible women, I reckon. Hopeless, in other words.

@itsallgrand I hear you and others. Personally, I don't think I look good or feel good under 220. So, I could stand to lose 20 lbs. Less than that I begin to look like Ichabod Crane. Hahaha. As I said, I was a bouncer for several years and active duty in the USAF and USCG. I have 17" biceps and a 56" chest. I wear a 40 waist, but I'd like to be 38.

@yogacat It's weird. EVERY dating site will let you select for height, but very few have an option to select for weight. My experience has been that I receive interested inquiries from women under 5'4" that are - and I mean this - EXTREMELY overweight. Morbidly obese. Let me also say that I'd be fine with 10-30 lbs extra. I'm not an ogre. But the only interest I'm seeing is from 60+ lbs overweight women. Round. And I'm just not into that.

@Kwothe28 At 240 lbs - I am an American, and use the weights and measures of the country I live in - I'm 10 lbs LIGHTER than Ben Affleck, who runs around at 250 lbs (his words). I don't give one squirt for BMI, it is notoriously inaccurate for tall and muscular people, and I am both things. Yes, I'm a big man. Much bigger than average, and I am attracted to short and slender women, and that's the entirety of the story. Your criticism and combative manner doesn't enter into it. It isn't like I - or anyone - can say, "You've made an interesting argument, I am now attracted to big women." Attraction doesn't work like that. As someone said above, "the heart wants what it wants."

@Kwothe28, If you think 240 is overweight for 6'4", that's just silly. You can see in my picture that I'm not fat and round. I'm a veteran and former bouncer. I would not want to be a 210lb beanpole.

@catfeeder I don't know why you would think that a goth/industrial nightclub isn't "age appropriate." I mean, I was a New Wave / Punk rock / Metalhead in the 80s, and I still am. I keep up with new music and newer bands like Jinjer and Panic at the Disco and Polyphia.