Openreach

I know its also an assumption which is why i said as much in my opening line.. I've gone back to an ex after being in a relationship and i've had a girlfriend go back to an ex too so i have first hand experience of the rebound relationship dynamic (there's also a whole lot of stuff about Rebounds on YouTube) The fact is it was he who was dumped and that has a massive bearing on the situation imo. Plus as myself and others have pointed out he has admitted to "not being ready"... and that's before the 20 years of history, the kids, the visits. I'm not saying I know what the future holds for these people but there are components to their situation that ring bells to me from personal experience.

I hear you Battya but completely different to the scenario i had in mind where ones a grandiose narcissist (with money) and the others a covert. They've cheated on each other multiple times and so regularly suspect the other is cheating on each other - but yet keep going back to each other. And round and round it goes.

That's a big assumption to make tbh. It could be just as possible that he's told her of his new relationship just to manipulate her with a power play to make her jealous. Because after telling the "ex" she gets to thinking of them having happy times, of having sex, and that she risks losing him forever plus forcing her emotions to ask herself if she can get now get him back from this other woman. It's important to remember that he is the dumpee and not the dumper. By saying he's in a relationship he's regaining his power by stating he's now unavailable - and people want want they can't have.

Obviously hard to judge from afar but my perspective from personal experience of similar there's Red Flags aplenty here. 1. Regularly visiting to "just to see the kids and pets" 2. He only told her about you recently after 5 months. Do you know he's told her? 3. If he has told her is it to make her jealous? 4. Does she have someone else? 5. He tells you he has doubts if he's ready. Should he formally tell you it's over (for instance if she decides to give him another chance) he will repeat that he'd told you before that he wasn't sure. 6.The "entanglements" & the 20 years of emotional capital they've banked together. 7. There are hallmarks of a Rebound Relationship here- and whilst it's true that some rebounds work out most do not. It appears you've already felt something's off/ identified risks yourself from a gut feeling by posting for advice on here? Always trust your gut instincts and my advice would be to proceed with caution.

No, It was just a general question out of interest, not about me. Something that interested me from a psychological point of view. Some people get married and divorced and then go back and then carry on having repeated breakups. i know of one such couple and its been going on for 20 years plus and it made me wonder how dynamics like that happen The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again but expecting different outcomes?

Repeated break ups, try again do overs, before breaking up again cycles that last many years. What are peoples opinions on these kinds of relationships? Does the "Honeymoon/Golden Period" become shorter each time?

And so in the situation i described the predatory sex addicted narcissist just gets away with it. Cheating on the oblivious partner and cheating dozens of other innocent people too. And as someone who knows about but stays silent does that make them complicit in the suffering and exploitation by not informing? Not good for the conscience? Its a tough one for sure

I'm not telling anyone anything but just asking the question if it would ever be morally right for an affair partner to tell. For instance if multiple AP's were told the other person was single and by carefully choosing victims they were getting away with having sex with multiple people over the course of many years as a predatory narcissist with a sex addiction for example.

I agree but every situation is different. For example sometimes the affair partner may not be aware the other person is in a relationship and they've been cheating on not just their partner and the affair partner but multiple other people too.

Have you ever told your affair partners Wife/Husband/Partner about your affair? If so what happened and did you regret it afterwards

Is he watching porn or is he filming you tho?

So my GF recently pulled away, she said she needed space which i gave before she did the discard. There were no problems in the relationship and no arguments or dramas from me following the break up and still on friendly terms. But the only thing that made sense was someone else had come onto the scene. Recently a new guy appeared on her social media liking. I'm not sure if she knows but he's only just out of the penitentiary for beating his previous gf and has a long protective order against contacting her. A violent psycho with drink & drugs problems. My ex gf still has ptsd from being attacked by a former partner years ago who was also jailed. I'm in NC but I'm worried for her safety and I don't know if i should tell her? What would you advise please?

it's not been going on long.. hours of talking everyday but only met a couple of times.. fair to say its been a massive shock to us both and has messed us both up. I know i should say "i cant be in love with you whilst" etc.... but that would be the same as giving them the ultimatum... changing someones entore life where they have to move, move the kids, lose job, hassles with multiple friends, family...all because of a fella they've met a couple of times over the last 6-8 weeks is a bit much isnt it? She's told me honestly that she doesnt love the OH and feels trapped but the upheaval will be major and im feeling its a bit unrealstic at this point to start demanding / putting down power plays. I know ideologically pure way of thinking would say this but this is real life and sometimes things are easier said than done. That said i wont allow it to continue for a months on end but i feel she deserves a bit more time to work things out before the balloon goes up and everything goes mental 😕

Apparently he's isolated her to the point she lost all her own friends so her entire social circle are connected to him, and her job is, plus the kids, and she lives in his house Im feeling that cake and eat it vibe, I fill in the gaps that are missing in their relationship..Im getting it. grr its so bloody typical... when something is too good to be true ..... thanks @boltnrun you also helped me previously years ago as well as @Wiseman2. I respect your opinions and the others whove contributed so far. i know this stuff but just needed it spelling out.. yes im upset and im weak...but ill sort it.

I asked for this i know but just to clarify as i've made a mess of explaining. shes not married now. They used to be married- got divorced. She said he wouldnt leave her alone in the seven years they were divorced and got back together for the sake of the kids and pressure. I was in a relationship with her 20 years ago - a long time before she was married- and we were in love but circumstances conspired against that progressing. We have a deep connection that i cant put into words and she says the same. Shes everything i always wanted in a woman and im being completely honest here - i wasn't even looking for a new relationship and was happy being single- i cant stress that enough. It was a chance meeting. And now we find ourselves in this situation. I explained the torment ive been experiencing and she asked if i wanted her to back off and leave it....I know i should... but i cant 😞 I feel like ive wasted the best years of my life with other people and she's the one i should have been with. It was heartbreaking to lose her the first time but i was the one to do it as she find out she was a couple months pregnant a few weeks after we got together back in the early 90's when we were both quite young. Im listening to all the advice. Im not someone to ask for help and then just do what i wanted to anyway. It just helps to read it on the screen if that makes sense. I know its wrong to cheat. Ive never cheated once on any girlfriend myself but i have been cheated on andi know how bad that is... Thing is this OH of hers is by all accounts well known for being a cheater himself, with her and with previous girlfriends he's had. So thats lessened my sympathy for him to be honest.