CodyA

But leaving him behind like that over this... I don't know if I could take that emotionally. Whether I wouldn't constantly beat myself up over that. Well, it wasn't so much that than the fact that he started off being lazy more in a jokingly lazy way, or a way that made me wanna take care of him. I mean... it does sound reasonable. Apart from the issue of me feeling guilty over things like these, I also feel like I am not confrontative enough to set such a kind of ultimatum. How would I even go about preparing for this emotionally? The moment I set this... truly rather abrupt ultimatum, he'll feel super hurt and betrayed.

I've been in a gay relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years by now. I love him dearly, and I am not putting this into question with what I am about to write. My boyfriend has always been a bit on the lazier side. I've always found it rather endearing, to be honest, but over the past year or so, it's gotten extreme. At the age of 24, I have a steady job that gives us enough income for a small apartment. He is 20yo, and he's jobless, and has been so ever since graduating from school. In return, he is rather eager to do chores and keep track of general tasks at home that I have little time for. But he is quite bad at that. And I am starting to suspect more and more that it's intentional. First he's eager to do sth like wash the dishes, then again and again he breaks some stuff or doesn't wash them properly, and then I have to take care of it. It's like he wants me to take care of it altogether without owning up to his laziness. By now I do most of the chores at home while he spends his day on the couch, in the always same (and often unwashed...) sweatsuit, playing video games and eating snacks. He's starting to play dumb with so many things I ask him to do. And his sedentary habits and frankly increased snacking have even left their mark on his body. I'm sure he's put on a good 20kg at least in the past 6 months, and it's not like he was skinny before that. It's not that he isn't loving or caring or understanding, because he really is. But he is also awfully lazy to a degree I struggle to still find endearing. Maybe that's what I get for having gotten together with him when he was 18 still and in school... while I was already a working adult. And I honestly doubt he's doing it all too consciously. It feels much more like he's never left teenagehood behind with a mother who does everything for him. Except that mother is now a 24yo man he's in a relationship with. I love him, I truly do, and that's why I really don't want to throw this relationship away, but fix it. But idk how. Every time I approach him, he apologizes sweetly and promises to do better - we work out solutions for how he can do chores in a better way, but these only work out for two weeks maximum before he falls back into old habits. It's hard not to spoil him, but I am noticing more and more the consequences of doing so.