rabbitrok

I'll try contacting my cousin. I hate to put her in a mediating situation between me and her mother, but it might be the best choice. I do have my aunt's phone number, but honestly I'm afraid to call her. She's very intimidating, I end up crying, I can't get my words out. My uncle used to be a bit better, but then he started taking her side, and well, they're said some choice words to me.

Not that I could find. It's weird to me, because my mother was sick for a while and she and my father both were very diligent about making sure their things got taken care of. It's possible my mother left everything to my aunt, thinking my aunt would help me out. I know my father had a will. I'm trying to find either one. Our state says these are public records, so it should be possible to track them down.

Long story short, when my mother passed away my home and all my family belongings were sold without my permission. I did not have the money to travel to the home, and my Aunt refused to give me any information and cut off contact with me. She hadn't liked me for a while but I never knew why. To this day I'm often upset when I remember I have no objects that belonged to my parents, no family videos, and very few photos. I know my Aunt has some of these things. My mother lived with her for a year before she passed away. My previous attempts to reach out have been met with silence, and she has me blocked on social media. I think I might be able to find her email, or get a cousin to contact her, but I have no idea what to say. Should I offer to talk? Should I say I just want some of the photos and items? I am going to offer to pay for shipping or reimburse her for costs as well. I will sadly never recover some of my most treasured items, but maybe I can get something.

So I guess in this situation I'm the estranged one, but not sure how it works exactly. Due to them moving when I was young, I have three cousins I haven't seen in around 20 years. Two of them I follow on FB, one of them I occasionally interact with. I grew up with all three of them and spent the first 12-13 years of my life with them. I am estranged from most of my family. Both of my parents are deceased. After my mother died in 2016 I was cut off from everyone, but I have no idea why. I've reached out several times, but I get no responses from any of the 'adult' relatives. I feel extremely lonely and isolated a lot of the time. I told my therapist I would love to reconnect with some of my cousins and I think this may help my relationships in other areas of my life as I struggle making friends and have never had a romantic relationship. She suggested I send these cousins a message explaining what I would like, but I'm so worried they will either ignore it or say no. Worse, I'm worried we will try and fail. All 3 of my cousins are married with children. I am single, no children. We all live in different places (2 in different states, 1 same state different city) and I don't know if there would even be a place for me in their lives anymore. Honestly I don't even know how often they communicate with each other. Maybe it's not at all. I do have a few other cousins, but due to a bad relationship with another Aunt I don't think my other cousins are a good shot, so these guys are my best bet. But I feel like we are literally living opposite lives and would we even have anything to connect over anymore? I worry it's just been too long. What should I do? Should I even do anything?

No she isn't asking me, I'm asking her. I give up on everyone. I walk away from everyone. And I'm not nurturing it, it just happens. And things aren't awkward, they're fine. Isn't it unhealthy to bottle up all these emotions and pretend? If this were switched and she (or any friend) was the one secretly in love with me and I was dating someone else, that wouldn't matter. I would want that person to be honest, because that's the only way to move forward. Thats what I'm saying, I can't let her go until we have some kind of conversation. A conversation has to happen. It'll be awkward and uncomfortable and painful but so is everything else.

First off, this friend is also my roommate. Second of all, I'm autistic and she has ADHD. Idk how much that matters, but just for background. We've been friends 15 yrs, roommates for around 9 years. What prompted me to post this was today I tell her I'm doing the dishes, and she says, "Please arrange them cohesively and not in a mess so I don't have to go back and fix it." and I say, "I arrange them as well as I can." It's true, I spend 20-30 extra minutes rearranging every time I do this dishes, usually when she's not home to avoid criticism. But she still says this isn't good enough. She says, "Last time you put a huge pan in the bottom rack and I took it out and could fit so many more dishes there. You're supposed to handwash large pots and pans." I informed her I handwash leftover items that don't fit, but it made more sense to me to place what large items I could in the dishwasher, as I'd rather handwash small items. She tells me she'll just wash the dishes so I won't mess it up. I was also going to make my lunch while washing the dishes, so now I can't eat until she's done, and I'm going to feel guilty getting clean dishes out to use right after they've been washed. But yeah, this happens often. She criticizes the way I do everything. Reminds me a lot of my mom actually. It's too the point there are certain things I don't ask her or tell her because I just know she'll have something extra to say about it. Last week she was baking something. I asked what it was. She answered and then added, "And don't touch them they're mine!" I wasn't going to touch them, I never thought about touching them or asking for one. It really hurt my feelings that she just assumed I was going to take one. The other day we were at a restaurant and she got up to go to the bathroom and she asked me to watch her purse. She then adds, "Seriously watch it, don't say you will and then get up and go somewhere." Why would I get up and go somewhere? God last night a random woman at the park asked me to watch her bag while she ran to her car and I said yes, and she didn't add anything or threaten me or say anything else, she just accepted my word and thanked me and went off. Why can a stranger take my word at face value but my long time friend can't? No matter how many times I tell her or I try to follow what she wants, it's never good enough, and it makes me feel like I'm a burden because she feels like she has to over compensated for me, But she doesn't.

8 yrs ago I met the best person in the world. We worked together. She had a boyfriend, so I didn't pursue anything. But we became friends. At some point, her relationship ended and she took it very hard and took a break from working for a few months. During this time we still spoke on occasion. We started spending a bit more time together, and she even asked me to go with her to return things to her ex because she needed some support. Of course I took her. She once told me the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me. She said, "You have a beautiful soul" I wanted to tell her how I felt so badly, but I was so afraid to lose her as a friend or make things awkward. I knew she was fresh off her relationship and she kept expressing that she wasn't ready. There was definitely a spark between us, at least I thought there was. Then she announced she was moving to another city nearby to live with her mom, as she needed to be around family. She said once summer came she would have her own place and she wanted me to come visit. She said often how she wanted me to come visit. I helped her finish packing and saw her off the day she left. A few times she came back into town to see another friend, but never told me when she was here. But then when I did see her, she'd hug me like she never wanted to let go. About a month before summer came, she moved states. I was devastated. A friend kept encouraging me that I should still tell her how I felt, because distance was really not an issue these days. After another 2 years, I did. Unfortunately, by this time she had a new boyfriend, She was very kind in her response, telling me she just wasn't ready for a relationship so soon after ending her last one, which I knew. I don't recall what else she said, I still have the message but it's not something I care to look at often. We've remained friends. We text every so often, talk on the phone maybe if the mood strikes. I only don't talk to her more because I still have feelings for her and talking to her is difficult. So recently she was gone from social media for about 2 months. I told myself she was just taking a break, but for whatever reason my brain decided that something was wrong, I was immensely worried about her, and it got to one night where I couldn't even sleep and I was awake crying because I was so scared that something was wrong and I wouldn't know. I texted her. Everything was fine, of course. I felt ridiculous. But what all this backstory bring us too is, I'm still so in love with this woman. I've never met anyone like her, and that's not a line, it's 100% true. In the past 8 years I haven't even been interested in anyone else. Yes I have been on dates but they never really go past date one. And I would never wish her relationship to end but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't imagined scenarios where she calls me to console her, turns up at my door, I go to visit her and she tells me she's been single for months and wants to give us a chance. I've imagined so many different scenarios where she or I confess feelings and it all goes right. Is it wrong to say "hey I still have feelings for you?" to someone in a relationship? Probably, yes. Is it wrong to say, "In another few years if we're both single would you be open to dating?" Probably, yes. And I know you'll likely say I should give it up, forget about her, move on. Yes that would be the logical thing to do. But oh god I love her so much. I haven't even seen her in five years and I think of her every day. And I just feel like giving up on her would be something I'd regret. "What if I'd tried harder?" it would haunt me. But I don't know where to go from here, if there is anywhere to go. Is there anyway to broach this conversation and not make a mess of things? Sorry this was long, thanks for reading. Please be kind.