Simplygrey

I mean we live together fine with no arguments etc its the decisions that pretty big have really started to drag me down into thinking this might not be what i want

I can't imagine living with her mum for ever no

Okay just answer some of your points here... 1) i am not against cats or religion. If you are supposed to save for a place together but then instead of saving you go and but 3 cats 2 if which was over £1,000 each... you now have to buy pet food and cat litter of nearly £200 per month this is going to be a big change in finances... everyone knows the first few years of getting your place together is a struggle so add in and extra minimum if £200 plus time and knowing you need to arrange care if you want to go away etc... isn't this jeopardising a future? Isn't this making life harder for both in the relationship? I saved over 20k several years ago where as she has saved nothing... regarding religion i was pointing out though things i am willing to compromise on that i could be a flat out no to my children being religious but i am accepting of the idea and dont have any problems with it but this is something that ticks her lifestyle... So no I'm not against pets, cats, religion etc but making life hard for us to move out and expecting someone to take responsibility of living beings when they wasn't asked etc i have issues with hence my post

Thats true and I've gone through this many times for a long time about if I'm willing to set my feelings aside and deal with pets and everything that comes with them and I've still not decided if its worth it for me...

What i mean by looking after kids i feel like i could handle this but add in 3 house cats, constantly cleaning a litter box every time they go in, cleaning the cats being as i said before they aren't healthy cats and they come out of the little box in a mess... i don't mind pets but they aren't a huge deal to me before saving for a place to live, saving towards starting a family etc.

Thank you for reply i really do appreciate it. I have explained that i feel like I'm the only one who compromises but she didn't really have any answer to say anything she just kinda sat in silence. I feel like if i was to move out that would in turn mean giving up the relationship so its not really a thing of moving out and keep the relationship going its a thing of she would break up if i was to move out which is why i feel like i need to make the decision to move and break up or stay and in early next year we can look for our own place... but again not sure if her living habits and allowing the cats to damage things will make me feel like i should have broke up anayway

Thats probably because I'm not a confident and secure person.... i am working on this. The issue i have is as shes said it was a mistake and has said shes sorry for these things... I'm not sure if i can forgive her... i understand people make mistakes in life and throughout a long relationship theres going to be times people make mistakes and its about accepting and forgiving.

Take on all your points definitely i am afraid of all the above you mentioned- being alone, not finding anyone to love again, not feeling so comfortable where i can be myself around someone and they make me good about feeling myself... I'm afraid of all these things. Thinking about all the things in our relationship thats good and alot of the problems stem from her selfish outlook of buying the pets without me and also the debt she got into i keep thinking if the debts go could i live with the pets though...

That could be true but I've never felt that she is turned off from me as you say in your post. I do need to stand up for myself that is very true and i know i need to work on myself in that sense... I'm just not sure when i do a pros and cons list if its worth all the compromises for her unwavering love i feel from her and care... i know it maybe sounds stupid but thats just me

Yeah when you put it like that its true but add emotions in and its so difficult to look past other things she is good with too... she takes care if me has good morals, we have a good time together when its just me and her and we never seem to get bored even now when we spend so much time together... its feel such a wrench to then be alone

I mean i feel when i journal that i am living someone elses life and choices

I'm not downplaying just explaining... I'm afraid there wont be any room for children, cat beds, where the cats going to go when we work etc... i have asked these questions and get a answer of people have pets and work!

I mean you aren't responsible for her feelings or how she reacts but you can and I'm sure will do it in a respectable way that you can get your point across... I'm and introvert and when i get attention it makes me feel good because i don't get much... maybe shes just going more extreme

When i say hoarding i mean bags of clothes cluttering area up, never wanting to throw things away... amazon parcels come for her and her mum daily... every cupboard is full... it drives me crazy when i keep having to say why is this left out? Put this back...

I am an early riser so every morning its my job to feed the cats, clean the litterbox etc and i feel in my head "why should i be doing this?" Her and her mum have a really bad hoarding habit where they have things piled high and save everything... this annoys me to no end and also i feel again "is this going to be how our place is kept"