shellpy

I genuinely do hate it. I tend to just shut down completely and can‘t bring myself to talk to him for days after until i feel lonely and just need someone. I have a very hard time standing up for myself and leaving situations that are bad for me. I have tried breaking up with him 3 times but every time he tells me he will do better and i go back. I am not into this at all, i just lacked the self confidence and the self respect to leave. I wrote my reasons down on a list now so i don‘t forget. He is at work right now so i‘ll be breaking up tomorrow morning over the phone.

I told him about this today! I asked him if he wasn‘t taught that u get ur friends/loved ones something from the store even if they didn‘t ask for anything and he just said that he had no way of knowing i was thirsty lol. Im done with him i just need to let him know

Yes i know and it‘s super scary. He is extremely confident that he could take any man in a fight because he does bodybuilding and obviously i don‘t want to tell him otherwise to not offend him but it‘s dangerous and scary.

Yes he proudly told me yesterday abt how he and another guy almost fought on a parking lot (i was already gone by this time). I don‘t really know how to go about breaking up with him yet but i‘ll definitely have to

He isn‘t a "bad boy“ at all tbh. I never really thought of him that way. I am not into that at all, which is why this is an issue. I would never even have fallen in love with him if i knew that he acts like this. When we met in real life for the first time, he already showed a little bit of this side but it came across more like anxiety and shyness. You know when people don‘t know how to be around people and then they seem very rude. That‘s how it‘s right now too! It‘s not cool, nobody thinks he is cool when he acts like that. He seems awkward and antisocial but with a lot of confidence that he gained since we met for the first time. I understand how it might sound like I only like him because he looks good and ofc i am attracted to his looks, he is my boyfriend. My goal never ever would be rebelling against my parents. He is from my culture and was raised muslim too! my goal has always been finding someone i can love and LIKE as a person and who at the same time won‘t make my parents disown me.

i know it‘s absolutely terrible. Whenever we go outside, i tend to shut down completely for half of the date because his behavior makes him so unattractive to me. Like i can‘t get myself to let it go because it‘s unbearable. He will have staring contests with other men, roll down his window when someone drove in a way that angered him and yell something at them, it‘s genuinely a nightmare. I try to play it down at times but the more i think about it, the more it disgusts me.

My family doesn‘t necessarily put pressure on me to get married right now but if I do ever want to get married, my dad made it very clear, it should be someone from their religion bc it‘s a sin to marry someone outside of that religion. I love my family a lot and they are all i have. I thought because i have him, none of this will cause any issues because technically he IS all they want but that‘s definitely not happening.

Yes i have been thinking about that too! My family would definitely not like him because of his lack of manners.

I know and i feel so embarrassed every single time. I am not religious myself, hence why it‘s important for my future husband to also not be religious (simply bc i think our views would clash completely). I thought because he was raised muslim, he would have manners and be kind because that‘s how i was raised and all my friends too but he wasn‘t and it worries me. What i meant by morals that align with mine i was talking mostly about homophobia, misogyny, racism and ableism. Most guys around me that have the same ethnic background at me are misogynistic and homophobic. He isn‘t, that‘s what i meant mostly. Of course i am disgusted by his behavior but i always end up forgetting about it when we don‘t go outside. We can‘t meet that often so i don‘t experience it every day (ik i would if we get married), so it‘s bearable but not for long.

a catch in the sense that it‘s very hard to find guys from my culture that are not muslims that have morals that align with mine. I might also just be thinking this because i never actually searched for someone like that. I thought maybe he would grow up and deal with his anger but i am starting to think, after today, that he doesn‘t see an issue with how he is acting.

Hey! Pls bear with me, i will have to give some context to make it make sense! We are both 21 and met online. Inside, over text he‘ll be the kindest soul but the second we step a step outside he turns angry and just rude with no manners at all. He doesn‘t compliment me (today i literally got 2 compliments from guys when he was literally right next to me but he did not say A THING), he gets extremely angry when he is driving his car (even when it‘s like not a big deal), he won‘t ever tip anyone (he is not struggling financially at all), he picks fights with people outside, he is always huffing and puffing etc etc. It genuinely irks me off so much, i have to step a big step back and just think about this is the guy i wanted to marry. Today something tiny happened that really made me feel like, okay maybe this isn‘t the right man for me. It will sound insignificant but to me it really means a lot. I‘ve always been taught, when i meet someone or when i buy something, i either ask whoever is with me if they want something or i just get them something to. When i meet a friend and get myself a drink on my way, i WILL get them a drink too. This is common sense to me and was common sense to all my friends because im not slurping my coffee next to you, while u have nothing. It‘s rude. He went to the grocery store while i waited outside because he was hungry (Did not ask me if i am hungry or if i want something). He returned with food for himself and 2 drinks. I thought one was for me but they were both for himself. He didn‘t ask me if i wanted something while he was eating or anything. He just sat there eating while i was sitting next to him. Another time he wanted to buy himself a drink. So we went to the grocery store and he was super indecisive on what to get, he got angry because he didn‘t know what to get. When he finally decided after 10 minutes of looking, we went to the cash register and there was a super long line. He started huffing and puffing and almost yelling about how this is the worst store he has ever been to and why would they let the line get so long. I felt so embarrassed in that moment. My problem is that, i love him so much and he is so kind when he is not in public. I don‘t even want to go outside with him anymore because not only does he embarrass me, he‘s also mean to me and i get scared when he gets mad in his car and yells at everyone (including me). Now to the context part: I am middle eastern, born in Germany, with strict muslim parents. I am not religious and my parents don‘t know that (Other Asians will definitely understand), it‘s hard but i can never ever tell them. They would disown me. My boyfriend has a very similar upbringing and also isn‘t a muslim. He isn‘t a misogynist or anything else that is worrying. Apart from his behavior outside he is a catch. To my family it‘s very important that i marry someone from my culture who is religious (or was raised muslim because they don‘t need to know that he isn‘t, it‘s none of their business) and i was so happy that i found my boyfriend because he literally ticks all the boxes but i don‘t know if i can be with someone like this. Does this sound fixable or am i overreacting? this is my first relationship, i know this isn‘t not normal but i am not sure if this is worth breaking up over if he is fine in private.