Hi everyone, I’m a 21-year-old female full-time student currently living with my grandmother (73) along with my two sisters (18 and 16) after our mom passed away in 2021. My dad (41) lives with us as well. In June, my 18-year-old sister graduated from high school and is now enrolling in college to become a nurse. My dad used to work as a kitchen manager at a chain restaurant but suddenly stopped working in November 2023.
Here’s where things get complicated. My parents were married for 18 years and lived with my grandmother (my mom mother), raising us three kids in her home. My dad has always been an introvert, but since my mom’s passing, he’s become even more distant—he barely talks unless spoken to and makes no effort to connect with us. He was always physically present but emotionally unavailable, and that hasn’t changed.
Recently, I started feeling curious about my dad’s behavior and decided to look through his email. I found some porn (which didn’t bother me much) but also discovered ads for s** workers and CashApp transactions, suggesting he’s been paying for these activities. I was shocked but tried not to let it get to me.
What really upset me was discovering how he’s been handling his finances. Since he quit his job, I’ve been wondering where his money is coming from. One day, while looking for something in his room (which used to be my parents’ room), I came across bank statements showing he received $8,000 in tax refunds and also gets beneficiary checks for my sisters—$900 each per month.
I was furious because my grandmother, who is 73 and works full-time as a recovery nurse, earns about $1,200 every two weeks and is the one paying all the bills and buying groceries. This often leaves her in the negative, and it breaks my heart. My dad knows she’s struggling but doesn’t contribute at all. Instead, he spends his money on unnecessary things like Jordans, a PS5, dr**s , Apple Watches, iPhones, jerseys, and jewelry. He doesn’t offer to help with our school expenses or even basic supplies, and my grandmother has no idea he’s receiving this money every month while she’s struggling to make ends meet.
I’m at a loss for what to do now that I know about this situation. Any advice on how I should handle this would be greatly appreciated.
