Waylen Jones

Does your husband still go out of town or go over to his exes house for a drink without you there? I think that is one of the biggest differences here. Also when it happened she was still in college. It was with her university friends.

Yeah there is really no perfect way or time to explain this to someone you are dating imo. No worries! Thank you for all your contributions to it!

!!!

Just as people are talking in this thread and giving their own input, people talk in real life too. Everything hits the fan one day whether you want it to or not.

Same thoughts exactly. It speaks to her character by choosing to not say anything. But she didn't do that. And yes he would somehow be apart of my life because they are close. I know he won't simply go away.

What and when would be a better way to share this information? How long would you wait and what is the best approach? Honestly just asking because I wouldn't even know how or when to tell someone this.

I don't ask any questions about who or what she's done in the past with people that aren't here today. But if this man is actively in our circle, riding in the car together with us, going out with us, taking photos or planning trips with us then I would view her much differently if she didn't tell me and I found out elsewhere. I think we may have to agree to disagree on this one. Ignorance isn't bliss in this situation.

Precisely. There is no way it would not have came out one day with so many people knowing what happened on that trip and who the players were. I think telling me early on was the most honorable way to go about it.

You don't think it would be a bit shady or disrespectful on her end for me to meet him and all of us hang out together without me knowing they had sex twice?

Yeah I truly think that's why she told me. She wanted me to make a choice early on before we got more involved. Right! Time will tell where this goes, it's a lot of layers still to unpack!

She told me about the orgy during the card game and just that. Two days later on the phone she then told me who it was with. That was the honest part, because she did not have to mention the parties involved since I didn't bring it up again. I could've easily still went the whole relationship not knowing it was with him.

As of right now as I type this, no I would not be. Someone mentioned to me maybe trying to find common ground with their friendship and asking them to only meet up in public places or with other people around. I have not presented this idea to her yet because I think it's too soon to ask but one day I might.

It will take a lot of maturity and mental gymnastics on my end. 100%. I do not like or wish anyone to be in my shoes. Buy my gut is actually telling me that it believes she is a good person and worth trying for. I know when I feel like I'm forcing a situation to work and that's when I'll pull back. Right now I know I'm not forcing our connection, it feels very natural. It might work out in the and or it might not. Either outcome I'm okay with. But what I won't be okay with is looking back at my life 50 years from now wondering if I should have tried at least once to understand things from someone else's point of view. I'll give it a shot then update later.

My thoughts exactly! I have a lot of secrets I haven't told her and I still don't know a lot about her past life or really don't care to find out. I told her I appreciate her telling me about this early on and giving me the choice to stay or leave before things get even more serious. Had she not had done this, and say a year later it came out at a party from him or via other people I would feel like the world's biggest fool. Then I would have came to this thread with an entirely different story and I guarantee most people would be replying saying "She should respected you enough to tell you", and not "You didn't need to know that or it was immature to mention". His active presence is a hugeee caveat! It's the only one! Any flings from past lovers Idc to know about and I don't think everyone on this thread gets that. But yes I will definitely update @rainbowsandroses, I'll make a reminder now to do so in a month or two for whoever cares to know the ending! It is a very movie like situation with a great difference of opinions on each side and valid arguments from both directions. Thank you especially for helping me talk through how I feel. And everyone else as well!

I understand not telling everything but would you still not tell your husband if there was a guy in your life who you see often that you had sex with prior to him, or would you still feel like he shouldn't know? Or what if your husband had a female friend or associate that you didn't know he had sex with and they see each other often, would you not be upset? If that wouldn't bother you then I commend you, but some things I think are necessary information if the person is still actively around you both.