TooMuchInformation

They are aware of the situation and they have the same mindset that she needs professional help, my family as well as hers and our friends do ask and check up on her. Sadly due to trust issues with her family (no one being able to keep something confidential, and it becoming gossip of sorts), she limits what she says, minus her mother, she is often open to her.

Thank you for taking the time to expand my thinking.

Yes I realise that this might not be the move, but this was all paid for and arranged in September/October last year, so this was actually before we had officially gotten into a relationship. So, all of these issues that have risen. Thank you for your wishes, I'm trying my best.

Exactly the plan at the moment, can't win the war without the battles! That I will try and be, thank you for your kind words.

Glad to hear you have reached a much healthier place for yourself! Yes don't worry I am aware of behaviours to look out for, she is an overall anxious individual, this isn't me being singled out, lots of social and new things causes very high stress for her. Thank you for your wishes, All the best :]

Her separation anxiety was with her mum before me, she actually was a lot more independent during the time she was in college (due to the required bus travelling each day and the likes). The time period between towards the end of college and uni starting is where she really started to decline. Yes she was prescribed Sertraline and did attend therapy for some time. She did not find the medication to work, and when she expressed this to her Dr she simply upped the amount she was to take, and she got worse as a result (from what she has said, as well as her friends and family). During that period she stopped attending her therapy as her therapist retired and she did not like the replacement, and with her lack of willing to live at the time she simply didn't try after that point. And she stopped taking her medication jusr before uni and she finds herself to be better, whilst I disagree that she didn't inform her Dr about this (I didn't know her at the time), that was up to her and she will not go on THAT specific medication again. Had a discussion with her today and she said she might be willing to try other medication in time but wants to focus on the therapy side at this moment in time, which makes sense as medication comes second. Think it comes off like this as I believe my love language is acts of services, so I really don't/didn't mind doing things for her months ago. But realise now how it comes off and I have been catering her towards being dependent on me, this is something I will work on. A friend of ours in the uni was referred back in September last year and was only seen 2 months ago, and that was because they sped up her referral as she had a family member die quite literally in her arms (they said to her that they sped up her referral). And this friend of ours was also diagnosed depression prior to uni, so I am assuming she will be in the same level of "importance" to the uni. There are a lot of things to take into consideration at this moment in time, she has just had her implant taken out, so I am focusing on comforting her with this (very triggering for her due to previous SH but has been clean for over a year). Don't worry I am not forgetting the importance of everything previously discussed, I just want to focus on that for the next couple days.

Condom or not, I am infertile due to my own condition. But I appreciate the concern. She is looking toward alternative help alongside the uni therapy, what I said before was more of a "You should get on the list and still look for other options in the meantime" as opposed to simply just waiting 8 months to do anything.

She comes from a family with a difficult financial situation so whilst they may be able to pitch in some money, it would be a short term loan rather than anything. We are moving in less than a week, so it really isn't too long at all to wait. I will definitely inquire about sliding scale! I have already established with her that I will be doing a lot of work in my room for my course, and she has a deadline coming up very soon so she has to get on with that, and due to the specifics of it she will have to be in her room to do it (due to the chemicals and safety mask required when doing this). Our university course doesn't start up for a few weeks so we will be in the house together for a period of time, and during this time I will be trying to spot certain behaviours and prevent them from developing. I have also already made plans that do not involve her (she was invited but she doesn't want to do it), and I will be continuing to make plans. I really do not want to limit my world, and I am going to make it abundantly clear. I have talked to her in regards to her nap specifics, as I just generally do not like to nap unless I am absolutely shattered. She is okay to nap when I am in the house (not in the room), or someone else is. She just is not happy with the idea of sleeping in the house alone. Which is manageable as there is three other people outside of her, but I have told her there will be instances where the three of us will not be home and she needs to be okay with that at some point. I am aware of my own personal limits about her dependency, and I will admit I do find myself to get frustrated with her behaviour from time to time, but never once have I took it out on her, I never start a conversation with her about it unless I have a cool head on my shoulders. When I make certain suggestions in how she can manage independently, she will more often than not make a 'joking' comment saying that she doesn't need to because she has me. I know she is half joking, she knows she has to manage without me, but would just much rather not learn to have to. It's fine to ask! It makes sense from your perspective. More than prepared to do exactly that, we are not in any sort of a situation to be having a kid, not taking risks.

Won't be having any pregnancy scares, don't worry! Might be young but I'm not dumb

Sadly the waiting time for the uni therapy is exceeding 8 months waiting time, I have expressed to her that it would be worthwhile in the long run, but it is unfortunate that it is such a long wait. Hence exploring other options. We've got a house that we are renting with two others. We have our separate rooms, but yes same living space. I recognise that this will likely have an impact with her aforementioned separation anxiety as it means we will be living in closer quarters, but the housing situation was all arranged late last year. Definitely will be setting up boundaries and the likes from the get-go to ensure that her independence doesn't worsen. She had the implant put in at the start of her last relationship, she isn't going to be perusing any other contraceptive as her experience with them before were not good (could be poor timing with her other medication at the time). We won't have any pregnancy scares though regardless, so if she want's to go forward with birth control for her periods, that is up to her probably at a later date. I am glad she is open to a form of therapy again, I know she is hesitant toward the idea but she recognizes the importance. I'm just hoping we can get through this together.

Thank you, I do appreciate it. I know it won't be overnight and I do remind her of this as well, but it is something I am willing to do with her, as long as she is willing to do the same.

I don't have a script so to say and most likely won't write a "what I want to discuss" but I do know the rough idea what I need to express, won't be in one conversation, will be split up. If I do decide to write something, I will likely post it here.

Not necessarily a time frame, but more of her behavior and attitude towards everything and moving forward with the things we have discussed, I hope that she is researching into options just as I am researching into ways to help her. But with everything going on in her life at this moment in time, I would say it would be good to see an improvement in her in a month, and even if not, I would hope she is referred somewhere or along those lines.

Thank you for your response, your last line particularly stuck with me and I will definitely be using it in conversation with her. Therapy is definitely the route I will be leading her towards, we actually had a conversation last night and we discussed therapy and different options. She is planning (so far at least) to do a self-referral to a clinic that someone she knows has recommended once we move into our accommodation, which is very soon. She is waiting to do this then as they need a mailing address and she would prefer it to be there but obviously doesn't want it being there before she is. Secondly she is having her contraceptive implant removed before we move in and she tells me that a lot of her mental health (brain fog, anxiety, depression and more she has discussed with me) has either started since it was implanted or worsened. So she is wanting to wait to see how this effects her, albeit I will still be pushing her towards referrals and considering options regardless as we both know this extends beyond her implant. But thank you, really.

Uni wise, it is because we live in the same accommodation, so uni is ongoing alongside us being together. It's primarily the times in which we both go to our own homes that she experiences this (or me going home and her staying). She does struggle with uni work due to motivation and as previously mentioned mental health problems. Her parent tries but often makes comments which will worsen a situation. As to 'tolerating', this is something that has simply worsened drastically in the last few months, if you had told me about this 6 months ago I would have laughed and not believed you. She has a lot of stressful changes happening in a short span and it has built up on her a lot, so I am not surprised she is at her worst now. This time next month, the stressful events are passed.