verdemar7

Yes, my own mother just asked me where do I get all my tolerance and patience from. Definitely not her. But I will create a better environment for my son. As for my negative voices, it’s the usual self talk (ex: calling myself an idiot because I was holding a cooking pan even though I said out-loud I was going to order out. And because I was moving veryyy slow) I think I was just hormonal and under pressure from a hungry toddler. I take my monthly cycle as an opportunity to journal negative thoughts and release them… It’s hard to do that with his father’s outburst.

thank you so much for your words, they inspire me. I will be looking into social services tonight 🙏

Thank you for your prayers. It’s hard to see what “normal” people do when I’m surrounded by toxic people most of my life. I have been reading and healing a lot so I can break free. This has been biggest and hopefully final challenge to break free.

I know. I hate when I give in. Which is why I left because he brings out the worse in me. He corners me a lot and follows me around because he’s upset we are in bad terms and wants me to see how “I’m wrong”.

Before church I made a police report and they gave me information to file an order of protection. Is a police report enough for documentation? Or should I go full on with order of protection? I was going to wait, if he gives me another tantrum then I was going to move forward with the order of protection process.

I’m curious about hormonal outbursts. I called him to me for help, and he didn’t like my tone. When I tried to explain that it’s not personal I just have a lot on my mind (and a demanding 3 year old) he kept cutting me off which I believe would trigger anyone. Is “bad tone “ considered hormonal ourburst?

I appreciate your response..Yes, you are correct. He gaslights me and throws in my face all the nice things he does for me and that if I would just accept correction none of this will happen. I have to keep my child at the center of every decision I make and see beyond the gaslighting . I’m embarrassed to stay with family as this is not the first time it happens. I think I’m ready to make the official move of getting my own place. I have been staying at a hotel for free (credit card points) and I’m working on getting access to my phone so I can

I can’t tell if I’m dramatic or if my mind is groomed to accept toxic behavior from my upbringing. I left to church with my 3 year old this morning and decided not to go back home to his father (we are not married). We have been working on his anger issues, over the years he had a history of breaking my property, when I was pregnant he dragged me by the leg during an argument. He is working very hard to give us a better life, on a regular day he spends time with me and thinks of ways to make me happy. I can see the will in him to please me. He is not perfect, but I try to stay out of his way and let him figure things out like a man and he appreciates it. When he’s upset, I give him space. I’m rarely upset. But when my menstrual cycle comes on I hear all of these negative voices in my head, my energy feels depleted, it’s like I’m frozen. I ask him to leave me alone during this time so I can rest and have a safe place to process my emotions, and if I have an attitude it’s best he just stay out my way and not take it personal. I expect as a man he can provide this type of stability for me and my hormones, but no - because he didn’t like my “tone” he proceeded to correct me for my tone, tell me to shut up, which made me even more hormonal and say mean things. This just started a series of him saying things that made me realize he has zero compassion for what I go through. He told me my menstrual is just an excuse, and that he didn’t care if I was giving birth no one will speak to him in that tone. He recorded me while I was crying, which made me feel uncomfortable so when I pulled out my phone to record him he smashed it. I’m honestly scared of him, but it’s hard for me to close my mouth I am very hurtful (yet truthful) with my words. Which is why I decided to leave so I won’t make it worse.