beamingsoleil

I'm not sure. that's sort of different though? I think because of the huge strength disparity (usually) and since women are more vulnerable, it's a little off putting and sounds worse than it is with me...so to do something. tell him that you're leaving or divorcing him if he doesn't stop. (assuming you're talking about the keys and phone situation) again, im not sure though. im not wise or good at giving relationship advice, so I can't predict what the advice would be. I don't even know what to do. but if one my (girl) friends told me that her boyfriend or husband did that, id be livid... but again, it's just different.

I tried to ask her if she doesn't want me to hang out with my friends alone because she's worried that I'll cheat on her, but she got extremely upset about it. I couldn't even get out the rest of what I was about to say. she took my phone and hid my keys because I was "being suspicious" and told me that I shouldn't have any good reason to use them and that she could drive me anywhere that I needed to go. it was my fault though. I was trying to be reassuring, but my phrasing was awful, and I wasn't getting my point across effectively. I told her that she shouldn't worry about me cheating on her because if I truly wanted to, id find or had found a way to by now, so it's pointless and doing more harm than good to stress out about the possibility of me cheating on her... which I guess does sound suspicious. she did eventually give them back to me and apologize for the way she initially reacted though, and she let me talk once she calmed down. one of the things that she explained was that I plan to go to university next year, so this is the last year that she has with me where my schedule will be more flexible, and she feels that me spending too much time with my friends will waste it. I honestly wasn't regularly thinking about the effect that would have on our relationship or putting two and two together that it could've been the reason why she started acting this way. also, today is friday, which is the day that she agreed that I could spend my time how ever I wanted but she most definitely has my keys. I can't find them and she keeps laughing every time I ask her where they are🙃 im skating on thin ice with her though, and I want to stay on her good side, so I won't make a big deal out of it. I also finally got accepted to volunteer at a boys and girls club, so she wants me to stop volunteering at the library because she feels like me volunteering at both places will take up too much of my time. I don't think that she'll be entirely on board with me spending more time than she feels is necessary outside of the house any time soon. im still a tad upset that we didn't come to an agreement where she can feel more comfortable with me going out more. I understand that she's more important than anything or anyone, and I don't want her to feel like im choosing her over my friends, but I feel like constantly being together isn't doing any favors for our relationship. she agreed to give me a little more time to myself though, so a win is a win. anyway, thank you if you gave me advice or your perspective. it was much needed

thank you

her ex cheated on her twice and did a lot of toxic or even abusive things. I honestly think that this made her believe that all guys are inherently bad, besides her family members or ones that she's known for a long time. uhh? I do feel more drawn to female friendships, I guess because im use to being/feeling more comfortable around girls. I don't know what the issue is...my original thought was that it was simply her feeling lonely, but im starting to question if it's *just* that. she just keeps telling me that she doesn't want to be alone. she does call or text me while im out, maybe 3 to 4 calls every hour depending on where im at, and I always answer. there has been a few times where I declined her call though or left her on read because I couldn't talk, and she gets angry when I do that. if it isn't just her feeling lonely, I don't know what im gonna do or what im supposed to do.

sometimes the library will call me to say that they don't need me if there isn't an event or no work to do, so it's not exactly everyday. im only at my part time job for 2 - 3 hours. then with the gym that's only an hour. she has to work during this time of the day or she takes that time to pursue her hobbies, so there isn't an option for her to come with me most of the time. sometimes she'll come with me to the gym if she has the time or extra energy, same thing goes for my part time job. me and my friend don't take the walking group seriously, and that annoys my wife. most of the time we would be in close proximity, talking, but not exactly walking with the group. so when she started going with us, she would yell at us "what are you guys doing?!? come on" or she'd walk to us to tell us to pick up the pace. a few times, I would try to signal to her that we want to stay where we are, but it resulted in her yelling even louder, which made everyone start staring at us. then when she did decide to walk in the back of the group with us, she would keep repeatedly slapping my butt or trying to kiss me. I don't mind a little peck, but this was way beyond that, and it clearly was making my friend uncomfortable, and me too. there were a few other minor things that bothered me, but those are the two things in particular that made me want to stop showing up completely. I did tell her how uncomfortable her doing these things made me, but I never told her that it was less fun when she was there. she knows that she's welcome on most of our outings, she just doesn't want to go. the times where she does go, she complains the whole time and tells me to take her home. she's also already met all of my friends, and she doesn't like most of them.

as I mentioned before, besides one of her best friends moving, I don't think so...at least not any changes that would make her behave in this way if they ever tried anything with me, they would be gone from my life in the blink of an eye, her and my friends know that. long story short, she doesn't like my friends because she thinks that they don't like her. she's actually the one who thinks that they're trying to distance me from her. she prefers guys that...are less likely to be toxic, controlling, possessive, aggressive, etc, or as she likes to say, she likes guys to be "a little gay" so she's suspicious of my guy friends too in fear that we're listening to andrew tate together or talking about how much we love cheating when we hang out. again, I don't think that any of my female friends would've done anything to make her uncomfortable, and if they did she definitely would've said something by now (thank you for the advice!)

she's scared that im going to cheat on her. oh I know I am🙃 thank you for the reassurance and your kindness and empathy towards both of us. we do have a designated date night. it might be hard to convince her to agree to spending an hour apart everyday though. I can't even use the bathroom without her trying to follow me.

she keeps talking about how much she wants a golden retriever, but we don't have enough room for that right now. also, sadly for her, we already have a cat. it is a good idea though! it seems that he brings her immense comfort with the amount of videos I get of him while im gone

nope. she didn't. before we got married, there's been times where she said things like "you shouldn't complain about x, we're in a relationship" or "why are we dating if you don't want to do y" but it was never anything that was worrying or that made me feel the way that I feel now, she still gave me time and space for myself. im not *exactly* sure why she chose to start therapy. she can be extremely anti therapy at times. she mentioned that it was to work on herself though.

honestly, I don't feel that much has changed since we got married😶 but I just love life with her. she understands me in a way that no one else does, she helps me grow, keeps me motivated, and I have all the unconditional love that I need. we have a few issues that we need to work out, like this, but in the end it's all love. that's more than great to me. "smackie9" suggested that I go to therapy on my own, and I wonder if it's better to work on ourselves separately first before even considering marriage counseling? she's recently started therapy already, so that might make more sense for now. anyway, while id consider marriage counseling, I think that it'll take a more complicated issue to get her to agree to it

I know, I know. im just scared that if I have a conversation with her about how I feel, it'll become a bigger issue and she'll be more upset, part of me would rather suffer in silence. it seems easier that way. oh wow. very spot on to how I feel. thank you. I mentioned in a previous comment that my wife isn't too fond of my friends, so there's a slim chance that the double date idea will work out. it is a good idea though, and I'll at least try to see if she will be willing to try that out, im sure that one of my friends will agree to it. I think ive gathered some good advice, especially yours, ill try to utilize it when I talk to her. im going to talk to her about this later tonight or tomorrow.

no, she hasn't always been this way...or at least not to a point where it bothered me. it started becoming a problem for me 4 months ago. I make an effort every time to get her to become closer to my inner circle, and they also try to include her in our plans, but she doesn't like my friends. she can't be bothered with them, and she thinks that we'll eventually stop being friends. she's caved multiple times though and hung out with them when I chose to follow through with plans we made. im mostly concerned about being home this often. I love, love, love being around her 24/7 but I need at least an hour to myself just to "decompress". I tried to talk to her about this earlier and she told me that whatever I want to do, I can do in front of her, and that I don't love her as much as she loves me if I don't want to be around her, and that space is for single people. I work from home. (besides my part time job, which is more of a hobby and doesn't take up too much of my time) yeah we go out very often alone, so I personally don't see a reason for me to constantly be around her friends as a way for us to spend more time together. most of my friends are girls (not by choice) it never bothered her this much before though. if anything, I thought that she would prefer it to some extent? we've had conversations about it, and I know what lines not to cross. no matter how many times we go over these boundaries or rules though, I think that she'll worry about me cheating or crossing a line. I don't blame her though. it must be tiring to feel like you have to worry about that. she has "trust issues" from a previous relationship

that's very petty. I don't think that she would ask me to spend more time with her just because I want to hang out with my friends for a few hours or drive alone for a few minutes

im not sure what more there can be...? thank you for your suggestion though. it's a great idea with everything going on. im not confident that she'll be open to it though

she has friends...a lot more than me. one of her best friends just moved to another country though and that's contributed to how she feels. I remind her all the time that she has other friends to spend time with and that im sure that they don't want to be around me all the time. her argument/response to that is always, "it's not the same thing!", and if it is, she should get to do everything that she does with me with them🙃 I see where she's coming from though, my friends can't replace her either. another thing, she thinks that since she's not that close with my friends, but ive known hers for a while, it makes more sense for us to hang out with her friends. her, that best friend, and another friend of hers used to hang out together, but ever since her best friend moved, it's just the two of them, and she always vents to me about how awkward it is without the other best friend being there. so she always makes me come with her every time they hang out to "make it less awkward" she has hobbies, family, and friends. I guess it's still possible to feel lonely or depressed with those things though