It’s not really so much for me, I could care less about myself, I just miss seeing her happy and seeing her smile is all, I understand what she feels, I know she blames me.. I gave up my life for her, she turned my life around and saved me and I could never be more thankful.. I just want to return the favor.. she is not a big medicine person.. when she gets stressed she has seizures and won’t take her medicine, she is stubborn lol.. I know she blames me, she shut me out, won’t even hardly talk to me or be around me so I get it you know.. her kids are 3 and 5, they co parent great.. I claim these kids as my own.. she tells me if she wanted me gone I would already be gone.. I mean my feelings are hurt yeah cause she is my best friend, but I also blame myself.. it is my fault and I know.. she doesn’t think I cheated, I would never even dream of it.. she knows what my ex done.. I’ve never lied to her or given her any reason to not trust me.. I just don’t like seeing her like this you know.. and it’s never been about sex, I could honestly care less about sex, it’s a bonus but I get lost in her soul and the connection we have/had.. I get lost in her beauty and not just her looks, I mean her personality, her laugh, her smile, her eyes, her soul, her dreams, her happiness, even her flaws.. to me she is perfect I always put her before myself and she gets upset when I do so but I just want to be here for her like she was me but it’s just hard for me to help when I don’t know what to do you know