Lost_Confused326

This is pretty much all the stuff I laid out, and everything mentioned she has been doing, looking for a job, quitting the game etc.

Wasn't really an ex, it was a married woman I was having sex with before we got together, and it was sexy talk. And that's how the open phone thing started.

Honestly, early in the relationship, like a couple months in, I think we might have just moved in together, I was still talking to a married woman I was seeing on the side before we got together, and she gave me a 2nd chance after that.

To be fair, I probably haven't been the most attentive partner at year 10. Obviously, things are different in year 10 than year 1, but I could be a better partner too. I've also kept a lot of feelings inside, and I'm trying now to lot let things fester like I have been.

Well she seems to be saying all the right things, wants to stay together, knows she messed up, is looking for a job. So I guess time will tell. I def. laid out that if I'm not the one for her, if I'm not fulfilling her needs, then this is the time to move on, but she said she's thought about it too and wants to stay.

Absolutley on the same page about marriage. We've both been there and done that, we're good. I don't still want that role and one of the things I communicated that I know I should have a while ago was that she needs to find a job. She reiterated that she knows and she started looking again.

So you don't believe in second chances? Or that people can actually change?

Well I felt like an anxiety attack coming on, I just wanted to get out. Like I just couldn't be there anymore. Since coming back the next day we've been talking a lot. She understands everything she did to hurt me. I really didn't see how she thought what she was doing was OK, but she admitted it wasn't. I told her to think about what she wants. I do love her, I do love the life we've built, and I don't really want to lose it or her, but I laid down everything I want and expect. I told her now is her opportunity to do what she wants, where she wants, with whomever she wants. She said she wants to try to work it out. I told her that her expectation of privacy is gone, and it will take a long time to build back the trust she threw away, and she said she understands. She seems to be doing the things I said she needs to do, and that she knows she needs to do, but it's only been a few days. Just trying to take one day at a time. Our talks have made me feel better, so we'll see I guess. If we do end up staying together and this happens again, then it's on me. I do believe in second chances but we'll see.

Well pretty much everybody was right. Found sexting to the guy yesterday. This is just unraveling multiple levels of pain. The emotional cheating, the lying, the fact she told me "it's not real" as her justifcation. Almost like she has no empathy at all. Left the house stayed in a hotel. Hopefully going to see my therapist today or tomorrow. I feel so broken and empty.

Or maybe she was being truthful? As I've stated she's never lied or given me a reason not to trust her before. I know there is a first time for everything, but shouldn't someone be given the benefit of doubt?

So does therapy

I also think it's depression maybe. She has been going to see a therapist lately too.

Hardly any misgivings at all, and usually if there was one it was just my mind racing in the wrong direction or jumping to incorrect conclusions. She was more engaged, but she's always been into the phone stuff. And she engages with my daughter wonderfully and my daughter loves her. In all but name she is her step-mom.

That all seems harsh considering it's been a pretty good 10 years, and this just might be me feeling paranoia.

I didn't say I wouldn't be against swinging. Like I said we had a good talk about it. And she was earning for most of the last year with unemployment, so it hasn't been a full year of no income.