DiscipleOfChange

Let me clarify:

We're on break right now and the "time" I suggested was when we get back from break. Classes resume on Moday and we have a morning class together. I plan to ask her then. I will probably talk with her during the break we have during class and steer the conversation around to what her day is like and then ask her. If she doesn't have anything to get to after the class, then I'll say "Well why don't we grab that cup of coffee we talked about"

"I think you are making excuses up because you don't have the guts to actually ask a girl out."

Calm down hoss, I've got guts and I've asked girls out.

"It also sounds like you are WAY TOO WORRIED about what other people-especially girls-think about you."

"then why do you care so much about what a girl who is a complete stranger thinks about you approaching her?"

I don't. 'nuff said

"]I never said you should only be getting into a girls pants"

not directly, but you do talk about how "the other guy" is the one who the girl is riding and whose schlong whe's talking about

"initiating a good conversation, and asking for her number."

Now that sounds better. I just didn't like the short conversation idea. and I'm not suggesting an hour long conversation, but its important that the convo is tactful and doesn't revolve around getting a number

" There is NOTHING wrong with DATING someone to get to know them"

I agree, but sometimes, the other party isn't comfortable enough with you to date but wouldn't object to get to know you better more casually.

"If you are interesting enough to her, she will go out on a date with you. If not, then you know she has no interest. Saves you a lot of time. "

not necessarily always true. Example, if I had asked the girls I know out on a date the first time I talked with them or asked for their number, I would not have been nearly as successful as I have been by waiting for a good opportunity to ask.

" Do you always try to please everyone?"

No, I don't

what are you waiting for? A written invitation? Sheesh... Why are you playing so hesistant?

Chill out dude, there's a difference between being hesitant and knowing what you're getting into. Regardless of your opinions of "nice guys", nobody wants to screw up potential friendly relations or make things awkward. Granted, if done skillfully asking agirl for a casual "get to know you better" outing, then things won't be awkward.

My point is, nobody should criticize a guy for making sure a certain action is worth the gamble. Becuase if someone isn't interested, it just isn't worth our time and asking that person out won't change their opinions

Although you've told us to chose from the 6 options provided, why can't the answer be, that she loves you too and said so in response to you telling her how you felt. Not being the first to say something doesn't necessarily make a person shy

These are the guys scoring with the girl of your dreams while you "nice guys" are the ones being her shoulder to cry on, showering her with attention but getting nothing in return. Grow a sac gentleman.

Dude, there's more to attraction than wanting to get laid. In fact, I would argue that more women would appreciate a guy who's intentions were more sincere and less shallow than only wanting sex.

Meet a girl, keep the conversation short, and freaking close the deal! Get those digits or a date right away!

As far as this is concerned, I know many women at least at my age and in college wouldn't warm up very quickly to a guy who asks for a number and/or a date the very first time he talks with her, especially if the conversation is short.

They say a most women decide (consciously or subconsciously) within the first few minutes of meeting a guy whether or not she is interested in him.

THEY say a lot of things, some of which have truth to them, others do not. People have a tendency of growing on others and while some people may become attracted to others on first sight or within minutes of meeting someone, that type of attraction is usually only skin deep. I hold that only after getting to know a person better can you really determine whether or not you love them. Being "interested" in someone often only means finding them attractive and I'm sorry dude but there's too much other stuff of merit within a person to base your feelings on looks alone.

i was the gossip of the college-yes College and i go to a small school too

As an aside:

Aint gossip a perra? You'd think you'd leave it behind in HS, but nooooo.

When the time come, it will come ...

It's a damn annoying truth, but that's really the way it is. You also got to realize that mutual attraction is a tricky thing. It's complicated for everyone, no matter what facade they put up. Mutual attraction is a special thing and as such difficult.

Yet I haven't been meeting the right type of girls whom I am attracted to.

You will dude. Trust me on this one. You don't even have to search them out per se, rather keep your eyes open for them.

~Mark

o I have to get my mind off of her until then, especially DURING the test. I don't want to bomb the test because I have my mind elsewhere

That's a very good philosophy dude. Definitely don't overwork this thing in your brain

but dont rush things.. take ur time..

Yeah..That much I'm gonna put all my effort into, especially if she might be interested. This is something I want to nurture like a delicate rose rather than try and rush to quickly. I've learned that the most important thing is not to PLAN it out in advance. That is to say, i shouldn't think "okay first we'll have coffe, then balh balh blah" I should let things happen as they do, but throw in an element of boldness at the same time. Which is basically what I did with her on Friday. I wasn't even thinking of asking her for coffee until right before she had to go.

So basically, I figure when I see her in class after break, I'll try and sit by her. We have a break half-way through so I'll chat with her then. I'm sure that an opportunity will present itself. There seems to be a fine line between scheduling things and saying "hey, if you're not doing anything after class, why don't we grab that coffee we talked about?"

But boy, do I not want to rush this. I will be sure to keep you all informed of whatever happens.

~Mark

It sounds like there's a decent ammount of chemistry between you and her. If it feels right on Wednesday, I'd say go for it.

~Mark

Here's the deal, and this is my honest opinion:

If it comes totally out of the blue, than it might come off the wrong way. Meaning, you should start up a conversation with her and just have some casual chit chat with her. Get to know a brief "outline" of her and her interests. Maybe don't even ask her the first time. Certainly don't make it anything as formal as dinner or a meal. Maybe after your first convo, ask her for her number. The next time you talk with her, maybe try suggesting you two go out rather than directly asking (i.e. maybe we could grab a cup of coffee [a nice casual idea of a 'date'] sometime). If she gives an affirmative reply, call her the next day or two and set up a time.

As long as you play it cool, you should be fine. Luck be with you

~Mark

I think you answered your own question.

I guess I meant, was I interpreting this in the right way. I take it from your comment, that you think I did.

i suppose this is the right place to put this...

When I suggested to this girl that we have coffee sometime, she said "I'd love to" I'm interpreting in this in a very positive way because she said it in what I felt was a sincere, interested way. She didn't say anything like "Well, I've got pretty busy weeks, but we'll see" or "sure".

Do any of you have any opinions?

You shouldn't always feel the need to have something to say. True, only saying "hi, how's it going blah blah blah" can get dull after a while, butwhat I've found is that at least with some girls, conversations seem to start themselves. In fact, sometimes they will initiate by asking about a test or something else in common. A girl may even ask something totally random,

I wouldn't put much faith in websites. In fact, I would tak eeverything you hear on this forum with a grain of salt. What works for some of us simply wont work for all of us.

What I find are good conversation starters are the simple: "How has your week gone? What sorts of fun things have you done etc." Ask them about what they're doing in their classes, what their plans are for the weekend. Stuff like that.

Remember, sometimes you don't need to say a lot and they'll approach you. Not much may get said, but we express things in ways other than words.

~Mark

y dunt u want to get into a relation ship with her...just curious

Oh, It is she who just wants to be friends. I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with her but I'm confident her "only friends" stance hasn't changed from before. Where I'm coming from, I'm open to whatever anyone else is open for; if that's jjust friends, than it's just friends. if it's something more than it's something more.....

Besides, there's this girl who is in one of my classes who I spent a good deal of time with the other day both on the bus to the airport and in the airport waiting for our flights. We seemed to have some nice convos and when I suggested that maybe we could have coffee together sometime after break, she said 'I'd would love to' in a genuinely interested tone. This doesn''t mean I'm going to stop talking with the girl in question above, rather, I'm just going to see how things play out, keep my options open you know...

~Mark

for those of you who have been following my life story:

So today was the beginning of mid-term break for me. I took a shuttle bus from this hotel to the airport and there a bunch of people from school on it. I had been talking to his one girl in one of my classes while we were waiting for the bus. There were a lot of people so I suggested sitting next to one another to make room for others and she said sure.

We talked for a bit but it was a long ride so eventually each of us dozed off. In a sort of half-conscious state of sleep I realized my shoulder and her back were touching a little bit more than slightly. Anyways, about half an hour before we got to the airport, we both were fully awake and went back to sitting normally.

Our flights weren't for about an hour so I suggested we grab something to eat. We got sandwhiches from different places and sat and ate and talked for about 45 minutes or so. She had to get to her gate so I said how it was nice hanging out and how I hoped she had a nice break and then said maybe we could grab coffee after break. She said "Yeah, I'd love too"

She seems real swell and we had fairly productive conversations. Of course, as always, I'm going to 'be cool' and play it as a friend, not move too quickly but yeah...

I don't really have any questions per se, but anyone who feels like commenting is welcome to do so with my thanks

~Mark

Also, in this day in age for someone in mid 20's not to have sex, is that a real turn off for guys? would guys date a girl who does not have sex?

No, it isn't a turn off and yes I would a date a girl like that. I don't understand how people seem to have sex so casually. I don't disrespect them for that choice. I just wouldn't do it so casually. Contraceptives of all kinds work in preventing pregnancies. So, with all the wonders of modern medicine afforded to those who choose to have sex so often, they can do so without (great) fear of a resulting pregnancy. Now there's always possibilities of the condom breaking and what not, but generally contraceptives of all sorts do their job faithfully.

~Mark

I'm not really concerned. I mean, I'm not emotionally attached and there's no risk of that. I just wanted to make sure that I could still find her attractive even though we're only friends.

thanks

So basically, here's the situation:

There's this girl who I was interested in towards the beginning of the year. This is the one who I found out was only interested in being friends. I've been sitting next to her in the two classes we have together and sitting/talking with her a little during the break we have in the middle of one of those classes. She occasionally is the one who says 'hi' first and has even sometimes asked questions about me. We've met for a study sessions for a class twice. Both times I sat on the same side of the table we were using as she was. This last time, our knees touched for about a minute or two. We even have very rough plans to get some people together after break one day to make dinner.

Here's the deal: I know I got to be cool about it and really just be casual/friendly. I don't wan't to fall in love with her though. Is it possible to appreciate her company and still think of her as cute and remain cool and collected as a friend?

Before you set yourself up to be hurt(and you might) just assume shes really friendly.

Well, I'm not on track for that because I learned a good lesson last year. That is to say, I don't get "one-osis" and fall in love with any girl who gives me the time of day. I suppose its just that I don't want to miss any signals. I might ask her to have coffee or something after the week-long break.

As an aside, I'm really enjoying being friends with this one girl who I was interested in towards the beginning of the school year. I'm actually glad I was able to just be a friend. We've gotten together to study twice and she came over once to have me look over one of her papers. I won't deny that I still think she's cute, but alls I'm being is a friend. I occasionally sit at the table she sits at meals and I have a tentative plan to get together with her and some other people to make sunday dinner sometime. So, things are going nicely I suppose.

~Mark

I think I know where you're coming from dude. I'm the same age as you and haven't had a gf either. Actually, until recently, I hadn't ever danced with a girl or kissed a girl. I don't like the idea of a one night stand. In fact, I think a couple should wait a while before they have sex. I'm not saying wait til marriage, but it's something that should be seriously thought about. Sex is by no means as trivial as a lot of kids our age seem to think or act like it is.

I think your opinions may change as you get more experience with women. Not being interested in sex isn't necessarily a bad thing, although it is occasionally portrayed in the media as a trait men should not have.

Basically, I wouldn't worry about it. I would like to think that women woul be able to appreciate your opinions, especially when you're just getting to know one another. It might even put them at ease

~Mark

How can one tell the difference between a girl just being friendly and when she might actually be interested? I don't have any classes with her or anything. In fact, I met her at a dance when she came up to me and asked my name. When she's seen me around campus, usually she's been the one to say hi and smile first. This question is general and does not necessarily only apply to this situation. I'm just wondering if there are any signs that can help me delineate between a girl who's really extroverted and one who might be interested.

~Mark

Well, I personally don't think what I'm about to suggest is a hard thing to make, you just have to watch what you're doing and it's quite romantic

Cheese fondue.

this isprobably the easiest thing in the world to make

1 clove garlic

about 1 pound of Emmentaller cheese

A good dry white wine, 2 cups I believe

Kirschvasser (cherry brandy)

cornstarch

Cut the garlic in half after peeling it and rub a large pot with it. As the clove dries out, cut a little bit off it and continue rubbing until you've rubbed the bottom and all the sides.

Grate the cheese into stringy bits on one side of a cheese grater.

Pour 2 cups wine into the pot and heat on med-high until the wine is covered with little bubble but isn't boiling

Begin adding the cheese slowly but make sure you stir constantly. When you begin to feel resistance on the spoon, add the following: a mixture of 3 tablespoons Kirsch and 1 tbs cornstarch. Stir vigoruosly now until the mixture gets nice and thick.

If you have a fondue pot, have it ready. otherwise, try and get a hot plate and just put the pot on it on the table. Serve with one-day old French baguette, cubed

Recipe paraphrased and courtesy of Joy of Cooking

~Mark

first of all, how old are you? Becuase it actually really depends. The dynamics are different whether you're in Middle or high school or college.

My condolences to you. The loss of a loved one is always difficult. Life is indeed interesting. we make it so.

~Mark