jwrunner81

Wow, there are a lot of pessimists and judgmental individuals on this board! This will be my final post. I have just returned from a 3-day getaway with the guy who I am now in an official relationship with. I don't care about anyone's judgment. We had an amazing time and have an extremely powerful connection and chemistry. I won't go into any further details, because I know that I will only be flamed. I wish you all well.

We are not rushing. I am far from an idiot. We had an amazing first date and have another one this weekend. Nobody has professed to be in love yet. We've only known each other for two weeks and we are simply genuinely enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other more.....

I haven't been on here for a few weeks since I recently started a new job and have been very busy, so I thought I'd post an update. It has now been exactly two full weeks since I've heard a peep from this guy. Not a single call, FaceTime, or text message. I sent him a couple of texts 10-11 days ago, but he never responded to them and he hasn't contacted me in any way. He called me on March 1st very briefly while he was in Florida and then texted me once later that same evening, but that was it. He just completely dropped off after that. I don't know when or if I'll hear from him again and I have no idea what's going on with him, but I frankly no longer really care. He ghosted me and it's his loss. It was a total jerk move on his part. He was probably never all that serious to begin with and clearly has issues. I have moved forward and I'm now dating a local guy who lives only 45 minutes from me and it's going amazingly well so far. We had our first date last Sunday, which lasted 8-9 hours, and we spent almost the entire time laughing so hard that we cried. I won't get into all of the details since it would take too long, but it was the most imperfectly perfect/hilarious date ever and we're spending this coming weekend together. He's an former police officer of nearly 30 years and he's originally from the same state as the guy who ghosted me. He moved to my state in 2016. He is divorced and had a tough marriage like I did, so we could totally relate to each other on that front. We had both been with our spouses since we were very young. He is polar opposite of the last guy. Since our first date, his communication has INCREASED significantly. We have been texting practically all day every day since our date and we're counting down the hours until Friday, when we will be going out of town together for the weekend. He keeps thanking me for our amazing first date and saying how it has been many years since he's laughed that hard. It was so funny that we're both still laughing about it many days later. So many hilarious things happened during our date, and the last guy who I traveled 5 hours to meet was the butt of our jokes over dinner. I have never felt this amazing. He is so sweet and respectful. He wanted to make sure I was comfortable during our date. When he brought me home, he said he would come inside, but he wanted to respect boundaries. He definitely wasn't trying to sleep with me on the first date. We did kiss, which was amazing. He told me today that he can't stop thinking about me and he sent me a meme that said, "Falling in love is easy. Having sex is easier. But bumping into someone who can spark your soul is extremely rare." Yesterday, he said that he has never had this strong of an urge to spend time with somebody. We definitely seem to be having the exact same feelings and I feel very good about this. We both agreed that we would like to see where this goes and we are officially dating. It's also a million times easier since instead of being 300+ miles/5 hours away, he's only 35 miles/45 minutes away, so we can see each other whenever we want.

Okay, first of all, I was at his house for 5 days and we only had sex TWICE the entire time I was there, and it wasn't until after I had been there for about 3 days. It's not like we jumped in the sack as soon as I walked in the door. It was quite the opposite. In fact, he made absolutely sure that I was ready before we did it and said that he didn't want me to feel pressured. The rest of the time, we were out and about, going out to lunch and dinner every day, going to the beach, on hikes, watching movies, having conversations, etc. Trust me when I say that NO ONE was used for sex here. We are two consenting adults who WANTED to have sex. My husband and I hadn't had sex in about 8 years, so I was MORE than ready for it. I also would not have had sex with him had I not felt a connection on a deeper level. I'm not the type of person who will just drop my laundry for anybody. Let's be clear that I am absolutely not defending his ghosting behavior over the last couple of days, but I will not tolerate being told that I was "used for sex," when I know damn well that was not the case. Also, my self-esteem is just fine, thank you very much.

Exactly when did I ever say that????

Well, he called me tonight, totally out of the blue while I was at the gym. We talked for 15 minutes. I was not expecting that.

The more I think about it, the more I think it applies to this situation. He was on a dating site, obviously fishing for women, and he reached out to me, fed me every line of BS possible, told me everything that he thought or knew I wanted to hear, and had me driving 5 hours and in his bed within 2 weeks of meeting. He has surely perfected his craft based on his smooth talking skills!

That could definitely be a possibility. I'm almost positive that they never lived together. She has her own house in the same town (the one we had to go check on) and, quite frankly, he doesn't strike me as the type of guy who would want a woman living with him. He comes across as a dude who appreciates having his space, hence why he has probably never been married and has no kids to speak of, just a puppy. The whole situation is very mysterious and bizarre to me! I still wonder why he didn't discuss any of his past relationships with me at all! I told him all about my marriage! Also, he obviously prefers younger women. He's 14 years older than me and I think he mentioned that his ex was even a bit younger than I am.....

One other thing I failed to mention - when I was at his house, there were a couple of women's hygiene products in his bathroom. One of them was Garnier micellar water (a makeup remover) and then a women's Dove product that were both on the counter by the sink in his master bathroom. Not entirely sure who those belonged to, but I know that he sure as hell has no need for makeup remover....

Yeah, that was my assumption as well. It's kind of funny because before I went to visit him (while we were in the planning stages of my trip), he asked me to bring one of my t-shirts to leave with him when I left because he would probably miss me and want something of mine to hold onto. Stupid me obliged and I did leave one of my gym shirts at his house. Total BS, I know.

I can't believe that I forgot to mention this sooner, because it's a fairly significant detail (at least I think it is), but about a week or so ago while we were texting, he sent me a video of his puppy playing with another dog on the beach (one of the beaches we had gone to while I was visiting him). I responded by saying that I missed it there and then playfully said, "And I might also kind of miss you as well, haha." I was sort of testing the waters to try and gauge what he was thinking/feeling by saying this in a playful/innocent/slightly flirtatious manner to see how he would respond, and his response was one single word, "Please" and then he didn't text or call me again for the rest of that night. Just one word...."please" and that was it. No "I miss you, too" or "That's so sweet. I can't wait to see you again" or anything of that nature, just that one abrupt word - "please." I have no idea how to interpret that response to me admitting that I missed him. Does it mean that he doesn't believe that I could possibly miss him? Is he just THAT emotionally unavailable? What in the world does "please" mean as a response to someone telling you they miss you?! It's nearly impossible to tell via text since it's just a word on a screen and there is no tone of voice to go with it. I was allowing myself to be authentically vulnerable by telling him that I missed him, even if in a playful and lighthearted manner so as to not come on too strong, so his response followed by silence for the rest of the night was pretty deflating, to say the least.

This is very true, and I've always known this. I just had the thought in my head that since he's a fire chief, he obviously has a clean background and is reputable/responsible. He's all over the internet from his job when you google him, so I knew that he truly was who he said he was, but I still should have exercised more caution, because people can be MUCH different behind closed doors in their personal life than they are professionally. Luckily, our visit went extremely well and he was amazing and incredibly sweet the entire time, but now I am getting the shaft. 😞

Thank you so much for the kind words. This has been so very difficult for me. Despite the fact that my husband and I had a very rocky/toxic relationship for the last several years, I've been extremely lonely since he passed away 8 months ago. I have my friends, family, and pets, but I really miss the companionship and closeness of a life partner. My husband and I were so distant, largely as a result of his many health issues that progressed over the years and his outright refusal to take proper care of himself, and he was very emotionally abusive, so I've really been lonely for much longer than these last 8 months since he passed. I've been craving that intimacy, closeness, and connection with someone, and this guy sure talked the talk and walked the walk when I was with him in person. I had never experienced so much chivalry in my life. He opened every single door for me, held my hand, and showed me constant attention and physical affection. During the first day or two that we were talking, I did have my guard up and I was being very cautious. I wasn't even sure how I felt about our interaction as it felt a bit strange (maybe because I'm brand new to this whole thing after being with my husband for 22 years); however, as we talked more and started FaceTiming, I began feeling more and more comfortable and at ease with him. He seemed so sincere and genuine. He repeatedly told me what an unexpected and pleasant surprise I was. I mistakenly thought the fact that he's older would mean that he's too mature for head games and would be more ready to settle, but boy was I wrong about that. He said all of the right things to tear down my wall and get me to let him in and, a couple of weeks later, had me making the long trip to meet him, during which time I fell for him even harder. Well played, sir! Well played! Now, I'm left totally shattered. I know that we've only known each other for a little over a month, but I had so much hope based on his words and actions. I literally thought I had hit the jackpot with him. I even said to my best friend, "How in the hell did I get this lucky on my very first attempt at dating?!" Never again will I fall for something like this.

Oh, he did lead me on. He came right out and said that we were in a relationship and told me to "get used to" him pampering/taking care of me. We were also discussing my next visit.

Yes, this is my exact thought as well, sadly. He hasn't mentioned ANYTHING about his "ex" to me EVER, aside from the fact that she is /was allegedly his "ex." I know absolutely nothing about her or what their backstory is. I did see him texting a girl named "Kristen" on his phone and he did this with me sitting right next to him. I think that's his "ex." He was sending her videos/photos that he took while we were at the beach. Clearly, he wasn't over her and he was probably rebounding with me. Maybe they have reconciled since I returned home? His communication didn't completely drop off after I got home. He did still FaceTime me fairly regularly the first few days that I was home, but then his contact started to dwindle more and more and it has now been nearly 2 weeks since he last FaceTimed or called me. Maybe he is just breadcrumbing me with spotty texting to keep me as an "option" for when he's conveniently "available" again. Maybe SHE is going to Florida with him tomorrow and that's why he suddenly stopped mentioning me going with him. I have no idea, but whatever the reason, it's incredibly hurtful because he totally led me on by making me believe that we had something going between us and I really, really liked him. 😞