lollylol

So firstly I wanna say thanks to everyone that posted here for being honest but not nasty about it - I really appreciate it. I took some of your advice and I've just got back from seeing him in person to discuss this. I was upset the whole way there but once I knocked on the door and he came out I was channeling what you guys said to me about setting the boundary extremely clearly. I showed him the proof I found of his lies and said essentially 'you better spill' and he said that yes he lied about it. When I asked why he said it was apparently correct on the site I met him on but, but I misread it early on and he didn't correct me on it. From there it went on to the bigger issues to cover up the mistake. I told him very clearly if I ever found out he was lying to me again then I would walk away and he said he understood and that he was sorry. I hugged him and said I forgive you, said bye and left. On the trip back home he must've watched the video message I sent and he apologised again. I'm not going to be doing any digging about him anymore or bring this up again. Don't get me wrong I'm not going to forget what he's done but I'm going to try to not attach any extreme emotions to it and let it be. It's unfortunate it came to this but it's done now. I'm not going to be reading any of the replies to this thread or posting here anymore because I'm going to try to move on and get back to our normal lives. But again thank you everyone for you advice/stories/warnings I've taken them all on board fully!

I can somewhat understand why he needs to feel like an athlete, he's shared that he's been insecure about his body and performance briefly before but I've always tried to reassure him that I'm with him for what he's like and what he looks like is just a bonus. - ShySoul, when I say aggressive I mean like I didn't want to be that psycho girlfriend banging on the front door - especially because he lives with a few of his friends. As far as his background that's kind of confusing too. His parents are west african and so are the typical strict parents and wanted all their kids to get straight As in everything they do. Which he does get but I think maybe he's been bullied for it in the past and really wants his image to be more of an athlete type than a smart guy. -waffle, originally when I asked him all these questions I hadn't found out about the whole 2001 thing so I just assumed he was lying about his age because he was a year ahead in uni than he'd told me. But when I asked him straight 'are you another year older?' he said no then told me the whole started uni at 17 thing. Also the pictures of his graduation aren't fake, they're just old - he tried to pass them off for 2024 when they were from 2023. -Batya33, because it's such a small lie that's just spiraled out of control I really just want him to come clean so we can move on. It's our first rocky patch in 2 years so I knew something was going to happen eventually but I didn't picture this. I also changed my mind about showing up at his place to confront him, instead I made a video last night and sent it to him (about 8hrs ago) explaining all this and how it's scared me to think he's lied to my face for 2 years straight. But as of right now it's early afternoon and he still hasn't opened my message so I don't know whether to just go to his at this point and get this over with. We're both going back to our families for summer break in the next 2 days so it's kind of now or never I guess (our families live on opposite ends of the country so it'd be a 9hr round-trip to go visit him) We're both pretty awkward people in our own right and so I just don't think I'd be able to get my words across the same way in person that I could in a video for that reason (also I'm pretty sure I'd be a teary mess) but if he's not responded to me within the next hour I think I'll have to just gather the strength and go see him

That's the only saving grace for me I think, he's never given me any reason to distrust him before - I think that's another reason why it's hit me like a train. When I spoke to him yesterday I did tell him no more lying and if I find out there'll be trouble but not in a crazy serious way, so I think that's 100% what I'm going to do about it - like you say a hard boundary if it's crossed goodbye. I genuinely did let it go after we spoke yesterday though, we went out to dinner, watched our fav shows just back to normal but when he fell asleep my mind just started racing again with more questions I hadn't asked, the one's I could remember I asked him this morning. I honestly have no idea why I went fishing again - I wish I didn't, I'd rather just be ignorant in bliss at this point but now I know I can't just let it lie. I texted him about it a few hours ago but he hasn't responded yet and I don't think he will until sometime tomorrow now. I was thinking earlier to just show up at his place and ask to chat but I don't know how to go about it, I don't wanna be aggressive but I don't want him to think I'm some push over he can just tell more lies to and will believe everything that comes out his mouth... But with that thought what if I'm somehow wrong? Now I'm making myself out to look like a maniac

Well it didn't originally stem from the age discrepancy - it all really started with the graduation pictures. It all started because he wasn't in the 2024 graduation ceremonies, which led me to seeing him graduate in 2023 which spiraled into he lied about being a year older. But like I say I really don't care he's a year older its the lying I hate, since I've known him he's been aggressively anti-liars using any chance he can to express it. Then him lying to my face when I asked him about it

I met my boyfriend in 2022. We hit it off and became official a 2 months later at which point I moved to be closer to him – it wasn’t a very far move, around 1.5hrs away from my family home. We met on a dating app and honestly everything was going really well until now. He recently graduated (with a bachelor's) this week and he sent me all the pictures and a really short video of him walking across the stage. I couldn't be there because there wasn't enough tickets for me and his family - but it was live streamed on his university's YouTube page. HE WASN'T IN THE CEREMONY. Not only that but the video he sent me had completely different staff on stage. So I looked through the ceremonies from last year just to rule it out ... but it turns out he ACTUALLY graduated last year. The past year he has been working on his masters degree which I assume he actually graduated from this year. I've even found his LinkedIn page where he posted about starting his masters like 9 months ago. I asked him to come over to my place so we can talk and I confronted him with what I found out. I asked him if this means he was actually a year older than what I thought and he said no. His explanation for this was that he went into uni a year ahead (so at 17 instead of 18) as part of some special program. When I asked him why he lied to me about all this he said he was ‘supposed to be an athlete not some try-hard that gets on special programs’ and he didn’t want me to think of him like that. I told him that wouldn’t have made any difference and again asked why to which he essentially repeated himself. I was pretty emotional at this point and forgot any other points I was going to confront him about so we hugged and went out for dinner. Fast forward to the next day, I went on his LinkedIn page again to just double check one last time before I closed the tab and I noticed that he started high school in 2013. My heart dropped to my feet when I read that. We were both some of the oldest kids in our year and so if he was born in 2002 (making him 21 now) he couldn’t have started high school in 2013. This means he was actually born in 2001 (making him 22 now). Looking back on this I know I sound stupid but he’s got 01 as part of his username which I just assumed meant like number 1 not 2001 – but now I realise that was such an obvious clue. Another obvious clue I didn’t realise until now was in one of the ‘grad pics’ he sent me, his childhood best mate was in it. If my boyfriend did uni a year ahead he wouldn’t be graduating with this friend who would’ve been a year behind him. The final nail in the coffin was when I searched his birth record. This might sound weird but it’s a hobby I got into in lockdown, doing family trees etc, so I know all the best and reliable sites to find these documents. On EVERY SINGLE SITE it said his full name and details but with 2001 as the birth year – hell it was even listed on the GOVERNMENT listings like that. I asked him when I confronted him before I found this out: ‘are you a year older than you’ve told me?’ and he said no. I couldn’t be more devastated – not that he’s a year older I couldn’t care less about that, I’m just heartbroken that he’s lied to me about it for nearly 2 whole years and to be very honest I kind of feel taken advantage of. I’ve been sharing my life and my body with someone that lied to me about their age, maybe that’s a leap for some but that’s just how I feel. We had plans to move in together this year but now I don’t know what to do about that since for the past nearly 2 years he’s lied to me. I don’t want to leave him because I genuinely love him so much and we were planning a future together, but I don’t know if I could ever fully trust anything he says now. I will also add this is technically my first serious adult relationship so I might be fairly naïve as to when to throw in the towel, but I don’t want to dump him over our first rough patch. Anyone got any advice?