DiscipleOfChange

You should go for it man. Here's the thing, if they're welcoming to new people, especially if you have someting in common with them, then it will probably work out. Don't go into it expecting to make life long friends though. Sometimes people hit it off, other times not. Roll the dice and be your own person.

~Mark

A helpful question I ask myself every morning is "Who the man?" And the answer, of course, is "You the man" Tell yourself that and it will all work out

Because I'm jewish, I know this funny and don't feel bad telling it:

"Two Jewish guys walk into a bar...........and buy it."

Here's another: (ask this jokingly/light-heartedly) How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: (say this fairly quickly after asking with a dead-serious face)

That's not funny

Here's another: What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer

A: The rooster clucks defiance (if you don't get it, think about what "defiance might sound like when related with lawyers)

not necessarily. It depends on how old you are and if you are entering or in an age where you are expirementing sexually. Such experimentation is not indicitave AT ALL of homosexuality, rather, we learn the most about our sexual selves initially at least, from members of the same sex.

Well, and I'm going to be honest here, I have at many points in my life thought I have been in love. However, I've heard good argumetns for what I'm about to say. You don't fall into love. Rather, you become interested, attracted to or infatuated with someone. Love is developed, cultivated you might say. Despite the fact that I've never been in a relationship, I still feel confiident when I say that anyone under the age of 16, possibly even under the age of 18, doesnt have a clue what 'love' really is until they spend a good deal of time with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

One should also note that throughout history, adults and teenagers have never agreed on "the nature of being a teenager." And the fishbowl you speak of, well. I'd say we create that ourselves. Who hasn't ever felt that a person they're interested in is "out of their league" In fact, I think many young people seek a relationship to serve as a means to an end. A lot of people perceive that everyone else has someone, or is more sucessful at relationships than they and as such, go out to find love.

That isn't what love is about, it shouldn't be found to add a notch in your belt or make you feel happier or more accomplished as a person. We should give adults the credit they're due.

So many things in our lives as teens and twentysomethings are confusing and frustrating. Love seems to be at the root of many of those problems. Finding someone you can love isn't easy. and it wouldn't be as rewarding if it was. Love certainly DOEN'T mean never having to say your sorry and that's just the way it is.

and to borrow a line from Mr. Marcellus Wallace, :

"Now that's a hard, motherfuc**** fact of life, but it's a fact of life your a** is going to have get realistic about"

And I'm 19 and though I've been attracted to many a girl in my 19 years, I've never known one well enough to say that I "loved" her

I wouldn't try to make yourself look obviously young to ward off the guys. If its something that bothers you, let guys know as soon they begin to show interest how old you are. If this doesnt bother them, but still bothers you, let the guy know.

Although our situations are different, I feel I can relate, in a way...

A lot of times I feel left out too, just itching for friends to hang out with. I'm in my second year of college and last year I didn't make many friends so this year, everyone has a head start on me. And I'd be lying if I said i never get glum. I make an effor to chat people up but sometimes it still feels like other's have more mojo than I. What I usually do when I see myself starting to feel that way is work out. An intense ohysical workout always improves one's mood.

I've grown to accept that you can only control so much of your destiny when it comes to friends and social stuff. For example, I can't make any girl like me. I can talk with her, ask her to coffee but there has to be reciprocation from her. With friends, some people I hit it off with, others not.

Keeping a positive attitude is a must. that is, being able to not hate your condition. The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, so they say. What they don't tell you is that sometimes, it may very well be. I'd reccomend getting away from the physical environments that produce these feelings

Go, and be happy

Okay, here's the situation. On Friday, a buddy of mine and I went over to the dorm we lived in last year. Upstairs, we met the Female RA. She's a junior and I'm a sophmore. We hung out for a few minutes and talked but then my friend and I left. This girl was in my french class two semesters ago and I realized last night that it would be cool to get to know more about her. And even though I had a couple of beers that night, they didn't make this decision for me.

Anyways, i sent her an email saying how it was fun talking with her. I did mention somewhere in the email.."maybe we could get coffee sometime. Not a direct question but just throwing it out there. She sent a reply back which essentially said it was nice talking with us too. I asked her for a screenname but she said she doesnt have internet in her room but is around campus alot and "I'm sure I'll see you plenty." I sent a reply back saying that that was cool and that I'm sure we'd see each other around campus. Then I said that if we didn't though, It would be great to grab a cup of coffee and get to know her better. this time, I think I made the question a little more direct.

I'm planning on just waiting for her to reply to that Email and then casually taking it from there. I know all about how to play coffee dates, that is, not make it about a date but about just getting to know her. But if anyone has any pointers or advice or just wants to add something, feel free with my thanks.

~Mark

Although it would seem strange for a 19 year old to offer advice to a thirty-something, I'll still throw in my two cents...

Returning to campus for my second year at college, I have some of the same feelings as you. At the beginning of last year, I felt that I had a good number of friends. Towards the end of the year, I realized that was not as true as I had thought. So, I had to strat fresh this fall; meeting new people. While it is true that everyone else, even many freshman, already have more friends and connections than I do, there is still hope for me. I go out, meeting people, being more outgoing than last year.

There is NOTHING fun about solitude and despite the negative things people may say about desiring attention, man is by nature a gregarious animal and as such NEEDS companionship. We are hard-wired for it. The key is not to let yourself get into a tail spin of negative emotions.

If you see yourself falling into a rut, go for a run or work out in some fashion. that won't eradicate the feelings from your life, but temporarily, you'll feel better. I've had to learn not to compare myself with others. The truth is that there are people out there who are naturally gifted socially. The rest of us, whether by design or default, do not possess those same skills. As nutty as it sounds, and I'm still working on this one, being happy with yourself is the key. You have to be able to be yourself and at the same time not care if some people don't like you. Remember, you shouldn't try to please people into liking you by being something your not. After all, don't you want the people who end up befriending or falling in love with you to have those feelings for who you really are? I know I do.

A definite thing to do, if you don't already is work out on a regular basis. the runner's high alone will make you a happier person. Also, if you look physically better, you will be happier mentally. Despite what people may say about looks not mattering, the sad fact is they do, to an extent. As humans, we may be capable of more compassionate ways of finding someone attracitve, we're still just as shallow as lesser animals when it comes to looks.

Everyone goes through a period in their life, or several periods where they feel disaffected. Given your age, you may be having the ever ciche 'mid-life crisis' Talking to a psychiatris or psychologist wouldn't be a bad idea either. Doing so helps...I know.

So, that's what I have to say and hopefully haven't burdened you with words. Take care and keep your chin up because confidence, so I'm told, is ESSENTIAL

~Mark, Marcos, Marco, Mapk.......a Mark by any other name is still a Mark

It may be too early to tell since classes just started today. Anyways, I'm a second year student in college and last year, I didn't hit it off to well socially with soeme people. I have always been a black sheep of sorts, keeping to myself although I've wanted to be part of the "gang". So This year, I've been chatting up freshman and plan to do more of it. looking back, I seem to be doing better than last year. But, Freshman will have their niches and groups and people in my class already have developed theirs so, while Im sure I can be happy with it, I don't much like the feeling the many other people are having more fun thatn I am. Of course, this is just how I feel tonite. Once everything really gets going, I'm sure my demeanor will improve. But in the meantime, does anyone have any tips on overcoming disaffection?

While I'm sure your intentions are quite sincere, I have known only two people (1 couple that is) that met each other at or around that age and got happily married and have a wonderfull family with children. I am not trying to dissuade you however, at 14 I don't believe very many people are capable of making decisions of that grand a nature. Have you spoken with him on the phone or met him in any other way outside the internet? Relationships originated online do work, but you want to be carefull out there. And, having been 14 at one point myself, I know how much a person can "love" another. But at 14, most people don't know what they want in a partner.

No body of water can come between love, not even the river Styx.

but knowing what true love is takes time.

well, I don't know about number 1, but with regards to number 2, anytime that a huy is stimulated enough, sure its possible that he can come. And #3, well, I don't think so, sex is intercourse or oral, but dry humping is just that.

Yeah, I mean especially if he is shy, you approaching him may be a great idea. I mean, that would be great for a guy like me LOL. I'm sure asking him to grab a coffe is a perfectly good idea of a way to start.

a lack of and yearn fo rlove and physical contact can have quite a powerful effect. But don't let it overwhelm you. I too, as I'm sure most people (whether they've been in a relationship or not) wish sometimes that I could put my arms around someone or cuddle up next to a girl when I'm watching TV or something. However, there are healthy outlets until that someone comes along.

Working out can help because when you work out, even if it is only moderately intense, can take your mind off your troubles.

Wouldn't it be great if all the people we meet here on enotalone with whom we share certain opinions, feelings and desires were meeting in person rather than online? Well, yes it would, but the journey to find love makes finding it all the more sweet.

~Mark

yeah. I also figure it isnt like abs and I may just have to wait till I burn off more pounds.

coming to grips with our own mortality is tough. and I'm sure everyone out there has been throguh a spell of contemplating the circumstances of their own death. Dwelling on it isnt healthy though . The fact that you are 16 may have something to do with it. Being a teenager, especially the middle teens can be rough. Don't bog your mind down on it ut if it gets to be overwhelming or a concern to you, don't hesitate to talk to a counselor about it. They're there to help

I've lost about 17 pounds this summer. I'm now at about 145. I'm 5'4" so that's almost a good weight for me, I could stand to lose anywhere from 5 to ten more pounds. And maybe after that it won't be as noticeable but I still seem to have excess neck fat. I know that with fat, it goes where you want it least when you gain it and when you go to lose it, it leaves those places last. But are there any specific neck-fat burning excersises? I also realize that perhaps I'm just paying too much attention to it now that I've been losing all this weight. I just want to take some of that fat off my neck. Any ideas?

The best way to break the ice is by talking about things in class or around school. Nice, low-key things that get people talking. Try sitting at a tanle with her during lunch talk with her a few times before you ask her out. And as far as not having a ride, I don't put much faith in the stereotypical date, meaning that I don't think a date has to be something where you take a girllin your car and drive off somewhere. A date CAN be that but it can also be something casual. If there's a mall inear your town, try asking her to meet you somewhere there for a movie or ice cream or something.

Well, how common is his name? I mean John Smith is one thing but if you are sure it is him, or even want to ask him about it, I'd be careful about how you go about it. I'm not even sure how you could easily bring it up. With regards to resuming the relationship, that's your call. If you feel good about it than yes but if you have doubts, I wouldn't do it.

~Mark

you should definitely ask her. I mean don't just go up to her and start off by saying, 'hey do you want to go to the dance with me?' Break the ice a bit and then mention it. There's nothing to worry about being 14 and never having had a gf or any expereince. There are plenty of people my age (19) and older who are in the asme boat. Like others have said, confidence is the key.

I am 5' 5" and to be honest, at 19 and a half, Im not sure how much taller I will get. I realize there are a lot of shorter than average people out there but I was just wondering what girl's think about short guys. I mean, Most of the women I will enoounter at school and later in life will have at least an inch or two on me (I know there will be exceptions) I'm happy with how tall I am and am working on my weight andm uscles to help make my figure better. I know confidence is one of the best things you can have going for you as a guy when it comes to approaching women but my question is, even if a guy is confident, are there any preconceptions or notions that women have about shorter-than-average guys?

~Mark

Well, I can't speak for guys in a relationship or guys who are getting any...but.. a lot of guys can get "addicted" to porn. I mean, if your guy has been looking at porn long enough, say before he met you, than he might not be able to easily stop and sometimes, guys just get in that mood and well I imagine if their girl isn't right there than they look at porn. The thing is (and i've heard that this is how it works) the more you look at porn/think about sexual stuff when you masturbate, the more stimulation you need to reach the same end results. So while just imagining may work for guys who are just breaking into their teen years and beginning to explore their sexuality, eventually, looking at porn becomes the most satisfying way of achieving the desired results. And as far as lying about it, I can't see a reason for it. I mean, no guy will go around advertising he watches porn but no guy should deny it, as long as the present company is right. I mean admitting to your friends is one thing, admitting it to a bunch of people is another.

~Mark

well, I will say that from waht I've heard, and seen for that matter although I've never been in a relationship, Most people haave flaws. The point of loving someone is to love them for all they are. I believe that "prionce/princess charmings" do exist. I mean, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I'd do anything for my first love, whenever I find her. But I also think that the type of dedication found in stories such as Romeo and Juliet is very rare. Because part of a successfull relationship means meeting each other half way. I believe an ideal relationship would be one n which neither side feels they have to give up any part of who they are for the other person. So, in summation, such people do exist but love is just far too complicated for it to work out that way all the time.

~Mark

Some people will tell you that a muscle toning program is mot effective with rest days in between work out days. I've heard tha a good, all around workout 3 or 4 times a week will bring you the best results.

how about.

 

 

"excuse me but how much to polar bears weigh"

 

whatever she replies with, just respond with this

 

"well, its enough to break the Ice"

LOL. I've never heard of that one before but it actually doesnt sound half bad. Even I may use that one!

Personally, I like the girls who are confident in their looks but don't flaunt them. I mean, I'll acknoledge a girl as really good looking but women I would want to pursue a relationship with would be the kind that don't wear provacative clothing. I like women who are interested in foreign languages and ideas. As far as breasts, I dunno, I don't really care. And hair color is only root deep. I mean, historically (and that must count for something) I have been attracted to brunettes almost entirely with exceptions being dirty blondes. As far as smarts go, intelligence is good but so is street smarts. I mean, I'm no chem or physics whiz so I wouldnt be attracted to a woman who was a medical or math genius I don't think.