VM22911

If we goes out with his friends on the weekend I am usually invited. I join them unless I'm busy or tired. One of his not very close friends is engaged and one close one recently got his first girlfriend at 30. The others (there's a core group of 6 of them) are all single. Interestingly ive heard the brother say about the one who now has a girlfriend "you should check with him first in case he has plans to hang out with her" Which isn't a courtesy we get.

This is true. But its only a years course and has always been my dream. I'd applied twice and never got in. Put my life on hold for a while to care for an elderly relative and then covid happened so I decided to actually pick up my dreams again.

It's funny you say that because his brother has said how good it is and recommended we watch it

I get that. I 100% plan on taking your advice to start looking for my own place after I graduate and see where that takes me. Who knows, I may land a tour (as people do in my line of work) save lots of money and get my own place. We'll see what effort he makes then. Cause I'm sick of waiting for my life to start when I'm stuck back there

Thank you for your considered and patient response. Just to clarify, we isnt actually a drinker. When his brother and him go out 3 times a week, its to play for a local football charity with their friends. If he goes out at the weekend with them it's usually just to one of their houses then the cinema. He is pretty tame in that regard. The moving thing is really so strange. He has looked into countries like Spain and Italy, that have remote visas and asked if I'd consider a year or two elsewhere. Which I 100% would love. But its strange cause this is a man who does all the other things I've described. Which is why I think a part of him feels trapped by his brother and family. The family thing has sometimes worried me. I'm from a different country entirely, where most of my family is. I have sometimes said it at times feels like he has "home game advantage" Only one of his sisters is married thus far, and she married a man who grew up down the street and went to the same school as them. Also a practicing Catholic. I have sometimes felt cause of this, and how involved the family are, that whoever married the boys was supposed to fit the mould they set. But they are very lovely people. But have started dropping hints about when we were going to move closer to them because of how good the schools are 😒. I have always said I wouldn't want to be with someone for more than 5 years before an engagement. But then it feels like school has put that on hold and I have told him while I am studying is not the time. So perhaps some things I have said have put him off because I have said I need things more in order first

I think he more means the sacrifice of moving to a new city that is a 6 hour train ride from our old one and technically a new country.

There's a small part of me that worries that you are right and we are ultimately incompatible. But I feel that we are so happy as we are now. We are in our own space, in a new city, he surprises me with theatre tickets, we go out together more and he's there to come home too. He goes out to play sport once or twice a week, which is great, although he misses doing it with his brother. He can do things on his own and it's so much easier watching him go out trying new things than back home when he's just going out with his brother 3 times a week and I'm eating dinner alone. We can have a better relationship and he can push himself. But back where we were he just feels no need to. But maybe I am just a bit delusional cause I love him

I mean, if he's so comfortable in something unhealthy, isn't pressure to get out of it the only way forward?

Just to clarify, his brother has paid nothing towards my education. Where I am living to study is very expensive but where we were living before wasn't and I was affording that on my own just fine. But also for some more context. He and his brother bought a house out in the suburbs, a half hour train from where I used to live in the heart of the city. As a young person, with no children and friends who all live in the city. I would have never chosen to live there on my own, I feel too isolated and find suburb life surronded by young families a little draining. So if and when I were to get my own place, it would be a completely different area in the city. I don't put up with it because I really love living in their house or anything.

I have suggested the tenant thing before. He doesn't think he could get his brother to agree to it so that got shot down pretty quickly. He is very careful with his money, so two places would bother him. For example, the mortage they got is a 30 year mortage. They, in theory could pay a lot more into it but wanted to still live very comfortably by paying as little money a month as possible. Thank you for saying my feelings are reasonable, sometimes I feel like I'm being crazy and demanding. You are right. My plan is now to make as much money as possible after graduation, pay off my debt and once that is done, try and find my own place.

I have resigned myself to never being able to understand their relationship. But surely if he wants a life with me and to get married one day as he says he does, then he needs to get some space away from his twin.

I definitely feel like I owe him for moving. It I lost him I would miss him as he is now. I love him and don't want him to change at all, just our situation.

I think so. I think the pressure from me and his family will get to him by then. He also admitted that he prefers it just the two of us when I asked him about our life now. Although his actions don't really show that

They're not identical twins. They're fraternal

I don't think I could go back to that house for much longer than 2 years