Girrrl123

Wow. Never said I was blaming him. I understand why. I understand he didn’t even do anything wrong. I even said where I misstepped in all of this. He didn’t disclose when I think I made it clear that I was worried about sexual health. That doesn’t sit well with me. That’s what he did wrong. I posted this because I’m upset (“Why am I so upset?”), and I don’t really know why because I don’t want a relationship. Also, I just have some personal experiences that make it hard for me to trust men. I certainly don’t logically think all men are like this, but I just have a hard time not thinking in these terms due to my experiences. I do have an anxiety disorder, so there’s that. I tend to generalize and catastrophize. I know I am doing this. I don’t know why you felt the need to be this accusatory. Yeah, I’m at fault for my own emotions lol

I did. I am for sure upset about not disclosing this, and I’m unsure why he didn’t. I was very upfront about last fling and when it ended and when I was last tested etc. Also, I guess I just feel bad about myself now too because, even seeing him 3 or 4 times a week (often doing date-like activities and trips that go for entire days) that wasn’t enough, and he still felt like he needed other women. I just feel inadequate, and I’m guilty of generalizing and thinking that any man I’m with (even when in a relationship) isn’t going to think I’m enough.

I’m 24 and moving to nyc for grad school (5 yrs). I want to have a family someday but feel as if I have no time to actually make this happen and my past experiences have led me to feel that single guys around my age and closer to 30 are incapable of committing because there is or always could be someone better. I hear this from friends (male - who think like this themselves), and I have my own personal experiences. I know my view is totally skewed and not all men are like this, but this is just how I’m feeling things are at the moment. The worst of these was a 5 year situationship while in college and beyond. I dated him for a year and, after a break-up, nothing changed except the label went away. He even lived with me for two years but could never commit. During this time, neither of us was even interested in dating/hooking up with anyone else. Dumb decisions were made on my part, but I’m done with it now. During this situationship, I also heard one of my closest friends say that he loved this girl so much he was dating but didn’t want to commit and broke up with her out of nowhere. They both have the same reasoning though - even though everything’s going really well, I’m still young, and maybe, I can find someone better. I, now, always have in the back of my head that guys will always be looking for someone better (and there is always someone better) even while in a relationship. Also, I am concerned about how unstable the next 5 years of my life will be and that guys will not be interested because I am still studying for the job I want to have. I am worried that, by the time I actually find someone, it will be too late to have a family. I have had small flings with guys recently, but obviously, they aren’t serious because I’m moving. I’m worried that it will be like this forever. Just one non-serious thing to the next. Also, I find it hard to believe that one day some guy is magically enthralled by my presence, and I also happen to like him and find him to be a good person. I don’t know how someone can see past the fact that I have not reached my career end-goal and would also like to move out of the city eventually. I am also going to be so busy with coursework, work, and externships that I don’t even know how a relationship could be successful. I think I just need encouragement and success stories. I just feel like chances of finding a man who is looking for something serious and will actually commit and be faithful is so slim, and my situation makes it worse.

I (mid-20s) meet this great guy (late-20s) about 3 months ago on a dating app. I was clear that I was moving soon (3ish hrs away for school). I wasn’t and am not looking for anything serious at the moment since everything’s a little unstable due to a big life-change. Anyway, I really like this guy, which I wasn’t totally expecting. We went on a mini vacation, and I’ve met some people he knows. We have lots of inside jokes and have gone on fun dates, etc. However, I started noticing girl’s undergarments left in his place. I was a little upset by them but didn’t say anything because I never said at any point that I wanted things to be exclusive, and I am leaving soon. I did voice concerns before about catching STD/Is, so I was a little surprised nothing was said during those convos. Last time seeing him before I move, he tells me that he’s only slept with three people, and it all has happened recently. I asked “how recent?” and got a “you don’t want to know.” I later said I was curious about these other two people and got a “they’re just hookups and there’s nothing real.” I don’t know why and I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, but I’m really upset. Maybe, I just feel inadequate because I wasn’t enough for him the last three months. Maybe, I am upset he tried to hide this from me, and I am unsure why he felt as if he had to hide it. I am absolutely concerned about the possibility of catching something. I don’t know if I should say anything or just ghost him. He’s planning to visit me after I move. I’m just bummed that he seemed so great and everything was fantastic and then this ruined it all.