penpal999

Sure! I'll be reading things in this thread for a while lol, but unless anyone else has anything to add, we can end this thread. I'll be sure to update in the future if anything happens with this girl. If anyone has anything to say to me please message me directly. Thank you all so much.

Wow this thread really blew up over the last little bit lol. So another update! I worked with her today. It was fine. She was slightly nervous around me and I could tell right away. Honestly my stomach was in knots, but I don't want her to go through the day being nervous to just be near me, so I was very friendly and helpful throughout the day. We laughed about stuff, worked closely with each other, I even pulled her out of her cubicle where she was eating lunch by herself and asked her to join the rest of the team sitting together and having a good time. She thanked me after and said that was really sweet. In the afternoon was were inseparable and before she left for vacation (2 weeks in Europe), she pulled me aside and thanked her for a wonderful day and said she really appreciated my help. I told her no worries, I'm glad she's enjoying her time at work and to have a safe trip, and I left. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. What's happened has happened. Was she lying and just leading me on? Probably not. Was she genuinely interested in me? Who knows. Am I glad to at least possibly maintain a friendship with her? Definitely. I'm not going to toss her off to the side just because she doesn't want to date me. She's still a person and I want to respect her decision. I don't hate her for what happened, and I'm genuinely so proud of myself for having the guts to ask her out. If this was a few years ago I'd anguish over this girl for months if not YEARS and come up with scenarios in my head of how great we'd be together and how her BF is a jerk and blah blah blah. Now? I feel good. I survived rejection, and I can move on. Don't get me wrong, it sucked and I felt like crap all night, but that's life and I look forward to the future. My confidence needs work, and I am going to seek therapy for that - in addition to my anxiety. My self esteem is just too low and I need to figure out why. So I'm happy I was able to experience this and come out the other side still in one piece. ONE THING I will add to this though, if it makes ANY difference. So the night we went out for food/drinks and bowling, we were sitting at our large table and one of our coworkers mentioned how she's seeing someone new. One of my coworkers asked Laura, the girl I liked, if she was seeing anyone, and she responded "no but my friends are trying to set me up with a guy". I barely caught it, and I honestly took that as "Great! She's single!", but maybe this is the guy she's starting to see? But who knows. I'll never ask, and I doubt I'll see her at work any time soon and I'll be gone before anything gets serious enough between them. I feel like an idiot because maybe that was crucial information? I don't know. I was just excited. Anyway, thank you all so much again for your advice. I'm sure I'll be lurking in the forums and reading other posts, but I won't be updating anymore. The less I think about this mess the better lol. You're a great group of people and I appreciate all of the heartfelt advice and tough love you gave me. If it wasn't for you guys, I'd be day dreaming about how I'd ask this girl out 10 years from now lol. Take care everyone.

Thanks everyone for being so kind. Here’s how it went. She listened to my voice messages and made some jokes about it, and I asked her if I could call, she said yeah sure. I called and said hey I think you’re really great and I love spending time with you and I’d love to get to know her more and if I could take her out for dinner, or go for drinks. She kind of went quiet and said “uhhhhh…….yeah okay”, and I said “…..I mean a date, just be to be clear”, and she goes “oh ummm…..I’m not saying no but…” and i immediately knew there. i just responded “hey you know what, if you’re not really feeling it that’s totally fine. I just thought I’d ask but if you don’t want to we don’t have to and I still appreciate your friendship”. She said something like “I’m not saying no but I don’t want to turn you down harshly….maybe we can think about this once I finish probation?.” and I said “it’s all good. I’ll see you at work tomorrow, have a great night.” I was pretty choked, but it’s all good. I went to take a shower and when I got back out I got a long text from her stating something along the lines of “hey I’m super flattered by the conversation we just had. I seriously think the world of you. You’re so kind and such a charismatic person and I would have liked to get to know you on a different level too. But I have just started seeing someone and am wanting to see where that goes. (I’m about all my eggs in one basket kind of girl), but if the timing is right in the future I’d love to get to know you more. I’m sorry I couldn’t say this on the phone, I was just a little surprised is all. I promise things won’t be weird between us” I just responded “hey no worries, thank you for your honesty. Coffee is definitely on you tomorrow though haha” so that’s how it ends. It sucks. I was really into this girl, but I’m not going to wait around to see how her relationship goes with this guy, (or whether she was just saying those things to soften the blow). I appreciate all of the kind words and support you’ve all given me. The streak continues, single for 13 years coming up lol.

Final update: I called her and asked her out. She said no. Guess I'm back to square one. Thank you all for the support and advice! I'm sure i'll be back here soon haha. Thanks everyone.

Update, maybe the last one: So I worked with her today. It was kind of awkward, as I didn't really know what to say to her. I got to work and she wasn't there. I poured myself some coffee in the kitchen and she walked in and smiled. I said hey, how's it going? I just smiled and walked out. I just didn't really have much to say. Later in the day she came by and just put her hand on my shoulder and said hey, how's it going? I said good! How are you? and she just went straight into "I'm sorry I didn't respond to your message, I haven't even listened to it yet to be honest, I was just having a really anti-social day". I told her "no worries! We all have anti social days and to not worry about prioritizing me above all else haha" The rest of the day was good, we laughed, joked around, and didn't touch me again but I would walk by and just place my hand on her shoulder "hey! you're doing okay?" she'd laugh and just go "getting through the day you know?" At the end of the day I helped her clean up in the office and we walked to the parking garage. I had extra tote bags in my car that I could give to people and I told her she could come to my car and get some if she wanted to and she said sure. Here's where I feel like I'm done for - please tell me if I'm crazy: After I give her a few bags I tell her "by the way it's so nice to have you around. I know i've said that before but you honestly just make work so fun. I appreciate having you here" and she says to me "You're such an amazing friend, you've made me feel so welcome and not be in my head too much about things. Thank you so much". I thought about the old times when I was "such a good friend" to girls who would shoot me down, so I just immediately felt hurt, but didn't show it and just said "great! well see you tomorrow!" and got in my car and left. Is her calling me a subtle way of telling me she's not interested? Is she friend-zoning me? Should I just lay off now? or am I over thinking this too?

Thank you all again so much for your input. She still hasn't responded, and I'm just going to head to bed now so I guess I'll see her tomorrow. I took people's advice and just relaxed, took a hot shower, kept myself busy and honestly didn't drive myself too crazy thinking about it. I'm 100% anxious about this, for sure. I think the thing that gets me is that I read all over the internet (e.g., Reddit, dating websites, etc) stuff like "top 10 signs she's not interested!" and "how to tell she doesn't like you over text!" and I always see the stuff about who engages first, how quickly they respond, if she asks questions, etc., and I feel like I just amplify things I see and look for the worst case scenario. I'm trying to stay positive, really, but it's so hard when year after year I get to the first date (if that) and I just ruin things somehow or the girl just loses interest or gets "the ick" and I'm back to square one. I want to do things differently this time, if I still can. I don't want to be pushy, I don't want to come across as needy or clingy, I don't want my anxiety or low confidence to be what she sees in me but man is it hard. You've all been so helpful though. I genuinely appreciate all of the advice and tough love everyone's given me, and I'll keep providing updates as often as I can (assuming that's ok with the forum rules?). Thanks everyone.

Update In case anyone was wondering, since this entire forum is now a part of this lol: Seems like we started out great. A few messages here and there, just joking around. I sent her a voice message last night around 7 and woke up to paragraph texts from her this morning. It was really sweet! She just said a lot of nice things about the messages, how she looks forward to seeing me later at work in the week, and how she had a great time at the event and how she appreciates how supportive I am of her at work. I sent another voice message back just before work started....and I still haven't heard back. It's been about 12-13 hours. I'm being neurotic and paranoid. The first thing I think is "alright so she's not interested in me, I need to just move on", but then I feel like I'm self sabotaging and I just want to think about other things and move on from this. I should see her at work tomorrow but I hope she at least messages me once before I see her tomorrow or I feel like I'll feel so awkward around her. Anyway, that's where I'm sitting.

Another update! I sent her a voice message instead of a text, just because we would joke about that. And she responded almost immediately! My voice message was just joking about our work day, how we came across some really funny clients today, and she says: "Hahaha this made me laugh! Took me way too long to realize you were talking about my clients, I legit thought we had the same day for a good few seconds :), and thank you so much for all the positive feedback and encouragement! how was your day?" I'm not going to overthink it, I'm just going to be fun and joke around and try to just be her friend and see how things go, but I feel like this is a really good sign? I just hope I don't come across as too much of just "the friend". I also don't want to go "haha yeah fun day. So anyway, wanna date?" Also, thank you all so much for all of your advice. I'm genuinely so taken aback by all the support you've all given me. I come back to this thread daily to re-read your advice, so please feel free to keep offering as much as you can!

Thank you all so much for wonderful insight and advice! Sorry she didn't actually say "take care", that was my take away! Her text just seemed like it didn't want me to respond in any way, and not to mention I mentioned taking her out to brunch, and her text mentioned nothing about that, seems like she just ignored it entirely on purpose - that's where I just get the feeling she's over me. Also this whole fear thing is real. You all hit the nail on the head. I've been single for...12 years now? I've had little bouts of interest in others here and there, but it never goes past the first date. I've just sort of succumbed to the idea that I'm terrible with people when it gets to the first date, and I panic otherwise. I read too much into little things, I get anxiety when they don't message me, I feel like they'll lose interest in me and they'll just drop me. I've tried working on my confidence and self esteem but it's clearly not there yet.

But how do I even respond to a text that seems so final? My take away was "thanks, had fun, take care!", so I don't want to be that pushy guy who can't take a hint. However I'm god awful at signals and messages so I don't trust my gut instinct lol. What's the best response I could give that text? Or should I just hope to see her around (which I'll only see her maybe 2-4 times over the next couple months) and try to be friendly and chat then?

Another update! Laura responded: Thanks for the message, it was a ride haha! Thanks so much for inviting me and I had so so much fun and thank you for all the kind words! Please don't feel any kind of way about anything seriously I wasn't touched by anything! Hopefully you're feeling somewhat alive today lol. I guess it's positive but also kind of closed ended? I did suggest we go for brunch but she kind of skirted around that. I don't really know how to respond to this lol. I want to see her again but I don't want to be pushy, but I also don't want this to fizzle out, but if it does then it does and I can't really control that. Any thoughts?

That videos hilarious lol! Thanks for the support guys. I have yet to hear from her but it's all good - I'll give her some space/time.

So the night went okay... Maybe my expectations were too high? I kind of wish I just listened to everyone's advice and just took this slowly and just let things happen naturally. We went out for dinner and even though I tried to get a seat close to her, we got seated kind of far apart so I didn't get a chance to really talk to her a whole lot during dinner. Near the end of dinner I did manage to snag a seat kind of close to her and we chatted and laughed but I never really managed to get her kind of 1-on-1 which I really wanted to. Near the end of dinner I suggested we go bowling, and when I initially messaged Laura I told her "hey we're going out for food and drinks and then probably go out after, so don't feel like you have to join us but you're totally welcome to and we'd love to have you join". Her response was "Hey, let's play it by ear! I have plans tomorrow morning but I could be convinced haha". When it came time to go bowling I asked her if she wanted to come with us and she said "ya absolutely!". So we went. Here's where things get kind of....not fun. Bowling was great. Her and I really meshed and joked around and even though we were in 2 separate groups, she would always find a way to come over to my side to talk to me and joke around. But maybe it was the alcohol and the really late night, but around 12:30 or so we finished and the rest of the group said "hey let's keep going!" and Laura was the only one who said "I think I'm going to go home...I'm tired". We went outside and some people were just saying bye and giving hugs and Laura called her Uber, and went home. I tried to walk her to her Uber, and she just kind of went "okay, thanks bye!" and got into the car and left. Maybe I'm over reacting, maybe I'm reading too much into things, but I felt like...she just wasn't into me at that point? I didn't expect her to lunge at me and tell me she loves me or anything, but it just felt like she was over the night and just wanted to go home. Maybe she was really tired, maybe she had to get up for her plans, but I just maybe wished things had gone better? I got home and left her a voice message (something we joked about) and just thanked her for coming and we all loved having her there and we're happy to have her as part of our team at work. I told her I'd love to spend time with her again and go for brunch or something slightly quieter. No response yet, but it's still quite early, but my gut feeling is telling me she's just over it. Anyway, I'll keep everyone posted. Thank you all for the advice and support! Please, any further input is still very much so appreciated. Thank you.

Quick update! So I was just at work (we have many office locations, I'm in one across the city from her), and I just got a text from her "Hey it's Laura! :):)" with a funny meme. I just responded "hey it's great to hear from you! I can't wait to see you tonight for drinks!". She put her phone on silent and we both went back to work, but I'll take this as a good sign? That she's at least coming tonight, and didn't immediately discard my number lol.

Hmm I feel like that's a really good point. I have wondered why she never messaged me, and it's been over a week. It's a very confusing situation!