pineappleafter563

I was also the person in this post. https://www.enotalone.com/topic/459375-how-do-i-ask-out-someone-i-barely-know-and-dont-see-often/

Even before that: I don't notice men checking me out. Conversations are brief and polite. The first. Interesting question. If a guy approaches with obvious interest (and it wasn't creepy or overbearing), I'd like it, but I'd also be self-conscious, for sure. It's like I want two different things at once. To enjoy flirting, options, casual dating (I never had it and this long-delayed desire from my youth is still bubbling now because it's been unfulfilled) and of course, to find a good guy and build a steady relationship.

I want "play" from men now, to eventually whittle down into one exclusive relationship.

There are. Barely anything has slightly kicked off with a guy, though, except this small incident. I'm the OP in that post (forgot my other account's password, sorry!). He turned out to be taken, at least I think (him and a girl we're leaving flirty messages in each other's Instagram comments). My friends huddle at the bars. Invite guys to join us...details how, please? At the farms and gardens: mostly older ladies. I don't recall seeing any single men there...

That's another problem. I've been friendless since my teen years. (Isolated homeschooling + living with panaroma paranoid parents in early 20s and being financially dependent to not move out + difficult to make friends in late 20s). Well, I made friends in college, but I didn't really connect to those people too deeply or liked them much (it was a competitive art school), so they all faded away after graduation. Past 1.5 years has been moving out and healing and doing lots of things to meet people, but it's hard to meet people who click with you and are consistent and genuine, etc. I've just met those people (group of 5 people, including me) the past few months, consistently hanging out with them (parties, drinks, playing sports together, hanging out at each other's places). So, finally, it's happened, but it's still recent in the friendship.

This is a generational thing, because for Gen Z, talking stage refers to when a guy gets your number and you're texting for weeks until (and if) he asks you for a date. Sometimes it leads to clear cut dating, sometimes vague situationships. I think the talking stage is stupid and a sign of the times, but I'm just referencing it as an example of some degree of romantic activity.

I can do this more. But what are these events though? I'm curious! I have my hobbies: gardening, activism, movies. Maybe co-ed fitness groups? I tried hiking Meetups, but they're filled with old or coupled people. Need more ideas! Thanks for the kind advice though.

Yep, I WFH. Yeah, aside from protests/museum visits/occassional bar, me and my friends' time together is just with each other. Good thing is that we mentioned going to more large events this summer so we can all meet people. All of us are single; some don't want to be tied down right now and are playing the field; two just got out of relationships and are casually dating; I'm the odd one out with the traumatic family background. 🤪 I'm not being picky with the 1-10 thing. I genuinely mean no one on any number of the scale is hitting on me.

That's another problem. I've been friendless since my teen years. (Isolated homeschooling + living with COVID paranoid parents in early 20s and being financially dependent to not move out + hard AF to make friends in late 20s). Well, I made friends in college, but I didn't really connect to those people too deeply or liked them much (it was a competitive art school), so they all faded away after graduation. Past 1.5 years has been moving out and healing and doing lots of things to meet people, but it's hard to meet people who click with you and are consistent and genuine, etc. I've just met those people (group of 5 people, including me) the past few months, consistently hanging out with them (parties, drinks, playing sports together, hanging out at each other's places). So, finally, it's happened, but it's still new in the relationships.

So I'm getting attention but can't recognize it? Sure, maybe.

I go to meetups. I can go to more, I guess? Sometimes I wear a *** shield on purpose. Going outside and getting catcalled and objectified is...I hate it. I took a short walk the other day and got honked at, leered at by a creepy old man, then followed by another guy. But that's a whole another discussion about men and misogyny and what women have to do to stay safe and sane in this world... Otherwise, I can definitely try to be more open!

How did you come to that? When it comes to finding a quality partner that matches, I get you need to be picky, at least somewhat. But I'm talking before all that...just being noticed by men, any man. It literally doesn't happen for me.

My friends don't know any single straight men. My female friends (bi or straight)...they date via dating apps, and if they know any single guys IRL, I'm sure they save them for themselves. And then my gay male friend...well, he sure hasn't told me about any single straight guys he knows.

I loathe dating apps, I'm sorry. They're not a good experience for me.

What kind of activities are those? As I mentioned to @Batya33: I'm into a lot of social progressive groups. I ran a mini community center for a year, lots of activism-related events––book clubs, protests, 101 classes. I go to co-ed hiking clubs––mostly older people or couples. I'm trying to look for a co-ed frisbee group (none in my area), but I could explore others. I go out to bars and lounges with my friends. I volunteer at farms and gardens.